10 Reasons why you're torn between Dating and Staying Single.

It's Friday night. You're sitting on the couch with your fuzzy blanket binge watching Netflix, adorned in sweatpants and bits of popcorn that have spilled out of your giant bowl. #NOSHAME. We all do it. But part of you thinks, maybe, just maybe, it would be nice to do this with someone else. Granted, for most people it would take a little while before hitting the comfort-of-tattered-sweatpants stage, but you think, maybe I should put myself back out there. You say to yourself, 'I could actually do my hair, throw on some real people clothes and try to catch me a suitor'! And then you look back into your bowl of popcorn and think... Nahhh, I'm good.

I can't be alone in that thought process. Dating is hard. But sometimes, so is being single. So why do we find ourselves torn between wanting to date and wanting to be single?

1) All your friends are in serious relationships.
You know when you were in middle school and you were learning about peer pressure? Your teacher would say, "Just because you think that all your friends are having sex doesn't mean you need to!" Well, the sex isn't the real peer pressure. They should have warned you about being the only 25 year old single friend at the six weddings you'll attend this summer. Now THAT is peer pressure.

2) I am still working on myself.
Cliche? Yep. True? Double yep! I am finding out what I want my life to look like, and that's a lot easier when it's just me.

3) I want attention...
Don't lie. If you're single, male or female, you love having someone notice you; having someone tell you that you're pretty or handsome; laughing at all the awkward newness of getting to know someone. It's fun! It gives you butterflies. Don't lie, you love it.

4) ... But I'm done with games.
Just because I want attention, doesn't mean I want to get hooked in and then played with those stupid games of who 'doesn't care' the most. Attention is fun, but only when it's genuine, and not given out to everyone like Halloween candy. Flirting is fun, watching you flirt with every single person you see is not fun. When I get back into dating, it will be a games-free zone.

5) I like making decisions based on MY needs. Not OUR needs. (But I will factor someone in when I need to.)
Right now, I'm allowed to be a little selfish. If I want to pick up and move to another city, I can. Because I'm only making decisions for one person instead of for a pair or family.

6) I'm not desperate.
Or I guess I should say, I'm not usually desperate...

7) I am dedicated to building my career.... Even though I am not quite sure what that is yet... 
As of right now, I have the freedom to be flexible in the job field by growing my resume. I can work a LOT. I can change jobs. I can join the circus... okay well I probably won't do that but I COULD. Basically, I'm evaluating my future.

8) I have moments where I ADORE being single...
Last minute change in plans? I don't have to check with anyone. I can binge Fuller House on Netflix for hours without judgement. I can get all dressed up to go out for Happy Hour with my girlfriends. I can flirt with a cute guy at the bar. I can hang out with my guy friends without worrying about someone getting jealous. I can do me and sometimes that's really great!

9) ...But I also look forward to sharing the dumb relationship stuff too.
Like trying out new restaurants on date night. Or holding hands for the first time. Or finding a new show that we are mutually obsessed with. Or meeting your parents for the first time. All the new and fun couple-y activities are awesome and I can't wait to do all the corny stuff when dating becomes a part of my life again.

10) I know what I want in a relationship.
I KNOW I'm not looking for a fling. I know that I want someone who's ambitious and driven. I want someone to take care of me and I want to take care of that special someone. I want my partner to be my best friend and my partner in crime. I want to be goofy and wrestle or dance around the living room. I don't want to waste my time with someone who does not share my core values. I have dated enough to have honed in some big factors of someone to spend time with intimately. It's time to be a bit more serious.

11) My time is valuable.

I'm not about to waste either of our time on something lukewarm. It's not fair to either of us to date, just so we aren't lonely. I want to be excited to go out with you. I want to have butterflies when I think you might kiss me. I don't want to get my hopes up for something that you view as 'casual'. I'm in it for the real deal, not just a free meal.

But when it comes down to it...
I don't want to be alone forever. So one of these days I'll have to date again. For now though, I'll pop that popcorn, flip on Fuller House and enjoy the time with my favorite partner. ME. 

The Power of Fear

Fear.

We've all been scared.

The things differ; spiders, death, heights, public speaking. You name it, someone is scared of it. There is even a fear of blushing (it's called Ereuthrophobia, in case you were wondering). No matter who you are, something scares you.

Fear is asking your crush on a date.
Fear is quitting your job.
Fear is hearing your doctor tell you that you and your husband cannot have children.
Fear is hearing that you are pregnant.
Fear is depression.
Fear is thinking you'll be alone forever.
Fear is watching your parent go through chemo.
Fear is attending your best friend's funeral.
Fear is getting dumped.
Fear is a $1200 repair bill for your car when you barely have enough money to cover rent.

People have fear in abundance. We live in a culture where terrorist organizations prey on it. Politicians fuel it. Self-help authors capitalize on it. We live in a world where fear is not only something that exists, but something that is a given. It's not if you are afraid, but what you are afraid of.

We are all scared of something. Regardless of what spooks you, fear is a powerful emotion; one that can absolutely cripple your heart and soul. It's an emotion that causes doubt, anxiousness, indecision, conflict, failure, judgment. The power can paralyze. It can weigh you down. It can break loved ones away. But fear is also something that can be harnessed.

I currently have some things in my life that I am afraid of, specifically the fear of failure and the fear of the unknown. The great, wide abyss that is my future terrifies me. I could waste away, waiting for the right decision to fall on my head like an Acme Anvil; I could flip through plan after plan without taking the first leap of faith; I could sit in terror that I will die, poor and alone. Sure, it's dramatic, but it's real and it's really powerful.

OR…

I could use this fear to help determine the realms that scare me. I can introspectively look at the ways I can conquer this fear. I can lean on the support of my nearest and dearest. I can take the first step, knowing that the powerful beast I call self doubt is the biggest competitor against a life of confidence and resilience. I can face those fears, like Harry Potter faces the boggart. I can trust myself, my higher power and basic science that this fear won't scare me to literal death. Fear is powerful, but it teaches you. It teaches you how to be strong, to learn from yourself, and to survive.

So, like any power, you must decide… will the power of fear be used to better you or to destroy you?

My 25 Before 25: The Update

For those of you readers who have been with me for a while, you might remember that shortly after my 23rd birthday, I made a bucket list. Not a lifetime bucket list, but 25 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. I picked 20 of my own ideas and then opened up the floor to 5 additional suggestions. If you're a newbie to No End In Sight, here's the link to the original post: CLICK ME, I'M A LINK! I also followed that up with the completed list (SEE HERE BECAUSE I'M ALSO A LINK!)

Here we are in the last 6 months before the big quarter century mark and I figured I should probably check in to see where I stand on the whole completed vs. to-do thing. Some of these might be difficult to complete but (with the changes marked in Purple) I am determined for all of them to be completed by the big 2-5.

