A letter to ALL of my Exs.

If you're like me, you have a lot of Ex's...

• Ex Roommates
• Ex Best Friends
• Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends

These ex's are ex's for a reason. And that reason is that something didn't quite work. Maybe it was a small thing, maybe it was just the effects of time, and maybe it was a BIG FREAKIN' DEAL.

Whatever it was, we move on. We find a new roommate (or decide to live alone). We make new friends. We start dating other people. We find people to fill those voids, and maybe they aren't filled entirely, but the placeholders are no longer empty.

Regardless of why they are no longer involved in your life, you learn a lot from the experiences you gain from these people. If you could write a letter to your ex's, what would you say?

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Dear Ex,

First of all, I want you to know one thing. 

I AM HAPPY. And I am happy because of you. Not in the way you might think, but you are one of the reasons I am happy. You helped me get here and for that, I thank you. I learned a lot from our time together, which in turn, brought me to the woman I have become.

You taught me about conflict. 

Whether it was a conflict about who's turn it was to do the dishes, or about why you wouldn't tell me certain things, I learned what complicated conflict looked like. Sure, the dishes were an easy conflict to resolve, but maybe the dishes weren't the actual issue. Maybe you were frustrated that I didn't invite you to an activity and that pile of plates in the sink was an easy release. Maybe you weren't telling me the entirety of a story because you still couldn't accept the truth of the situation. Regardless of what the conflict was, I learned how to spot it, how to address it (not perfectly by any means), and how to move on from it with a shaky, but respectful heart.

You taught me (and am still learning) how to communicate. 

...through trial and error. Believe it or not, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. (But wouldn't that be nice?!) Bringing up issues can be really awkward, and I'm still not good at it, even if I'm a Communication major. However, stumbling our way through the uncomfortable chats about your emotionally abusive boyfriend, or about your ex-girlfriend who was threatening to punch me in the face made us stronger at that moment. I still have so much work to do on this topic, but I'm thankful that you helped grow me as a compassionate communicator.

You taught me what I should expect from a partner (be it romantic or platonic). 

There were times when you treated me fabulously. If there hadn't been good times, we would not have been friends/roommates/romantic partners. I loved when we would dance in our PJ's in the front room to OneDirection. I loved that you surprised me by coming to visit me for the weekend, when I thought you were working. I loved that we drove your dad's Mustang on that spring day to go get Frappachino's when the sun finally decided to come out. Those good times helped create my list of requirements when looking for a friend, a boyfriend or a roommate. Even if we ended, the good moments have helped shape what I desire in my relationships.

You taught me how to trust. 

I cried to you. I told you some of my most hidden fears. I leaned on you when I couldn't hold myself up. You supported me in the good times and in the bad. I learned to put stock in another person and that was an incredible lesson to learn. But...

I had to learn how to bounce back from failed trust. 

You hurt me sometimes. Cheating. Gossiping. Rumors. At times in my life, you absolutely broke me. But you know what the amazing part is?! I haven't stopped trusting. Just because you betrayed my friendship, it doesn't mean that I will never trust a friend again! Just because you broke my heart, it doesn't mean that I will never love again. You cannot ruin me. I am stronger than that.

You taught me to trust my intuition. 

You know that time when I found inappropriate photos of another woman on your phone? Yeah, I trusted my intuition and confronted you on that. I knew something was up, and they weren't just old photos of an ex-girlfriend. You know when you stopped texting me when a certain someone was around? I should have listened to my gut at that time, and I learned that my intuition isn't usually making things up. I am learning to trust myself when a situation makes me uncomfortable.

I taught myself how to be alone.

Yep, you heard me. I don't mind sleeping by myself. I get the whole freaking bed! I don't mind showing up to the group activity without my bestie in tow. I don't mind spending a Tuesday night blogging. I learned that I'd rather be in the company of an incredibly strong, creative and hilarious woman (MYSELF, obvs) than be with someone who is constantly belittling me or making me feel inadequate.

You taught me how to stand up for myself. 

When someone tells me that I'm too fat, or that I'm overreacting, or that I shouldn't feel a certain way, I know that I deserve better and you can damn well bet I will stand up for myself. I learned that if anyone is going to put me down, it's my responsibility to bring myself back up.

I learned how to fight graciously. 

We're obviously not close any more. If it wasn't just the ebb and flow of time that brought us to where we are, we probably got in a fight. I have not held myself together perfectly in every fight, but through these issues, I learned how to compose myself in a way that cannot be used to talk ill of me when the fight is over. At times, I didn't really execute the fights in a way that would exemplify said grace, but hindsight has taught me a lot about how to conduct myself and I feel like I have learned how to get in a fight, while trying my best to stay civil. Even when I didn't feel like you deserved civility.

I learned how to love myself.

