A Second Chance worth taking.

No, I'm not getting back with an ex. No, I didn't go back to an old job. Not going back to school.
This Second Chance goes a lot farther back. Let's start with the backstory though...

Second Chances are a tricky little game. Sometimes they're a good idea, and sometimes they aren't. But at my place of employment, second chances are a pillar of our company.

For those of you who don't know, I work for a company called Dave's Killer Bread. We're an organic bread company based out of Milwaukie, Oregon (basically Portland). The company has a pretty unique background that is entirely formulated through second chances.

"It all started when an older brother gave his younger brother a job–a second chance–

after 15 years in prison."

Dave Dahl was given a second chance at his family bakery, where he created a product that has swept the nation!! Dave's Killer Bread. It is the best bread in the Universe. If you don't agree, you haven't tried it. For reals though. (For more info on the background behind Dave's Killer Bread CLICK HERE for the link to our killer website.)

So, second chances are kind of a big deal here.... so big of a deal that our company makes it a point to employ former felons and individuals with prior convictions, just like Dave. Roughly 1 in 3 of our employees has a criminal background. This is a big deal. That is 100 people in our facility of about 300 employees. You might think it is more of a risk. You might think it causes our insurance to sky-rocket. You're wrong.

Because DKB has created a company that works so effectively with said demographic, the team created a new program called the Second Chance Project. This new project is a way for businesses to see the success of giving people a second chance, and eventually how to integrate a Second Chance Program into their companies.

So why am I telling you all of this?

Well, I got to participate in the Second Chance Project by telling my own story. No, I do not have any criminal convictions. No felonies on my record. But I was given a second chance as well, but in a slightly different manner.

Go check out my Second Chance Story. Then come back here to No End In Sight.

SARAH'S SECOND CHANCE STORY.

Did you read it? Okay, good. Now before you turn on the puppy dog eyes and say, "Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry, I had no idea...", stop yourself. I do not share this story for pity or sympathy. In fact, that drives me up the wall. You all knew me before you knew I was a sexual abuse survivor. Nothing changed in that 5 minutes, other than your enlightenment.

I share this story because even though I wasn't given a specific moment of "here's your chance to re-live your life," or a moment of "this is the second everything changes," like a lot of the other people shown on the Second Chance Site (which you should definitely read), I still feel like it was a time in my life where I had a choice to make. It was more of a new lens than a second chance. I was young but I was also able to choose how to proceed. Instead of being the victim, I became the advocate, even at a young age. In third grade, I spoke on behalf of the organization that helped me through my abuse. In front of the City Council. By myself. I made the choice to lead a second chance.

The whole point of me sharing my story is to show people that we are able to give ourselves second chances every day. Sometimes, you need a third chance, or a fourth. The point is that we can make that change, but we can also give second chances to others. (Disclaimer: Change has to happen by the person who is doing the action. You can't make the change for someone else, but you can always encourage them to make those changes.)

Give yourself a second chance. Give someone you know a second chance. It's a chance worth taking




*Thank you for letting me share my story with you. I truly appreciate the support I receive from those of you who read this blog regularly. And even irregularly. And thank you for not looking at me any differently. It means the world.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS EVER BEEN AFFECTED BY SEXUAL ABUSE, FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT TO ME. If you do not have my personal phone number, please use the Contact Me section at the top of the page.

HUGS <3

Spanx Are The Devil: 57 thoughts while getting ready to go out.

I was getting ready to go out last night for a laid back evening at the country bar that I go to frequently. The bar is just a bunch of Portlandians getting some linedancing in on a Saturday night. Nothing too spectacular, yet as a single woman, I feel the need to put on a little extra eye makeup and a pushup bra. It's sad that we feel like we have to do these things, but I find that I gain a little self-confidence when all the hairs are in the right places and the eyeliner goes on right the first time around.

