Have you ever worked on a puzzle? You sit down, look at all those little pieces and have that little moment of doubt like, "How in the world am I going to make all 1,000 of these little tiny pieces fit into one picture?"
You go to start the puzzle.
In my personal experience, most people start with the edges. They've got a concrete place. A reference point. So you begin by filling in the basic outline. That's the easy part. And then when it comes time to fill in the middle, it gets harder.
You turn the puzzle piece every which way and it doesn't fit. You see a piece that seems like it's supposed to fit. It looks perfect. The shape is the same. The cuts look right. But when you go to place the piece, it's a little bit off. Or it's a lot bit off. And your heart sinks a little bit. It's even worse when you're focused in on a specific missing piece. It seems like you're never going to find the match.
Personally, puzzles drive me bonkers. They take so much time, so much focus, and so much dedication. I make it through the egde of the puzzle and then get bored, or frustrated, or distracted with the chaos of the inside. I think one of the reasons I don't like puzzles is because I'm a worrier.
I'm a worrier. A stress-er. A 'check the plan three times and then check once more before I execute the plan'-er. It's how I was wired and despite my efforts to let things go without a plan, I always develop one by go-time. So if you're anything like me, aka a Control Freak, you like having all of your ducks in a row. When those little quackers wander, or hide in the duck pond, or jump off a cliff, it drives you batty. Like legitimately causing anxiety. Your pieces aren't fitting and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.
Do you get to this place in your life where you have the outline set, but the middle gets to you? I do. Often. I get annoyed that I'm finding all the wrong pieces; the ones that aren't fitting. Whether it's the people to spend my time with, the career, the guy to date, the car issues, the financial burdens. There are a LOT of moving pieces in life. Way more than the thousand pieces in a puzzle. Sometimes it seems like all of the pieces will never comes together.
But then when you are about to flip the puzzle table (because everyone devotes the table for a couple days, right?), you find one piece that clicks into place. Someone offers you a place to live. And then another. A friend helps replace some car parts. And then you get a job offer. And people are offering to help you move. And click... and click... and click...
Next thing you know, you have a blob of pieces floating around inside the outline of your puzzle.
When the pieces start falling together, you realize how much you can endure. The life puzzle teaches patience. It teaches you to ask for help. To work together. To stay determined. To look for the next piece. To turn the pieces a couple different ways. And to not give up.
Trust that the pieces will fit together because when they actually start fitting, you get the most beautiful picture.
When you hear the phrase, "No end in sight," you tend to think the worst of the situation. You can't picture an end to a struggle, a battle or a problem. But what about the things that are going well? Why would you want to see an end to those?! That's the kind of No End In Sight I want to see...
Showing posts with label emotional health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional health. Show all posts
Friday, May 27, 2016
Monday, April 4, 2016
Three reasons why I think that God rides a motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure that God rides a motorcycle.
This weekend, I accompanied a friend of mine on a 4-hour motorcycle ride through the beautiful Cascade Mountain Range. If you have never been on a motorcycle before, it's hard to describe the rush of adrenaline that kicks in when you hear the rumble of the motor kicking up. My heart instantly started beating faster with the anticipation of the wind surrounding me. As the passenger, I climbed awkwardly onto the little back seat and we left the house. I was like a little kid going to Disneyland. My smile was smooshed by the tightness of the helmet, but it was ear to ear nonetheless.
We headed toward our destination, zipping -very responsibly, might I add- through traffic, finally hitting Highway 22 which winds through the Oregon countryside. As I held on (probably too tightly), I was immediately overwhelmed with peace. Despite the fact that we were going sixty miles per hour with nothing but a padded jacket and a helmet separating me from the asphalt, I was washed with a serene calmness. Alone with my thoughts, I realized that God probably rides a motorcycle, inviting us to be the passenger on a windy, but scenic, drive.
1) It can be kind of uncomfortable at first, but you get the hang of it.
It's hard to understand the feeling of a motorcycle until you hop on. The driver can give you all the necessary instructions on how to lean, where to sit, how to hold on, but until you actually make the commitment of saddling up, it's kind of a foreign concept. You hop on the bike and once it starts going, you can't just jump off. This is how I felt when learning about my faith. I had put on my helmet; I was sitting on the back seat, waiting for the Lord to lift the kickstand and take off; I was uncomfortably committed, holding on tightly, not knowing what to expect. But once you start going, it gets easier, more normal, and more comfortable. You learn how to hold on, how to listen for the rhythms of the driver shifting gears, how to sit relatively comfortably on the not-so-comfortable seat. You get the hang of it, but it doesn't come easily immediately.
2) You aren't driving, yet you have the power to crash the bike.
The first and MOST IMPORTANT lesson when getting on the back of the bike is to lean with the driver. In order for the physics of the bike to work, you have to lean where the driver leans. If you do not move with the driver, you have the power to cause a crash. God has a plan for us and He's leaning into His curves, His route, His calculated path, but unfortunately, we have the power to lean away and to crash the bike based on our stupid human decisions. After making it to our destination, my friend and I went to grab some dinner before meeting up with our larger group of friends. We pulled into a parking spot and as I went to get off the bike, my foot got caught. We almost toppled over, but thankfully my ah-mazing driver had solid footing and kept us upright despite my clumsiness. Our Heavenly driver can hold us up too when we falter.
3) You're able to view the world from a whole new perspective.