You broke my heart. You turned friends against me. You took me down. You made stabs that had lasting impact. You said things that I am still trying to forget. But you know what? I love myself. It took work, and it took a lot of faking it, but I got there. It's a constant learning opportunity because some days my pants are too tight, and some days I still feel anger toward you, and some days, I really hope you stub your toe or hit your funny bone (because I would never wish anything serious upon you, but those things are harmless, painful and/or annoying). But on those days where I falter, I still remember how much I've learned and how far I've come. For some stupid cliche analogy, I'm a traveler down the road of life, and I've stopped plenty of places, but I'm having a killer time on this wild adventure.

So thank you. Thank you for screwing me over. Thank you for making me cry. Thank you for leaving your bicycle in the middle of the living room. Thank you for pushing me to be stronger, better, more loving, and all around more bad-ass.

Cheers, my dear Ex. 

Life's a bitch, but as the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt says, a bitch is the mother of cute puppies, so that's pretty much a compliment. 

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Best Friend/Ex-Roommate/ Ex-Girlfriend

Spanx Are The Devil: 57 thoughts while getting ready to go out.

I was getting ready to go out last night for a laid back evening at the country bar that I go to frequently. The bar is just a bunch of Portlandians getting some linedancing in on a Saturday night. Nothing too spectacular, yet as a single woman, I feel the need to put on a little extra eye makeup and a pushup bra. It's sad that we feel like we have to do these things, but I find that I gain a little self-confidence when all the hairs are in the right places and the eyeliner goes on right the first time around.

If you're anything like me though, you go through about thirty outfits before figuring out something that makes you feel semi-decent. You pin your bangs up. You curl your hair. You realize you don't want your bangs pinned but then they're kinked from the bobby pin. It's a hard process. So many decisions. So I decided to document some thoughts that go through my head when I'm getting ready.


2 hours prior to leaving the house:

I should probably start getting ready.
Meh, I have plenty of time.
I'll start after this last episode of Criminal Minds.
I wish Shemar Moore was at the bar...
I really don't want to pick out an outfit.
What do I even have clean?!
I'll wear a dress. That doesn't require multiple pieces to coordinate.
I didn't shave my legs...
Meh. I have blond hair. Whatever.
No one is feeling my legs anyway. YOLO.
I hate the word YOLO.

1 hour prior to leaving the house:
I didn't wash my hair today... I guess I'll curl it.
Why is there one piece of hair that NEVER curls right. It's my James Dean curl. Such a little rebel.
I love curls.
My hair is totally going to be straight by the time I get home.
Maybe I'll use hairspray for once.
Great, now I look like a lion.
With how poofy my hair is now, it's amazing at how flat it will get at the bar...
How long until my hair goes totally straight?
I should probably do my makeup.
If I had a dollar for every step it took to get ready, I'd have like $50.00.
Where is the line between sexy eye makeup, and dead hooker?
Winged Eyeliner is like glitter... fantastic if done right, horrendous if done wrong.
My eye makeup looks bomb. Time for mascara.
Fuddgggeeeee. I just got mascara all over my eye.
Can I get this off without ruining everything?
I just ruined everything.
I hate being a girl.

30 minutes prior to leaving the house:
Makeup. DONE. Hair. Done. Clothes... Fudge.
Why did Eve have to eat the apple? It'd be so much easier if everyone could be naked.
Why do I have so many dresses? I don't even wear these that often.
That dress is too slutty for this occasion.
That dress is too business-y.
Why is this so hard? Screw it, I'll just wear the same one I always wear.
This dress is see-through though so I need to wear my Spanx.
Yes, I wear Spanx, don't judge me.
Spanx are the DEVIL.
Why are these so tight?
I'm not going to be able to get these on.
Damn, I look skinny.
THAT'S why they're so tight.
I wonder if these are squishing my organs.
Speaking of squished organs, I have to pee.
I'm holding it until I can't hold it no more...because these are HARD to get on.
Look how funny my butt looks in these things. It's, like... too perky.
Alright, I think I'm ready to go.
Nope, my hair got flat already.
Flat hair will ruin confidence. Hair powder is a godsend.
I'm a little hungry, I should probably eat something, especially if I'm going to have a drink at the bar.
Okay, maybe two and a half pieces of pizza was too much...
Thank God I'm wearing Spanx or else I'd look like a bloated cow.
Why do I always eat a ton of food before going out?
Okay, let's do this...


5 minutes AFTER leaving the house:
I totally should have worn jeans, my hair is already flat again and I think I just smudged my lipstick.
Why do I even bother?!
Next time, I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie.
Screw it, I'm awesome. Let's go have fun.

The point is, confidence is key. Go forth and rock your night. Love your bod, love your friends and love your night out <3

Dating is hard.

I'm bad at dating.
It's hard. I'm awkward and self-conscious, so add the possibility of an attractive man and my accident-prone levels sky-rocket. Add the reality of another awkward human being and we'll probably create an A-Bomb (Awkward, not Atomic...)

Despite it being stressful, dating can also be one of the most fun and insightful experiences that we go through. It can be exhausting. It can be a rollercoaster of emotions; fear, nerves, confidence, uncertainty, giddiness, excitement and SO many more. You're basically putting yourself on display in order for someone to analyze you... and vice versa.