 MY 25 BEFORE 25!!!
1. Complete a mud run. (Completed May 2015) 
2. Get my Concealed Carry license. (Will do with Kaysea and Emmie, Winter 2016) 
3. Check off another state in my list of places I have traveled. (So far I'm at 41) (New York for My Birthday 2016!) 
4. Regularly maintain my blog for at least a year. (Almost two years strong!!) 
5. Go on a mission trip. (Or multiple day service project!) 
6. Attend a professional sporting event. (Go Blazers! Two games so far!) 
7. Donate more than $100 dollars to a worthy charity. (Charity Ideas are welcome!) 
8. Visit my grandma in Arizona. (March 2016) 
9. Keep a plant alive in my house or on my balcony :) (STILL GOING!)
10. Get my Zumba Instructor Certification. (February 2015) 
11. Camp on the beach. (Illegal in Oregon so I might have to get creative!) 
12. Have two months salary saved in my savings account. (September 2015) 
13. Go snow camping. (Winter 2016) 
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Pay for a strangers coffee. (Multiple times ;) ) 
16. Go fishing with my dad.
17. Make a time capsule to open in 15 years.
18. Pretend I'm really rich and test drive a sports car.
19. Attend an all-weekend music festival.(July/August 2015) 
20. Go on a 10+ mile hike.

And the Extra Five...
21. Take a class, just for fun... I'm deciding on a cooking class!- Alex Savory (Changing it to a sewing class!) 
22. Sell a piece of my own artwork. - Sabrina Bartell
23. Choose a Pinterest project to do each month. - Kelly Meyer (Not quite successful but I will try to hit a total of ten between December 2015-May 2016) 
24. Cook my way through a whole cookbook- Danielle Van Buskirk (and baby Matthew)
25. Play "Messy Twister." (Don't know what that is?! Look at the link here!)- Milan Laurent (With Kelly, Spring 2016) 


 I have got a LOT to do in the next 6 months! Who wants in on this? Anyone want to join me on my leftover items?! Thanks for stopping by and be sure to follow No End In Sight!

Uh Oh... Your Humanness is showing.

I have this delusional idea that I am not human.

I’m not talking like Alien, Mutant, Wizard, etc. I’m talking about a perfect human. The one who does not make mistakes. The one who always has her ISH together. Believe it or not, I am not that special, crazy, awesome, perfect human, despite the fact that I hold myself to that standard.

The other day, I was sitting at brunch with a group of my favorite people, talking to a friend who had left her keys at my house the night before. She turned to me and asked for her keys (which I was supposed to bring). I froze. I think my jaw literally dropped. My heart stopped... and then proceeded to speed up ridiculously fast. My palms got sweaty. I began apologizing incessantly. I had forgotten her keys and we were a half an hour away from my apartment. How could I have done something so stupid?! My mind started to freak out; You're a horrible friend; You literally had one thing to remember; You drove all the way out here to bring her the keys. It kept going in my head, criticizing my forgetfulness, but let’s pause for some back story…

You see, I suffer from the desire to appear perfect. I don’t necessarily want to BE perfect (because let’s be honest, that’s impossible and my bedroom will always be an explosion of chaos), but I want others to think I am as close as possible. I would blame social media but it started long before my addiction to Facebook, Instagram and Blogger. In high school, I thoroughly enjoyed being the goody two shoes, the Susie-High-School, and the student body leader. I enjoyed the challenge. My ENFJ personality type thrived on human interaction and helping others, and soon developed into the aspiration of being a role model. You might be thinking, it’s not a bad thing to want to be a good influence, and you’d be right, however, the desire to want to be a ‘perfect role model’ can be an unrealistic expectation to set upon someone, especially yourself!

My idea of perfection wasn’t in straight A’s, or in my appearance or by having a super hot boyfriend, but in the way I helped people. I wanted to be the perfect helper. So I tried to be that perfect helper. I offered to help friends move. I took care of all the girls whose hearts had been broken. I picked up the drunk party-goers from the bar at 2:30am. I gave advice to the friend-zoned guy on the bus. I offered hugs to anyone who needed them. I did these things because I genuinely wanted to help and wanted to give love to those around me. But somehow in the midst of caring for all of my surrounding humans, I felt the pressure rise and lead by example without taking care of myself. I gave help but refused to take help. I wanted to be the strong, independent woman, or human in general, that I was encouraging everyone else to be. I started holding myself to an unrealistic standard of strength and independence.

Hence my need for ‘perfection’.

Now, let’s come back to the brunch story.

As my internal insult attack streamed and my verbal apology mutterings continued, one of the guys at our table turned to me and said something that totally shook me.

"Uh oh... Your humanness is showing." The sarcasm was thick with this one, but the message was loud and clear.

The mental self-attack stopped right away. My mind clicked, almost audibly. Um hello, perspective. Newsflash sweetheart, you’re human. You’re not perfect.

Why do we do this to ourselves?! My instant reaction to belittle myself for a simple honest mistake was something familiar to me. What wasn't normal was the reality check of a simple sarcastic comment.

This little epiphany has been following me around like the little voice in the back of my head…which got me thinking… and that is always a dangerous thing.

We are humans. We forget the car keys. We say the wrong things. We accidentally cuss in front of a child. We make questionable life decisions. We make straight-up BAD life decisions. We let our humanness show. The beauty is that we are all human. Unless you’re incredibly original and off-the-wall, the majority of humans around you have made a similar mistake, if not the same exact one. Most people wouldn’t hold you to a perfect standard, so why do it to yourself?!

So in the midst of our humanness, cut yourself some slack. Shake it off cowgirl. Rub some dirt on it and move on because Hell hasn’t frozen over. The world is still turning.

Sometimes, we just need new eyes to realize that an honest mistake is not the end all be all. Mistakes happen, but you’ve got this. Keep on humaning, people. You’re doing great and don’t you forget it!

A Letter to My Future Husband

Dear Hubby,

Can I call you Hubby? Since I don't quite know who you are yet, let's say that I can. At least it beats out other super annoying pet names like pumpkin, or hun, or sweetie pie. (Let's make it clear that if you call me sweetie pie, you will get a 'sweetie pie' to the face. I mean, I'll totally be giggling as I do it, but you will get pied. I will at least let you pick the flavor…)

I have thought about you. I have pictured what our life would look like, I have pictured our children and I have pictured our relationship, all without knowing your name or your face. I know, I know… that comes off a little creepy but I promise, it's not. I have thought about the standard that I will hold us to and I have thought about the love we will share. And let me say, all of the things I have pictured are probably ridiculously off. They are a culmination of Nicholas Sparks movies, childhood fairytales and classic love songs played on the radio. They are a compilation of tender moments witnessed in coffee shops, of sweet looks in church, of pride and joy in the birth of a child. I have thought about what kind of love we will have and how strong we will be through life's circumstances.

I have to tell you something, my dear Hubby. You married a gem. And I don't mean a shiny, perfectly cut, pristine, sparkly stone. I mean the gritty piece of rock. The unpolished, jagged, tough piece of earth. And I thank you for that. Thank you for taking me at my natural state. Thank you for accepting me with my edges and my quirks, because if you were crazy enough to marry me, you sure as heck know that I'm a different kind of special. However, once you break through the rough exterior and brush off the little flecks of dirt, you'll see the sparkle and the shine. I bet, knowing that I probably picked someone rather awesome, that you will even enhance the shine. And for that I thank you.

