One month left!! 25 Before 25

For those of you that have been with No End In Sight for a while, you might remember that I'm all about the bucket lists, so I made my own list of 25 things to do before I turn 25. In July of 2014, I decided to get started on this list and I have made GREAT progress. While there are a couple things that I logistically didn't work in, I think that by my birthday on May 23, 2016, I think that I'll complete at least 20/25 things BEFORE my birthday. Those last five are set to be scheduled during my 25th year of life!

Anyone want to do any of these with me?!

MY 25 BEFORE 25!!!
1. Complete a mud run. (Completed May 2015) 
2. Get my Concealed Carry license. (May 21, 2016) 
3. Check off another state in my list of places I have traveled.
4. Regularly maintain my blog for at least a year. (Almost two years strong!!) 
5. Go on a mission trip/prayer tour. 
6. Attend a professional sporting event. (Go Blazers and Mariners!)
7. Donate more than $100 dollars to a worthy charity.
8. Visit my grandma in Arizona.
9. Keep a plant alive in my house or on my balcony :) (STILL GOING!)
10. Get my Zumba Instructor Certification. (February 2015) 
11. Camp on the beach. (Will be camping 2 blocks off the beach since it's illegal to camp directly on the beach in Oregon.) 
12. Have two months salary saved in my savings account. (September 2015) 
13. Go snow camping. (TBD in 2016)
14. Ride in a hot air balloon. (No idea how this will happen.... anyone have connections?!)
15. Pay for a strangers coffee.
16. Go fishing with my dad. (TBD in 2016)
17. Make a time capsule to open in 15 years.
18. Test drive a sports car. 
19. Attend an all-weekend music festival.
20. Go on a 10+ mile hike. (May 14, 2016)

And the Extra Five...
21. Take a class, just for fun... I'm deciding on a cooking class!- Alex Savory (Changing it to a sewing class!) 
22. Sell a piece of my own artwork. - Sabrina Bartell
23. Choose a Pinterest project to do each month. - Kelly Meyer (I will try to hit a total of ten between December 2015-May 2016) 
24. Cook my way through a whole cookbook- Danielle Van Buskirk (and baby Matthew) (TBD in 2016)
25. Play "Messy Twister." (Don't know what that is?! Look at the link here!)- Milan Laurent (Spring 2016) 

Three reasons why I think that God rides a motorcycle.

I'm pretty sure that God rides a motorcycle.

This weekend, I accompanied a friend of mine on a 4-hour motorcycle ride through the beautiful Cascade Mountain Range. If you have never been on a motorcycle before, it's hard to describe the rush of adrenaline that kicks in when you hear the rumble of the motor kicking up. My heart instantly started beating faster with the anticipation of the wind surrounding me. As the passenger,  I climbed awkwardly onto the little back seat and we left the house. I was like a little kid going to Disneyland. My smile was smooshed by the tightness of the helmet, but it was ear to ear nonetheless.

We headed toward our destination, zipping -very responsibly, might I add- through traffic, finally hitting Highway 22 which winds through the Oregon countryside. As I held on (probably too tightly), I was immediately overwhelmed with peace. Despite the fact that we were going sixty miles per hour with nothing but a padded jacket and a helmet separating me from the asphalt, I was washed with a serene calmness. Alone with my thoughts, I realized that God probably rides a motorcycle, inviting us to be the passenger on a windy, but scenic, drive.

1) It can be kind of uncomfortable at first, but you get the hang of it.
It's hard to understand the feeling of a motorcycle until you hop on. The driver can give you all the necessary instructions on how to lean, where to sit, how to hold on, but until you actually make the commitment of saddling up, it's kind of a foreign concept. You hop on the bike and once it starts going, you can't just jump off. This is how I felt when learning about my faith. I had put on my helmet; I was sitting on the back seat, waiting for the Lord to lift the kickstand and take off; I was uncomfortably committed, holding on tightly, not knowing what to expect. But once you start going, it gets easier, more normal, and more comfortable. You learn how to hold on, how to listen for the rhythms of the driver shifting gears, how to sit relatively comfortably on the not-so-comfortable seat. You get the hang of it, but it doesn't come easily immediately.