It's intimidating and if you're anything like me (who hasn't dated a whole bunch), it can send you into a full-fledged tail spin into hyperventilation, all while throwing every outfit you own on the floor.

So what do you do when you're freaking out, ready to bail?! You seek comfort from the advice of loved ones. These people know you really well so they can't steer you wrong, right? Not always. As much as we adore these individuals, have you ever been given advice that makes you cringe?

I know I have. So I took to social media and asked:
What is the WORST DATING ADVICE YOU'VE EVER GOTTEN?

These are REAL TIPS that people have been given. So naturally, I want to spin them into Positives. I had a bunch of people weigh in and these are just a small, but relevant, portion of the responses.


BAD TIP: Laugh at ALL the other person's jokes.
Anyone remember Janice from Friends? Fake-laughing at all the jokes sends you on a guaranteed train to "Never-getting-a-second-date-ville." That is a surefire way to look like a crazy person. Crazy is not attractive.
BETTER TIP: Be yourself.
Oh how cliché, Sarah. Well, sorry. If you find something funny, laugh. If you don't, a polite smile is okay.


BAD TIP: Dress scandalously/Show cleavage.
Sorry guys, this one is not for you... or maybe it is and you're going to rock that hipster deep-V-neck tee. Showing off the goods isn't necessarily the way to your partner's heart. It might be a way to another body part, and if that's what your looking for, you might want to use this tip, but if you're not just looking for a hookup, then you might want to look into something else.
BETTER TIP: Dress confidently!
Obviously, you want to look nice. If a low cut top makes you feel confident, then by all means, ROCK IT! - but it's not necessary. Be comfortable. Confidence is way more attractive than baring it all uncomfortably.


BAD TIP: Try to find a fixer upper... Everyone likes a challenge, right? AKA "He/She will change"
I hate when people say this. Unfortunately, I've been told this one. You should not be searching to change someone. Obviously, people are going to develop in life, and people change, but you should not be trying to change the personality of the one you are dating. The term Fixer-upper will now and forever remind me of the song from Frozen.
BETTER TIP: Know what you want in a partner.
I'm not saying get out your checklist of physical attributes and start checking them off. What I'm saying is that if someone does not meet your 'non-negotiables' list, don't try and fit a square peg into a round hole. One example is that I will not date someone that smokes. I'm not going to try to force a smoker to become a non-smoker just to date me.


BAD TIP: Even if you don't see it going anywhere, go on the date... at least you'll get a free meal. (See also, order something expensive at dinner.)
Taking advantage of someone is rude. Straight up. Also, why waste either person's time?!
BETTER TIP: Be honest.
If you don't see it going anywhere, don't keep up the charade. Dating games are so high school. Also, who wants to sit at an awkward dinner for at least an hour, even if the food is good?!


BAD TIP: If you don't learn to eat salad, you'll never get a husband.
I hate this tip. I've also been told to eat a salad at dinner. SCREW THAT. I rarely eat a salad as a meal on my own. Also, I'm really bad at eating salads... or anything for that matter. I always drop food on myself (which is why I usually don't wear white to go eat...)
BETTER TIP: Eat whatever the hell you want.
If I want a salad, I'll get a salad. If I want a cheeseburger with onion rings and a milkshake, I'll get that. Don't try and fake it. You want to enjoy yourself. SO enjoy your food.


BAD TIP: Don't date someone who makes less money than you.
I can't believe this has actually been said.
BETTER TIP: Don't base your relationship on how much your partner makes!!!
If you are basing your relationship of a financial statement, you're a materialistic jerk. Duh.


BAD TIP: It's okay if you have different religious beliefs.
Okay this isn't a BAD thing, but it can make things more difficult. If one partner is extremely religious and the other is not, it can bring stress to the relationship later down the road when it comes to attending religious ceremonies/services/etc, getting married, and raising children. For the most part, I haven't been on the same page as my previous partners when it came to religion and it definitely caused a bit of discomfort in my relationships.
BETTER TIP: See if your belief systems align.
If faith and religion are important to you, then it's good to see where your similarities and differences lie. If they are not important to you, it's good to know where the other person stands and what they will expect in the future.

BAD TIP: Love will conquer anything.
Nope, it won't. Love won't conquer a drug addiction. Love won't conquer abuse. Love won't give you a "PASS GO FOR FREE" card. Love can help you through those things but it's not an excuse to do whatever you want and pull a Nicholas Sparks by saying, "Well our love will take us away together."
BETTER TIP: Communication will help conquer MOST.
Communication will not excuse cheating or a gambling problem, but it will help you work through some things. Talking it out helps you understand where the other person is coming from and it will help you find solutions and compromises.


