My 25 Before 25: The Update

For those of you readers who have been with me for a while, you might remember that shortly after my 23rd birthday, I made a bucket list. Not a lifetime bucket list, but 25 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. I picked 20 of my own ideas and then opened up the floor to 5 additional suggestions. If you're a newbie to No End In Sight, here's the link to the original post: CLICK ME, I'M A LINK! I also followed that up with the completed list (SEE HERE BECAUSE I'M ALSO A LINK!)

Here we are in the last 6 months before the big quarter century mark and I figured I should probably check in to see where I stand on the whole completed vs. to-do thing. Some of these might be difficult to complete but (with the changes marked in Purple) I am determined for all of them to be completed by the big 2-5.

 MY 25 BEFORE 25!!!
1. Complete a mud run. (Completed May 2015) 
2. Get my Concealed Carry license. (Will do with Kaysea and Emmie, Winter 2016) 
3. Check off another state in my list of places I have traveled. (So far I'm at 41) (New York for My Birthday 2016!) 
4. Regularly maintain my blog for at least a year. (Almost two years strong!!) 
5. Go on a mission trip. (Or multiple day service project!) 
6. Attend a professional sporting event. (Go Blazers! Two games so far!) 
7. Donate more than $100 dollars to a worthy charity. (Charity Ideas are welcome!) 
8. Visit my grandma in Arizona. (March 2016) 
9. Keep a plant alive in my house or on my balcony :) (STILL GOING!)
10. Get my Zumba Instructor Certification. (February 2015) 
11. Camp on the beach. (Illegal in Oregon so I might have to get creative!) 
12. Have two months salary saved in my savings account. (September 2015) 
13. Go snow camping. (Winter 2016) 
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Pay for a strangers coffee. (Multiple times ;) ) 
16. Go fishing with my dad.
17. Make a time capsule to open in 15 years.
18. Pretend I'm really rich and test drive a sports car.
19. Attend an all-weekend music festival.(July/August 2015) 
20. Go on a 10+ mile hike.

And the Extra Five...
21. Take a class, just for fun... I'm deciding on a cooking class!- Alex Savory (Changing it to a sewing class!) 
22. Sell a piece of my own artwork. - Sabrina Bartell
23. Choose a Pinterest project to do each month. - Kelly Meyer (Not quite successful but I will try to hit a total of ten between December 2015-May 2016) 
24. Cook my way through a whole cookbook- Danielle Van Buskirk (and baby Matthew)
25. Play "Messy Twister." (Don't know what that is?! Look at the link here!)- Milan Laurent (With Kelly, Spring 2016) 


 I have got a LOT to do in the next 6 months! Who wants in on this? Anyone want to join me on my leftover items?! Thanks for stopping by and be sure to follow No End In Sight!

I guess I can say I'm a Runner now.

I've never liked running...

My legs are short and I'm slow. That's just how I'm built at 5' 1". I don't enjoy being out of breath and sweating is gross. (I really hate sweat, even though I work out a lot. It's so gross and stinky.) My dad, who got it from my grandpa, always says, "We're Buell's. We may be short... but we're slow!" Dad, that is NOT a good thing. And then of course they would both chuckle with how plain and ordinary our gene pool is when it comes to height and speed. That saying makes me roll my eyes WAY too far back.

I've honestly tried liking running. I've gone through multiple phases in my life where I tell myself, "This is the time... you're going to do it and you're going to like it dammit!" People always say that there is this thing called a runner's high. I had never found it. It was more like runners "die" to me. I was constantly exhausted. (And don't even get me started on how hungry I always was after running. I still wonder how runners are so dang skinny when they eat so freaking much.)

But in January, my friend Anna texted me and asked if I would want to do an 8 kilometer run with her in March. I said sure before looking up how many miles an 8k was.... IT'S FIVE MILES?! I can barely even run 2 miles!! How in the hell am I going to run 5 miles?! I started panicking. I figured the only way to keep myself accountable was to buy that darn race entry. $45 later, I was hyperventilating. Anna and I determined that if we ran four out of the five miles, we'd call it a success, so that night we drew up our race training schedules while watching the Golden Globes and started running next day.

Throughout the running, the sweating and the exhaustive breathing, I learned a heck of a lot.