I have driven Highway 22 countless times, but never had I realized how turquoise the water is in the Santiam River. Never had I realized where the temperature outside changes as you drive into the pass. Never had I realized how easily you could spot bigfoot... Okay maybe I'm kidding on the bigfoot thing, but the point is that without the hindrance of the car walls and windows, I was able to view the beauty surrounding me in a completely different way. When was the last time that you took a second to see things from a new perspective? To take some uninterrupted time to view the beauty the He has created? When God rides his motorcycle with us as His passenger, we don't focus on the road, but on what we can see while He drives.
So yes, I think God rides a motorcycle and He's constantly inviting us to go on a beautifully scenic and awe-inspiring cruise with Him. It takes trust, and practice and courage, but the view is SO worth it.
Grab your helmet and hop on.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
When you ask "What's next?"
"What's Next?"
You whisper under you breath.
Knowing that you would be the only one to hear those two little words.
When you get to a point of exasperated questioning.
You just don't know.
How do I fit?
Where is my path?
You inhale, with the weight of the future on your chest.
You exhale all the stress that led up to it.
It sinks in that you don't know.
You just don't know.
And in that moment, the fear of the unknown cripples you.
Your always-planned-out life is so far from where you thought it would be.
Not in a bad way, just not where you expected.
But you mutter those little words into the sky.
"What's Next?"
The chaos is palpable.
Thoughts bounce from one realm to the next.
You asked it into the unknown.
The words leave your lips and fear starts to bubble.
The anxiety hits.
'I don't know what's next,' you think to yourself.
But then you feel it.
You feel the calm of knowing that you are taken care of.
The peace of not knowing, and being okay with that.
With closed eyes.
Hands open to receive whatever is meant to come your way.
Whatever your higher power, the universe, or the winds of change move into your life.
You are ready to accept it.
Because you asked that little powerful question.
"What's Next?"
The fear is still there. The questions haven't disappeared.
But you know.
Next is unknown.
Next is malleable.
You know that in the moments of uncertainty, Next will show it's face.
It will open it's arms and embrace your discomfort.
It will give you safe refuge.
It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.
You realize that giving yourself up so wholly to the universe creates a vulnerability that you have never known.
A vulnerability that is equally terrifying and empowering.
"What's Next?"
Despite the fear, there is comfort.
Comfort in knowing that your open stance will bring to fruition an adventure like none you have ever experienced.
You breathe again.
Deeper.
Stronger.
More powerful.
The crippling fear turns into an elixir of excitement.
You savor the sweet buzz of what could be.
All because you had the courage to ask yourself.
"What's Next?"
You whisper under you breath.
Knowing that you would be the only one to hear those two little words.
When you get to a point of exasperated questioning.
You just don't know.
How do I fit?
Where is my path?
You inhale, with the weight of the future on your chest.
You exhale all the stress that led up to it.
It sinks in that you don't know.
You just don't know.
And in that moment, the fear of the unknown cripples you.
Your always-planned-out life is so far from where you thought it would be.
Not in a bad way, just not where you expected.
But you mutter those little words into the sky.
"What's Next?"
The chaos is palpable.
Thoughts bounce from one realm to the next.
You asked it into the unknown.
The words leave your lips and fear starts to bubble.
The anxiety hits.
'I don't know what's next,' you think to yourself.
But then you feel it.
You feel the calm of knowing that you are taken care of.
The peace of not knowing, and being okay with that.
With closed eyes.
Hands open to receive whatever is meant to come your way.
Whatever your higher power, the universe, or the winds of change move into your life.
You are ready to accept it.
Because you asked that little powerful question.
"What's Next?"
The fear is still there. The questions haven't disappeared.
But you know.
Next is unknown.
Next is malleable.
You know that in the moments of uncertainty, Next will show it's face.
It will open it's arms and embrace your discomfort.
It will give you safe refuge.
It might not be easy, but it will be worth it.
You realize that giving yourself up so wholly to the universe creates a vulnerability that you have never known.
A vulnerability that is equally terrifying and empowering.
"What's Next?"
Despite the fear, there is comfort.
Comfort in knowing that your open stance will bring to fruition an adventure like none you have ever experienced.
You breathe again.
Deeper.
Stronger.
More powerful.
The crippling fear turns into an elixir of excitement.
You savor the sweet buzz of what could be.
All because you had the courage to ask yourself.
"What's Next?"
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
The three ways Instant Gratification ruins our lives and how we can stop it.
We live in a world of instant gratification. It's surrounding us.
There are drive-thru restaurants, coffee shops, liquor stores, banks, and equipment repair stations. You drive up, place your order, and within 5-15 minutes, you have your product. Instantly, your needs are met. We have immediate access to technology. We have internet at our fingertips, almost everywhere we go. You can pull up a youtube video on the train to work, or stream a movie when your child is misbehaving at the doctor's office. We have access to communication that lets us interact with people all over the world… for free… whenever we want. Facebook, Skype, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. I have two separate friends who met the loves of their lives on Instagram. In DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. Crazy? Absolutely! Incredible? You're darn right. Romantic? Ummm, duh.
The point is, it's all immediate. Aside from waiting to meet your soul mate as they travel around the globe, we have access to a world that is right under our noses. Which can be a beautiful thing. Parents can meet their newborn children while serving their country in foreign wars. A post on twitter can help Mark Ruffalo find his cell phone in NYC within 20 minutes of losing it. Friendships can be created with people you never would have met in day to day life.