If you're anything like me though, you go through about thirty outfits before figuring out something that makes you feel semi-decent. You pin your bangs up. You curl your hair. You realize you don't want your bangs pinned but then they're kinked from the bobby pin. It's a hard process. So many decisions. So I decided to document some thoughts that go through my head when I'm getting ready.


2 hours prior to leaving the house:

I should probably start getting ready.
Meh, I have plenty of time.
I'll start after this last episode of Criminal Minds.
I wish Shemar Moore was at the bar...
I really don't want to pick out an outfit.
What do I even have clean?!
I'll wear a dress. That doesn't require multiple pieces to coordinate.
I didn't shave my legs...
Meh. I have blond hair. Whatever.
No one is feeling my legs anyway. YOLO.
I hate the word YOLO.

1 hour prior to leaving the house:
I didn't wash my hair today... I guess I'll curl it.
Why is there one piece of hair that NEVER curls right. It's my James Dean curl. Such a little rebel.
I love curls.
My hair is totally going to be straight by the time I get home.
Maybe I'll use hairspray for once.
Great, now I look like a lion.
With how poofy my hair is now, it's amazing at how flat it will get at the bar...
How long until my hair goes totally straight?
I should probably do my makeup.
If I had a dollar for every step it took to get ready, I'd have like $50.00.
Where is the line between sexy eye makeup, and dead hooker?
Winged Eyeliner is like glitter... fantastic if done right, horrendous if done wrong.
My eye makeup looks bomb. Time for mascara.
Fuddgggeeeee. I just got mascara all over my eye.
Can I get this off without ruining everything?
I just ruined everything.
I hate being a girl.

30 minutes prior to leaving the house:
Makeup. DONE. Hair. Done. Clothes... Fudge.
Why did Eve have to eat the apple? It'd be so much easier if everyone could be naked.
Why do I have so many dresses? I don't even wear these that often.
That dress is too slutty for this occasion.
That dress is too business-y.
Why is this so hard? Screw it, I'll just wear the same one I always wear.
This dress is see-through though so I need to wear my Spanx.
Yes, I wear Spanx, don't judge me.
Spanx are the DEVIL.
Why are these so tight?
I'm not going to be able to get these on.
Damn, I look skinny.
THAT'S why they're so tight.
I wonder if these are squishing my organs.
Speaking of squished organs, I have to pee.
I'm holding it until I can't hold it no more...because these are HARD to get on.
Look how funny my butt looks in these things. It's, like... too perky.
Alright, I think I'm ready to go.
Nope, my hair got flat already.
Flat hair will ruin confidence. Hair powder is a godsend.
I'm a little hungry, I should probably eat something, especially if I'm going to have a drink at the bar.
Okay, maybe two and a half pieces of pizza was too much...
Thank God I'm wearing Spanx or else I'd look like a bloated cow.
Why do I always eat a ton of food before going out?
Okay, let's do this...


5 minutes AFTER leaving the house:
I totally should have worn jeans, my hair is already flat again and I think I just smudged my lipstick.
Why do I even bother?!
Next time, I'm wearing jeans and a hoodie.
Screw it, I'm awesome. Let's go have fun.

The point is, confidence is key. Go forth and rock your night. Love your bod, love your friends and love your night out <3

Dating is hard.

I'm bad at dating.
It's hard. I'm awkward and self-conscious, so add the possibility of an attractive man and my accident-prone levels sky-rocket. Add the reality of another awkward human being and we'll probably create an A-Bomb (Awkward, not Atomic...)

Despite it being stressful, dating can also be one of the most fun and insightful experiences that we go through. It can be exhausting. It can be a rollercoaster of emotions; fear, nerves, confidence, uncertainty, giddiness, excitement and SO many more. You're basically putting yourself on display in order for someone to analyze you... and vice versa.

It's intimidating and if you're anything like me (who hasn't dated a whole bunch), it can send you into a full-fledged tail spin into hyperventilation, all while throwing every outfit you own on the floor.