2) You aren't driving, yet you have the power to crash the bike.
The first and MOST IMPORTANT lesson when getting on the back of the bike is to lean with the driver. In order for the physics of the bike to work, you have to lean where the driver leans. If you do not move with the driver, you have the power to cause a crash. God has a plan for us and He's leaning into His curves, His route, His calculated path, but unfortunately, we have the power to lean away and to crash the bike based on our stupid human decisions. After making it to our destination, my friend and I went to grab some dinner before meeting up with our larger group of friends. We pulled into a parking spot and as I went to get off the bike, my foot got caught. We almost toppled over, but thankfully my ah-mazing driver had solid footing and kept us upright despite my clumsiness. Our Heavenly driver can hold us up too when we falter.

3) You're able to view the world from a whole new perspective.
I have driven Highway 22 countless times, but never had I realized how turquoise the water is in the Santiam River. Never had I realized where the temperature outside changes as you drive into the pass. Never had I realized how easily you could spot bigfoot... Okay maybe I'm kidding on the bigfoot thing, but the point is that without the hindrance of the car walls and windows, I was able to view the beauty surrounding me in a completely different way. When was the last time that you took a second to see things from a new perspective? To take some uninterrupted time to view the beauty the He has created? When God rides his motorcycle with us as His passenger, we don't focus on the road, but on what we can see while He drives.


So yes, I think God rides a motorcycle and He's constantly inviting us to go on a beautifully scenic and awe-inspiring cruise with Him. It takes trust, and practice and courage, but the view is SO worth it.

Grab your helmet and hop on.

When you ask "What's next?"

"What's Next?"

You whisper under you breath.
Knowing that you would be the only one to hear those two little words.
When you get to a point of exasperated questioning.
You just don't know.
How do I fit?
Where is my path?
You inhale, with the weight of the future on your chest.
You exhale all the stress that led up to it.
It sinks in that you don't know.
You just don't know.
And in that moment, the fear of the unknown cripples you.
Your always-planned-out life is so far from where you thought it would be.
Not in a bad way, just not where you expected.
But you mutter those little words into the sky.

"What's Next?"

The chaos is palpable.
Thoughts bounce from one realm to the next.
You asked it into the unknown.
The words leave your lips and fear starts to bubble.
The anxiety hits.
'I don't know what's next,' you think to yourself.
But then you feel it.
You feel the calm of knowing that you are taken care of.
The peace of not knowing, and being okay with that.
With closed eyes.
Hands open to receive whatever is meant to come your way.
Whatever your higher power, the universe, or the winds of change move into your life.
You are ready to accept it.
Because you asked that little powerful question.

"What's Next?"

The fear is still there. The questions haven't disappeared.
But you know.
Next is unknown.
Next is malleable.
You know that in the moments of uncertainty, Next will show it's face.
It will open it's arms and embrace your discomfort.
It will give you safe refuge.
It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.
You realize that giving yourself up so wholly to the universe creates a vulnerability that you have never known.
A vulnerability that is equally terrifying and empowering.

"What's Next?"

Despite the fear, there is comfort.
Comfort in knowing that your open stance will bring to fruition an adventure like none you have ever experienced.
You breathe again.
Deeper.
Stronger.
More powerful.
The crippling fear turns into an elixir of excitement.
You savor the sweet buzz of what could be.
All because you had the courage to ask yourself.

"What's Next?"

Why my Roommate is the best thing that happened to me in 2015

Let me just start off saying that I have had a LOT of roommates. Seven to be exact. Girls are hard to live with, myself included. It's even harder to be friends with your roommate. When the dishes pile up, you get annoyed, and the last thing you want to do is be besties with the perpetrator.