Adrenaline can be your best friend.
Seriously, it's how mothers pull cars off of their babies and how Edward saves Bella in Twilight... oh wait, just kidding, that was just his cover story. But seriously, on the day of the race, I was practically giddy. No I wasn't doing the half-marathon, I was only doing five miles but those were the five miles that would become my PR of distance at this point in my life. I couldn't stop moving. Even when my knees were hurting. Even when I started feeling those blisters forming around mile 2.5 (and let me tell you, that was UNCOMFORTABLE!). I couldn't stop, because the adrenaline was helping push me to the end of that five miles.

Sometimes you need someone to challenge you.
On the days where I didn't want to run, I knew that my running partner had invited me to do this with her. She might not "need" me to run with her, but she was training. She was putting the effort in. She was in this too. I had that accountability to hold on to, even if we weren't running together every day.

You will hit setbacks.
In my case, it was getting rear-ended on my way to work. In the middle of my training schedule, I was told that I wasn't allowed to workout for 2 weeks, and then for 2 weeks after that I was limited to low impact workouts. I started panicking again. "I've only gotten to three and a half miles!! I'm going to lose all of my hard work!" (In case you hadn't figured out, I'm good at panicking...)

But in the end it's up to you.
You can choose to give up, or you can choose to keep moving. I kept walking. That was all I was allowed to do according to my doctor, so I walked. You find ways to keep moving towards your goal, even if it's slowly walking at an incline on a treadmill. You have the power to see a situation in a positive light.

You have people cheering you on. (Even strangers!)
My favorite sign of the whole day was one that said "GO STRANGER, GO!" That was one of the profound moments in the run. People wanted to see you succeed. Even if they don't know you. And sometimes you see people you do know, and they cheer you on, or you cheer them on! The point is that even though there will be haters and jerks, people love seeing success.

You don't have to have the coolest gear, but having the RIGHT gear is important.
Cuz if your stuff looks cool but gives you massive blisters, it sucks. Period.

I underestimate myself.
This is something that I learn time and time again, yet I never quite expect how it will slap me in the face. It's funny because over the last couple years, I have surprised myself so many times through resilience, strength and perseverance. I somehow made it through college with my support system living 2500 miles away. I have managed to keep almost 20 pounds off for a year. I am working toward becoming a Zumba instructor. And yesterday, for the first time, I ran five miles.... and couldn't wipe the smile off my face for the rest of the day.



Anna and I ran the whole five miles, accompanied by her dad and 8,000 other 8k runners (the irony of 8,000 runners running 8,000 meters is not lost on me...). We did it. We didn't even walk the mile that we had originally planned on walking. And guess what's the craziest part? I'm ready to find another race!

I might have run the race slowly, but I ran 5 miles, so I guess you could say I'm a Runner now. And believe it or not, I think I might continue to be a Runner.

Spanx Are The Devil: 57 thoughts while getting ready to go out.

I was getting ready to go out last night for a laid back evening at the country bar that I go to frequently. The bar is just a bunch of Portlandians getting some linedancing in on a Saturday night. Nothing too spectacular, yet as a single woman, I feel the need to put on a little extra eye makeup and a pushup bra. It's sad that we feel like we have to do these things, but I find that I gain a little self-confidence when all the hairs are in the right places and the eyeliner goes on right the first time around.

If you're anything like me though, you go through about thirty outfits before figuring out something that makes you feel semi-decent. You pin your bangs up. You curl your hair. You realize you don't want your bangs pinned but then they're kinked from the bobby pin. It's a hard process. So many decisions. So I decided to document some thoughts that go through my head when I'm getting ready.


2 hours prior to leaving the house:

I should probably start getting ready.
Meh, I have plenty of time.
I'll start after this last episode of Criminal Minds.
I wish Shemar Moore was at the bar...
I really don't want to pick out an outfit.
What do I even have clean?!
I'll wear a dress. That doesn't require multiple pieces to coordinate.
I didn't shave my legs...
Meh. I have blond hair. Whatever.
No one is feeling my legs anyway. YOLO.
I hate the word YOLO.

1 hour prior to leaving the house:
I didn't wash my hair today... I guess I'll curl it.
Why is there one piece of hair that NEVER curls right. It's my James Dean curl. Such a little rebel.
I love curls.
My hair is totally going to be straight by the time I get home.
Maybe I'll use hairspray for once.
Great, now I look like a lion.
With how poofy my hair is now, it's amazing at how flat it will get at the bar...
How long until my hair goes totally straight?
I should probably do my makeup.
If I had a dollar for every step it took to get ready, I'd have like $50.00.
Where is the line between sexy eye makeup, and dead hooker?
Winged Eyeliner is like glitter... fantastic if done right, horrendous if done wrong.
My eye makeup looks bomb. Time for mascara.
Fuddgggeeeee. I just got mascara all over my eye.
Can I get this off without ruining everything?
I just ruined everything.
I hate being a girl.