BAD TIP: Well, He/she is nice.
Oh jeez people... Just because someone is nice and they like you does NOT mean you should be with them. Nice-ness is great but do you have anything in common? Do you desire more time with them? Do you see a potential with them? Nice is great. My dog is nice. That does not mean I want to date my dog.
BETTER TIP: Is she/he nice to other people?
See how your date treats everyone around them. This says a lot about a person. Do they hold the door open for strangers? Do they say thank you to the waiter at dinner? Do they complain about the service, even if it was okay? Seeing how he/she treats other people is one of my biggest turn ons/turn offs.


BAD TIP: Maybe you should start losing weight before you start dating.
Thank God no one said this to me, I would have bawled my eyes out. You do not have to be "skinny" to be loved. You do not have to be a certain size to be found attractive. I am so glad I don't know who said this because they would have gotten a piece of my mind.
BETTER TIP: Rock whatever body you've got.
Again it comes down to confidence. If you are comfortable, it will show, and that is sexy as hell.


BAD TIP: Ignore your gut feeling, you don't even know them yet.
FALSE. In every way. If someone give you the heeby-jeebys, trust your intuition. If you automatically think that you don't click, believe yourself. Obviously, you should get to know the person in order to determine these gut-reactions, but once you have spent some time with the person, trust your feelings.
BETTER TIP: Check in with how you feel.
Let yourself feel the feels. Was there a connection? Could you hear the sound of crickets chirping? Analyze where your feelings were after spending some time together.


BAD TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down in a relationship," show him/her you have other options.
This is so dumb on so many levels. Like I said earlier, playing games in a relationship is so dramatic and ridiculous. Honesty is where it's at. I have yet to hear someone say, "I love playing games in a relationship, especially when it comes to whether or not we're serious in this relationship." As the friend who told me this Bad Tip mentioned, it pushed them into a relationship that probably wasn't genuine in getting into it for the right reasons.
BETTER TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down" (don't even get me started on that phrase), THEN MOVE ON.
Don't waste your time waiting around or playing games for someone who clearly is not interested in the type of relationship you want. It's nothing against you. It's nothing against them. Some people want different things in a relationship. What a concept...

And my favorite one....
WORST TIP: Your standards are too high; you should lower them.
Yes, clearly you should settle for someone who does not fit what you want. It's like saying that you asked for the new iPhone for Christmas and someone got you a Nokia brick from 2005. I have heard this line before, "well, maybe the type you're looking for is just a figment of a Nicholas Sparks plot line." Um hello? I'm not looking for something incredibly specific. I didn't know that an educated Christian man with a little bit of country in his roots was a figment of a romantic novel. I think one or two of those exist out there...
BETTER TIP: Be realistic in your standards.
Generalized standards are great. Try not to be too specific. (i.e. 6'2" with wavy brown hair, turquoise eyes, a PhD in astrophysics and loves his favorite author Charles Dickens.) Having a list of non-negotiables is important, and knowing what you're willing to compromise on is good too. Standards should be a guideline, not a set of steadfast rules. When you know what you want though, why force things you don't want into that category? Someone will be unhappy.



Despite all of these crazy tips, dating can be fun and exciting. Stressful? Duh. But still exciting. If we don't do a bit of dating, how will we know what we do and don't want in a partner? It's crucial to learn about other people whom you might want a relationship with, but it also teaches you about yourself.

Dating (even though my dating resume is slightly small) continues to teach me a LOT about myself. It teaches me things that I bring to a relationship, like communication and compassion, emotional support and dorky awkward humor. It also teaches me that there are SO many types of awesome people out there.

It's hard, but dating is a great test. One that you can't really pass or fail, but keep attempting until you find a winner.

What are some of YOUR dating tips that have worked/not worked? I'd love to hear more!!

If I could write a letter to me...

Dear 15 year-old Sarah,

You are about to embark on the most awesome life. Seriously. You get to experience some really incredible things. You get to witness love, excitement, loss, and the most incredible laughter. You'll get hugs that repair your heart and hugs that will leave you completely crippled. You'll meet people who will change your life forever. As I'm looking back on the person I was my freshman year of high school from my 23 year old eyes, there are some things that I would want to tell you if I could.


Don't drink pink panty droppers. EVER. You won't remember those nights and you usually don't make very good choices at that point. Anything with that many types of alcohol is a bad idea.

Making out with a stranger WILL happen. (Sorry Mom...) It won't make you feel better about yourself and it tends to make things a bit more awkward later on in life. However, you usually will have friends that save you from your own stupidity.

Put yourself out there. People will judge you. Screw 'em.

Learn to dance ASAP. You'll meet incredible people and it's a fantastic workout. Plus, guys that know how to dance are officially your type because they are sexy as heck. It also helps you gain a whole new level of self confidence that you never knew existed. And guess what?! You're not half bad!!!

Forcing yourself to throw up is never a good idea. Which leads me to the next point.