But when you find a good roommate, you know. When you find a great roommate, people will start questioning your sexuality, and you don't even care because you can't imagine doing stuff without your platonic other half. 

With that bond comes a great year of memories and many reasons why my roommate was the best thing that happened to me in 2015:

The bat-shit-crazy stuff she says.

If I had a dollar for every time I laughed at something crazy my roommate said, I would be a gazillionaire. Whether she's trying to cheer me up, annoy me, or just having a conversation, my roommate says some of the craziest stuff I've ever heard. Some of my faves...
"Awkward... the romantic music is coming on and I'm over here like I just want another hot dog."

"Can you listen to me in the eyes please?"

"Peace out butter scout."

"If I would have stayed home tonight, I just would have eaten jalapeno dip. What?! At least I'm honest..."

Sending the same guys the same questions on our dating apps.

Sitting next to each other swiping guys left and right. I turn to my roomie and ask if this guy is cute, "Oh I totally just matched with him... Let's send the same message to him and see if he notices..." Hysterical laughter ensues.

Sharing a closet.

AKA Me stealing her clothes. Thanks boo for keeping me stylish.

Drunkenly stumbling into her bed because I want to hang out.

Obviously the best and most crucial time to hang out is at 2:30am when our Uber driver drops us back at home. Sure, you might be sleeping, but who cares?! It's hang out time!! And don't lie, you love it. Or at least your snapchats followers do because let's be honest, I'm hilarious.

Debating what to say to the guys we're texting.

"No don't say that, it's too forward." "Oh, Oh, say this..." "Ew, don't text him back."

It's nice to have that sounding board.

Crying together.

Well, mostly, me crying. Because you're kind of heartless sometimes. But you are always there to listen to my dramatic sobs, and I appreciate that a LOT. And you know I always have your back when you break down and let those tears sneak out.

Ridiculous Youtube videos.

... That we watch from separate rooms in our apartment. And then hear the other person laughing, so we run into the room and watch it again. Laughter ensues even harder.

Wrestling with life decisions.

To go back to your ex or not to go back to your ex. (Don't go back, obviously....) To switch jobs or not? To chop off your hair or not? To go to the gym or not? I love that we can always have these conversations, even if we judge the crap out of each other for the outcome. I'll only judge you for a little bit. (Cough, your ex, cough.) It's just because we love each other. 

Literally wrestling.

Yeah, it happens every once in a while. 

The Snapchats. 

Documenting our crazy lives is one of the funniest and most accurate things about our friendship. From throwing gummy bears at me at the grocery store, to trying to catch popcorn and cookies in our mouths from across the room, to taking apple cider vinegar shots, to drunk ramblings; Our snapchat friends are able to see little bits of the chaos we create.

The CAR-aoke sessions.

"Hello.... It's Me.... I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet." We belt that ish at the top of our lungs. We get really into these songs. We dance, and almost run off the road with our dance moves. We lose our voices. All for the sake of a good car-karaoke (or CAR-aoke) sesh and it's always a blast.

Having you become my best friend.

The longer we live together, the crazier our adventures get. The more awesome inside jokes we rack up. The more stupid quotes. The crazier near death experiences we have while you are driving. I have never been besties AND good roommates with anyone and I am so thankful to share our crazy little Portland adventure together. 

I may have been single for 2015, but I had my roommate, and that might even be better.

Follow our adventures on Instagram #emmieandsarahlove or #myroomieismybestie

I went home alone.

Last night, I left the bar alone.

I said goodnight to my friends and left the bar by myself.

Last night, I went out with a group of friends from college; both men and women, ZERO couples. Do you know how rare that is in a group of 20-somethings? And here's the kicker. There were zero couples AND no one was sleeping together. It was amazing. It was a group of friends going out to have a good time, and dammit, we had a good freakin' time. BUT, I swear it was single's awareness night because the amount of slow songs was off the chart. We all had our eyes peeled for the cutest guy or girl to walk by our little booth in the back of the bar.