However, there is a flip side to a world of instant gratification. We get greedy. We get impatient. We get irritated quickly. I find myself regularly sighing with malcontent when my Pandora station takes forever to load the next song. I get annoyed when someone doesn't text me back quickly. I get frustrated when my GoogleMaps directs me to the wrong location. "No Siri! I do not want to be at McDonald's in China! I'm in Portland! UGH!"
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that despite the convenience, Instant Gratification is ruining my life, and this is how:
1. My Health Life.
How many Pinterest pins start with, lose 10 pounds in ten days? How many infomercials have ads for supplements that will help you "get rid of that problem area in two weeks or less!"? There are wraps, pills, shakes and even cookies to help you hit your goal weight. These 'Get Skinny Quick' diets are ruining our bodies. They are denying the nutrition we need to survive. They are creating an unhealthy lifestyle where our bodies can fluctuate so drastically, which takes it's toll. It's also creating a downward-spiraling body image issue. If you are unsuccessful at losing that ten pounds in ten days, are you more likely to jump on a treadmill to work even harder or are you likely to binge that pint of leftover ice cream in your freezer? Because we expect the immediate change we're accustomed to, giving up happens quite frequently. If we ARE successful with these schemes, they don't last. Unfortunately, the real way to make the fix is the hard way, the drawn out way, but the successful way; making the healthy life choices of clean eating and exercise.
2. My Dating Life.
Dating is not dead, it has just morphed into this ugly monster of instant gratification. You meet at a party, this cute guy gets your number, he texts you an invite to come over and watch a movie, you make out or whatever it may be, you leave, you don't get a text until next time he wants to "watch a movie." There is even a term for this type of hookup.... Netflix and Chill. (Barf. Why ruin the sanctity of Netflix?!) What happened to putting time into getting to know someone? What happened to grabbing coffee or dinner and learning what her favorite movie is, or her favorite author? Hook-up culture is something that is more common than dating these days. I'm not saying that there isn't a time and place for this, because there definitely can be, but I don't feel like it should be the norm. Our culture of instant gratification is to blame for that. Be patient. Get to know people. Date, like a real date. Put in the effort. Please.
3. My Concept of Time.
When we are immediately granted our needs, life moves at an increasingly fast pace. Every iPhone update includes, "Faster This" and "Streamlined That." Therefore when something takes two minutes to load instead of 12 seconds, we flip out. We get frustrated. We complain. When someone takes an hour to text you back, we take it personally. We get frustrated. We complain. Our time consciousness is off because we are so used to getting things right away. It's the ultimate first world problem. We lose the gratitude for all that we have access to and get angry over the little time inconveniences.
So yes, instant gratification is ruining my life but I have the power to stop that. I have the power to be patient, to put in effort, to have grace, to have compassion, to get to know people, to get to know myself. I will not expect things. I will live in the moment. And I will remind myself these things when I'm frustrated at Netflix, or at someone who cancels plans last minute.
I will be gratuitous, even if it doesn't come instantaneously.
There are drive-thru restaurants, coffee shops, liquor stores, banks, and equipment repair stations. You drive up, place your order, and within 5-15 minutes, you have your product. Instantly, your needs are met. We have immediate access to technology. We have internet at our fingertips, almost everywhere we go. You can pull up a youtube video on the train to work, or stream a movie when your child is misbehaving at the doctor's office. We have access to communication that lets us interact with people all over the world… for free… whenever we want. Facebook, Skype, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram. I have two separate friends who met the loves of their lives on Instagram. In DIFFERENT COUNTRIES. Crazy? Absolutely! Incredible? You're darn right. Romantic? Ummm, duh.
The point is, it's all immediate. Aside from waiting to meet your soul mate as they travel around the globe, we have access to a world that is right under our noses. Which can be a beautiful thing. Parents can meet their newborn children while serving their country in foreign wars. A post on twitter can help Mark Ruffalo find his cell phone in NYC within 20 minutes of losing it. Friendships can be created with people you never would have met in day to day life.
However, there is a flip side to a world of instant gratification. We get greedy. We get impatient. We get irritated quickly. I find myself regularly sighing with malcontent when my Pandora station takes forever to load the next song. I get annoyed when someone doesn't text me back quickly. I get frustrated when my GoogleMaps directs me to the wrong location. "No Siri! I do not want to be at McDonald's in China! I'm in Portland! UGH!"
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that despite the convenience, Instant Gratification is ruining my life, and this is how:
1. My Health Life.
How many Pinterest pins start with, lose 10 pounds in ten days? How many infomercials have ads for supplements that will help you "get rid of that problem area in two weeks or less!"? There are wraps, pills, shakes and even cookies to help you hit your goal weight. These 'Get Skinny Quick' diets are ruining our bodies. They are denying the nutrition we need to survive. They are creating an unhealthy lifestyle where our bodies can fluctuate so drastically, which takes it's toll. It's also creating a downward-spiraling body image issue. If you are unsuccessful at losing that ten pounds in ten days, are you more likely to jump on a treadmill to work even harder or are you likely to binge that pint of leftover ice cream in your freezer? Because we expect the immediate change we're accustomed to, giving up happens quite frequently. If we ARE successful with these schemes, they don't last. Unfortunately, the real way to make the fix is the hard way, the drawn out way, but the successful way; making the healthy life choices of clean eating and exercise.