So what do you do when you're freaking out, ready to bail?! You seek comfort from the advice of loved ones. These people know you really well so they can't steer you wrong, right? Not always. As much as we adore these individuals, have you ever been given advice that makes you cringe?

I know I have. So I took to social media and asked:
What is the WORST DATING ADVICE YOU'VE EVER GOTTEN?

These are REAL TIPS that people have been given. So naturally, I want to spin them into Positives. I had a bunch of people weigh in and these are just a small, but relevant, portion of the responses.


BAD TIP: Laugh at ALL the other person's jokes.
Anyone remember Janice from Friends? Fake-laughing at all the jokes sends you on a guaranteed train to "Never-getting-a-second-date-ville." That is a surefire way to look like a crazy person. Crazy is not attractive.
BETTER TIP: Be yourself.
Oh how cliché, Sarah. Well, sorry. If you find something funny, laugh. If you don't, a polite smile is okay.


BAD TIP: Dress scandalously/Show cleavage.
Sorry guys, this one is not for you... or maybe it is and you're going to rock that hipster deep-V-neck tee. Showing off the goods isn't necessarily the way to your partner's heart. It might be a way to another body part, and if that's what your looking for, you might want to use this tip, but if you're not just looking for a hookup, then you might want to look into something else.
BETTER TIP: Dress confidently!
Obviously, you want to look nice. If a low cut top makes you feel confident, then by all means, ROCK IT! - but it's not necessary. Be comfortable. Confidence is way more attractive than baring it all uncomfortably.


BAD TIP: Try to find a fixer upper... Everyone likes a challenge, right? AKA "He/She will change"
I hate when people say this. Unfortunately, I've been told this one. You should not be searching to change someone. Obviously, people are going to develop in life, and people change, but you should not be trying to change the personality of the one you are dating. The term Fixer-upper will now and forever remind me of the song from Frozen.
BETTER TIP: Know what you want in a partner.
I'm not saying get out your checklist of physical attributes and start checking them off. What I'm saying is that if someone does not meet your 'non-negotiables' list, don't try and fit a square peg into a round hole. One example is that I will not date someone that smokes. I'm not going to try to force a smoker to become a non-smoker just to date me.


BAD TIP: Even if you don't see it going anywhere, go on the date... at least you'll get a free meal. (See also, order something expensive at dinner.)
Taking advantage of someone is rude. Straight up. Also, why waste either person's time?!
BETTER TIP: Be honest.
If you don't see it going anywhere, don't keep up the charade. Dating games are so high school. Also, who wants to sit at an awkward dinner for at least an hour, even if the food is good?!


BAD TIP: If you don't learn to eat salad, you'll never get a husband.
I hate this tip. I've also been told to eat a salad at dinner. SCREW THAT. I rarely eat a salad as a meal on my own. Also, I'm really bad at eating salads... or anything for that matter. I always drop food on myself (which is why I usually don't wear white to go eat...)
BETTER TIP: Eat whatever the hell you want.
If I want a salad, I'll get a salad. If I want a cheeseburger with onion rings and a milkshake, I'll get that. Don't try and fake it. You want to enjoy yourself. SO enjoy your food.


BAD TIP: Don't date someone who makes less money than you.
I can't believe this has actually been said.
BETTER TIP: Don't base your relationship on how much your partner makes!!!
If you are basing your relationship of a financial statement, you're a materialistic jerk. Duh.


BAD TIP: It's okay if you have different religious beliefs.
Okay this isn't a BAD thing, but it can make things more difficult. If one partner is extremely religious and the other is not, it can bring stress to the relationship later down the road when it comes to attending religious ceremonies/services/etc, getting married, and raising children. For the most part, I haven't been on the same page as my previous partners when it came to religion and it definitely caused a bit of discomfort in my relationships.
BETTER TIP: See if your belief systems align.
If faith and religion are important to you, then it's good to see where your similarities and differences lie. If they are not important to you, it's good to know where the other person stands and what they will expect in the future.