I walked myself to my car and got in. Alone. I was smiling.

Last night, I got interested looks from a couple guys throughout the night, but none of them made an effort to come say hello. I was perfectly fine with that. In my camo t-shirt and shorts, I was not screaming, "pay attention to me!!" from the top of a skyscraper, unlike the girl in the skintight elastic black jeans and a flowy blouse that could better be described as a bra with sleeves. I danced a couple partner dances with some of my guy friends and danced a couple songs with a guy I'd never met. He was cute. He was just learning, so I helped him with a couple songs and then we parted ways with big smiles on our faces. Nothing more, nothing less.

I drove myself home, alone, singing along with the radio at the top of my lungs.

Last night, I watched as couples interacted. You could tell the first dates. You could tell the long-term couples. You could tell the pair standing at the bar railing who had never met before tonight. I love watching these couples, regardless of the stage in their relationship. Some people get really annoyed when they are single and surrounded by couples. I, however, am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I love seeing the look in her eyes when he spins her on the dance floor. I love seeing him grin sheepishly when she shimmies his way during a line dance. It's fun to see the relationships as a completely uninvolved third party. Sure, they could have their struggles, but tonight, while they're dancing, or sitting at the bar, or whatever, they're in the moment. Enjoying the company of someone who has caught their eye.

I walked into an empty apartment, all the lights out, and got ready for bed by myself.

Last night, I had multiple instances where thoughts came into my head like, "I kind of wish that was me, so happy with my partner," or "look at how cute they are together," or sometimes, "gross... get a room people." But the truth was that I planned on going home alone. I could have gotten up the balls to approach one of the cute guys standing on the sidelines of the dance floor. I could have pulled out the "Flirty Me" side that exudes coy sarcasm and self-proclaimed quick wit. But I was too busy enjoying my evening. You'd think it would make me sad to see all the slow-dancing couples, paired off in twos, while I sat in a groups of ones. It didn't.

I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Alone. I was smiling.

Last night, I snuggled under my Ikea comforter and counted my blessings for good friendships, lots of laughs and an evening of dancing my heart out. I also counted my blessings that I was home alone. Why? Because I would rather be at home, sprawled out starfish style in my full-sized bed, all by myself, than share my bed with someone who didn't want to be here for the right reasons. Sure, you can find someone to fill the vacant side of your bed. It's not that hard. But when you're lying next to someone who does not truly and deeply care about the side of the bed that you occupy, what's the point?

I left the bar alone, and I will do so until I have someone that makes me want to leave the bar with him by my side.

A letter to ALL of my Exs.

If you're like me, you have a lot of Ex's...

• Ex Roommates
• Ex Best Friends
• Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends

These ex's are ex's for a reason. And that reason is that something didn't quite work. Maybe it was a small thing, maybe it was just the effects of time, and maybe it was a BIG FREAKIN' DEAL.

Whatever it was, we move on. We find a new roommate (or decide to live alone). We make new friends. We start dating other people. We find people to fill those voids, and maybe they aren't filled entirely, but the placeholders are no longer empty.

Regardless of why they are no longer involved in your life, you learn a lot from the experiences you gain from these people. If you could write a letter to your ex's, what would you say?

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ex,

First of all, I want you to know one thing. 

I AM HAPPY. And I am happy because of you. Not in the way you might think, but you are one of the reasons I am happy. You helped me get here and for that, I thank you. I learned a lot from our time together, which in turn, brought me to the woman I have become.

You taught me about conflict. 

Whether it was a conflict about who's turn it was to do the dishes, or about why you wouldn't tell me certain things, I learned what complicated conflict looked like. Sure, the dishes were an easy conflict to resolve, but maybe the dishes weren't the actual issue. Maybe you were frustrated that I didn't invite you to an activity and that pile of plates in the sink was an easy release. Maybe you weren't telling me the entirety of a story because you still couldn't accept the truth of the situation. Regardless of what the conflict was, I learned how to spot it, how to address it (not perfectly by any means), and how to move on from it with a shaky, but respectful heart.