Take care of your body. You only get one. Skinny is overrated and usually unhealthy. 800 calories a day is stupid. Vomiting is unhealthy and causes so much more BAD than you can imagine at this point. Fueling your body to be fit is the best way to take care of yourself. Don't get me wrong, laziness is great, but like everything, it should be done in moderation. Exercise is one of the best things to combat depression, and you'll face that more than once. Taking care of your body also makes you feel so much better about yourself, physically and mentally. When you are fit, you look hot, and your confidence shows.

Be a dork. It's your thing. You're good at it and it comes easily. Don't fight it. With your sense of humor, you can have fun with most people and when you're being silly, people feel more at ease. Laughter makes any situation better, I promise.

You learn a lot when you start dating. Don't be afraid. Again, you have to put yourself out there. You're going to get shut down, and friend zoned, and blown off, and stood up, but believe it or not, some of those trainwrecks lead you to some great people.

Heart break is literally the worst thing on the planet, (with hangovers pulling at a close second) but also one of the most influential forces of nature. You will be crippled. You will cry more than you thought humanly possible and you will be betrayed, Benedict Arnold style. It will cause you to question everything, yourself and your decisions included. But it will also grow you. You'll find a strength that you never knew existed. You will pick yourself up when you feel like everything on the planet is pulling you down. You'll laugh between the moments of weakness because you are strong and you can't be destroyed. You become a stronger woman, a more compassionate woman, and a smarter woman.

Peach Burnett's is a bad idea. Correction, any sweet alcoholic beverage is a bad idea, but Peach Burnett's is the worst.

It's okay to whole-heartedly love Taylor Swift. Her albums will literally heal you. She's putting all your feels into words. And she does so in an eloquent and rather catchy way. Turn the music up and JAM GIRLFRIEND.

Open your sun roof at every possible chance. Turn your music up loud and be glad that you are blessed to have yet another day on this earth.

You will see loss. It's hard to see those around you lose someone and it's even harder when you lose someone yourself. Hug everyone you love as frequently as possible and don't let anyone go without knowing how you feel about them.

Don't buy the Jetta... actually, you gain some pretty incredible people in your life from that piece of shit, just sell it earlier.

Don't start texting and driving. It's like quitting smoking. Impossible, but worth it.

Exercise is not for someone else, it's for you, and when you finally get the hang of it, you end up gaining so much confidence in yourself. You're pretty strong too when you actually push yourself. And let me tell you, with good diet and exercise, you won't get bulky. Don't be one of those dumb girls that are afraid to lift.

Your gut intuition is probably right. Whether it's about a friend, a situation, your boyfriends "friend" that he made out with three years ago, your gut usually can tell if something's not right. Regardless of how you feel about someone, be the bigger person and ALWAYS treat people with respect. You always want to be the person whom people have nothing bad to say.

NEVER make that comment about the lesbian couple to one of your best friends. It will cost you one of the most genuine friends of your life. This is my only one thing in life that I would change. Literally, the one moment I would go back to and alter.

Friend break-ups are ALMOST as bad as romantic breakups, and sometimes worse. Cherish your friends but know when to let go. Sometimes they'll come back to you and sometimes they won't.

High School is absolutely NOT the best time of your life, so get excited for all of the stages after. Each stage of your life brings even more new and exciting opportunities. Keep your chin up.

You will cry over money more than you will cry over boys. Money sucks. No, you don't need to go out for dinner tonight just because you're lazy. Save that $10 because you WILL need it. However, your appreciation for money will help you in the long run. Be smart but don't be afraid to ask for help. Many people have faced the struggle that you're going through, and you never know when someone will invite you over for dinner (it's one less meal that you have to afford!).

Your relationship with the Lord should always come first because He is always with you and your biggest cheerleader. Followed closely by your mom.

Lorelei Gilmore is always going to be your biggest role model. Also, followed closely by your mom.

The quantity of friends you have does not determine the quality of friends you have, but family dinners are one of the most fun parts of college. A diverse group of friends is a fantastic thing. You have a friend group for when you want to watch Netflix. You have a friend group who will join you at the bars. You have your sports friends, your school friends, and your work friends. Sometimes they'll overlap, sometimes they won't. Embrace the variety of friends but know that they won't all be there when you need them, and that's okay.

Coffee will be one of your best friends. It's like a security blanket and a therapist all in one.

And lastly, Love yourself. Despite the circumstances of life, you are you. As Dr. Seuss said "Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive that is you-er than you!" Stay true to yourself and find out who that is. It takes trial and error. You'll go through phases with your interests and your talents. One thing that you should always keep in the forefront is your positive outlook and your silver-linings perspective. Positivity truly changes your life. So keep smiling, keep shining... Trust me, Bridemaids will be a source of wonderful quoting pleasure in your future.

You're really freaking incredible. Don't forget it.

Love always and always cheering for you,
Older, and slightly wiser, Sarah

I'd love to take the easy way out, but unfortunately I'm an addict.

You know those days that you want to sick on the couch and veg? Well, I've been having a lot of those lately. The reasons vary but the outcome feels the same. I get home from work, sit my booty on the couch and I mope. Sometimes, I grab a blanket and nap for a bit; sometimes, I click on Netflix; sometimes, I just sit there and think (which is EXTREMELY dangerous). Most days, I have about a 40 minute window in this vegetable stage before it sinks in too deeply and all of my productivity is gone.