2. My Dating Life.
Dating is not dead, it has just morphed into this ugly monster of instant gratification. You meet at a party, this cute guy gets your number, he texts you an invite to come over and watch a movie, you make out or whatever it may be, you leave, you don't get a text until next time he wants to "watch a movie." There is even a term for this type of hookup.... Netflix and Chill. (Barf. Why ruin the sanctity of Netflix?!) What happened to putting time into getting to know someone? What happened to grabbing coffee or dinner and learning what her favorite movie is, or her favorite author? Hook-up culture is something that is more common than dating these days. I'm not saying that there isn't a time and place for this, because there definitely can be, but I don't feel like it should be the norm. Our culture of instant gratification is to blame for that. Be patient. Get to know people. Date, like a real date. Put in the effort. Please.
3. My Concept of Time.
When we are immediately granted our needs, life moves at an increasingly fast pace. Every iPhone update includes, "Faster This" and "Streamlined That." Therefore when something takes two minutes to load instead of 12 seconds, we flip out. We get frustrated. We complain. When someone takes an hour to text you back, we take it personally. We get frustrated. We complain. Our time consciousness is off because we are so used to getting things right away. It's the ultimate first world problem. We lose the gratitude for all that we have access to and get angry over the little time inconveniences.
So yes, instant gratification is ruining my life but I have the power to stop that. I have the power to be patient, to put in effort, to have grace, to have compassion, to get to know people, to get to know myself. I will not expect things. I will live in the moment. And I will remind myself these things when I'm frustrated at Netflix, or at someone who cancels plans last minute.
I will be gratuitous, even if it doesn't come instantaneously.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Why my Roommate is the best thing that happened to me in 2015
Let me just start off saying that I have had a LOT of roommates. Seven to be exact. Girls are hard to live with, myself included. It's even harder to be friends with your roommate. When the dishes pile up, you get annoyed, and the last thing you want to do is be besties with the perpetrator.
But when you find a good roommate, you know. When you find a great roommate, people will start questioning your sexuality, and you don't even care because you can't imagine doing stuff without your platonic other half.
With that bond comes a great year of memories and many reasons why my roommate was the best thing that happened to me in 2015:
The bat-shit-crazy stuff she says.
If I had a dollar for every time I laughed at something crazy my roommate said, I would be a gazillionaire. Whether she's trying to cheer me up, annoy me, or just having a conversation, my roommate says some of the craziest stuff I've ever heard. Some of my faves...
"Awkward... the romantic music is coming on and I'm over here like I just want another hot dog."
"Awkward... the romantic music is coming on and I'm over here like I just want another hot dog."
"Can you listen to me in the eyes please?"
"Peace out butter scout."
"If I would have stayed home tonight, I just would have eaten jalapeno dip. What?! At least I'm honest..."
Sending the same guys the same questions on our dating apps.
Sitting next to each other swiping guys left and right. I turn to my roomie and ask if this guy is cute, "Oh I totally just matched with him... Let's send the same message to him and see if he notices..." Hysterical laughter ensues.
Sharing a closet.
AKA Me stealing her clothes. Thanks boo for keeping me stylish.
Obviously the best and most crucial time to hang out is at 2:30am when our Uber driver drops us back at home. Sure, you might be sleeping, but who cares?! It's hang out time!! And don't lie, you love it. Or at least your snapchats followers do because let's be honest, I'm hilarious.
Debating what to say to the guys we're texting.
"No don't say that, it's too forward." "Oh, Oh, say this..." "Ew, don't text him back."
It's nice to have that sounding board.
Crying together.
Well, mostly, me crying. Because you're kind of heartless sometimes. But you are always there to listen to my dramatic sobs, and I appreciate that a LOT. And you know I always have your back when you break down and let those tears sneak out.
Ridiculous Youtube videos.
... That we watch from separate rooms in our apartment. And then hear the other person laughing, so we run into the room and watch it again. Laughter ensues even harder.
Wrestling with life decisions.
To go back to your ex or not to go back to your ex. (Don't go back, obviously....) To switch jobs or not? To chop off your hair or not? To go to the gym or not? I love that we can always have these conversations, even if we judge the crap out of each other for the outcome. I'll only judge you for a little bit. (Cough, your ex, cough.) It's just because we love each other.
Literally wrestling.
Yeah, it happens every once in a while.
The Snapchats.
Documenting our crazy lives is one of the funniest and most accurate things about our friendship. From throwing gummy bears at me at the grocery store, to trying to catch popcorn and cookies in our mouths from across the room, to taking apple cider vinegar shots, to drunk ramblings; Our snapchat friends are able to see little bits of the chaos we create.
The CAR-aoke sessions.
"Hello.... It's Me.... I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet." We belt that ish at the top of our lungs. We get really into these songs. We dance, and almost run off the road with our dance moves. We lose our voices. All for the sake of a good car-karaoke (or CAR-aoke) sesh and it's always a blast.
Having you become my best friend.
The longer we live together, the crazier our adventures get. The more awesome inside jokes we rack up. The more stupid quotes. The crazier near death experiences we have while you are driving. I have never been besties AND good roommates with anyone and I am so thankful to share our crazy little Portland adventure together.
I may have been single for 2015, but I had my roommate, and that might even be better.