I want you to know that I love you. Despite my love for you, I know that I will have moments where I can't stand you. I will have moments that I am offended by you. I will have moments where I'm so angry at you that I could (and possibly will) scream. But know that when I say I'm sorry, I am putting down my shield of pride and taking a step toward you. Know that when I say I love you, I mean it with every ounce of my soul. When I say I love you, it might not come out in those three little words. My love for you will be something I learn from, study and grow. I pray that it will teach me and challenge me. And I pray that your love for me does the same; that it teaches you, and grows you. I pray that we continuously put effort into our love and deny it the opportunity to grow stagnant. I pray that you are ALWAYS my lover, my friend and my warrior.

With our marriage, my sweet husband, I hope that your love for the Lord bonds us with a strength that is unbreakable by this world. I pray that our relationship inspires us to live lives that make those around us, but more so those above us, proud. I pray that we depend on each other. Rely on each other. Build each other. Romance each other. Pray FOR each other.

Hubby, I promise to be the wife that holds you accountable without forcing you into avenues that fit my personal agenda. Sure, I will try and get you to come to that conclusion on your own but I promise not to be forceful. As your wife, we will approach things together. I will make the effort to let you know that you are loved and you are cared for. We will be servants to each other. Not in a Jabba the Hut and Princess Leia kind of way. We will serve each other in a sense that I will listen to your love languages and respond to you in ways that make you feel important. That make you feel loved. Because I love you. And I always will.

So to my husband, who I may or may not have met yet in my life, I want to say that I am praying for you. I'm sending love into the stars so that they can watch down and keep you safe from harm. I'm looking forward to the day where our hello's are uttered and the lightbulb illuminates. I can't wait to tell you I love you and that you're the one I have been waiting for this whole time. 

It will be you.

Always.

My heart is yours,

Your Future Wife

That fickle b*tch named Timing.

I will warn you now, I'm going to use the word bitch in this blog post... more than once. If that offends you, please go and enjoy your episode of Care Bears.



Have you ever heard someone say, "I wish I had time for that," or, "It's just not the right time?"

As humans, we are under the impression that time controls everything. It's not a totally bogus notion. Time has a control on many things; when you get your drivers license, when you can legally start drinking, when I start freaking out about being late... Oh wait... I control that one.

I am NOTORIOUS for blaming things on timing. It's why I didn't sell my devil-possessed Volkswagen Jetta after the bazillionth time it broke down. It's why I continued to stay at a job I hated. It's why I didn't sneak a smooch from that guy before we said goodnight. It's why I get scared about the future. It's like I think that a little timing fairy is just going to pop up and say, "You've had the appropriate experiences now, I'm going to grant you the best timing ever right... NOW! Aw shit, you missed it.... Well, there it went. You'll never get that back now." That timing fairy is a real bitch like that, ya know?!

From a self-proclaimed control freak, timing can be one of my best friends or my worst enemies. I rely greatly on scheduling and planning, but timing has a way of jumbling that plan like a Western Scramble at the local breakfast cafe.

In the grand scheme of things, us humans are led to believe that timing controls much more than our schedules. We think that 'timing is everything' and that the grand timing gods put things and pieces into our lives just when the moment is right. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe (due to my Christian faith) that God has the perfect timing on certain things that may not have worked out as well at another place in my life, but I also think that our collective idea of timing is a little bit of a cop out.

That Fickle Bitch Named Timing can be summed up by my newest little creative equation:

(Availability of Resources) + (Opportunity x The Ability to Pull One's Head Out of His/Her Ass) = TIMING

Let's break this bad boy down to the components...

Availability of Resources-
I will admit that this is the most legitimate excuse for why the timing isn't right. If you physically do not have the money to buy the new car you want, and you can't get a loan, it's very probable that the timing is wrong. Availability of Resources isn't necessarily money, but it could also be an emotional state. Did you just go through a painful divorce? If so, it might not be the right time for you to throw a giant engagement party for your coworker. It's not that you don't want to, it just could be emotional tolling beyond a healthy level. You have to have the appropriate tool belt to work with at that moment.

Opportunity-
Opportunity is a tricky one because sometimes it's created and sometimes it's stumbled upon. By reaching out to a couple different companies in the interest of learning more about the career of Wedding Coordinating, I stumbled upon a killer internship with a great event management company in Portland. That cute guy is in town this week? That looks like opportunity if I've ever seen it; go grab coffee! Create an opportunity to get to know someone, to get to know a situation, to gather the necessary pieces and to get to know what opportunity looks like! I believe that opportunity is a combo of searching for openings as well as looking where you can insert yourself.

The Ability to Pull One's Head Out of His/Her Ass-
THIS IS THE BIGGEST MAKE-OR-BREAK COMPONENT OF TIMING. We are so wrapped up in our own heads that we often times forget to look outside of our blinders. LOOK UP! Yes, you just started talking to the girl who works in the office next to yours. You could continue to sit on the park bench outside at lunch time or you could eat lunch with her! She might become one of your best friends. The point is to be looking around, seeing what the world has in store for you. If you stay too wrapped up in your own thoughts, you will consistently be convincing yourself that the timing will never be right.


When the Opportunity is right but you have ZERO awareness of your surroundings, the timing will be off. When you can't find any opportunity despite the fact that you're looking, you're at zero again (because you're not looking hard enough).



Timing is everything but it is also extremely overrated. SEIZE THE TIMING.  Collect the resources you need, gain experience where you can and look for opportunity. You can trick that fickle bitch named timing into doing things your way. Don't let timing be an issue. Live in the moment. As the great Ferris Bueller once said, "Time moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."








Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

The pressure of keeping your SH*T together.

Have you ever hit a wall, thinking, "That's it! I'm done holding myself together. I'm going to throw a temper-tantrum in the middle of (Insert Location Here)."?

If you didn't say yes, you're either lying or you're the luckiest person I've ever met.

I feel like I have been hitting this wall frequently, and at full-fledged ramming speed. Anxiety has become a battle that I am facing and I find myself taking so many 'deep breaths' that I am border-line hyperventilating. I've never had a constant struggle with anxiety, so learning how to manage it has been a learning experience. As I learn what works, and what definitely does not, I have realized how much pressure we put on ourselves to keep it together; to stand strong without breaking. Before you say it, this is not a pity party, nor is it a place to whine. That's not what I am about. But I will admit that I am in a slump. This Slump happens every once in a while and time after time, I find myself feeling ashamed, like I can't handle everything. Because, you see, I am a perfectionist.

My perfectionism is not found in methodical tasks or by doing and re-doing projects. My perfectionism is found in the way I want others to perceive me. I don't do this so that everyone will like me or so that other people think better of me. I do this because I want to think better of myself. I want to 'fake it til I make it'. I want to inspire others through my actions. I want to be a good role model for handling life, even when life is hard. However, putting this perfect ideal onto myself is exhausting, especially when I start failing.

In the last year, I have made my fitness journey a very public experience. I have heard countless people say, "You inspired me to hit the gym more frequently," or "I started eating healthy because you have shown me that real people can make changes." This warms my heart more than I have words to explain, but what happens when I lose my motivation because of an injury? How do I continue to inspire people when I feel my strength fading? How do I stay true to my own journey when I don't know how to work around those failures? In comes the Slump. When I find myself in a cluttered work space, in comes the Slump. When my sleep schedule is off, or I makeout with someone that I probably shouldn't have, or when I feel the hammer come down at work, the Slump comes in and makes itself very comfortable.


