My 25 Before 25: The Update

For those of you readers who have been with me for a while, you might remember that shortly after my 23rd birthday, I made a bucket list. Not a lifetime bucket list, but 25 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. I picked 20 of my own ideas and then opened up the floor to 5 additional suggestions. If you're a newbie to No End In Sight, here's the link to the original post: CLICK ME, I'M A LINK! I also followed that up with the completed list (SEE HERE BECAUSE I'M ALSO A LINK!)

Here we are in the last 6 months before the big quarter century mark and I figured I should probably check in to see where I stand on the whole completed vs. to-do thing. Some of these might be difficult to complete but (with the changes marked in Purple) I am determined for all of them to be completed by the big 2-5.

 MY 25 BEFORE 25!!!
1. Complete a mud run. (Completed May 2015) 
2. Get my Concealed Carry license. (Will do with Kaysea and Emmie, Winter 2016) 
3. Check off another state in my list of places I have traveled. (So far I'm at 41) (New York for My Birthday 2016!) 
4. Regularly maintain my blog for at least a year. (Almost two years strong!!) 
5. Go on a mission trip. (Or multiple day service project!) 
6. Attend a professional sporting event. (Go Blazers! Two games so far!) 
7. Donate more than $100 dollars to a worthy charity. (Charity Ideas are welcome!) 
8. Visit my grandma in Arizona. (March 2016) 
9. Keep a plant alive in my house or on my balcony :) (STILL GOING!)
10. Get my Zumba Instructor Certification. (February 2015) 
11. Camp on the beach. (Illegal in Oregon so I might have to get creative!) 
12. Have two months salary saved in my savings account. (September 2015) 
13. Go snow camping. (Winter 2016) 
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Pay for a strangers coffee. (Multiple times ;) ) 
16. Go fishing with my dad.
17. Make a time capsule to open in 15 years.
18. Pretend I'm really rich and test drive a sports car.
19. Attend an all-weekend music festival.(July/August 2015) 
20. Go on a 10+ mile hike.

And the Extra Five...
21. Take a class, just for fun... I'm deciding on a cooking class!- Alex Savory (Changing it to a sewing class!) 
22. Sell a piece of my own artwork. - Sabrina Bartell
23. Choose a Pinterest project to do each month. - Kelly Meyer (Not quite successful but I will try to hit a total of ten between December 2015-May 2016) 
24. Cook my way through a whole cookbook- Danielle Van Buskirk (and baby Matthew)
25. Play "Messy Twister." (Don't know what that is?! Look at the link here!)- Milan Laurent (With Kelly, Spring 2016) 


 I have got a LOT to do in the next 6 months! Who wants in on this? Anyone want to join me on my leftover items?! Thanks for stopping by and be sure to follow No End In Sight!

Uh Oh... Your Humanness is showing.

I have this delusional idea that I am not human.

I’m not talking like Alien, Mutant, Wizard, etc. I’m talking about a perfect human. The one who does not make mistakes. The one who always has her ISH together. Believe it or not, I am not that special, crazy, awesome, perfect human, despite the fact that I hold myself to that standard.

The other day, I was sitting at brunch with a group of my favorite people, talking to a friend who had left her keys at my house the night before. She turned to me and asked for her keys (which I was supposed to bring). I froze. I think my jaw literally dropped. My heart stopped... and then proceeded to speed up ridiculously fast. My palms got sweaty. I began apologizing incessantly. I had forgotten her keys and we were a half an hour away from my apartment. How could I have done something so stupid?! My mind started to freak out; You're a horrible friend; You literally had one thing to remember; You drove all the way out here to bring her the keys. It kept going in my head, criticizing my forgetfulness, but let’s pause for some back story…

You see, I suffer from the desire to appear perfect. I don’t necessarily want to BE perfect (because let’s be honest, that’s impossible and my bedroom will always be an explosion of chaos), but I want others to think I am as close as possible. I would blame social media but it started long before my addiction to Facebook, Instagram and Blogger. In high school, I thoroughly enjoyed being the goody two shoes, the Susie-High-School, and the student body leader. I enjoyed the challenge. My ENFJ personality type thrived on human interaction and helping others, and soon developed into the aspiration of being a role model. You might be thinking, it’s not a bad thing to want to be a good influence, and you’d be right, however, the desire to want to be a ‘perfect role model’ can be an unrealistic expectation to set upon someone, especially yourself!

My idea of perfection wasn’t in straight A’s, or in my appearance or by having a super hot boyfriend, but in the way I helped people. I wanted to be the perfect helper. So I tried to be that perfect helper. I offered to help friends move. I took care of all the girls whose hearts had been broken. I picked up the drunk party-goers from the bar at 2:30am. I gave advice to the friend-zoned guy on the bus. I offered hugs to anyone who needed them. I did these things because I genuinely wanted to help and wanted to give love to those around me. But somehow in the midst of caring for all of my surrounding humans, I felt the pressure rise and lead by example without taking care of myself. I gave help but refused to take help. I wanted to be the strong, independent woman, or human in general, that I was encouraging everyone else to be. I started holding myself to an unrealistic standard of strength and independence.

Hence my need for ‘perfection’.

Now, let’s come back to the brunch story.

As my internal insult attack streamed and my verbal apology mutterings continued, one of the guys at our table turned to me and said something that totally shook me.

"Uh oh... Your humanness is showing." The sarcasm was thick with this one, but the message was loud and clear.

The mental self-attack stopped right away. My mind clicked, almost audibly. Um hello, perspective. Newsflash sweetheart, you’re human. You’re not perfect.

Why do we do this to ourselves?! My instant reaction to belittle myself for a simple honest mistake was something familiar to me. What wasn't normal was the reality check of a simple sarcastic comment.

This little epiphany has been following me around like the little voice in the back of my head…which got me thinking… and that is always a dangerous thing.