30 minutes prior to leaving the house:
Makeup. DONE. Hair. Done. Clothes... Fudge.
Why did Eve have to eat the apple? It'd be so much easier if everyone could be naked.
Why do I have so many dresses? I don't even wear these that often.
That dress is too slutty for this occasion.
That dress is too business-y.
Why is this so hard? Screw it, I'll just wear the same one I always wear.
This dress is see-through though so I need to wear my Spanx.
Yes, I wear Spanx, don't judge me.
Spanx are the DEVIL.
Why are these so tight?
I'm not going to be able to get these on.
Damn, I look skinny.
THAT'S why they're so tight.
I wonder if these are squishing my organs.
Speaking of squished organs, I have to pee.
I'm holding it until I can't hold it no more...because these are HARD to get on.
Look how funny my butt looks in these things. It's, like... too perky.
Alright, I think I'm ready to go.
Nope, my hair got flat already.
Flat hair will ruin confidence. Hair powder is a godsend.
I'm a little hungry, I should probably eat something, especially if I'm going to have a drink at the bar.
Okay, maybe two and a half pieces of pizza was too much...
Thank God I'm wearing Spanx or else I'd look like a bloated cow.
Why do I always eat a ton of food before going out?
Okay, let's do this...


5 minutes AFTER leaving the house:
I totally should have worn jeans, my hair is already flat again and I think I just smudged my lipstick.
Why do I even bother?!
Next time, I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie.
Screw it, I'm awesome. Let's go have fun.

The point is, confidence is key. Go forth and rock your night. Love your bod, love your friends and love your night out <3

These Aren't My New Year's Resolutions: The 10 Things I Demand from 2015

New Year's Resolutions are dumb.
No sugar coating it.

People think that by setting this public goal, they're automatically going to develop this super-human dedication to lose thirty pounds. They purchase their gym membership and then go for a week, MAYBE a month, before giving up. They say they'll quit smoking and then two weeks in, they forget that it's their resolution and light up.

New Year's resolutions are oftentimes unrealistic and frustrating. NEWS FLASH. Life is frustrating.

(Whoa, whoa, whoa Sarah... Where is your positivity?!?! That was SO cynical!)

Hear me out. The word 'Resolution' is defined by the Oxford dictionary as "the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter." So creating all of these resolutions are basically the act of creating end goals without creating the game plans. How does that make sense?!

So how can we create these goals in 2015 without setting ourselves up for failure?

I love looking at language and how to spin the situation using certain words to change the meanings, and that's just what I did! I've decided to create my 2015 New Year's DEMANDS. A 'demand' is defined as "an insistent and peremptory (insisting on immediate attention) request, made as if by right." I'm making these insistent changes in 2015 as if by right, because guess what? It's my right to make changes!!! 

Here are my ten demands for 2015:

1.) Learn to keep my mouth shut.
I'm not going to lie, this one was completely inspired by a recent blog post on Elite Daily called New Year's Resolution Remix: 15 Things to Stop Doing in 2015. Their number one resolution of change was to stop showing and telling everyone about everything. That hit me so hard. As you all know, I am an OPEN BOOK. I will talk about anything with anyone; discuss my sexual abuse with the CEO of my work (along with 12 other people), DONE, write a blog post about getting dumped hard, CHECK, telling everyone that I embarrassingly got into a strangers vehicle outside of work, YEP.  However, there's no need to post on Facebook six times a day. I don't need to have my phone on me at ALL TIMES. I need to find a bit more balance in my real life, and not focus on my virtual life...which brings me to my next point.

2.) Be present.
I NEED to put my phone down. I need to buy a camera, a real life camera (not just my iPhone) and capture moments. I need to immerse myself back into my art. I need to write down the little moments. The present is passing by at every ticking second and I'm missing a lot of it. I need to be present.

3.) Increase my savings.
My friend Craig posted a photo the other day of a savings plan. The first week of the year, you put one dollar in your savings account. The second week, you put two dollars in your savings account. The tenth week, you put ten dollars in yours savings account. The 32nd week, you put 32 dollars in your savings account. You get it? I'm doing it. By the end of the year, you should have put away $1,378.00 into your savings. That's happening.