You taught me (and am still learning) how to communicate. 

...through trial and error. Believe it or not, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. (But wouldn't that be nice?!) Bringing up issues can be really awkward, and I'm still not good at it, even if I'm a Communication major. However, stumbling our way through the uncomfortable chats about your emotionally abusive boyfriend, or about your ex-girlfriend who was threatening to punch me in the face made us stronger at that moment. I still have so much work to do on this topic, but I'm thankful that you helped grow me as a compassionate communicator.

You taught me what I should expect from a partner (be it romantic or platonic). 

There were times when you treated me fabulously. If there hadn't been good times, we would not have been friends/roommates/romantic partners. I loved when we would dance in our PJ's in the front room to OneDirection. I loved that you surprised me by coming to visit me for the weekend, when I thought you were working. I loved that we drove your dad's Mustang on that spring day to go get Frappachino's when the sun finally decided to come out. Those good times helped create my list of requirements when looking for a friend, a boyfriend or a roommate. Even if we ended, the good moments have helped shape what I desire in my relationships.

You taught me how to trust. 

I cried to you. I told you some of my most hidden fears. I leaned on you when I couldn't hold myself up. You supported me in the good times and in the bad. I learned to put stock in another person and that was an incredible lesson to learn. But...

I had to learn how to bounce back from failed trust. 

You hurt me sometimes. Cheating. Gossiping. Rumors. At times in my life, you absolutely broke me. But you know what the amazing part is?! I haven't stopped trusting. Just because you betrayed my friendship, it doesn't mean that I will never trust a friend again! Just because you broke my heart, it doesn't mean that I will never love again. You cannot ruin me. I am stronger than that.

You taught me to trust my intuition. 

You know that time when I found inappropriate photos of another woman on your phone? Yeah, I trusted my intuition and confronted you on that. I knew something was up, and they weren't just old photos of an ex-girlfriend. You know when you stopped texting me when a certain someone was around? I should have listened to my gut at that time, and I learned that my intuition isn't usually making things up. I am learning to trust myself when a situation makes me uncomfortable.

I taught myself how to be alone.

Yep, you heard me. I don't mind sleeping by myself. I get the whole freaking bed! I don't mind showing up to the group activity without my bestie in tow. I don't mind spending a Tuesday night blogging. I learned that I'd rather be in the company of an incredibly strong, creative and hilarious woman (MYSELF, obvs) than be with someone who is constantly belittling me or making me feel inadequate.

You taught me how to stand up for myself. 

When someone tells me that I'm too fat, or that I'm overreacting, or that I shouldn't feel a certain way, I know that I deserve better and you can damn well bet I will stand up for myself. I learned that if anyone is going to put me down, it's my responsibility to bring myself back up.

I learned how to fight graciously. 

We're obviously not close any more. If it wasn't just the ebb and flow of time that brought us to where we are, we probably got in a fight. I have not held myself together perfectly in every fight, but through these issues, I learned how to compose myself in a way that cannot be used to talk ill of me when the fight is over. At times, I didn't really execute the fights in a way that would exemplify said grace, but hindsight has taught me a lot about how to conduct myself and I feel like I have learned how to get in a fight, while trying my best to stay civil. Even when I didn't feel like you deserved civility.

I learned how to love myself.

You broke my heart. You turned friends against me. You took me down. You made stabs that had lasting impact. You said things that I am still trying to forget. But you know what? I love myself. It took work, and it took a lot of faking it, but I got there. It's a constant learning opportunity because some days my pants are too tight, and some days I still feel anger toward you, and some days, I really hope you stub your toe or hit your funny bone (because I would never wish anything serious upon you, but those things are harmless, painful and/or annoying). But on those days where I falter, I still remember how much I've learned and how far I've come. For some stupid cliche analogy, I'm a traveler down the road of life, and I've stopped plenty of places, but I'm having a killer time on this wild adventure.