We are humans. We forget the car keys. We say the wrong things. We accidentally cuss in front of a child. We make questionable life decisions. We make straight-up BAD life decisions. We let our humanness show. The beauty is that we are all human. Unless you’re incredibly original and off-the-wall, the majority of humans around you have made a similar mistake, if not the same exact one. Most people wouldn’t hold you to a perfect standard, so why do it to yourself?!

So in the midst of our humanness, cut yourself some slack. Shake it off cowgirl. Rub some dirt on it and move on because Hell hasn’t frozen over. The world is still turning.

Sometimes, we just need new eyes to realize that an honest mistake is not the end all be all. Mistakes happen, but you’ve got this. Keep on humaning, people. You’re doing great and don’t you forget it!

I guess I can say I'm a Runner now.

I've never liked running...

My legs are short and I'm slow. That's just how I'm built at 5' 1". I don't enjoy being out of breath and sweating is gross. (I really hate sweat, even though I work out a lot. It's so gross and stinky.) My dad, who got it from my grandpa, always says, "We're Buell's. We may be short... but we're slow!" Dad, that is NOT a good thing. And then of course they would both chuckle with how plain and ordinary our gene pool is when it comes to height and speed. That saying makes me roll my eyes WAY too far back.

I've honestly tried liking running. I've gone through multiple phases in my life where I tell myself, "This is the time... you're going to do it and you're going to like it dammit!" People always say that there is this thing called a runner's high. I had never found it. It was more like runners "die" to me. I was constantly exhausted. (And don't even get me started on how hungry I always was after running. I still wonder how runners are so dang skinny when they eat so freaking much.)

But in January, my friend Anna texted me and asked if I would want to do an 8 kilometer run with her in March. I said sure before looking up how many miles an 8k was.... IT'S FIVE MILES?! I can barely even run 2 miles!! How in the hell am I going to run 5 miles?! I started panicking. I figured the only way to keep myself accountable was to buy that darn race entry. $45 later, I was hyperventilating. Anna and I determined that if we ran four out of the five miles, we'd call it a success, so that night we drew up our race training schedules while watching the Golden Globes and started running next day.

Throughout the running, the sweating and the exhaustive breathing, I learned a heck of a lot.


Adrenaline can be your best friend.
Seriously, it's how mothers pull cars off of their babies and how Edward saves Bella in Twilight... oh wait, just kidding, that was just his cover story. But seriously, on the day of the race, I was practically giddy. No I wasn't doing the half-marathon, I was only doing five miles but those were the five miles that would become my PR of distance at this point in my life. I couldn't stop moving. Even when my knees were hurting. Even when I started feeling those blisters forming around mile 2.5 (and let me tell you, that was UNCOMFORTABLE!). I couldn't stop, because the adrenaline was helping push me to the end of that five miles.

Sometimes you need someone to challenge you.
On the days where I didn't want to run, I knew that my running partner had invited me to do this with her. She might not "need" me to run with her, but she was training. She was putting the effort in. She was in this too. I had that accountability to hold on to, even if we weren't running together every day.

You will hit setbacks.
In my case, it was getting rear-ended on my way to work. In the middle of my training schedule, I was told that I wasn't allowed to workout for 2 weeks, and then for 2 weeks after that I was limited to low impact workouts. I started panicking again. "I've only gotten to three and a half miles!! I'm going to lose all of my hard work!" (In case you hadn't figured out, I'm good at panicking...)

But in the end it's up to you.
You can choose to give up, or you can choose to keep moving. I kept walking. That was all I was allowed to do according to my doctor, so I walked. You find ways to keep moving towards your goal, even if it's slowly walking at an incline on a treadmill. You have the power to see a situation in a positive light.

You have people cheering you on. (Even strangers!)
My favorite sign of the whole day was one that said "GO STRANGER, GO!" That was one of the profound moments in the run. People wanted to see you succeed. Even if they don't know you. And sometimes you see people you do know, and they cheer you on, or you cheer them on! The point is that even though there will be haters and jerks, people love seeing success.

You don't have to have the coolest gear, but having the RIGHT gear is important.
Cuz if your stuff looks cool but gives you massive blisters, it sucks. Period.

I underestimate myself.
This is something that I learn time and time again, yet I never quite expect how it will slap me in the face. It's funny because over the last couple years, I have surprised myself so many times through resilience, strength and perseverance. I somehow made it through college with my support system living 2500 miles away. I have managed to keep almost 20 pounds off for a year. I am working toward becoming a Zumba instructor. And yesterday, for the first time, I ran five miles.... and couldn't wipe the smile off my face for the rest of the day.



Anna and I ran the whole five miles, accompanied by her dad and 8,000 other 8k runners (the irony of 8,000 runners running 8,000 meters is not lost on me...). We did it. We didn't even walk the mile that we had originally planned on walking. And guess what's the craziest part? I'm ready to find another race!

I might have run the race slowly, but I ran 5 miles, so I guess you could say I'm a Runner now. And believe it or not, I think I might continue to be a Runner.

The Whole30: Heaven and Hell

If you follow any of my social media platforms, you'll know that I did this crazy thing called the Whole30. I've posted food photos like the ultimate Instagram-Obsessed-White-Girl that I am. I've found recipes and shared them as if it was going out of style. It has been quite the incredible journey. But man was it HARD; a very, very hard incredible journey. There have been ups and downs, cravings, and weird dreams about food. Thankfully though, this Whole30 has taught me SOOO much about my food and my health, but mostly about myself.

So here's how this post is going to look... beware it's a long one. I'm going to tell you what the heck this weirdo dietary plan is, I'm going to tell you about my Whole30 Heavens and Hells, and I will tell you my overall opinion of this insanity.

Here we go...
Many of my friends have asked me a standard progression of questions in regards to the Whole30:

1) What IS the Whole30?