Follow our adventures on Instagram #emmieandsarahlove or #myroomieismybestie
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
A Letter to My Future Husband
Dear Hubby,
Can I call you Hubby? Since I don't quite know who you are yet, let's say that I can. At least it beats out other super annoying pet names like pumpkin, or hun, or sweetie pie. (Let's make it clear that if you call me sweetie pie, you will get a 'sweetie pie' to the face. I mean, I'll totally be giggling as I do it, but you will get pied. I will at least let you pick the flavor…)
I have thought about you. I have pictured what our life would look like, I have pictured our children and I have pictured our relationship, all without knowing your name or your face. I know, I know… that comes off a little creepy but I promise, it's not. I have thought about the standard that I will hold us to and I have thought about the love we will share. And let me say, all of the things I have pictured are probably ridiculously off. They are a culmination of Nicholas Sparks movies, childhood fairytales and classic love songs played on the radio. They are a compilation of tender moments witnessed in coffee shops, of sweet looks in church, of pride and joy in the birth of a child. I have thought about what kind of love we will have and how strong we will be through life's circumstances.
I have to tell you something, my dear Hubby. You married a gem. And I don't mean a shiny, perfectly cut, pristine, sparkly stone. I mean the gritty piece of rock. The unpolished, jagged, tough piece of earth. And I thank you for that. Thank you for taking me at my natural state. Thank you for accepting me with my edges and my quirks, because if you were crazy enough to marry me, you sure as heck know that I'm a different kind of special. However, once you break through the rough exterior and brush off the little flecks of dirt, you'll see the sparkle and the shine. I bet, knowing that I probably picked someone rather awesome, that you will even enhance the shine. And for that I thank you.
I want you to know that I love you. Despite my love for you, I know that I will have moments where I can't stand you. I will have moments that I am offended by you. I will have moments where I'm so angry at you that I could (and possibly will) scream. But know that when I say I'm sorry, I am putting down my shield of pride and taking a step toward you. Know that when I say I love you, I mean it with every ounce of my soul. When I say I love you, it might not come out in those three little words. My love for you will be something I learn from, study and grow. I pray that it will teach me and challenge me. And I pray that your love for me does the same; that it teaches you, and grows you. I pray that we continuously put effort into our love and deny it the opportunity to grow stagnant. I pray that you are ALWAYS my lover, my friend and my warrior.
With our marriage, my sweet husband, I hope that your love for the Lord bonds us with a strength that is unbreakable by this world. I pray that our relationship inspires us to live lives that make those around us, but more so those above us, proud. I pray that we depend on each other. Rely on each other. Build each other. Romance each other. Pray FOR each other.
Hubby, I promise to be the wife that holds you accountable without forcing you into avenues that fit my personal agenda. Sure, I will try and get you to come to that conclusion on your own but I promise not to be forceful. As your wife, we will approach things together. I will make the effort to let you know that you are loved and you are cared for. We will be servants to each other. Not in a Jabba the Hut and Princess Leia kind of way. We will serve each other in a sense that I will listen to your love languages and respond to you in ways that make you feel important. That make you feel loved. Because I love you. And I always will.
So to my husband, who I may or may not have met yet in my life, I want to say that I am praying for you. I'm sending love into the stars so that they can watch down and keep you safe from harm. I'm looking forward to the day where our hello's are uttered and the lightbulb illuminates. I can't wait to tell you I love you and that you're the one I have been waiting for this whole time.
It will be you.
Always.
My heart is yours,
Your Future Wife
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Learning to say No.
No. Two letters. One word. A whole sentence. An infinite amount of power.
You know that part of the movie in "27 Dresses" where Katherine Heigl has to practice saying "No" to James Marsden?
If the answer is no (tee hee)...
You're welcome.
Yeah, that's me. The girl who's not very good at saying no. Let's not dive into how many ways I resemble Katherine Heigl from this movie (amount of weddings I've been in, obsessed with my calendar, slightly a control freak... but we won't go into that), but let's focus on that one similarity.
If you're like me, you enjoy making people happy. And if you're also like me, you also like to spread your time between all of your passions, your friends, and your hobbies. And your job. That's important too. Between keeping up with social graces, and working full time, I find myself leaving the apartment at 7:00am and getting home at 8:30pm or later.
Let's get a couple of things straight right off the bat... I truly enjoy the things that fill my day. I love my job. I love going to the gym and working out, whether it's lifting, running or Zumba. On my weekends, I LOVE going out dancing, or having girl's night at the Comedy Club. My schedule is filled with amazing experiences and people. Also, I am not the type of girl who can hang out with the same person every single day. I will want to kill that person, and not because of anything he/she is doing, but because I need a variety of people to interact with, as well as solitude. I'm incredibly independent, so I like having the option to move from friend group to friend group. This character trait of mine is not stated to sound offensive, but solely for the fact that I love all of the people in my life and want to divvy up my time between multiple people that are very near and dear to my heart.
While the days are packed with wonderful things, I find that I cannot keep up. It's funny because I keep reading these articles about how the average person needs 8-10 hours of sleep, and I keep seeing these fabulous Thought Catalog articles saying that When you graduate college/When you hit your mid twenties/When you get your shit together, you start ACTUALLY getting the full recommended amount of sleep.
HA!
I graduated college, I'm about to hit my mid-twenties, I'm living the healthiest lifestyle I've EVER led....
And I get about 5-6 hours of sleep every night.
Why is that, you may ask? Because I cannot say "No."