But there is hope. The beauty of a slump is that it's not a permanent location. A 'slump' is defined as "a period of decline," meaning that it's a small portion of the whole picture. Sure, I haven't been going to the gym. Yep, I drank too much a couple weekends ago. You are right, I did drop the ball on that work project. But you know what? My slump is going to give me the motivation to climb my way back out to success! (Insert corny crowd-cheering noises here!!)

So, what do you do when you don't feel like Polly Pep-in-her-step'?

Let yourself freak out.
I may or may not have had a good, solid, Kim Kardashian cry in the car the other day. It wasn't pretty, but I definitely felt better when I was done. As my mom says, it's better to let a little water out of the dam, than for the whole thing to come crashing down. Sometimes you need to get it out on your own, and sometimes you need a shoulder for support. Have both options ready when you need it.

Let yourself relax.
In a world where being busy is praised, take some time to yourself . Read a book. (For awesome reading recommendations, and all around awesomeness, check out this killer blog, Sorry, I'm Booked). Go on a run. Build a bookshelf. Go on a hike. NAP. Do whatever soothes your soul. Just the other day, I took a bubble bath and read for a half hour. It was absolutely glorious.

You can say No.
I am the biggest hypocrite on this one. If I am asked to do something, I usually say yes. Whether it's helping with a friend's wedding, going to a baseball game, or even happy hour, it's okay to say no to things, even if they're fun! I have a horribly social problem, where I want to do everything. Unfortunately, I need to start practicing the art of Saying No. It's hard when you want to do everything, but sometimes, you need to preserve your peace of mind.

Make a get-away plan.
I don't mean like the Italian Job. No mini-coopers involved. (Unless you own a mini-cooper, and then I'm jealous...) I mean a plan on how you can get yourself calmed down when you feel your SH*T getting out of control. For me, I know that cleaning or rearranging my room gives me a sense of order and accomplishment. I also love building crappy Target/Ikea furniture to calm myself down (which is a very expensive relief mechanism), but whatever you do to gain an ounce of control, make sure it is being done for you, and as your choice.

Yeah, keeping your SH*T together is hard sometimes, and it would be super great if we could just pound our fists on the ground, wailing like misbehaving 3 year olds, but unfortunately as adults, we have to at least TRY to keep some sense of composure. We are human. It's okay to not be positive and peppy all the time. It's okay to have times where you don't feel like you can handle things. It's okay to be down on your luck. Adulting is hard, and doing it gracefully is nearly impossible. Let yourself hit the slump, but use the momentum that was bringing you down to act as a pendulum and swing it back to the upward slant.

24 thoughts when you turn 24

Last week I turned twenty four. There's nothing exciting about twenty four. No milestones. No ridiculous cards with your number on the front. You're at the point where it's no longer exciting for someone to check your ID. You automatically pull the little plastic card from your wallet because you still look closer to twenty than to forty. It's the beginning of the boring birthday's; the seventeenth birthday of your twenties.

Don't get me wrong, I love birthdays. I'm going to be the woman turning 43 who still has birthday parties. If I make it to the big milestones like 70, 75, 80 years old, you can damn well bet that I'll still be celebrating. Maybe I'll take after my grandma and go skydiving for my 65th birthday. Who knows.

Twenty four, however, is an interesting place to be. You're (usually) past the stupid college years. You are looking at the beginning of your adult life, which for most of us will be the longest stage before the grave. Being someone who loves birthdays so much, I have never really felt a difference between the ages - with the exception of my 21st birthday, which I only remember about eleven months of that year, but that's different. That was until this year. A week after turning twenty four, I have felt a shift, an awareness if you will, that caused me to take stock of where I'm at right now.

1. You're officially in your mid-twenties.
   By this time, you're not a "young adult." You're just a plain ol' adult. You don't get to use the excuses that you could when you were 23, because you've moved into the next age demographic. Say good bye to the days of staying out til 2am on week nights and of financial irresponsibility. You're a real adult now.
2. Everyone and their mom is getting married.
   Seriously. This is the norm now. The race to the ring is ON. This summer I have 6 weddings that I will be attending. And yes, there are more happening that I'm unable to attend. The weddings at this stage aren't even the shot-gun wedding types, these people are actually wanting to spend their lives together. On purpose.
3. Or having kids.
   On purpose. These married friends are having babies. There aren't nearly as many "accidents" at this stage. I heard a friend say the other day that she and her husband were starting to think about 'trying'. My ovaries cringed.
4. You start thinking about whether or not you will want kids.
   When you're surrounded by children, it's inevitable that the thought of having kids will pop through your head. Whether it's a hard pass or baby fever will probably depend on the children you're around, and the parents you're around for that matter. Despite what side of the argument you're on, it's something you begin to genuinely look at.
5. You're old enough to have friends getting divorced.
   That was a trippy moment. Up until this point in my life, the only divorces I saw were parents of friends, and older connections. These people are my age and they are getting divorced. It breaks my heart but it's part of life.
6. You're old enough to realize how much it costs to be an adult.
   Unless you are extremely lucky, you're probably paying for all (or most) of your own life. You pay your rent. You buy your groceries. You have bills. You pay for the visit when you go to the doctor. You don't get free stuff as often as when you were in college. Being an adult is expensive, even if you're a cheap date.
7. You don't like asking for help for fear of being seen as incapable.
   Like I said on #1, you're an actual adult now. Asking for help is hard when you feel like you're supposed to have your shit together. Reality is that you should be able to ask for help at any stage in your life. The ability to ask for help is a wildly undervalued characteristic that shows vulnerability and self-realization. And if you don't ask for help, situations can get immensely harder.
8. Dating has more pressure.
   Because of the insane amount of weddings at this stage in life, people feel pressured to be finding "the one." They feel like they need to be on the same timeline which puts an asinine amount of tension on relationships. I had a friend tell me the other day that she was going to be alone forever because she was single at 25. Bitch, please. Get yourself off of the wedding fever train. Enjoy your partner. And if you don't have a partner, nothing says desperate like assuming every person you meet is a potential husband or wife.
9. You're beginning your career... or still looking to fall into one.
   At twenty four, there's a good chance that you're working one or more jobs, equaling a full-time schedule. If you haven't landed a "big-kid job" that okay, but the reality is that you're probably looking for one. If you have landed one, the reality is that you're probably trying to figure out if this could be something you do for a long time. You're looking long term. Do you want to be a server for the next 40 years? Do you want to be an accountant for the next 40 years? You will spend more time working than any other activity in your life. This is a big thought for 24-year-olds.
10. You start thinking about big purchases.
    A home. A couch. A car. A bedroom set... and no I don't mean lingerie. These big purchases start popping up. Gone are the days where a card-board box houses your extra blankets in the living room. The financial responsibility to provide for yourself (and possibly others) shows up in big ways on your credit card statement.
11. Benefits are a godsend.
    You don't have the crappy student health center of your college years. You get excited to see how much money your benefits covered when you go to visit the doctor. You are more aware of your health and how much your lack of health costs you.
12. A late bedtime is 11:30pm.
    Sure, you'll break this bedtime on occasion. Birthdays, Girls Nights, Man-Dates. But you will FEEL IT the next day. Anything less than 8 hours is definitely less than ideal. A sleep hangover is a real thing and they are rough, especially when you have to work early the next morning. It will leave you wondering, "How did I do this so often in college?!"
13. You start finding your "types."
    Types of friends, types of romantic partners, types of activities you prefer, types of places you like best. At this point in life, you are allowed to be choosy. You've gone to that dance club where you feel totally out of place. You've dated people who didn't work out. You've decided that hiking is your thing and rock climbing isn't. At twenty four, you're allowed to start picking the types that you like, more than the types that you've put up with.
14. You have your first "I feel old" moments.
    The little kids that you babysat are graduating high school. Your favorite song from middle school is on the oldies station. There are kids that don't know who the Spice Girls are and never played with a Tamogachi, let alone know how stressful it was to care for one. I kid you not, listening to the radio a couple days ago, there was a commercial that said, "Justin Timberlake, who started as one of the members N'Sync..." I was like, duh Justin was in N'Sync, but then I realized that there are kids who don't know the goodness of Bye, Bye, Bye...
15. You start to look at quality.
    You might not necessarily make decisions based on quality, but at least you are becoming aware of the fact that the dress you bought from Forever 21 will probably fall apart after three washes. This goes for other things too; friendships, clothing, furniture and so many other things. 
16. The hip new celebrities are younger than you.
    Sam Smith is two years younger than me. I'm ten years older than most Disney stars. Weird. 
17. Can I still pretend I'm a stupid college kid?
    College was hard, but it was a whole different battlefield than adulthood. We got to pretend to be adults, without actually having the true responsibility. Get a bad test grade? That's okay, you can just pass/fail the class. Get to drunk at a party? Skip class the next day! Our pseudo-responsibility was a key step to getting here, but the adult world is far less forgiving. Amazing, and worth it, but you have to work ten times harder. 
18. No matter what tough stuff is going on, there will always be someone from high school that makes you feel better about your life.
    I'm not making money by dressing up as a Disney princess. That is all. 
19. College Loans are worse than the devil.
    Sure, we all know college is expensive but you forget about that until your 6-month grace period is over and you see all those zeros behind the comma and, if you're anything like me, you have an instant panic attack. Paying them back is hard. And we may never finish, but at least we got a great education right? ...
20. You want friendship that are more than just drinking buddies.
    Happy hours are great and going out on a Saturday night is fun, but you know what is even better?! Brunch dates, where you talk about how crazy your coworker is, or how your girlfriend did the most ridiculous thing on her first date last week. People that you can do life with become extremely important. And you can still take shots on occasion. 
21. A night in is just as exciting as a night out.
    Netflix is my boyfriend. We're pretty serious. Plus, on a night in, pants are optional. 
22. I don't know how (insert name here) can still party like that...
    We all have those friends that can still drink a whole fifth in a night. I don't know how they haven't lost their jobs, but after college, we like to call that alcoholism. 
23. "Me-Time" is an actual thing.
    I love my friends. I love my roommate. I love my coworkers. And guess who else I love? Myself. Whether it's lifting at the gym for an hour or sleeping in a bit later, I have been awakened to the idea of self-care. And I love it. 
24. You realize how off you are compared to where you thought you'd be at 24...
    I realized the other day that around this time, five years ago, I had a guy ask me where I wanted to be in five years (while I was on a date). My 19 year old self said that I wanted to be done with school and hopefully in a serious relationship, on my way to getting married around 24-25 years old. I wanted to be successfully involved in a wedding planning career moving towards being a top coordinator. I wanted to be living in downtown Portland, or another big city, and if have a dog. 
    Literally, none of those things are happening in my life at 24. And that's not a bad thing. I am starting in a successful career path with a company that inspires me. I'm single. I don't have a dog. I live in Portland, but not downtown because I'm not stupidly rich. And I'm happier than I have been in a long time. 