The Whole30 is a RESET button for your body. A button that takes 30 days to push. The program helps with balancing out your whole body by cutting out "all the psychologically unhealthy, hormone-unbalancing, gut-disrupting, inflammatory food groups for a full 30 days. Let your body heal and recover from whatever effects those foods may be causing."  (See more at: http://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/#sthash.ujsfAjfO.dpuf) The program also helps diminish cravings, helps break mental food addictions, and also helps clear up some pre-existing issues that are related to diet.

SO... What do you cut out?!

• Do not consume added sugar of any kind, real or artificial. No maple syrup, honey, agave nectar, coconut sugar, Splenda, Equal, Nutrasweet, xylitol, stevia, etc. Read your labels, because companies sneak sugar into products in ways you might not recognize.
• Do not consume alcohol in any form, not even for cooking. (And it should go without saying, but no tobacco products of any sort, either.)
• Do not eat grains. This includes (but is not limited to) wheat, rye, barley, oats, corn, rice, millet, bulgur, sorghum, amaranth, buckwheat, sprouted grains and all of those gluten-free pseudo-grains like quinoa. This also includes all the ways we add wheat, corn and rice into our foods in the form of bran, germ, starch and so on. Again, read your labels.
• Do not eat legumes. This includes beans of all kinds (black, red, pinto, navy, white, kidney, lima, fava, etc.), peas, chickpeas, lentils, and peanuts. No peanut butter, either. This also includes all forms of soy – soy sauce, miso, tofu, tempeh, edamame, and all the ways we sneak soy into foods (like lecithin).
• Do not eat dairy. This includes cow, goat or sheep’s milk products such as cream, cheese (hard or soft), kefir, yogurt (even Greek), and sour cream… with the exception of clarified butter or ghee. (See below for details.)
• Do not consume carrageenan, MSG or sulfites. If these ingredients appear in any form on the label of your processed food or beverage, it’s out for the Whole30.
• Do not try to re-create baked goods, junk foods, or treats* with “approved” ingredients. Continuing to eat your old, unhealthy foods made with Whole30 ingredients is totally missing the point, and will tank your results faster than you can say “Paleo Pop-Tarts.” Remember, these are the same foods that got you into health-trouble in the first place—and a pancake is still a pancake, regardless of the ingredients. (See more at: http://whole30.com/whole30-program-rules/#sthash.ujsfAjfO.dpuf)

2) Well, what the heck CAN you eat?!

Great question. And at times, when I peered into my fridge, seeing all of my roommate's non-compliant food, I wondered the exact same thing. Basically, it comes down to meats, veggies, eggs, fruit and healthy fats, such as nuts, fruits, oils and seeds. It sounds restrictive. It is restrictive. But it's also amazing to see the foods that you can come up with given those strict guidelines.


3) Why the heck are you doing this?!/You don't need to lose weight/You already work out a lot.

I hesitate to call it a diet, because I feel like the word diet is associated with weight loss. THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF THIS PROGRAM. Typically, a person will lose a little bit of weight while on this program because you are pretty much flushing the system of all the garbage your body has become accustomed to. I did not start this challenge to lose weight. I started this program because I DO workout 5-6 times a week. I started it because I wanted my healthy eating regimen to be a reflection of my newfound healthy gym life. It's pointless to work out like I do and then stuff my body with junk. (And guess what?! You can kind of see my abs now!)


So how was it? Honestly, it was Heaven... and it was Hell.

Because I'm sticking with the No End In Sight positivity philosophy, we'll start with the Hells and end with the Heavens.

WholeHells:
-Meal prep- I am not a good time keeper so my procrastination usually left me throwing together unplanned ingredients into something I could stomach at work the next day. My usual version of meal prep consisted of making extras at dinner so that I had enough to pack for lunch the next day. Sometimes I would forget (read: fairly frequently), so thankfully the KILLER staff of our café at work would hook me up with a great salad or an omelet if I forgot breakfast.

-Working at Freaking Dave's Killer Bread- I work at a bakery. Not only do I work at a bakery, but we are releasing new products. Not only do I work at a bakery where we are releasing new product, but practically everyone here is a baking superstar so there are ALWAYS treats. Let me tell you, over the last 30 days, I turned down carrot cake for the first time in my life. And then for the second time in my life. And then for the third time in my life. Yes... you read that right. There were three separate instances where carrot cake was served and I said no to it each time. ALL IN ONE WEEK. THAT was hard.

-Digestive stuff...- Not gonna elaborate too much on this one but that was something I was not really expecting.

-The "Kill All Things" phase-  This is the term for days 4-6 of the program, where your body is going through full-fledged, real-life withdrawals. I kid you not, our bodies are addicted to sugar and when you cannot have any additional sugar, you'll get headaches and you'll get angered easily. This wasn't fun. Those headaches were like a caffeine headache on crack. No bueno.

WholeHeavens:
-BOMB-ASS FOOD- Yeah, sorry about the language but seriously guys and gals, I ate some darn good food. Amazing spinach omelets. An apple/banana/strawberry skillet (think apple pie filling without the goo). Avocado "pesto" spaghetti squash with steak and potatoes. Are you hungry yet, cuz I definitely could keep going...

-Bye-Bye Eczema!- Yep, it's gone. Need I say more?

-Poof away the Pimples- *Disclaimer* I'm also using doTerra oils!* But the elimination of all these foods did contribute to my face clearing up.

-ENERGY!!- You all know how much I love my coffee. And anything with caffeine really. BWh30 (Before Whole30), I would usually drink a cup of coffee in the morning and then get another coffee or an energy drink before the gym or just after work in general. I haven't really felt the need to do that while on the Wh30. I have had some sleeping issues but I don't think they're related, so when I did get tired, I'd have a cup of black tea in place of coffee or a Red Bull.