So thank you. Thank you for screwing me over. Thank you for making me cry. Thank you for leaving your bicycle in the middle of the living room. Thank you for pushing me to be stronger, better, more loving, and all around more bad-ass.

Cheers, my dear Ex. 

Life's a bitch, but as the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt says, a bitch is the mother of cute puppies, so that's pretty much a compliment. 

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Best Friend/Ex-Roommate/ Ex-Girlfriend

These Aren't My New Year's Resolutions: The 10 Things I Demand from 2015

New Year's Resolutions are dumb.
No sugar coating it.

People think that by setting this public goal, they're automatically going to develop this super-human dedication to lose thirty pounds. They purchase their gym membership and then go for a week, MAYBE a month, before giving up. They say they'll quit smoking and then two weeks in, they forget that it's their resolution and light up.

New Year's resolutions are oftentimes unrealistic and frustrating. NEWS FLASH. Life is frustrating.

(Whoa, whoa, whoa Sarah... Where is your positivity?!?! That was SO cynical!)

Hear me out. The word 'Resolution' is defined by the Oxford dictionary as "the action of solving a problem, dispute, or contentious matter." So creating all of these resolutions are basically the act of creating end goals without creating the game plans. How does that make sense?!

So how can we create these goals in 2015 without setting ourselves up for failure?

I love looking at language and how to spin the situation using certain words to change the meanings, and that's just what I did! I've decided to create my 2015 New Year's DEMANDS. A 'demand' is defined as "an insistent and peremptory (insisting on immediate attention) request, made as if by right." I'm making these insistent changes in 2015 as if by right, because guess what? It's my right to make changes!!! 

Here are my ten demands for 2015:

1.) Learn to keep my mouth shut.
I'm not going to lie, this one was completely inspired by a recent blog post on Elite Daily called New Year's Resolution Remix: 15 Things to Stop Doing in 2015. Their number one resolution of change was to stop showing and telling everyone about everything. That hit me so hard. As you all know, I am an OPEN BOOK. I will talk about anything with anyone; discuss my sexual abuse with the CEO of my work (along with 12 other people), DONE, write a blog post about getting dumped hard, CHECK, telling everyone that I embarrassingly got into a strangers vehicle outside of work, YEP.  However, there's no need to post on Facebook six times a day. I don't need to have my phone on me at ALL TIMES. I need to find a bit more balance in my real life, and not focus on my virtual life...which brings me to my next point.

2.) Be present.
I NEED to put my phone down. I need to buy a camera, a real life camera (not just my iPhone) and capture moments. I need to immerse myself back into my art. I need to write down the little moments. The present is passing by at every ticking second and I'm missing a lot of it. I need to be present.

3.) Increase my savings.
My friend Craig posted a photo the other day of a savings plan. The first week of the year, you put one dollar in your savings account. The second week, you put two dollars in your savings account. The tenth week, you put ten dollars in yours savings account. The 32nd week, you put 32 dollars in your savings account. You get it? I'm doing it. By the end of the year, you should have put away $1,378.00 into your savings. That's happening.

4.) Make my bed.
I am not a tidy person. Any of my former roommates will tell you that. Any of my close friends will tell you that. Anyone who has stepped into my bedroom EVER will tell you that. My goal is to start making my bed. A little effort goes a long way. You never know, this first step could lead to a myriad of other tidy habits... I might actually start putting my laundry away right after its done too... Whoa now, let's not get too ambitious.

5.) Heal my heart.
I thought it was healed. It isn't. It's healing, but it's not healed. Unfortunately, time and optimism are the only things that will cover this demand.