BAD TIP: Love will conquer anything.
Nope, it won't. Love won't conquer a drug addiction. Love won't conquer abuse. Love won't give you a "PASS GO FOR FREE" card. Love can help you through those things but it's not an excuse to do whatever you want and pull a Nicholas Sparks by saying, "Well our love will take us away together."
BETTER TIP: Communication will help conquer MOST.
Communication will not excuse cheating or a gambling problem, but it will help you work through some things. Talking it out helps you understand where the other person is coming from and it will help you find solutions and compromises.


BAD TIP: Well, He/she is nice.
Oh jeez people... Just because someone is nice and they like you does NOT mean you should be with them. Nice-ness is great but do you have anything in common? Do you desire more time with them? Do you see a potential with them? Nice is great. My dog is nice. That does not mean I want to date my dog.
BETTER TIP: Is she/he nice to other people?
See how your date treats everyone around them. This says a lot about a person. Do they hold the door open for strangers? Do they say thank you to the waiter at dinner? Do they complain about the service, even if it was okay? Seeing how he/she treats other people is one of my biggest turn ons/turn offs.


BAD TIP: Maybe you should start losing weight before you start dating.
Thank God no one said this to me, I would have bawled my eyes out. You do not have to be "skinny" to be loved. You do not have to be a certain size to be found attractive. I am so glad I don't know who said this because they would have gotten a piece of my mind.
BETTER TIP: Rock whatever body you've got.
Again it comes down to confidence. If you are comfortable, it will show, and that is sexy as hell.


BAD TIP: Ignore your gut feeling, you don't even know them yet.
FALSE. In every way. If someone give you the heeby-jeebys, trust your intuition. If you automatically think that you don't click, believe yourself. Obviously, you should get to know the person in order to determine these gut-reactions, but once you have spent some time with the person, trust your feelings.
BETTER TIP: Check in with how you feel.
Let yourself feel the feels. Was there a connection? Could you hear the sound of crickets chirping? Analyze where your feelings were after spending some time together.


BAD TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down in a relationship," show him/her you have other options.
This is so dumb on so many levels. Like I said earlier, playing games in a relationship is so dramatic and ridiculous. Honesty is where it's at. I have yet to hear someone say, "I love playing games in a relationship, especially when it comes to whether or not we're serious in this relationship." As the friend who told me this Bad Tip mentioned, it pushed them into a relationship that probably wasn't genuine in getting into it for the right reasons.
BETTER TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down" (don't even get me started on that phrase), THEN MOVE ON.
Don't waste your time waiting around or playing games for someone who clearly is not interested in the type of relationship you want. It's nothing against you. It's nothing against them. Some people want different things in a relationship. What a concept...

And my favorite one....
WORST TIP: Your standards are too high; you should lower them.
Yes, clearly you should settle for someone who does not fit what you want. It's like saying that you asked for the new iPhone for Christmas and someone got you a Nokia brick from 2005. I have heard this line before, "well, maybe the type you're looking for is just a figment of a Nicholas Sparks plot line." Um hello? I'm not looking for something incredibly specific. I didn't know that an educated Christian man with a little bit of country in his roots was a figment of a romantic novel. I think one or two of those exist out there...
BETTER TIP: Be realistic in your standards.
Generalized standards are great. Try not to be too specific. (i.e. 6'2" with wavy brown hair, turquoise eyes, a PhD in astrophysics and loves his favorite author Charles Dickens.) Having a list of non-negotiables is important, and knowing what you're willing to compromise on is good too. Standards should be a guideline, not a set of steadfast rules. When you know what you want though, why force things you don't want into that category? Someone will be unhappy.



Despite all of these crazy tips, dating can be fun and exciting. Stressful? Duh. But still exciting. If we don't do a bit of dating, how will we know what we do and don't want in a partner? It's crucial to learn about other people whom you might want a relationship with, but it also teaches you about yourself.