-You can see my muscles!- I truly believe that my body has started burning the stored fats since it hasn't had the short-burst sugars to run off of. I feel like my cellulite has gone down (yes I have cellulite, most people do, get over it ya' diva!) and I think that my muscles look more defined! I'll be selling tickets to the gun show in the near future... (Jk... kind of... if you want to give me money for me to flex my arm, I can TOTALLY arrange that...)


So, what was the point?!

Why do something like this if you're not doing it to lose weight or whatever? Let me just tell you what I learned while doing Wh30...

I have INCREDIBLE will power.
This was a huge newsflash to me. I have NEVER been able to turn down sweets, or French fries, or breadsticks. I learned that I AM able to stick to something so strict for 30 days. They say that 21 days is a habit, but honestly I know it will take me a LOT longer to make this something that will provide lasting change.

There is added sugar in EVERYTHING.
Seriously, it was stupid, and eye opening, to see how much sugar is added into things that you would never guess... like Taco Seasoning. Look at your ingredients lists on your food. It'll blow your mind.

I ENJOY being healthy.
I put so much effort into going to the gym, into making healthy decisions and into loving myself the way I am, it just makes sense to put good quality food into my system. I do miss the junk too. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think a huge plate of pasta sounded wonderful. But I also think that some zucchini noodles or spaghetti squash with pasta sauce would be WONDERFUL. Wh30 has taught me that there are some great ways to eat delicious foods, and great flavors that can still be obtained with healthy options.

Even YOU can inspire people.
Yes, you have to say that in Smokey the Bear's voice. But in all seriousness, I had no idea that people were paying attention. I think we all forget what kind of reach we have to the people around us. I have had multiple people contact me and tell me about how they are deciding to make healthy changes in their lives, or that they want to get started exercising, or that they went for a run, because they saw one of my posts. I am BEYOND honored to have been able to inspire those around me because I am constantly inspired by those around me. You all have heard me talk about my online health group and they are always posting about their struggles, their wins, and their inspiration. It's truly incredible, guys. You all are encouraging this process for me, for your friends, for your neighbors, even for strangers.


NOW WHAT?!

The 30 days are all done on Sunday! Everyone keeps asking me, "What are you going to have? What will you eat?! Are you going to keep eating like that?" and here is my basic response...

I'm going to have a PB&J sandwich. Why? Because it has sounded good EVERY SINGLE DAY. Also because I look at a sign that says "Rock your PBJ" so I think the company is brainwashing me... and it's working. It's going to be magnificent. However, my first day off of Wh30 is Super Bowl Sunday... I'll have to be careful so it does not become Super Bowel Sunday... (See what I did there?)

They warn you about getting off of Wh30, because your body isn't used to processing those foods any more. It's very easy to get sick on your first couple days back when it comes to reintegrating things. My plan is to go mostly Paleo after having a few snacks that have been banned for a while. (However, I do plan on keeping eggs and coffee in my diet).


Basically, this was hard. It's never going to be easy when it comes to being healthy because, unfortunately, we live in a world where cheap and convenient rule. Thankfully, by doing the Wh30, I learned so much about good nutrition, healthy relationships with food, and overall health. It is so worth the extra effort and I can't wait to see what some of these new changes do over a longer period of time.

Like they say in the book that inspired the Wh30, It Starts With Food...

So... Start.

Thankful for Crap.

It's that time of year.

You see an insane amount of Facebook posts, tweets and instagrams starting with, "I'm thankful for..." or "Day 17 of Thanksgiving" or "Thank you all for _____. #blessed." I am 100% guilty of this, and despite the fact that I didn't do my 'X-amount of Thankful days', I have so much to be thankful for this year.

See, it's easy to list off all the good stuff that I'm thankful for, and the people that have blessed me this year. It's easy to throw out the classics like Family, Friends, a stable job, and the list of cliches that goes on and on.

What we oftentimes forget to appreciate is the Crap that happens in the year. The stuff that makes us really pull our hair out and maybe even cry a little bit. At No End In Sight, we like to spin "The Bad" and see it through a different lens, turning it into "The Good", so that's exactly what I'm going to do.


I'm thankful for:

Having a job that completely BROKE me.
For those of you who are new to No End In Sight, you might not know that I started this blog as a way to keep myself positive in the midst of a perpetually destructive work environment. I had never been treated so poorly in my life. Sure I had the occasional crazy boss, but this workplace was ROUGH! Like, multiple breakdowns crying at my desk. I was ridiculed, degraded, and made to believe that I was stupid on a regular basis. After 2 months, I was already looking for a new job because I was literally depressed from my work. However, I am SO thankful for this job because it led me to a job that I ADORE! Sure, I don't want to wake up in the morning because I love to sleep, but I have never NOT wanted to come to work. I work with people who build me up, who value me and my opinions, who are passionate about their job, and who are literally changing the world. Without that crappy, miserable, destructive job, I would not have found this place that brings me such joy and accomplishment.

Getting my heart broken.
Obviously, this has been a big topic on the blog over the last few months. There is no easy way to handle a breakup, especially when infidelity is involved. However, I am SO thankful for this heartbreak becuase it showed me that I can love deeply, lose it, and come out as a stronger person. For the first time in months, I am genuinely, not-faking-it, happy. I am doing more with my life and meeting new people. I'm exploring. I'm relaxing. I'm building myself up in ways that I didn't think were possible three months ago. Yep, I got hurt. Yep, I got cheated on. Yep, I am the bigger person and I know that my life took a much more positive turn on that Monday afternoon when I got dumped via text at work. Despite that, I win. I'm strong and I win!