6.) Love my body.
I am so much better at this than I have been in the past, but I have a lot of growth left to see in this topic. One of the best ways to love your body is to take care of it. I've definitely improved my exercise plan in 2014, but in 2015, I want to step up my nutrition game. I'll be starting off the year with the Whole30 Challenge! Regardless of my nutrition or exercise, I would like 2015 to consist of more body-positive dialogue. Tell myself what I'm doing right, instead of commenting on my flaws. Continue taking care of myself.

7.) Fall in love and date.... myself.
If you are in a good relationship, you are able to have fun, to communicate, and to adventure. In 2015, regardless of my dating life, I want to date MYSELF. I want to do fun things and go on adventures and be true to me. There is nothing wrong with doing fun things alone. Why should you be forced to wait on other people to see that one movie, or try out that new restaurant? If I want to be happy with another person, I first need to be confident in my own emotions, interests and perspectives. 2015 will be the best relationship I've ever had... with me.

8.) Read a book a month.
I cheated, I started my January book in December. I'd like to do a book review at the end of each month. January starts off with the book Love Does, by Bob Goff. I love reading and I look forward to having the free time to explore more literary opportunities.

9.) Meet my fitness goals.
2014 was AWESOME in regards to getting into the correct mindset of a true life-long fitness journey. It was not an immediate-results experience, but more of a "why is this not working... holy crap, when did I make so much progress?!" I have two major fitness goals for 2015.
       1- ACTUALLY get my Zumba Instructor certification. This was my 2014 goal and unfortunately I couldn't make it happen, but dang it, I'm signed up for my class to get certified on February 21st! It's going to happen y'all!!! I've got two stellar instructors (who have become great friends) that have agreed to help out in mentoring me on that big step! Hopefully by 2015, I will be teaching my very own class!
       2- DO A PULLUP. Unassisted. I will probably cry when I get there but that is happening this year.

And finally, 10.) Give.
I found a quote a couple weeks ago and I could not have worded a mantra for 2015 any better. The quote says this:

I aspire to be a giver. A giver of good vibes and a giver of strength.

I cannot wait to give. How I'm going to do that, I'm not quite sure. What I do know is that I'd like to give back, give love, give encouragement, give hugs, give funds, and give confidence. I have been so incredibly blessed in my life, despite my struggles, so 2015 is going to be showing appreciation through giving.



2014 hard but it was the year of positive thoughts and my goodness, it taught me SO much. The positive thoughts aren't going anywhere. The positivity will remain. But 2015 is going to be something spectacular. I don't know what, and I don't know how, but I know. It's a big year and I can't wait to share it with you all.

So lift that champagne glass, or red solo cup, or glass of water, or juice box.
Thank you for 2014 and Cheers to 2015.

Thankful for Crap.

It's that time of year.

You see an insane amount of Facebook posts, tweets and instagrams starting with, "I'm thankful for..." or "Day 17 of Thanksgiving" or "Thank you all for _____. #blessed." I am 100% guilty of this, and despite the fact that I didn't do my 'X-amount of Thankful days', I have so much to be thankful for this year.

See, it's easy to list off all the good stuff that I'm thankful for, and the people that have blessed me this year. It's easy to throw out the classics like Family, Friends, a stable job, and the list of cliches that goes on and on.

What we oftentimes forget to appreciate is the Crap that happens in the year. The stuff that makes us really pull our hair out and maybe even cry a little bit. At No End In Sight, we like to spin "The Bad" and see it through a different lens, turning it into "The Good", so that's exactly what I'm going to do.


I'm thankful for:

Having a job that completely BROKE me.
For those of you who are new to No End In Sight, you might not know that I started this blog as a way to keep myself positive in the midst of a perpetually destructive work environment. I had never been treated so poorly in my life. Sure I had the occasional crazy boss, but this workplace was ROUGH! Like, multiple breakdowns crying at my desk. I was ridiculed, degraded, and made to believe that I was stupid on a regular basis. After 2 months, I was already looking for a new job because I was literally depressed from my work. However, I am SO thankful for this job because it led me to a job that I ADORE! Sure, I don't want to wake up in the morning because I love to sleep, but I have never NOT wanted to come to work. I work with people who build me up, who value me and my opinions, who are passionate about their job, and who are literally changing the world. Without that crappy, miserable, destructive job, I would not have found this place that brings me such joy and accomplishment.