It's an interesting problem to have. I enjoy all of the things that I do (for the most part), but when I find myself being consistently booked out two to three weeks in advanced, I struggle to keep up with everyday life. I can say with absolute certainty that I haven't been fully caught up with laundry since the beginning of January. IT'S APRIL PEOPLE! I'm a "Live Life Load-to-Load" kind of girl.
My issue with saying "No" is that I truly WANT to be doing all of these things. I love my friends. I love staying busy. I love having fun new experiences. However, I don't love being constantly exhausted. I think my issue is that I'm compensating. I'm compensating for the time I lost when I first moved to Portland. I was so lonely and the only people I wanted to be with were not within hang-out distance. My friends and boyfriend lived in other towns, so the result was an over-worked, under-socialized Sarah. Now that I have acclimated my self and my social life to the Portland Metro area, I have been trying to make up for lost time.
So, how to you draw the line of doing everything you want, while still maintaining self-care and balance? How do I fix this? I would LOVE to have James Marsden help me practice saying "No," (I mean, he is super delicious and I'm pretty sure we'd fall in love... just saying...) but that might not be the most realistic plan.
Here's what I'm going to do. I plan on setting "Alone Time" at least once a week. This alone time can be catching up on Netflix, doing my laundry, getting a pedicure all by myself, sitting and reading... or even sitting and doing nothing. I will set this time on my calendar. My "No Fly Zone." And for at least three hours. Three hours of laying low is the least I can do in terms of self care.
I also want to incorporate one of my No End in Sight "New Year's Demands". I want to plan date nights for myself. Date nights that can be done alone. It could be going for a walk in the park, or going to a movie, or taking myself out for dinner. Every other week. And yes that means that I can skip the gym occasionally to make this happen. (OH THE HORROR!!)
And lastly, I'm going to go down to the Library. I'm going to find a book. And Damnit, I'm gonna read it.
Saying "No" isn't meant to be an insult. Sometimes, by saying no, I am doing us both a favor. No one wants a run-down, lame, exhausted Sarah, and by letting myself draw some composure, it will make our next time together more fun. Saying "No" is going to be a positive, even if some people's feelings get hurt. I'm going to throw out this disclaimer: I struggled writing this post because of three reasons. I didn't want to come off like I'm complaining (this IS No End In Sight, the blog about how to stay positive). I didn't want to sound pretentious, like "Look at all of this fun stuff I'm doing." And I also didn't want it to sound like I am sick of anyone or anything in particular.
I wanted it to be about how I can find balance. And balancing it will be.
You know that part of the movie in "27 Dresses" where Katherine Heigl has to practice saying "No" to James Marsden?
If the answer is no (tee hee)...
You're welcome.
Yeah, that's me. The girl who's not very good at saying no. Let's not dive into how many ways I resemble Katherine Heigl from this movie (amount of weddings I've been in, obsessed with my calendar, slightly a control freak... but we won't go into that), but let's focus on that one similarity.
If you're like me, you enjoy making people happy. And if you're also like me, you also like to spread your time between all of your passions, your friends, and your hobbies. And your job. That's important too. Between keeping up with social graces, and working full time, I find myself leaving the apartment at 7:00am and getting home at 8:30pm or later.
Let's get a couple of things straight right off the bat... I truly enjoy the things that fill my day. I love my job. I love going to the gym and working out, whether it's lifting, running or Zumba. On my weekends, I LOVE going out dancing, or having girl's night at the Comedy Club. My schedule is filled with amazing experiences and people. Also, I am not the type of girl who can hang out with the same person every single day. I will want to kill that person, and not because of anything he/she is doing, but because I need a variety of people to interact with, as well as solitude. I'm incredibly independent, so I like having the option to move from friend group to friend group. This character trait of mine is not stated to sound offensive, but solely for the fact that I love all of the people in my life and want to divvy up my time between multiple people that are very near and dear to my heart.
While the days are packed with wonderful things, I find that I cannot keep up. It's funny because I keep reading these articles about how the average person needs 8-10 hours of sleep, and I keep seeing these fabulous Thought Catalog articles saying that When you graduate college/When you hit your mid twenties/When you get your shit together, you start ACTUALLY getting the full recommended amount of sleep.
HA!
I graduated college, I'm about to hit my mid-twenties, I'm living the healthiest lifestyle I've EVER led....
And I get about 5-6 hours of sleep every night.
Why is that, you may ask? Because I cannot say "No."
It's an interesting problem to have. I enjoy all of the things that I do (for the most part), but when I find myself being consistently booked out two to three weeks in advanced, I struggle to keep up with everyday life. I can say with absolute certainty that I haven't been fully caught up with laundry since the beginning of January. IT'S APRIL PEOPLE! I'm a "Live Life Load-to-Load" kind of girl.
My issue with saying "No" is that I truly WANT to be doing all of these things. I love my friends. I love staying busy. I love having fun new experiences. However, I don't love being constantly exhausted. I think my issue is that I'm compensating. I'm compensating for the time I lost when I first moved to Portland. I was so lonely and the only people I wanted to be with were not within hang-out distance. My friends and boyfriend lived in other towns, so the result was an over-worked, under-socialized Sarah. Now that I have acclimated my self and my social life to the Portland Metro area, I have been trying to make up for lost time.