Losing some friends.
Losing friends is inevitable. It's crappy, but it's a fact of life. Some friends will stick around for a little while, and some friends will stick around for life. And some won't stick around, period. However, I am SO thankful for this loss of friendship because it reinforces the relationships that are still around, making them stronger than ever. Friendship is the force that has gotten me through this year of difficulty, and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

Experiencing financial hardship.
There is nothing more stressful that money. It is hands-down the most difficult aspect of life. I hate the feeling of putting $4.89 in your gas tank and hoping it lasts you til payday. If you've never been there, I salute you. There were a couple of times this year where I could not make it. I had to ask for help, which to me, was failure. I was ashamed and embarrassed to need help, but it was necessary. However, I am SO thankful that struggled with money because through the kindness of loved ones, I was able to get back on my feet. I was able to make ends meet and appreciate the support I had, and will always have, behind me.

Moving. Twice.
Moving is a real bitch. Sorry for the language but it really is. Not only does moving suck, but it's also really, stupidly expensive. You have to pay for the new deposit, you have to pay for the gas of a bajillion trips to and from your new place, and you have to purchase the things that your new place needs. The amount of times I have moved in the last couple years is ridiculous. However, I am SO thankful for moving because I am safe with a roof over my head, in apartment that I LOVE and a roommate I ADORE. The shuffling of stuff is always annoying but hopefully we'll be in this place for a while because I love it.

Realizing my health sucked.
I know I've gone over this a few times lately, but I realized around March that my body was yet another thing bringing me over the edge of the cliff of depression. I was out of shape. I was weak. I was chubby. I was not happy with how I looked, felt or acted in regards to health. I was drinking consistently (not large quanitities, but frequently), eating junk food regularly and the only exercise I got was through walking up the stairs to my apartment, which left me totally winded by the time I got to the third floor. However, I am SO thankful that I was hitting rock bottom with my health because I knew something had to change. Thankfully, I had a positive influence in my life at the time regarding fitness, so I was able to make the necessary decisions to get mysef healthier. Now, 8 months later, I have lost 15 pounds and can actually walk up the stairs without losing my breath. I'm heading to California for Thanksgiving and cannot wait to play with my "nephew" without wanting to double over in loss of breath.


This was probably the hardest year of my life. I take that back. This WAS the hardest year of my life. But 2014 is the year of positive thoughts. I don't think I would have been able to make it through without that mantra, because even when I was struggling to get out of bed because the world was a big fat meany, I knew that good things happen and with a positive outlook, anything is possible. (Cue corny uplifting music!)

So even though this year was hard, and there were many "piles of crap," I am thankful. Thankful that I faced hardship with a smile on my face. Thankful that I  made it through to the other side of those hardships. Thankful for the support behind me.

I guess you could say I was pretty #blessed.

I'd love to take the easy way out, but unfortunately I'm an addict.

You know those days that you want to sick on the couch and veg? Well, I've been having a lot of those lately. The reasons vary but the outcome feels the same. I get home from work, sit my booty on the couch and I mope. Sometimes, I grab a blanket and nap for a bit; sometimes, I click on Netflix; sometimes, I just sit there and think (which is EXTREMELY dangerous). Most days, I have about a 40 minute window in this vegetable stage before it sinks in too deeply and all of my productivity is gone.

Thankfully, I've found something that keeps me from hitting the dreary, Oregonian comastose state: The Gym.

If you've been keeping up with my blog, you might know my background when it comes to my body image stuff. I had always considered myself athletic. Sure, I didn't work out frequently in college, but I played sports growing up and I wasn't some weak, little flower that couldn't carry my own boxes while moving (which I did frequently). In reality, I was kidding myself. I was NOT athletic, I was lazy and in denial. I needed a jolt to get me back to my actual athletic self.

Fast forward to Spring of 2014. At the time, I had a boyfriend who enjoyed working out more than anything else in the world, and he taught me a TON about taking care of myself. He never pressured me to change how I looked but I would be lying if I said that my inital workout kick didn't have anything to do with his self-proclaimed passion. He looked like a statue of a greek god and let's just say that I was a little softer than marble. He had no issue with my bodily composition but I did.  When you're surrounded by a buff-macho-man influence, you become even more aware of the fact that you're the girl who didn't quality as skinny but wasn't fat either. As one of my friends recently pointed out, I wasn't fat, I was thick. BUT I ALWAYS FELT FAT. I have had body image issues for a very long time and for the first few months, I was ready to give up every single day. As I've talked about in prior posts, I had tried to lose weight in very unhealthy ways in the past. In my post Learning to Love this Rockin' Bod, I wrote,

I was always so angry that I let my weight determine my self worth, so I started thinking about how I can make the positive changes in my life to not only get healthier physically, but to also get happier with my body from the mental perspective. Throughout this discovery, I still have LOTS of days where I feel defeated. I get really down on myself because, like I said, I'm used to the instant results of unhealthy weight loss. On those days, I make myself find at least two things in the mirror that I like/see improvement. As silly as that sounds, it gets me back to remembering that I am getting stronger.

I'd have to drag myself to the gym, but I knew I was making a good change. I'd literally be whining to myself, shoes on, dressed and laying on the floor, saying, "I don't wannnnaaaaa!" But the little diva voice in my head said, "Actually Bitch, you do!"

Then, after a few months of not seeing any changes, of half-assing it at the gym, of hating the commitment it took, I saw a little change in the mirror. "Hey, is that a muscle?! Oh my gosh, I think I see a muscle!!" Sure it still had a thick layer of fat over the top, but my flicker of hope turned to a little tiny flame. I started wanting to go to the gym, you know why? Because I was starting to get stronger.

Fast forward even farther, the gym was my therapy in a time where all I wanted to do was mope. I cried on the treadmill. I grunted through the free weights. I got angry on the Lat Pull. And most importantly, I laughed in Zumba. I found out that the endorphins I released in my workouts not only distracted me from my moping, but it truly helped me be a happier person during one of the saddest times of my life. It pushed me to a new level of fitness, too. I have now become the gym junkie who feels so guilty when skipping the gym. I go 4-6 days a week instead of 2-3. I get teased at work for having Zumba on one day, spin on another, yoga on Sundays and weights thrown in there when I'm feeling up to it. It's the best thing that could ever warrant mockery.