Twenty four has been a whirlwind already and it's only been a week. It's exciting and terrifying to be a full-fledged adult, but it's also inspiring, and challenging to be the best darn adult I can be. 

I'm gonna go adult now. 

Did I miss any?! Comment below for any thoughts that come up in your mid-twenties!

I went home alone.

Last night, I left the bar alone.

I said goodnight to my friends and left the bar by myself.

Last night, I went out with a group of friends from college; both men and women, ZERO couples. Do you know how rare that is in a group of 20-somethings? And here's the kicker. There were zero couples AND no one was sleeping together. It was amazing. It was a group of friends going out to have a good time, and dammit, we had a good freakin' time. BUT, I swear it was single's awareness night because the amount of slow songs was off the chart. We all had our eyes peeled for the cutest guy or girl to walk by our little booth in the back of the bar.

I walked myself to my car and got in. Alone. I was smiling.

Last night, I got interested looks from a couple guys throughout the night, but none of them made an effort to come say hello. I was perfectly fine with that. In my camo t-shirt and shorts, I was not screaming, "pay attention to me!!" from the top of a skyscraper, unlike the girl in the skintight elastic black jeans and a flowy blouse that could better be described as a bra with sleeves. I danced a couple partner dances with some of my guy friends and danced a couple songs with a guy I'd never met. He was cute. He was just learning, so I helped him with a couple songs and then we parted ways with big smiles on our faces. Nothing more, nothing less.

I drove myself home, alone, singing along with the radio at the top of my lungs.

Last night, I watched as couples interacted. You could tell the first dates. You could tell the long-term couples. You could tell the pair standing at the bar railing who had never met before tonight. I love watching these couples, regardless of the stage in their relationship. Some people get really annoyed when they are single and surrounded by couples. I, however, am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I love seeing the look in her eyes when he spins her on the dance floor. I love seeing him grin sheepishly when she shimmies his way during a line dance. It's fun to see the relationships as a completely uninvolved third party. Sure, they could have their struggles, but tonight, while they're dancing, or sitting at the bar, or whatever, they're in the moment. Enjoying the company of someone who has caught their eye.

I walked into an empty apartment, all the lights out, and got ready for bed by myself.

Last night, I had multiple instances where thoughts came into my head like, "I kind of wish that was me, so happy with my partner," or "look at how cute they are together," or sometimes, "gross... get a room people." But the truth was that I planned on going home alone. I could have gotten up the balls to approach one of the cute guys standing on the sidelines of the dance floor. I could have pulled out the "Flirty Me" side that exudes coy sarcasm and self-proclaimed quick wit. But I was too busy enjoying my evening. You'd think it would make me sad to see all the slow-dancing couples, paired off in twos, while I sat in a groups of ones. It didn't.

I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Alone. I was smiling.

Last night, I snuggled under my Ikea comforter and counted my blessings for good friendships, lots of laughs and an evening of dancing my heart out. I also counted my blessings that I was home alone. Why? Because I would rather be at home, sprawled out starfish style in my full-sized bed, all by myself, than share my bed with someone who didn't want to be here for the right reasons. Sure, you can find someone to fill the vacant side of your bed. It's not that hard. But when you're lying next to someone who does not truly and deeply care about the side of the bed that you occupy, what's the point?

I left the bar alone, and I will do so until I have someone that makes me want to leave the bar with him by my side.

Spanx Are The Devil: 57 thoughts while getting ready to go out.

I was getting ready to go out last night for a laid back evening at the country bar that I go to frequently. The bar is just a bunch of Portlandians getting some linedancing in on a Saturday night. Nothing too spectacular, yet as a single woman, I feel the need to put on a little extra eye makeup and a pushup bra. It's sad that we feel like we have to do these things, but I find that I gain a little self-confidence when all the hairs are in the right places and the eyeliner goes on right the first time around.