4.) Make my bed.
I am not a tidy person. Any of my former roommates will tell you that. Any of my close friends will tell you that. Anyone who has stepped into my bedroom EVER will tell you that. My goal is to start making my bed. A little effort goes a long way. You never know, this first step could lead to a myriad of other tidy habits... I might actually start putting my laundry away right after its done too... Whoa now, let's not get too ambitious.

5.) Heal my heart.
I thought it was healed. It isn't. It's healing, but it's not healed. Unfortunately, time and optimism are the only things that will cover this demand.

6.) Love my body.
I am so much better at this than I have been in the past, but I have a lot of growth left to see in this topic. One of the best ways to love your body is to take care of it. I've definitely improved my exercise plan in 2014, but in 2015, I want to step up my nutrition game. I'll be starting off the year with the Whole30 Challenge! Regardless of my nutrition or exercise, I would like 2015 to consist of more body-positive dialogue. Tell myself what I'm doing right, instead of commenting on my flaws. Continue taking care of myself.

7.) Fall in love and date.... myself.
If you are in a good relationship, you are able to have fun, to communicate, and to adventure. In 2015, regardless of my dating life, I want to date MYSELF. I want to do fun things and go on adventures and be true to me. There is nothing wrong with doing fun things alone. Why should you be forced to wait on other people to see that one movie, or try out that new restaurant? If I want to be happy with another person, I first need to be confident in my own emotions, interests and perspectives. 2015 will be the best relationship I've ever had... with me.

8.) Read a book a month.
I cheated, I started my January book in December. I'd like to do a book review at the end of each month. January starts off with the book Love Does, by Bob Goff. I love reading and I look forward to having the free time to explore more literary opportunities.

9.) Meet my fitness goals.
2014 was AWESOME in regards to getting into the correct mindset of a true life-long fitness journey. It was not an immediate-results experience, but more of a "why is this not working... holy crap, when did I make so much progress?!" I have two major fitness goals for 2015.
       1- ACTUALLY get my Zumba Instructor certification. This was my 2014 goal and unfortunately I couldn't make it happen, but dang it, I'm signed up for my class to get certified on February 21st! It's going to happen y'all!!! I've got two stellar instructors (who have become great friends) that have agreed to help out in mentoring me on that big step! Hopefully by 2015, I will be teaching my very own class!
       2- DO A PULLUP. Unassisted. I will probably cry when I get there but that is happening this year.

And finally, 10.) Give.
I found a quote a couple weeks ago and I could not have worded a mantra for 2015 any better. The quote says this:

I aspire to be a giver. A giver of good vibes and a giver of strength.

I cannot wait to give. How I'm going to do that, I'm not quite sure. What I do know is that I'd like to give back, give love, give encouragement, give hugs, give funds, and give confidence. I have been so incredibly blessed in my life, despite my struggles, so 2015 is going to be showing appreciation through giving.



2014 hard but it was the year of positive thoughts and my goodness, it taught me SO much. The positive thoughts aren't going anywhere. The positivity will remain. But 2015 is going to be something spectacular. I don't know what, and I don't know how, but I know. It's a big year and I can't wait to share it with you all.

So lift that champagne glass, or red solo cup, or glass of water, or juice box.
Thank you for 2014 and Cheers to 2015.

I'd love to take the easy way out, but unfortunately I'm an addict.

You know those days that you want to sick on the couch and veg? Well, I've been having a lot of those lately. The reasons vary but the outcome feels the same. I get home from work, sit my booty on the couch and I mope. Sometimes, I grab a blanket and nap for a bit; sometimes, I click on Netflix; sometimes, I just sit there and think (which is EXTREMELY dangerous). Most days, I have about a 40 minute window in this vegetable stage before it sinks in too deeply and all of my productivity is gone.

Thankfully, I've found something that keeps me from hitting the dreary, Oregonian comastose state: The Gym.

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you might know my background when it comes to my body image stuff. I had always considered myself athletic. Sure, I didn't work out frequently in college, but I played sports growing up and I wasn't some weak, little flower that couldn't carry my own boxes while moving (which I did frequently). In reality, I was kidding myself. I was NOT athletic, I was lazy and in denial. I needed a jolt to get me back to my actual athletic self.