Thankfully, I've found something that keeps me from hitting the dreary, Oregonian comastose state: The Gym.

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you might know my background when it comes to my body image stuff. I had always considered myself athletic. Sure, I didn't work out frequently in college, but I played sports growing up and I wasn't some weak, little flower that couldn't carry my own boxes while moving (which I did frequently). In reality, I was kidding myself. I was NOT athletic, I was lazy and in denial. I needed a jolt to get me back to my actual athletic self.

Fast forward to Spring of 2014. At the time, I had a boyfriend who enjoyed working out more than anything else in the world, and he taught me a TON about taking care of myself. He never pressured me to change how I looked but I would be lying if I said that my inital workout kick didn't have anything to do with his self-proclaimed passion. He looked like a statue of a greek god and let's just say that I was a little softer than marble. He had no issue with my bodily composition but I did.  When you're surrounded by a buff-macho-man influence, you become even more aware of the fact that you're the girl who didn't quality as skinny but wasn't fat either. As one of my friends recently pointed out, I wasn't fat, I was thick. BUT I ALWAYS FELT FAT. I have had body image issues for a very long time and for the first few months, I was ready to give up every single day. As I've talked about in prior posts, I had tried to lose weight in very unhealthy ways in the past. In my post Learning to Love this Rockin' Bod, I wrote,

I was always so angry that I let my weight determine my self worth, so I started thinking about how I can make the positive changes in my life to not only get healthier physically, but to also get happier with my body from the mental perspective. Throughout this discovery, I still have LOTS of days where I feel defeated. I get really down on myself because, like I said, I'm used to the instant results of unhealthy weight loss. On those days, I make myself find at least two things in the mirror that I like/see improvement. As silly as that sounds, it gets me back to remembering that I am getting stronger.

I'd have to drag myself to the gym, but I knew I was making a good change. I'd literally be whining to myself, shoes on, dressed and laying on the floor, saying, "I don't wannnnaaaaa!" But the little diva voice in my head said, "Actually Bitch, you do!"

Then, after a few months of not seeing any changes, of half-assing it at the gym, of hating the commitment it took, I saw a little change in the mirror. "Hey, is that a muscle?! Oh my gosh, I think I see a muscle!!" Sure it still had a thick layer of fat over the top, but my flicker of hope turned to a little tiny flame. I started wanting to go to the gym, you know why? Because I was starting to get stronger.

Fast forward even farther, the gym was my therapy in a time where all I wanted to do was mope. I cried on the treadmill. I grunted through the free weights. I got angry on the Lat Pull. And most importantly, I laughed in Zumba. I found out that the endorphins I released in my workouts not only distracted me from my moping, but it truly helped me be a happier person during one of the saddest times of my life. It pushed me to a new level of fitness, too. I have now become the gym junkie who feels so guilty when skipping the gym. I go 4-6 days a week instead of 2-3. I get teased at work for having Zumba on one day, spin on another, yoga on Sundays and weights thrown in there when I'm feeling up to it. It's the best thing that could ever warrant mockery.

I also realized that fitness is benefitting EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. I've made friends in my exercise classes. I want to fuel my body with good food. I want to build my muscle. I want to challenge myself with a Tough Mudder (coming in June thanks to a kick-ass group of people from an online fitness community I was introduced to after writing my first body-conscious post). I've gained a confidence I've never had in regards to my physical appearance, and I am SO MUCH MORE LOVING TO MY BODY. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with loving myself on occasion (not in that way dirty birds!), but in the long run, I remind myself of how far I've come and it fills me with a sense of pride that I'm still getting used to. I have so many more goals to fulfil.

When I started this journey in March, I could have gone back to the old way of doing things. The easy way. The unhealthy way. But this time I didn't. I pushed myself. I continue to push myself. And I'm not done pushing myself. Hopefully, I never will be.

Because now I'm addicted... and I don't want to go to rehab.

I am Obsessed.

Being confident is a very hard thing to do.

 

We're  told that confidence is sexy. Confidence is powerful. Confidence gets you places in life.

 

But confidence is really freaking hard, and I'm an extrovert, so that's saying something.

 

We live in a world that is constantly telling you that you're not good enough. It's a world that compares you to everyone else. It's a world with the God-awful tool called photoshop. It compares what you're doing in life to what other people are doing in theirs. We've even come up with an acronym for comparing what we're doing in life to what those those around us are doing: FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out. Social media is a huge part of this (one that I take part in every day). You can put a filter on a photo, edit a video, or tag your location so that everyone else knows where you are. It emphasizes how well others are doing, how great someone looks, how successful others are, and if it's the opposite end of the spectrum, it's either pitiful or pathetic.