So, how to you draw the line of doing everything you want, while still maintaining self-care and balance? How do I fix this? I would LOVE to have James Marsden help me practice saying "No," (I mean, he is super delicious and I'm pretty sure we'd fall in love... just saying...) but that might not be the most realistic plan.
Here's what I'm going to do. I plan on setting "Alone Time" at least once a week. This alone time can be catching up on Netflix, doing my laundry, getting a pedicure all by myself, sitting and reading... or even sitting and doing nothing. I will set this time on my calendar. My "No Fly Zone." And for at least three hours. Three hours of laying low is the least I can do in terms of self care.
I also want to incorporate one of my No End in Sight "New Year's Demands". I want to plan date nights for myself. Date nights that can be done alone. It could be going for a walk in the park, or going to a movie, or taking myself out for dinner. Every other week. And yes that means that I can skip the gym occasionally to make this happen. (OH THE HORROR!!)
And lastly, I'm going to go down to the Library. I'm going to find a book. And Damnit, I'm gonna read it.
Saying "No" isn't meant to be an insult. Sometimes, by saying no, I am doing us both a favor. No one wants a run-down, lame, exhausted Sarah, and by letting myself draw some composure, it will make our next time together more fun. Saying "No" is going to be a positive, even if some people's feelings get hurt. I'm going to throw out this disclaimer: I struggled writing this post because of three reasons. I didn't want to come off like I'm complaining (this IS No End In Sight, the blog about how to stay positive). I didn't want to sound pretentious, like "Look at all of this fun stuff I'm doing." And I also didn't want it to sound like I am sick of anyone or anything in particular.
I wanted it to be about how I can find balance. And balancing it will be.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
A letter to ALL of my Exs.
If you're like me, you have a lot of Ex's...
- Ex Roommates
- Ex Best Friends
- Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends
These ex's are ex's for a reason. And that reason is that something didn't quite work. Maybe it was a small thing, maybe it was just the effects of time, and maybe it was a BIG FREAKIN' DEAL.
Whatever it was, we move on. We find a new roommate (or decide to live alone). We make new friends. We start dating other people. We find people to fill those voids, and maybe they aren't filled entirely, but the placeholders are no longer empty.
Whatever it was, we move on. We find a new roommate (or decide to live alone). We make new friends. We start dating other people. We find people to fill those voids, and maybe they aren't filled entirely, but the placeholders are no longer empty.
Regardless of why they are no longer involved in your life, you learn a lot from the experiences you gain from these people. If you could write a letter to your ex's, what would you say?
--------------------------------------------------------
Dear Ex,
First of all, I want you to know one thing.
I AM HAPPY. And I am happy because of you. Not in the way you might think, but you are one of the reasons I am happy. You helped me get here and for that, I thank you. I learned a lot from our time together, which in turn, brought me to the woman I have become.
You taught me about conflict.
Whether it was a conflict about who's turn it was to do the dishes, or about why you wouldn't tell me certain things, I learned what complicated conflict looked like. Sure, the dishes were an easy conflict to resolve, but maybe the dishes weren't the actual issue. Maybe you were frustrated that I didn't invite you to an activity and that pile of plates in the sink was an easy release. Maybe you weren't telling me the entirety of a story because you still couldn't accept the truth of the situation. Regardless of what the conflict was, I learned how to spot it, how to address it (not perfectly by any means), and how to move on from it with a shaky, but respectful heart.
You taught me (and am still learning) how to communicate.
...through trial and error. Believe it or not, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. (But wouldn't that be nice?!) Bringing up issues can be really awkward, and I'm still not good at it, even if I'm a Communication major. However, stumbling our way through the uncomfortable chats about your emotionally abusive boyfriend, or about your ex-girlfriend who was threatening to punch me in the face made us stronger at that moment. I still have so much work to do on this topic, but I'm thankful that you helped grow me as a compassionate communicator.
You taught me what I should expect from a partner (be it romantic or platonic).
There were times when you treated me fabulously. If there hadn't been good times, we would not have been friends/roommates/romantic partners. I loved when we would dance in our PJ's in the front room to OneDirection. I loved that you surprised me by coming to visit me for the weekend, when I thought you were working. I loved that we drove your dad's Mustang on that spring day to go get Frappachino's when the sun finally decided to come out. Those good times helped create my list of requirements when looking for a friend, a boyfriend or a roommate. Even if we ended, the good moments have helped shape what I desire in my relationships.
You taught me how to trust.
I cried to you. I told you some of my most hidden fears. I leaned on you when I couldn't hold myself up. You supported me in the good times and in the bad. I learned to put stock in another person and that was an incredible lesson to learn. But...
I had to learn how to bounce back from failed trust.
You hurt me sometimes. Cheating. Gossiping. Rumors. At times in my life, you absolutely broke me. But you know what the amazing part is?! I haven't stopped trusting. Just because you betrayed my friendship, it doesn't mean that I will never trust a friend again! Just because you broke my heart, it doesn't mean that I will never love again. You cannot ruin me. I am stronger than that.
You taught me to trust my intuition.
You know that time when I found inappropriate photos of another woman on your phone? Yeah, I trusted my intuition and confronted you on that. I knew something was up, and they weren't just old photos of an ex-girlfriend. You know when you stopped texting me when a certain someone was around? I should have listened to my gut at that time, and I learned that my intuition isn't usually making things up. I am learning to trust myself when a situation makes me uncomfortable.
I taught myself how to be alone.