Fast forward to Spring of 2014. At the time, I had a boyfriend who enjoyed working out more than anything else in the world, and he taught me a TON about taking care of myself. He never pressured me to change how I looked but I would be lying if I said that my inital workout kick didn't have anything to do with his self-proclaimed passion. He looked like a statue of a greek god and let's just say that I was a little softer than marble. He had no issue with my bodily composition but I did.  When you're surrounded by a buff-macho-man influence, you become even more aware of the fact that you're the girl who didn't quality as skinny but wasn't fat either. As one of my friends recently pointed out, I wasn't fat, I was thick. BUT I ALWAYS FELT FAT. I have had body image issues for a very long time and for the first few months, I was ready to give up every single day. As I've talked about in prior posts, I had tried to lose weight in very unhealthy ways in the past. In my post Learning to Love this Rockin' Bod, I wrote,

I was always so angry that I let my weight determine my self worth, so I started thinking about how I can make the positive changes in my life to not only get healthier physically, but to also get happier with my body from the mental perspective. Throughout this discovery, I still have LOTS of days where I feel defeated. I get really down on myself because, like I said, I'm used to the instant results of unhealthy weight loss. On those days, I make myself find at least two things in the mirror that I like/see improvement. As silly as that sounds, it gets me back to remembering that I am getting stronger.

I'd have to drag myself to the gym, but I knew I was making a good change. I'd literally be whining to myself, shoes on, dressed and laying on the floor, saying, "I don't wannnnaaaaa!" But the little diva voice in my head said, "Actually Bitch, you do!"

Then, after a few months of not seeing any changes, of half-assing it at the gym, of hating the commitment it took, I saw a little change in the mirror. "Hey, is that a muscle?! Oh my gosh, I think I see a muscle!!" Sure it still had a thick layer of fat over the top, but my flicker of hope turned to a little tiny flame. I started wanting to go to the gym, you know why? Because I was starting to get stronger.

Fast forward even farther, the gym was my therapy in a time where all I wanted to do was mope. I cried on the treadmill. I grunted through the free weights. I got angry on the Lat Pull. And most importantly, I laughed in Zumba. I found out that the endorphins I released in my workouts not only distracted me from my moping, but it truly helped me be a happier person during one of the saddest times of my life. It pushed me to a new level of fitness, too. I have now become the gym junkie who feels so guilty when skipping the gym. I go 4-6 days a week instead of 2-3. I get teased at work for having Zumba on one day, spin on another, yoga on Sundays and weights thrown in there when I'm feeling up to it. It's the best thing that could ever warrant mockery.

I also realized that fitness is benefitting EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. I've made friends in my exercise classes. I want to fuel my body with good food. I want to build my muscle. I want to challenge myself with a Tough Mudder (coming in June thanks to a kick-ass group of people from an online fitness community I was introduced to after writing my first body-conscious post). I've gained a confidence I've never had in regards to my physical appearance, and I am SO MUCH MORE LOVING TO MY BODY. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with loving myself on occasion (not in that way dirty birds!), but in the long run, I remind myself of how far I've come and it fills me with a sense of pride that I'm still getting used to. I have so many more goals to fulfil.

When I started this journey in March, I could have gone back to the old way of doing things. The easy way. The unhealthy way. But this time I didn't. I pushed myself. I continue to push myself. And I'm not done pushing myself. Hopefully, I never will be.

Because now I'm addicted... and I don't want to go to rehab.

Learning to Love this Rockin' Bod.

I'm going to be up front and honest with you. This is a heavier blog post. 

I have a HARD time talking positively about my body. 

I have been "on a diet" pretty much as long as I can remember. I've tried Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Working out 5 days a week, tracking calories. supplements, EVERYTHING. I've tried unhealthy methods of losing weight. It's a battle I face every day. 

Thankfully, I've always had a great support team. You're always your own toughest critic, so having an encouraging friend group around you that supports positive health, all around, is super beneficial. When unhealthy weight-loss decisions were being made on my part, I had a roommate who helped support me so that I could come to her when I felt like I might relapse into those unsafe methods. Nowadays, I have a super rad boyfriend who is studying Exercise and Sports Science. He's extremely passionate about health and I have learned a LOT from his knowledge. 