I also realized that fitness is benefitting EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE. I've made friends in my exercise classes. I want to fuel my body with good food. I want to build my muscle. I want to challenge myself with a Tough Mudder (coming in June thanks to a kick-ass group of people from an online fitness community I was introduced to after writing my first body-conscious post). I've gained a confidence I've never had in regards to my physical appearance, and I am SO MUCH MORE LOVING TO MY BODY. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle with loving myself on occasion (not in that way dirty birds!), but in the long run, I remind myself of how far I've come and it fills me with a sense of pride that I'm still getting used to. I have so many more goals to fulfil.

When I started this journey in March, I could have gone back to the old way of doing things. The easy way. The unhealthy way. But this time I didn't. I pushed myself. I continue to push myself. And I'm not done pushing myself. Hopefully, I never will be.

Because now I'm addicted... and I don't want to go to rehab.

I am Obsessed.

Being confident is a very hard thing to do.

 

We're  told that confidence is sexy. Confidence is powerful. Confidence gets you places in life.

 

But confidence is really freaking hard, and I'm an extrovert, so that's saying something.

 

We live in a world that is constantly telling you that you're not good enough. It's a world that compares you to everyone else. It's a world with the God-awful tool called photoshop. It compares what you're doing in life to what other people are doing in theirs. We've even come up with an acronym for comparing what we're doing in life to what those those around us are doing: FOMO, or the Fear Of Missing Out. Social media is a huge part of this (one that I take part in every day). You can put a filter on a photo, edit a video, or tag your location so that everyone else knows where you are. It emphasizes how well others are doing, how great someone looks, how successful others are, and if it's the opposite end of the spectrum, it's either pitiful or pathetic.

 

When we're surrounded by so much comparison, I oftentimes feel like what I'm doing isn't ENOUGH. I'm not making enough money to go on really cool trips around the world. I'm not successful enough to be working as a big-timer in a high-power company. I'm not skinny enough to rock that outfit.

 

It always frustrates me when I don't feel good enough, because darnit, I'm doing great things with my life, but there are many instances where I let our world get into my head and I compare myself to people and situations that are so different than mine. We're obsessed with comparisons.

The thing is that we make these comparisons with our eyes closed. We don't know the whole story.

 

Yeah, that girl is skinny enough to pull off those high wasited pants but shes also 8 inches taller than me and has curves in places that I don't. What I don't know is that she also works her butt off at the gym for 2 hours a day and weighs ten pounds more than I do. We'll never look good in the same clothes because we are built differently. Sure, that person goes on trips all over the world, REGULARLY. What I don't know is that she has been saving up for years and her sister-in-law works for a travel agency so she gets the hookup.

 

But this is where I want to change the perspective. I think we shoud start comparing ourselves to someone else...OURSELVES! Start looking at how far you've come in situations and making comparisons by how much growth you have seen. Become obsessed with loving yourself and acknowledging yourself instead of obsessing over others.

 

I found this photo today and it really sunk in...

 

I'm going to challenge you to stop comparing yourself to anyone else. And let me warn you, this is going to be hard. We've been conditioned to make comparisons for our whole lives so this is going to be a game changer.

It's time to love ourselves. Stop looking at your stretchmarks, your acne scars and your love handles. I love when people embrace their unique features. Like for me, I have a scar on my stomach from second grade when I had my appendix removed. I used to get really annoyed with my scar because it made my stomach look like I had an extra roll of fat. I'd make sure that any photos that included my tummy were on the other side. But you know what? Now I am embracing my scar! Since I've gotten on my health kick (working out and making smart food choices), that scar makes me look like I've got a bit more abdominal definition. I'm LOVING that scar.

It's time to turn our perspective. Get comfortable in that skin. It's doing a great job of holding all your organs in. Embrace it baby, cuz you are more than enough. You're a rockstar! We need to become proud of ourselves without being boastful. We can find strength in our own successes. It's time to become Obsessed. Obessed with loving ourselves.

TRUE LIFE: My Stupid Facebook Addiction

So, I did something stupid. I committed to two weeks without Facebook.

Ever since I got a Facebook my senior year of high school, I am a constant updater, liker, sharer, poster, commenter and everything else Facebook-y. I love it because I stay connected with my family in OH. I learn about current events (or at least the ones that millenials care about, like Beyonce's VMA performance or the death of Robin Williams). I see my friends' kids grow up even when I can't be a constant presence in their lives.


HOWEVER-

I realized recently how dependent I am on a stupid social networking website. I checked it every five minutes, or more. At every stoplight. In between reps at the gym. While I was watching TV. Right when I woke up. The HOUR before I went to sleep. Not until I did a little unexpected life-audit did I realize how frequently I was on FB. Sure, my friends made fun of me for being on it so much but isn't everyone?!

That's when the challenge came to mind: I was going to do a 2 week Facebook cleanse. I had one of my most trustworthy friends log onto my FB and change my password for me. Yes, I could always push the "Forgot my Password" button, but that's cheating and I am NOT a cheater. Especially when my friend is holding me accountable. Heck, I gave it up for Lent in the past and 14 days is a piece of cake compared to 40 right?

Right. And wrong.

It's been good to stay away from FB, especially in a time where I'm feeling slightly alone. Facebook is the ultimate demise for FOMO sufferers like myself (for all of you non-millenials out there, FOMO is an abbreviation for
I gave up Facebook for Lent three years ago. I did NOT realize how much of my life was tied to the site until this weekend, my first FB-free days in quite some time. My Spotify account is linked to it. My coupon apps are linked to it. My Pinterest is linked to it. My Instagram is linked to it. My Bible App is linked to it. My life is tied to Facebook.

So, what good is this little cleanse doing for me after three days?!
Other than me not getting my normal savings at Target and the likes, I am already seeing a difference!