If you're anything like me though, you go through about thirty outfits before figuring out something that makes you feel semi-decent. You pin your bangs up. You curl your hair. You realize you don't want your bangs pinned but then they're kinked from the bobby pin. It's a hard process. So many decisions. So I decided to document some thoughts that go through my head when I'm getting ready.


2 hours prior to leaving the house:

I should probably start getting ready.
Meh, I have plenty of time.
I'll start after this last episode of Criminal Minds.
I wish Shemar Moore was at the bar...
I really don't want to pick out an outfit.
What do I even have clean?!
I'll wear a dress. That doesn't require multiple pieces to coordinate.
I didn't shave my legs...
Meh. I have blond hair. Whatever.
No one is feeling my legs anyway. YOLO.
I hate the word YOLO.

1 hour prior to leaving the house:
I didn't wash my hair today... I guess I'll curl it.
Why is there one piece of hair that NEVER curls right. It's my James Dean curl. Such a little rebel.
I love curls.
My hair is totally going to be straight by the time I get home.
Maybe I'll use hairspray for once.
Great, now I look like a lion.
With how poofy my hair is now, it's amazing at how flat it will get at the bar...
How long until my hair goes totally straight?
I should probably do my makeup.
If I had a dollar for every step it took to get ready, I'd have like $50.00.
Where is the line between sexy eye makeup, and dead hooker?
Winged Eyeliner is like glitter... fantastic if done right, horrendous if done wrong.
My eye makeup looks bomb. Time for mascara.
Fuddgggeeeee. I just got mascara all over my eye.
Can I get this off without ruining everything?
I just ruined everything.
I hate being a girl.

30 minutes prior to leaving the house:
Makeup. DONE. Hair. Done. Clothes... Fudge.
Why did Eve have to eat the apple? It'd be so much easier if everyone could be naked.
Why do I have so many dresses? I don't even wear these that often.
That dress is too slutty for this occasion.
That dress is too business-y.
Why is this so hard? Screw it, I'll just wear the same one I always wear.
This dress is see-through though so I need to wear my Spanx.
Yes, I wear Spanx, don't judge me.
Spanx are the DEVIL.
Why are these so tight?
I'm not going to be able to get these on.
Damn, I look skinny.
THAT'S why they're so tight.
I wonder if these are squishing my organs.
Speaking of squished organs, I have to pee.
I'm holding it until I can't hold it no more...because these are HARD to get on.
Look how funny my butt looks in these things. It's, like... too perky.
Alright, I think I'm ready to go.
Nope, my hair got flat already.
Flat hair will ruin confidence. Hair powder is a godsend.
I'm a little hungry, I should probably eat something, especially if I'm going to have a drink at the bar.
Okay, maybe two and a half pieces of pizza was too much...
Thank God I'm wearing Spanx or else I'd look like a bloated cow.
Why do I always eat a ton of food before going out?
Okay, let's do this...


5 minutes AFTER leaving the house:
I totally should have worn jeans, my hair is already flat again and I think I just smudged my lipstick.
Why do I even bother?!
Next time, I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie.
Screw it, I'm awesome. Let's go have fun.

The point is, confidence is key. Go forth and rock your night. Love your bod, love your friends and love your night out <3

These Aren't My New Year's Resolutions: The 10 Things I Demand from 2015

New Year's Resolutions are dumb.
No sugar coating it.

People think that by setting this public goal, they're automatically going to develop this super-human dedication to lose thirty pounds. They purchase their gym membership and then go for a week, MAYBE a month, before giving up. They say they'll quit smoking and then two weeks in, they forget that it's their resolution and light up.

New Year's resolutions are oftentimes unrealistic and frustrating. NEWS FLASH. Life is frustrating.

(Whoa, whoa, whoa Sarah... Where is your positivity?!?! That was SO cynical!)

Hear me out. The word 'Resolution' is defined by the Oxford dictionary as "the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter." So creating all of these resolutions are basically the act of creating end goals without creating the game plans. How does that make sense?!

So how can we create these goals in 2015 without setting ourselves up for failure?

I love looking at language and how to spin the situation using certain words to change the meanings, and that's just what I did! I've decided to create my 2015 New Year's DEMANDS. A 'demand' is defined as "an insistent and peremptory (insisting on immediate attention) request, made as if by right." I'm making these insistent changes in 2015 as if by right, because guess what? It's my right to make changes!!! 

Here are my ten demands for 2015:

1.) Learn to keep my mouth shut.
I'm not going to lie, this one was completely inspired by a recent blog post on Elite Daily called New Year's Resolution Remix: 15 Things to Stop Doing in 2015. Their number one resolution of change was to stop showing and telling everyone about everything. That hit me so hard. As you all know, I am an OPEN BOOK. I will talk about anything with anyone; discuss my sexual abuse with the CEO of my work (along with 12 other people), DONE, write a blog post about getting dumped hard, CHECK, telling everyone that I embarrassingly got into a strangers vehicle outside of work, YEP.  However, there's no need to post on Facebook six times a day. I don't need to have my phone on me at ALL TIMES. I need to find a bit more balance in my real life, and not focus on my virtual life...which brings me to my next point.

2.) Be present.
I NEED to put my phone down. I need to buy a camera, a real life camera (not just my iPhone) and capture moments. I need to immerse myself back into my art. I need to write down the little moments. The present is passing by at every ticking second and I'm missing a lot of it. I need to be present.

3.) Increase my savings.
My friend Craig posted a photo the other day of a savings plan. The first week of the year, you put one dollar in your savings account. The second week, you put two dollars in your savings account. The tenth week, you put ten dollars in yours savings account. The 32nd week, you put 32 dollars in your savings account. You get it? I'm doing it. By the end of the year, you should have put away $1,378.00 into your savings. That's happening.

4.) Make my bed.
I am not a tidy person. Any of my former roommates will tell you that. Any of my close friends will tell you that. Anyone who has stepped into my bedroom EVER will tell you that. My goal is to start making my bed. A little effort goes a long way. You never know, this first step could lead to a myriad of other tidy habits... I might actually start putting my laundry away right after its done too... Whoa now, let's not get too ambitious.

5.) Heal my heart.
I thought it was healed. It isn't. It's healing, but it's not healed. Unfortunately, time and optimism are the only things that will cover this demand.

6.) Love my body.
I am so much better at this than I have been in the past, but I have a lot of growth left to see in this topic. One of the best ways to love your body is to take care of it. I've definitely improved my exercise plan in 2014, but in 2015, I want to step up my nutrition game. I'll be starting off the year with the Whole30 Challenge! Regardless of my nutrition or exercise, I would like 2015 to consist of more body-positive dialogue. Tell myself what I'm doing right, instead of commenting on my flaws. Continue taking care of myself.

7.) Fall in love and date.... myself.
If you are in a good relationship, you are able to have fun, to communicate, and to adventure. In 2015, regardless of my dating life, I want to date MYSELF. I want to do fun things and go on adventures and be true to me. There is nothing wrong with doing fun things alone. Why should you be forced to wait on other people to see that one movie, or try out that new restaurant? If I want to be happy with another person, I first need to be confident in my own emotions, interests and perspectives. 2015 will be the best relationship I've ever had... with me.