Dating (even though my dating resume is slightly small) continues to teach me a LOT about myself. It teaches me things that I bring to a relationship, like communication and compassion, emotional support and dorky awkward humor. It also teaches me that there are SO many types of awesome people out there.

It's hard, but dating is a great test. One that you can't really pass or fail, but keep attempting until you find a winner.

What are some of YOUR dating tips that have worked/not worked? I'd love to hear more!!

I'd love to take the easy way out, but unfortunately I'm an addict.

You know those days that you want to sick on the couch and veg? Well, I've been having a lot of those lately. The reasons vary but the outcome feels the same. I get home from work, sit my booty on the couch and I mope. Sometimes, I grab a blanket and nap for a bit; sometimes, I click on Netflix; sometimes, I just sit there and think (which is EXTREMELY dangerous). Most days, I have about a 40 minute window in this vegetable stage before it sinks in too deeply and all of my productivity is gone.

Thankfully, I've found something that keeps me from hitting the dreary, Oregonian comastose state: The Gym.

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you might know my background when it comes to my body image stuff. I had always considered myself athletic. Sure, I didn't work out frequently in college, but I played sports growing up and I wasn't some weak, little flower that couldn't carry my own boxes while moving (which I did frequently). In reality, I was kidding myself. I was NOT athletic, I was lazy and in denial. I needed a jolt to get me back to my actual athletic self.

Fast forward to Spring of 2014. At the time, I had a boyfriend who enjoyed working out more than anything else in the world, and he taught me a TON about taking care of myself. He never pressured me to change how I looked but I would be lying if I said that my inital workout kick didn't have anything to do with his self-proclaimed passion. He looked like a statue of a greek god and let's just say that I was a little softer than marble. He had no issue with my bodily composition but I did.  When you're surrounded by a buff-macho-man influence, you become even more aware of the fact that you're the girl who didn't quality as skinny but wasn't fat either. As one of my friends recently pointed out, I wasn't fat, I was thick. BUT I ALWAYS FELT FAT. I have had body image issues for a very long time and for the first few months, I was ready to give up every single day. As I've talked about in prior posts, I had tried to lose weight in very unhealthy ways in the past. In my post Learning to Love this Rockin' Bod, I wrote,

I was always so angry that I let my weight determine my self worth, so I started thinking about how I can make the positive changes in my life to not only get healthier physically, but to also get happier with my body from the mental perspective. Throughout this discovery, I still have LOTS of days where I feel defeated. I get really down on myself because, like I said, I'm used to the instant results of unhealthy weight loss. On those days, I make myself find at least two things in the mirror that I like/see improvement. As silly as that sounds, it gets me back to remembering that I am getting stronger.

I'd have to drag myself to the gym, but I knew I was making a good change. I'd literally be whining to myself, shoes on, dressed and laying on the floor, saying, "I don't wannnnaaaaa!" But the little diva voice in my head said, "Actually Bitch, you do!"

Then, after a few months of not seeing any changes, of half-assing it at the gym, of hating the commitment it took, I saw a little change in the mirror. "Hey, is that a muscle?! Oh my gosh, I think I see a muscle!!" Sure it still had a thick layer of fat over the top, but my flicker of hope turned to a little tiny flame. I started wanting to go to the gym, you know why? Because I was starting to get stronger.

Fast forward even farther, the gym was my therapy in a time where all I wanted to do was mope. I cried on the treadmill. I grunted through the free weights. I got angry on the Lat Pull. And most importantly, I laughed in Zumba. I found out that the endorphins I released in my workouts not only distracted me from my moping, but it truly helped me be a happier person during one of the saddest times of my life. It pushed me to a new level of fitness, too. I have now become the gym junkie who feels so guilty when skipping the gym. I go 4-6 days a week instead of 2-3. I get teased at work for having Zumba on one day, spin on another, yoga on Sundays and weights thrown in there when I'm feeling up to it. It's the best thing that could ever warrant mockery.