 

When we're surrounded by so much comparison, I oftentimes feel like what I'm doing isn't ENOUGH. I'm not making enough money to go on really cool trips around the world. I'm not successful enough to be working as a big-timer in a high-power company. I'm not skinny enough to rock that outfit.

 

It always frustrates me when I don't feel good enough, because darnit, I'm doing great things with my life, but there are many instances where I let our world get into my head and I compare myself to people and situations that are so different than mine. We're obsessed with comparisons.

The thing is that we make these comparisons with our eyes closed. We don't know the whole story.

 

Yeah, that girl is skinny enough to pull off those high wasited pants but shes also 8 inches taller than me and has curves in places that I don't. What I don't know is that she also works her butt off at the gym for 2 hours a day and weighs ten pounds more than I do. We'll never look good in the same clothes because we are built differently. Sure, that person goes on trips all over the world, REGULARLY. What I don't know is that she has been saving up for years and her sister-in-law works for a travel agency so she gets the hookup.

 

But this is where I want to change the perspective. I think we shoud start comparing ourselves to someone else...OURSELVES! Start looking at how far you've come in situations and making comparisons by how much growth you have seen. Become obsessed with loving yourself and acknowledging yourself instead of obsessing over others.

 

I found this photo today and it really sunk in...

 

I'm going to challenge you to stop comparing yourself to anyone else. And let me warn you, this is going to be hard. We've been conditioned to make comparisons for our whole lives so this is going to be a game changer.

It's time to love ourselves. Stop looking at your stretchmarks, your acne scars and your love handles. I love when people embrace their unique features. Like for me, I have a scar on my stomach from second grade when I had my appendix removed. I used to get really annoyed with my scar because it made my stomach look like I had an extra roll of fat. I'd make sure that any photos that included my tummy were on the other side. But you know what? Now I am embracing my scar! Since I've gotten on my health kick (working out and making smart food choices), that scar makes me look like I've got a bit more abdominal definition. I'm LOVING that scar.

It's time to turn our perspective. Get comfortable in that skin. It's doing a great job of holding all your organs in. Embrace it baby, cuz you are more than enough. You're a rockstar! We need to become proud of ourselves without being boastful. We can find strength in our own successes. It's time to become Obsessed. Obessed with loving ourselves.

How can I take "ME TIME" without being Lazy?!

I think I love being lazy. Yet I totally hate being lazy. It's a very complicated relationship.

One part of me screams, "Netflix, gurrrllll. Get under that comforter and watch 'House' ALL DAY LONG!"

The other side of me says, "Um, have you looked at the time yet?! You've been sitting here for two hours. Do you know how clean your house could be in two hours?! Do you know how many calories you could have burned??!!"

Yesterday, I was totally taken over by the lazy bug. Mason was visiting and after two days of constantly going from one place to the next and staying up late, we ended up vegging out all day long. The sun was finally coming out and a few hours by the pool were just what we needed, followed up by watching a movie and making a batch of homemade lime-aid. So after dropping Mason back at the station - following a day of extreme laziness- what did I do?

I watched four hours of television.

Seems like a great idea right?! Well, I have this disease that I like to call lazy-guilt. I have been conditioned to think that I need to be busy. It's an epidemic that our generation has created and I have fallen victim. I have the delusional idea that I need to constantly be doing something productive.

But the thing that I need to remember is that it's okay to rest. It's okay to take a break. It's okay to binge watch the last month's worth of episodes of "Once Upon a Time," as long as you don't make it a regular habit. Our bodies, and brains, physically need some time to catch up with the busy lives we lead, and sometimes a day of relaxation is what it takes. HOWEVER, you cannot get addicted to the nothingness that is so relaxing. How can you find a balance between re-setting and laziness? 

1) Set yourself a limit. By setting a limit -whether it's time, number of episodes, etc- you will have a tangible boundary to maintain.
2) Find little tasks to do in the middle of relaxing. Fold Laundry, pick up your room while your laptop is buffering. Do 20 jumping jacks on each commercial break. Whatever you do, set yourself up for some little victories!
3) Use relaxation as a reward! Knock those chores out of the park before you curl up into your cocoon of down-comforter goodness. If you do this, you won't spend your time stressing over what all you SHOULD be doing while you're catching up on old One Tree Hill episodes that you've already seen five times.


It's a constant battle of wanting to take care of myself, but still fulfilling the tasks that need to be done and I can do both as long as there's a balance. Take care of YOU so that your stuff can get done eventually.



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DO YOU HAVE ANY TOPICS THAT NEED A POSITIVE BOOST?! Shoot me a message and we can add some positivity to your daily life too!!!

Learning to Love this Rockin' Bod.

I'm going to be up front and honest with you. This is a heavier blog post. 

I have a HARD time talking positively about my body. 

I have been "on a diet" pretty much as long as I can remember. I've tried Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Working out 5 days a week, tracking calories. supplements, EVERYTHING. I've tried unhealthy methods of losing weight. It's a battle I face every day. 