8.) Read a book a month.
I cheated, I started my January book in December. I'd like to do a book review at the end of each month. January starts off with the book Love Does, by Bob Goff. I love reading and I look forward to having the free time to explore more literary opportunities.

9.) Meet my fitness goals.
2014 was AWESOME in regards to getting into the correct mindset of a true life-long fitness journey. It was not an immediate-results experience, but more of a "why is this not working... holy crap, when did I make so much progress?!" I have two major fitness goals for 2015.
       1- ACTUALLY get my Zumba Instructor certification. This was my 2014 goal and unfortunately I couldn't make it happen, but dang it, I'm signed up for my class to get certified on February 21st! It's going to happen y'all!!! I've got two stellar instructors (who have become great friends) that have agreed to help out in mentoring me on that big step! Hopefully by 2015, I will be teaching my very own class!
       2- DO A PULLUP. Unassisted. I will probably cry when I get there but that is happening this year.

And finally, 10.) Give.
I found a quote a couple weeks ago and I could not have worded a mantra for 2015 any better. The quote says this:

I aspire to be a giver. A giver of good vibes and a giver of strength.

I cannot wait to give. How I'm going to do that, I'm not quite sure. What I do know is that I'd like to give back, give love, give encouragement, give hugs, give funds, and give confidence. I have been so incredibly blessed in my life, despite my struggles, so 2015 is going to be showing appreciation through giving.



2014 hard but it was the year of positive thoughts and my goodness, it taught me SO much. The positive thoughts aren't going anywhere. The positivity will remain. But 2015 is going to be something spectacular. I don't know what, and I don't know how, but I know. It's a big year and I can't wait to share it with you all.

So lift that champagne glass, or red solo cup, or glass of water, or juice box.
Thank you for 2014 and Cheers to 2015.

The Life of Sarah: The 2014 Highlight Reel

It's getting toward the end of 2014 which means it's about that time for sentimentality and all sorts of retrospectives on the past year. You see the top songs of 2014, the top movies of 2014, the most influential people of 2014, the best tweets of 2014, etc. It's all about the highlights.

What better way to follow up the "Thankful For the Crap"  post than with a Highlight reel?! I figured, everyone else is making these great 2014 Recap's, so I guess I should make one too!  A LOT of my highlights have been covered in other posts on No End In Sight, but not all of them.

Not only did I create my list of highlights, but as I was compiling them, I realized that these highlights strengthened me as a person. They made me happier, stronger, and more successful.

So I'd like to take a second, just sit right there, and I'll tell you all about how I became... happier in 2014. (Tell me you didn't just sing that like Will Smith and I will know you're lying!)


The Best of 2014- According to Sarah
I had my first snowday as a grownup.
Yes, this is most definitely how I am going to start of this post because it was quite a fun experience. You take snow, unexpected PAID time off, the Olympics and peppermint Schnapps, mix it all together and you get a pretty fun couple days. There was no learning curve to this experience, just the pure, child-like joy that is SNOW.

I started a kick ass blog.
It came out of a dark place, but the beauty is that it saved me from darker places. 2014's mantra was "2014 is the year of positive thoughts" because I found myself struggling to find positivity. 2014 was hard. It was ugly at times. I cried a hell of a lot. But one thing I could always count on was that I could pour all of my emotions and decisions into my virtual diary, where some of my closest friends -as well as total strangers- could weigh in, or at least know what I was going through. It turned from my venting space to a place of connection. I also felt that I continued to grow in the way I communicated. I was (and still am) able to put it all out on the line, even if I choose not to publish certain posts. Yet another beautiful result of this blog is the comments I have received from my readers. The notes saying, "That post really hit me because..." or "Thank you for addressing that!" truly warm my feelers. I appreciate you taking the time to go through my jumbled thoughts.

I got my butt in gear. Literally.
Getting into the gym in March was probably the one of the most positive things to come of this year. I have maintained a 15 pound weight-loss, I'm in the process of getting my Zumba Instructor Certification, and I've found a "gym family." Finding my physical strength was also an incredible way of staying positive and mentally strong.

I saw some AWESOME concerts.
Black Jack Billy, Cole Swindell, Lee Brice, Bella Fleck, Katy Perry, Chase Rice x2, Nickel Creek. All incredible shows and I CANNOT wait for 2015's concert opportunities.

I became best friends with my siblings.
How cliche is that? Maybe it's because we're all adults now. Maybe it's because we all live apart, so we're not annoyed by each other. It could be any of those things but I think it's because my mom and dad did an incredible job raising three human beings (but I'm a little biased). I have had more support from those two boogers in the last year than from anyone. They let me cry, they make me laugh, I let them cry and I help them laugh. I truly value you both, Andy and Hannah. You are two amazing role models even though you'll both always be my wittle babies.

I fell in love.
Okay so technically, this happened in 2013 but it deepened in 2014. Falling in love is a pretty incredible thing. Although it didn't end well, I am very very thankful for learning how to fall in love. I know it happens differently every time but I learned about what type of partner I am. I learned that I am able to be a great girlfriend. I learned that I am able to be selfless. I learned that I am able to feel deeply. I learned that I am able to be incredibly happy in a relationship and I learned that I AM still incredibly happy. Which leads to the next highlight.

I also fell in love... with myself as a single woman.
When the love I talked about was cut short, I had to do some soul-searching. I made some decisions that led me to discover what an incredible woman I have become in the last 23 years. No, that is not some conceited statement. It is a sense of confidence that I have been trying to find for a long time. When I had my love rejected, I had to invest that love in myself. I took care of myself. I let myself be sad. I let myself be cared for. I let myself heal and I let myself be happy again. I found strength and I found my laughter. And dang it, I LOVE laughing, because let's be real, I'm hilarious.

I took some fun trips.
I ventured to the coast for a wedding, the mountains for a camping trip, to Montana for another wedding, and to California for turkey day. All of the company was wonderful. The memories were beautiful and I hope to remember them for a long time to come.

I found an incredible job.
Are you guys sick of me talking about my awesome job yet? Well, get over it because I love it. I love the people I work with, the tasks I do, the mission of the company, the community we serve. ALL OF IT. Definitely one of the biggest highlights of the year.

My roomie is one of my besties.
I've had a lot of roommates. All amazing women. Some working better than others. But let me tell you about my oober-goober roommate. If Hannah and I lived together, I think it would be very similar to living with Emmie. I feel like she's me when I was 19. She's outgoing, and silly. She's not afraid to be a dork. She will have deep conversations with me and then run through the hallway to scare me five minutes later. I'm so blessed to have my little Emlynne Faith. It's always an adventure, and usually a struggle, but at least we're on the struggle bus together. HA HA!

I re-engaged my life with Jesus.
Cue the inspirational music, the robed choir and the televangelists. No but seriously. I started reading my bible (app) every night. I found a beautifully engaging church that not only relates to my everyday life, but it also lives up to the Christian ideal of family and stewardship. I have been able to see the work that Christ is doing in my life, but also how our church is making a difference in the world. I cannot wait to learn more about how to walk a more loving and supportive life with the Lord.