Yes, I'm guilty of filling some of my previously-allocated FB time to Instagram and my Horoscope, but I have already noticed that when I'm watching TV, I'm actually watching the program. At work, I have found other things to fill that "empty" time (Watch TEDtalks. They're magical!). When I am hanging out with friends, I am not constantly on my phone. Yes, I am still texting. I still send stupidly ugly-faced Snapchats. I still play games and look up music videos. Despite my still-technically-infused life, I am not as distracted by Facebook throughout my day.

Facebook is great, and I miss it (yep, that sounds super pathetic as I type it) but I have realized that a balance needs to be created in my life so that I am not as relient on a cyberworld of connection.

ON THE DOWN SIDE. None of you are going to see this for another week and a half! That's okay though, it'll help me see how many of these views are from a constant readership ;)

CHALLENGE RESULTS: 25 before 25

HOLY MOLEY! I cannot believe it has been more than two weeks since my last blog. I am SO sorry and so humbled that a bunch of you asked when the next post would be showing up. It's crazy that I was still getting views even without new content.

YOU ARE ALL ROCKSTARS.

I am working on the perfect update to fill you all in on my ever-crazy life but I figured it was time to reveal the finalists of MY 25 BEFORE 25!!

There were some seriously awesome ideas. You are a very inspiring group of people, you know that?! I would like to add (most) of these to my life-long bucket list, but unfortunately, I do not have time to do them all in the next 22 months. So here I am, trying to whittle it down to only 5 additions to my list of 20 predetermined ideas, and let me tell you... IT'S HARD!

But here it is: The Official List!

MY 25 BEFORE 25!!!
1. Complete a mud run.
2. Get my Concealed Carry license.
3. Check off another state in my list of places I have traveled. (So far I'm at 41)
4. Regularly maintain my blog for at least a year.
5. Go on a mission trip.
6. Attend a professional sporting event.
7. Donate more than $100 dollars to a worthy charity.
8. Visit my grandma in Arizona.
9. Keep a plant alive in my house or on my balcony :)
10. Get my Zumba Instructor Certification.
11. Camp on the beach.
12. Have two months salary saved in my savings account.
13. Go snow camping.
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Pay for a strangers coffee.
16. Go fishing with my dad.
17. Make a time capsule to open in 15 years.
18. Pretend I'm really rich and test drive a sports car.
19. Attend an all-weekend music festival.
20. Go on a 10+ mile hike.

Drum roll please.....
21. Take a class, just for fun... I'm deciding on a cooking class!- Alex Savory
22. Sell a piece of my own artwork. - Sabrina Bartell
23. Choose a Pinterest project to do each month. - Kelly Meyer
24. Cook my way through a whole cookbook- Danielle VanBuskirk (and baby Matthew)
25. Play "Messy Twister." (Don't know what that is?! Look at the link here!)- Milan Laurent


It's crazy to think that in just under two short years, these fun tasks are going to get checked off!

Here's the part where I invite you to join me on this list!!!
Want to do one of these activities with me? Or even on your own? Let's do it. When you complete one of these activities, send me a photo! That's how I'll be documenting the adventure of MY 25 BEFORE 25 (and yes, that's going to be capitalized everytime).

Let's do it YO!

There were so many awesome entries! Thank you to all who contributed fantastic ideas! Here were some of the honorable mentions:

• Own Property
• Learn a language
• Get 8 hours of sleep every night
• Do a mini-triathalon
• Make a photobook on Shutterfly
• Rooftop Party
• Read the whole bible
• Play Messy Twister
• Take a long roadtrip with friends
• X amount of hours of volunteer work
• Go Wheelin with Jake (my cousin)
• Finish our brewery tours
• Enter a Country Western Dance Competition
• Sketch or paint a work of art and enter it in a competition, like the County Fair or a local Juried Art Show
• Plan and produce a national convention.
• Make a another trip to visit your Grandma in Arizona (Bet you guys can guess who suggested this one ;) Love you Gram Gram!)

Thanks again guys for checking back with No End In Sight. Now, more than ever, do I believe that positivity makes a difference.

Keep on keepin' on my friends. XOXO.

What I learned from a job I HATED.

Today is a really great day. It's cold and rainy outside despite it being June 27th, but it's a great freakin' day.

"Why, Sarah?! Why is today a great freakin' day?!"

Today is the last day working a job I truly dreaded every single morning when I left for work. It has been quite the task, trying to stay optimistic and learn from a job that I had initially expected so much from. When people asked me what I was learning in this position, it was hard for me to come up with a valid answer. I didn't really learn much about the industry. I didn't really learn any new skills. I didn't really learn the key to my eternal happiness... Well, that escalated quickly...

However, this morning when I sat down at my desk, I had a few things come to mind. It was like popcorn going off inside my brain, "Oh you learned this and this and this...."

What had I learned from a job that I hated?

That I am adaptable. To an extent.
It constantly amazes me that we as humans are able to adapt and change depending on our surroundings. My jobs in college were exciting, loud, inventive and full of life, but I adapted into a cubicle with little noise and lots of whispering. That wasn't as bad as it sounds. I also was able to adapt what little technology I had access to in order to make the projects successful, like creating graphs and diagrams in Paint. Yes, I said Paint, like the program you used to color on your parents computer when you were little. I also learned that our generation is much more adaptable to change. We're used to constantly learning new technological programs and we've been raised around constantly changing economics. We know that things happen quickly and that you have to keep up so you don't get left behind.

To stand up for myself.
I kind of HAD to learn this one. I was being emotionally trampled and manipulated. All it took was one coworker to come up and ask if I was okay (after about two months with the company) before I broke down into an ugly girl cry at the reception desk. I didn't realize how badly the negative workplace atmosphere was effecting my self-worth. At that point, my bawling made a scene (or at least it felt like it did), so the issues I was upset about finally made it to the front lines. I was brutally honest when talking with my supervisor about the things that bugged me and a few things actually changed. Finally, being forced to stand up for yours truly caused an increase in my self-confidence.