I also realized that fitness is benefitting EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. I've made friends in my exercise classes. I want to fuel my body with good food. I want to build my muscle. I want to challenge myself with a Tough Mudder (coming in June thanks to a kick-ass group of people from an online fitness community I was introduced to after writing my first body-conscious post). I've gained a confidence I've never had in regards to my physical appearance, and I am SO MUCH MORE LOVING TO MY BODY. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with loving myself on occasion (not in that way dirty birds!), but in the long run, I remind myself of how far I've come and it fills me with a sense of pride that I'm still getting used to. I have so many more goals to fulfil.

When I started this journey in March, I could have gone back to the old way of doing things. The easy way. The unhealthy way. But this time I didn't. I pushed myself. I continue to push myself. And I'm not done pushing myself. Hopefully, I never will be.

Because now I'm addicted... and I don't want to go to rehab.

I am Obsessed.

Being confident is a very hard thing to do.

 

We're  told that confidence is sexy. Confidence is powerful. Confidence gets you places in life.

 

But confidence is really freaking hard, and I'm an extrovert, so that's saying something.

 

We live in a world that is constantly telling you that you're not good enough. It's a world that compares you to everyone else. It's a world with the God-awful tool called photoshop. It compares what you're doing in life to what other people are doing in theirs. We've even come up with an acronym for comparing what we're doing in life to what those those around us are doing: FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out. Social media is a huge part of this (one that I take part in every day). You can put a filter on a photo, edit a video, or tag your location so that everyone else knows where you are. It emphasizes how well others are doing, how great someone looks, how successful others are, and if it's the opposite end of the spectrum, it's either pitiful or pathetic.

 

When we're surrounded by so much comparison, I oftentimes feel like what I'm doing isn't ENOUGH. I'm not making enough money to go on really cool trips around the world. I'm not successful enough to be working as a big-timer in a high-power company. I'm not skinny enough to rock that outfit.

 

It always frustrates me when I don't feel good enough, because darnit, I'm doing great things with my life, but there are many instances where I let our world get into my head and I compare myself to people and situations that are so different than mine. We're obsessed with comparisons.

The thing is that we make these comparisons with our eyes closed. We don't know the whole story.

 

Yeah, that girl is skinny enough to pull off those high wasited pants but shes also 8 inches taller than me and has curves in places that I don't. What I don't know is that she also works her butt off at the gym for 2 hours a day and weighs ten pounds more than I do. We'll never look good in the same clothes because we are built differently. Sure, that person goes on trips all over the world, REGULARLY. What I don't know is that she has been saving up for years and her sister-in-law works for a travel agency so she gets the hookup.

 

But this is where I want to change the perspective. I think we shoud start comparing ourselves to someone else...OURSELVES! Start looking at how far you've come in situations and making comparisons by how much growth you have seen. Become obsessed with loving yourself and acknowledging yourself instead of obsessing over others.

 

I found this photo today and it really sunk in...

 

I'm going to challenge you to stop comparing yourself to anyone else. And let me warn you, this is going to be hard. We've been conditioned to make comparisons for our whole lives so this is going to be a game changer.

It's time to love ourselves. Stop looking at your stretchmarks, your acne scars and your love handles. I love when people embrace their unique features. Like for me, I have a scar on my stomach from second grade when I had my appendix removed. I used to get really annoyed with my scar because it made my stomach look like I had an extra roll of fat. I'd make sure that any photos that included my tummy were on the other side. But you know what? Now I am embracing my scar! Since I've gotten on my health kick (working out and making smart food choices), that scar makes me look like I've got a bit more abdominal definition. I'm LOVING that scar.

It's time to turn our perspective. Get comfortable in that skin. It's doing a great job of holding all your organs in. Embrace it baby, cuz you are more than enough. You're a rockstar! We need to become proud of ourselves without being boastful. We can find strength in our own successes. It's time to become Obsessed. Obessed with loving ourselves.