Getting my heart broken.
Obviously, this has been a big topic on the blog over the last few months. There is no easy way to handle a breakup, especially when infidelity is involved. However, I am SO thankful for this heartbreak becuase it showed me that I can love deeply, lose it, and come out as a stronger person. For the first time in months, I am genuinely, not-faking-it, happy. I am doing more with my life and meeting new people. I'm exploring. I'm relaxing. I'm building myself up in ways that I didn't think were possible three months ago. Yep, I got hurt. Yep, I got cheated on. Yep, I am the bigger person and I know that my life took a much more positive turn on that Monday afternoon when I got dumped via text at work. Despite that, I win. I'm strong and I win!

Losing some friends.
Losing friends is inevitable. It's crappy, but it's a fact of life. Some friends will stick around for a little while, and some friends will stick around for life. And some won't stick around, period. However, I am SO thankful for this loss of friendship because it reinforces the relationships that are still around, making them stronger than ever. Friendship is the force that has gotten me through this year of difficulty, and I couldn't be more thankful for that.

Experiencing financial hardship.
There is nothing more stressful that money. It is hands-down the most difficult aspect of life. I hate the feeling of putting $4.89 in your gas tank and hoping it lasts you til payday. If you've never been there, I salute you. There were a couple of times this year where I could not make it. I had to ask for help, which to me, was failure. I was ashamed and embarrassed to need help, but it was necessary. However, I am SO thankful that struggled with money because through the kindness of loved ones, I was able to get back on my feet. I was able to make ends meet and appreciate the support I had, and will always have, behind me.

Moving. Twice.
Moving is a real bitch. Sorry for the language but it really is. Not only does moving suck, but it's also really, stupidly expensive. You have to pay for the new deposit, you have to pay for the gas of a bajillion trips to and from your new place, and you have to purchase the things that your new place needs. The amount of times I have moved in the last couple years is ridiculous. However, I am SO thankful for moving because I am safe with a roof over my head, in apartment that I LOVE and a roommate I ADORE. The shuffling of stuff is always annoying but hopefully we'll be in this place for a while because I love it.

Realizing my health sucked.
I know I've gone over this a few times lately, but I realized around March that my body was yet another thing bringing me over the edge of the cliff of depression. I was out of shape. I was weak. I was chubby. I was not happy with how I looked, felt or acted in regards to health. I was drinking consistently (not large quanitities, but frequently), eating junk food regularly and the only exercise I got was through walking up the stairs to my apartment, which left me totally winded by the time I got to the third floor. However, I am SO thankful that I was hitting rock bottom with my health because I knew something had to change. Thankfully, I had a positive influence in my life at the time regarding fitness, so I was able to make the necessary decisions to get mysef healthier. Now, 8 months later, I have lost 15 pounds and can actually walk up the stairs without losing my breath. I'm heading to California for Thanksgiving and cannot wait to play with my "nephew" without wanting to double over in loss of breath.


This was probably the hardest year of my life. I take that back. This WAS the hardest year of my life. But 2014 is the year of positive thoughts. I don't think I would have been able to make it through without that mantra, because even when I was struggling to get out of bed because the world was a big fat meany, I knew that good things happen and with a positive outlook, anything is possible. (Cue corny uplifting music!)

So even though this year was hard, and there were many "piles of crap," I am thankful. Thankful that I faced hardship with a smile on my face. Thankful that I  made it through to the other side of those hardships. Thankful for the support behind me.

I guess you could say I was pretty #blessed.