Now before you start thinking, is she just on this health kick because her boyfriend likes to workout? The answer is HELL NO. He is very very adamant to let me know that he loves me no matter what size I wear (heck, he told me that he loves my curves!) and that if I want to work out, it is MY decision alone. I appreciate him saying it but it's not necessary. The truth is, if I feel better about myself, I am going to be a more confident person. My increase of confidence will DEFINITELY impact our relationship in a positive manor. But like I said, Mason has taught me a lot about how to improve my physical strength and has inspired me to embrace a more active lifestyle. He has also given me some good exercise plans that have been easily maintainable, but still kicks my butt! Maybe in some of my next posts, I'll go over the workouts he has given me!

So here's my working-out background:

• I was an athlete growing up. Don't get me wrong, I was never AMAZING at any of the sports I played, but I worked hard and always saw improvement.
• I took weight training classes in high school, where I was taught correct form and how to use some basic types of exercise equipment.
• In college, I went through a few phases. I went through a running phase (and HATED IT), I went through a step-aerobics phase (LOVED IT), and I went through lots of non-working out phases, with the occasional gym sesh here and there.

I would consider myself an intermediate exerciser. I know how to lift weights (for the most part) and do all the gym-rat stuff, but I have a lot more to learn. I'm getting there though!

But how?! I'll let you know that I'm not really losing weight, but I'm getting stronger. At this point, I want to see differences in my muscular build, not on a scale. So here's what I'm doing to kick it up a notch!

FOOD STUFF:

My calorie intake bases at about 1,200 calories a day, if I do not work out. I use MyFitnessPal as a great calorie and exercise tracker. On days that I do work out, I add however many calories I work out and subtract 100 cals. (Ex. 1,200 calories for the day, burn 300 calories from exercise, so add 200 calories to my daily intake)

EXERCISE STUFF:

I'm getting to the gym anywhere from 3-6 times a week, with my workouts lasting about 50-90 minutes. As most people know, you don't want to do the same workout every single day (for lots of reasons but mostly to leave time for your muscles to build- also because it's a total snooze-fest to do the same thing every flipping day). In the plan that I've chosen, there's a huge variety of muscles through the use of workouts from the "all-supreme-ruler", Pinterest, from Zumba, and from my super hot personal trainer... I mean boyfriend.

Here's how it usually breaks down (any combination of these elements to create 3-6 workouts per week):

Day 1- Body weight workout #1

Day 2- Weight lifting circuit

Day 3- Zumba

Day 4- Rest

Day 5- Zumba

Day 6- Body Weight workout #2

Day 7- Rest

I love the break  down of this plan because it works for my time frame and it keeps the variety so that I don't burn myself out on one type of workout. Also, I'm OBSESSED with my Zumba class, so I try and work that in as much as I can. I'll be working toward my Zumba Instructor Certification here soon so keep an eye out for that!

As of right now, (about 6 weeks in) I've seen a little bit of change in my physical appearance. I'm super self-conscious about doing this, but I feel like it will motivate me more to share my journey!

My roommate and I have been taking a weekly update of photos to see our progress. It keeps us a little more accountable and also gives us a good visual of how we're doing/what parts are changing the most. 

WARNING: I'm not photogenic so please excuse my "interesting" faces. HA

Left Photo: March 30th, 153lbs.; Right Photo: May 6th, 149lbs.

It might not look like much to everyone else, but I'm definitely starting to see differences in my waist and my arms. I get frustrated because I'm not seeing results as quickly as I would like to (this is definitely a mentally-scarred result of my crash diets in the past, where you are given quick results that DO NOT last). I have to remind myself that, while water weight can disappear quickly, it takes a while to build muscles! But hey! Results are results. And DAMMIT I'm going to get STRONG. 

I was always so angry that I let my weight determine my self worth, so I started thinking about how I can make the positive changes in my life to not only get healthier physically, but to also get happier with my body from the mental perspective. Throughout this discovery, I still have LOTS of days where I feel defeated. I get really down on myself because, like I said, I'm used to the instant results of unhealthy weight loss. On those days, I make myself find at least two things in the mirror that I like/see improvement. As silly as that sounds, it gets me back to remembering that I am getting stronger.

Body image is such a struggle and don't even get me started on pop-culture's influence on body-positivity. That's a rant for another day.

But keep in mind, throughout all of our body-related struggles whether you're trying to gain weight, lose weight, gain muscle, lose fat, etc.... you are breathing and you are here in this moment. This is the time to make the positive changes. Remember....

2014 is the year of positive thoughts.

You want to make a change. Start now. Start small or start big but stick with it. It's worth it.