I met AMAZING people.
From the amazing crew at my local Dutch Bros., to the tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum that share my office, to the amazing Zumba family that I've found, I have been incredibly blessed with a multitude of personalities to add to my arsenal of friends. Each person brings something new to the table. I am so excited to watch these relationships flourish.

I took my mantra, "2014 is the year of positive thoughts," and turned it into a reality.
It wasn't easy. Sometimes I had to lie to myself and tell myself all this positive mumbo jumbo to get through. But I'll tell you a secret. Deep down, truly in my heart, I knew it was going to be okay. I knew that my positivity would prevail, and guess what? It did!! The power of suggestion is a pretty powerful thing. So to those of you needing that last little positive boost before the new year, here it is: Never underestimate yourself. You are amazing.


The greatest part about looking back on this highlight reel is that I have realized how much happier I am in December, as opposed to where I was in January. God puts us on "this crazy, magic, sometimes almost tragic, awful beautiful life" (please, someone get that reference...), and as my mom says, "If God leads you to it, He will bring you through it." God led me through a year of trials, of building, of growth.

Despite some rough waters, this year was one of the best. I am incredibly thankful. I am especially thankful for YOU! You're reading my blog, which was my little love child idea. Thank you for listening.

May you all have a blessed Christmas. And I will leave you with this:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. - John 14:27

If I could write a letter to me...

Dear 15 year-old Sarah,

You are about to embark on the most awesome life. Seriously. You get to experience some really incredible things. You get to witness love, excitement, loss, and the most incredible laughter. You'll get hugs that repair your heart and hugs that will leave you completely crippled. You'll meet people who will change your life forever. As I'm looking back on the person I was my freshman year of high school from my 23 year old eyes, there are some things that I would want to tell you if I could.


Don't drink pink panty droppers. EVER. You won't remember those nights and you usually don't make very good choices at that point. Anything with that many types of alcohol is a bad idea.

Making out with a stranger WILL happen. (Sorry Mom...) It won't make you feel better about yourself and it tends to make things a bit more awkward later on in life. However, you usually will have friends that save you from your own stupidity.

Put yourself out there. People will judge you. Screw 'em.

Learn to dance ASAP. You'll meet incredible people and it's a fantastic workout. Plus, guys that know how to dance are officially your type because they are sexy as heck. It also helps you gain a whole new level of self confidence that you never knew existed. And guess what?! You're not half bad!!!

Forcing yourself to throw up is never a good idea. Which leads me to the next point.

Take care of your body. You only get one. Skinny is overrated and usually unhealthy. 800 calories a day is stupid. Vomiting is unhealthy and causes so much more BAD than you can imagine at this point. Fueling your body to be fit is the best way to take care of yourself. Don't get me wrong, laziness is great, but like everything, it should be done in moderation. Exercise is one of the best things to combat depression, and you'll face that more than once. Taking care of your body also makes you feel so much better about yourself, physically and mentally. When you are fit, you look hot, and your confidence shows.

Be a dork. It's your thing. You're good at it and it comes easily. Don't fight it. With your sense of humor, you can have fun with most people and when you're being silly, people feel more at ease. Laughter makes any situation better, I promise.

You learn a lot when you start dating. Don't be afraid. Again, you have to put yourself out there. You're going to get shut down, and friend zoned, and blown off, and stood up, but believe it or not, some of those trainwrecks lead you to some great people.

Heart break is literally the worst thing on the planet, (with hangovers pulling at a close second) but also one of the most influential forces of nature. You will be crippled. You will cry more than you thought humanly possible and you will be betrayed, Benedict Arnold style. It will cause you to question everything, yourself and your decisions included. But it will also grow you. You'll find a strength that you never knew existed. You will pick yourself up when you feel like everything on the planet is pulling you down. You'll laugh between the moments of weakness because you are strong and you can't be destroyed. You become a stronger woman, a more compassionate woman, and a smarter woman.

Peach Burnett's is a bad idea. Correction, any sweet alcoholic beverage is a bad idea, but Peach Burnett's is the worst.

It's okay to whole-heartedly love Taylor Swift. Her albums will literally heal you. She's putting all your feels into words. And she does so in an eloquent and rather catchy way. Turn the music up and JAM GIRLFRIEND.

Open your sun roof at every possible chance. Turn your music up loud and be glad that you are blessed to have yet another day on this earth.

You will see loss. It's hard to see those around you lose someone and it's even harder when you lose someone yourself. Hug everyone you love as frequently as possible and don't let anyone go without knowing how you feel about them.

Don't buy the Jetta... actually, you gain some pretty incredible people in your life from that piece of shit, just sell it earlier.

Don't start texting and driving. It's like quitting smoking. Impossible, but worth it.

Exercise is not for someone else, it's for you, and when you finally get the hang of it, you end up gaining so much confidence in yourself. You're pretty strong too when you actually push yourself. And let me tell you, with good diet and exercise, you won't get bulky. Don't be one of those dumb girls that are afraid to lift.

Your gut intuition is probably right. Whether it's about a friend, a situation, your boyfriends "friend" that he made out with three years ago, your gut usually can tell if something's not right. Regardless of how you feel about someone, be the bigger person and ALWAYS treat people with respect. You always want to be the person whom people have nothing bad to say.

NEVER make that comment about the lesbian couple to one of your best friends. It will cost you one of the most genuine friends of your life. This is my only one thing in life that I would change. Literally, the one moment I would go back to and alter.

Friend break-ups are ALMOST as bad as romantic breakups, and sometimes worse. Cherish your friends but know when to let go. Sometimes they'll come back to you and sometimes they won't.

High School is absolutely NOT the best time of your life, so get excited for all of the stages after. Each stage of your life brings even more new and exciting opportunities. Keep your chin up.

You will cry over money more than you will cry over boys. Money sucks. No, you don't need to go out for dinner tonight just because you're lazy. Save that $10 because you WILL need it. However, your appreciation for money will help you in the long run. Be smart but don't be afraid to ask for help. Many people have faced the struggle that you're going through, and you never know when someone will invite you over for dinner (it's one less meal that you have to afford!).

Your relationship with the Lord should always come first because He is always with you and your biggest cheerleader. Followed closely by your mom.

Lorelei Gilmore is always going to be your biggest role model. Also, followed closely by your mom.

The quantity of friends you have does not determine the quality of friends you have, but family dinners are one of the most fun parts of college. A diverse group of friends is a fantastic thing. You have a friend group for when you want to watch Netflix. You have a friend group who will join you at the bars. You have your sports friends, your school friends, and your work friends. Sometimes they'll overlap, sometimes they won't. Embrace the variety of friends but know that they won't all be there when you need them, and that's okay.

Coffee will be one of your best friends. It's like a security blanket and a therapist all in one.

And lastly, Love yourself. Despite the circumstances of life, you are you. As Dr. Seuss said "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive that is you-er than you!" Stay true to yourself and find out who that is. It takes trial and error. You'll go through phases with your interests and your talents. One thing that you should always keep in the forefront is your positive outlook and your silver-linings perspective. Positivity truly changes your life. So keep smiling, keep shining... Trust me, Bridemaids will be a source of wonderful quoting pleasure in your future.

You're really freaking incredible. Don't forget it.

Love always and always cheering for you,
Older, and slightly wiser, Sarah