Thankfully, I've always had a great support team. You're always your own toughest critic, so having an encouraging friend group around you that supports positive health, all around, is super beneficial. When unhealthy weight-loss decisions were being made on my part, I had a roommate who helped support me so that I could come to her when I felt like I might relapse into those unsafe methods. Nowadays, I have a super rad boyfriend who is studying Exercise and Sports Science. He's extremely passionate about health and I have learned a LOT from his knowledge. 

Now before you start thinking, is she just on this health kick because her boyfriend likes to workout? The answer is HELL NO. He is very very adamant to let me know that he loves me no matter what size I wear (heck, he told me that he loves my curves!) and that if I want to work out, it is MY decision alone. I appreciate him saying it but it's not necessary. The truth is, if I feel better about myself, I am going to be a more confident person. My increase of confidence will DEFINITELY impact our relationship in a positive manor. But like I said, Mason has taught me a lot about how to improve my physical strength and has inspired me to embrace a more active lifestyle. He has also given me some good exercise plans that have been easily maintainable, but still kicks my butt! Maybe in some of my next posts, I'll go over the workouts he has given me!

So here's my working-out background:

• I was an athlete growing up. Don't get me wrong, I was never AMAZING at any of the sports I played, but I worked hard and always saw improvement.
• I took weight training classes in high school, where I was taught correct form and how to use some basic types of exercise equipment.
• In college, I went through a few phases. I went through a running phase (and HATED IT), I went through a step-aerobics phase (LOVED IT), and I went through lots of non-working out phases, with the occasional gym sesh here and there.

I would consider myself an intermediate exerciser. I know how to lift weights (for the most part) and do all the gym-rat stuff, but I have a lot more to learn. I'm getting there though!

But how?! I'll let you know that I'm not really losing weight, but I'm getting stronger. At this point, I want to see differences in my muscular build, not on a scale. So here's what I'm doing to kick it up a notch!

FOOD STUFF:

My calorie intake bases at about 1,200 calories a day, if I do not work out. I use MyFitnessPal as a great calorie and exercise tracker. On days that I do work out, I add however many calories I work out and subtract 100 cals. (Ex. 1,200 calories for the day, burn 300 calories from exercise, so add 200 calories to my daily intake)

EXERCISE STUFF:

I'm getting to the gym anywhere from 3-6 times a week, with my workouts lasting about 50-90 minutes. As most people know, you don't want to do the same workout every single day (for lots of reasons but mostly to leave time for your muscles to build- also because it's a total snooze-fest to do the same thing every flipping day). In the plan that I've chosen, there's a huge variety of muscles through the use of workouts from the "all-supreme-ruler", Pinterest, from Zumba, and from my super hot personal trainer... I mean boyfriend.

Here's how it usually breaks down (any combination of these elements to create 3-6 workouts per week):

Day 1- Body weight workout #1

Day 2- Weight lifting circuit

Day 3- Zumba

Day 4- Rest

Day 5- Zumba

Day 6- Body Weight workout #2

Day 7- Rest

I love the break  down of this plan because it works for my time frame and it keeps the variety so that I don't burn myself out on one type of workout. Also, I'm OBSESSED with my Zumba class, so I try and work that in as much as I can. I'll be working toward my Zumba Instructor Certification here soon so keep an eye out for that!

As of right now, (about 6 weeks in) I've seen a little bit of change in my physical appearance. I'm super self-conscious about doing this, but I feel like it will motivate me more to share my journey!

My roommate and I have been taking a weekly update of photos to see our progress. It keeps us a little more accountable and also gives us a good visual of how we're doing/what parts are changing the most. 

WARNING: I'm not photogenic so please excuse my "interesting" faces. HA

Left Photo: March 30th, 153lbs.; Right Photo: May 6th, 149lbs.

It might not look like much to everyone else, but I'm definitely starting to see differences in my waist and my arms. I get frustrated because I'm not seeing results as quickly as I would like to (this is definitely a mentally-scarred result of my crash diets in the past, where you are given quick results that DO NOT last). I have to remind myself that, while water weight can disappear quickly, it takes a while to build muscles! But hey! Results are results. And DAMMIT I'm going to get STRONG. 

I was always so angry that I let my weight determine my self worth, so I started thinking about how I can make the positive changes in my life to not only get healthier physically, but to also get happier with my body from the mental perspective. Throughout this discovery, I still have LOTS of days where I feel defeated. I get really down on myself because, like I said, I'm used to the instant results of unhealthy weight loss. On those days, I make myself find at least two things in the mirror that I like/see improvement. As silly as that sounds, it gets me back to remembering that I am getting stronger.

Body image is such a struggle and don't even get me started on pop-culture's influence on body-positivity. That's a rant for another day.

But keep in mind, throughout all of our body-related struggles whether you're trying to gain weight, lose weight, gain muscle, lose fat, etc.... you are breathing and you are here in this moment. This is the time to make the positive changes. Remember....

2014 is the year of positive thoughts.

You want to make a change. Start now. Start small or start big but stick with it. It's worth it.