When to let things go.
I learned very quickly to choose my battles. It was the A-team against me on a few of my early issues with my supervisors. I realized that many times, my tasks were taken from me (not because I couldn't handle them) and I had to choose which ones to fight to retain.

How to work with the most unintelligent human on the planet.
Yep, I found this person. You can spell things out so that a fourth grader could do it but this person will still have questions. Working with such a difficult individual has not only given me a bajillion more grey hairs, but this person has helped me learn to hold my tongue. Many times, I let little sarcastic comments fly but I tried very hard to learn how to be graceful in the face of frustration.

That I have been very blessed with amazing coworkers and supervisors in my past.
Wowza, this one is so true. I have always known how big of a blessing my former coworkers and bosses have been, but this job made it even more obvious. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed the company of a handful of my cowrokers here but nothing like the camaraderie that I've seen elsewhere (SHOUT OUT TO J-Stop and MUPC). Also to the crazy awesome bosses in my past work experiences... I am who I am and I have the incredibly high work-place standards that I have because of the communities you created. Erin and Linda, I'm talking to you two ladies in particular :)

That I am a creative worker.
This position left absolutely no room for creativity. I don't mind routine and I don't mind data. But when you have nothing to do and very little creative freedom in the tasks you're actually assigned, you start missing that creation and independence.

That boredom is NOT my friend.
I LOVE being busy. Not in a "Holy crap I need to stay until midnight and work every night" kind of way, but in a "I constantly have something to do" kind of way. When you have 2 hours total of work in an 8 hour work day, you learn a whole new type of boredom and let me just tell you, it's absolutely exhausting. I'm looking forward to projects and tasks.

And last but certainly not least.
I learned that I LOVE blogging.
It's funny and completely unrelated to my job, but I think that this blog is my biggest take away from this whole experience. I had tried blogging in the past but hadn't found a real purpose behind my writing. NOW, I have found an edge, an excitement and an outlet to discuss what we're going through in our early twenties. I may not be a Carrie Bradshaw, but I have truly enjoyed the conversations that have sprung up through the course of the last two months. I've had mature conversations with friends about the issues in their lives. I've learned about the things to which people truly need support. I've gotten texts and emails saying that the things we're talking about here completely relate to what they're going through in life and that it's been nice to know that we're in it together. This blog has been a huge reason why I feel like my life has taken a more positive path and it comes from the conversations I've had around these topics.


Because of you readers, I have pushed myself toward a more positive outlook and in the last year, that hasn't been easy. In the last 12 months, I have graduated college, sifted through 4 jobs, moved twice (three times if you count my move in the next two weeks), thought I fell in love, then ACTUALLY fell in love, lost -and gained- friendships, fought depression, and made it out alive. Man, the last year has been a doosie. But with a positive outlook, I really believe that there is no end to this progress in sight.

Cheers to the next phase, my dears.

CHALLENGE TIME: 20 before 25

I've been lacking blog-spiration in the last week and a half.

I thought about writing a post about how to quit your job, since I did that last week (YAYYY! I got a new job, but that will be a post for after I officially start!) but realized that's a really dicey subject and I'm trying to focus on positivity in the 'No End in Sight' realm. Not saying that it's impossible to stay positive when quitting, but it's also something that could very easily take a turn that I wasn't anticipating.

I thought about writing on how to stay in touch with friends through a long distance, but had a hard time finding the right angle.

I wanted to write about how bad-ass it is that the World Cup is happening right now.

But then it happened... Today, while perusing the interwebs, I stumbled upon gold.

As I was randomly googling the phrase twenty-something, (because who doesn't do that?!) I came across a blogger out in Florida (Click Here to check her out!) who had put together a list of 20 Things to do before she turned 25. After looking at her list and thinking about what goals I have in my life, I started putting together my own list, but with a twist.

HERE'S THE TWIST...

I am going to come up with a list of my 20 Before 25 (in no particular order) and then, based on recommendations from all of YOU, I will add 5 things onto the list. Don't even bother suggesting Skydiving and Bungee Jumping for consideration, because that WILL NOT HAPPEN. However, I am excited to see the ideas you throw my way.

So, ladies and gents... here it is!

MY 25 BEFORE 25:
1. Complete a mud run.
2. Get my Concealed Carry license.
3. Check off another state in my list of places I have traveled. (So far I'm at 41)
4. Regularly maintain my blog for at least a year.
5. Go on a mission trip.
6. Attend a professional sporting event.
7. Donate more than $100 dollars to a worthy charity.
8. Visit my grandma in Arizona.
9. Keep a plant alive in my house or on my balcony :)
10. Get my Zumba Instructor Certification.
11. Camp on the beach.
12. Have two months salary saved in my savings account.
13. Go snow camping.
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Pay for a strangers coffee.
16. Go fishing with my dad.
17. Make a time capsule to open in 15 years.
18. Pretend I'm really rich and test drive a sports car.
19. Attend an all-weekend music festival.
20. Go on a 10+ mile hike.
21. ?
22. ?
23. ?
24. ?
25. ?


Okay, there it is! Now it's time to send me your ideas! Keep in mind, I don't have a whole lot of expendable income, so most of these things can't get too crazy when it comes to cash required.

To make a suggestion, you can Facebook me, Email me, or leave the suggestion in the comment section of this post! Once I get a good amount of suggestions, I'll go through and pick out the winners to be added onto the list. When the top 5 are decided, I will reveal them on another post (and might throw out some honorable mentions too :) )!

Get creative people! You all continue to inspire me with the amazing things you're doing in your lives and I can't wait to have you be a part of this fun new challenge for myself. LET THE SUGGESTIONS BEGIN!