Yep, you heard me. I don't mind sleeping by myself. I get the whole freaking bed! I don't mind showing up to the group activity without my bestie in tow. I don't mind spending a Tuesday night blogging. I learned that I'd rather be in the company of an incredibly strong, creative and hilarious woman (MYSELF, obvs) than be with someone who is constantly belittling me or making me feel inadequate.
You taught me how to stand up for myself.
When someone tells me that I'm too fat, or that I'm overreacting, or that I shouldn't feel a certain way, I know that I deserve better and you can damn well bet I will stand up for myself. I learned that if anyone is going to put me down, it's my responsibility to bring myself back up.
I learned how to fight graciously.
We're obviously not close any more. If it wasn't just the ebb and flow of time that brought us to where we are, we probably got in a fight. I have not held myself together perfectly in every fight, but through these issues, I learned how to compose myself in a way that cannot be used to talk ill of me when the fight is over. At times, I didn't really execute the fights in a way that would exemplify said grace, but hindsight has taught me a lot about how to conduct myself and I feel like I have learned how to get in a fight, while trying my best to stay civil. Even when I didn't feel like you deserved civility.
I learned how to love myself.
You broke my heart. You turned friends against me. You took me down. You made stabs that had lasting impact. You said things that I am still trying to forget. But you know what? I love myself. It took work, and it took a lot of faking it, but I got there. It's a constant learning opportunity because some days my pants are too tight, and some days I still feel anger toward you, and some days, I really hope you stub your toe or hit your funny bone (because I would never wish anything serious upon you, but those things are harmless, painful and/or annoying). But on those days where I falter, I still remember how much I've learned and how far I've come. For some stupid cliche analogy, I'm a traveler down the road of life, and I've stopped plenty of places, but I'm having a killer time on this wild adventure.
So thank you. Thank you for screwing me over. Thank you for making me cry. Thank you for leaving your bicycle in the middle of the living room. Thank you for pushing me to be stronger, better, more loving, and all around more bad-ass.
Cheers, my dear Ex.
Life's a bitch, but as the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt says, a bitch is the mother of cute puppies, so that's pretty much a compliment.
Sincerely,
Your Ex-Best Friend/Ex-Roommate/ Ex-Girlfriend
Monday, December 15, 2014
The Life of Sarah: The 2014 Highlight Reel
It's getting toward the end of 2014 which means it's about that time for sentimentality and all sorts of retrospectives on the past year. You see the top songs of 2014, the top movies of 2014, the most influential people of 2014, the best tweets of 2014, etc. It's all about the highlights.
What better way to follow up the "Thankful For the Crap" post than with a Highlight reel?! I figured, everyone else is making these great 2014 Recap's, so I guess I should make one too! A LOT of my highlights have been covered in other posts on No End In Sight, but not all of them.
Not only did I create my list of highlights, but as I was compiling them, I realized that these highlights strengthened me as a person. They made me happier, stronger, and more successful.
So I'd like to take a second, just sit right there, and I'll tell you all about how I became... happier in 2014. (Tell me you didn't just sing that like Will Smith and I will know you're lying!)
The Best of 2014- According to Sarah
I had my first snowday as a grownup.
Yes, this is most definitely how I am going to start of this post because it was quite a fun experience. You take snow, unexpected PAID time off, the Olympics and peppermint Schnapps, mix it all together and you get a pretty fun couple days. There was no learning curve to this experience, just the pure, child-like joy that is SNOW.
I started a kick ass blog.
It came out of a dark place, but the beauty is that it saved me from darker places. 2014's mantra was "2014 is the year of positive thoughts" because I found myself struggling to find positivity. 2014 was hard. It was ugly at times. I cried a hell of a lot. But one thing I could always count on was that I could pour all of my emotions and decisions into my virtual diary, where some of my closest friends -as well as total strangers- could weigh in, or at least know what I was going through. It turned from my venting space to a place of connection. I also felt that I continued to grow in the way I communicated. I was (and still am) able to put it all out on the line, even if I choose not to publish certain posts. Yet another beautiful result of this blog is the comments I have received from my readers. The notes saying, "That post really hit me because..." or "Thank you for addressing that!" truly warm my feelers. I appreciate you taking the time to go through my jumbled thoughts.
I got my butt in gear. Literally.
Getting into the gym in March was probably the one of the most positive things to come of this year. I have maintained a 15 pound weight-loss, I'm in the process of getting my Zumba Instructor Certification, and I've found a "gym family." Finding my physical strength was also an incredible way of staying positive and mentally strong.
I saw some AWESOME concerts.
Black Jack Billy, Cole Swindell, Lee Brice, Bella Fleck, Katy Perry, Chase Rice x2, Nickel Creek. All incredible shows and I CANNOT wait for 2015's concert opportunities.
I became best friends with my siblings.
How cliche is that? Maybe it's because we're all adults now. Maybe it's because we all live apart, so we're not annoyed by each other. It could be any of those things but I think it's because my mom and dad did an incredible job raising three human beings (but I'm a little biased). I have had more support from those two boogers in the last year than from anyone. They let me cry, they make me laugh, I let them cry and I help them laugh. I truly value you both, Andy and Hannah. You are two amazing role models even though you'll both always be my wittle babies.
I fell in love.
Okay so technically, this happened in 2013 but it deepened in 2014. Falling in love is a pretty incredible thing. Although it didn't end well, I am very very thankful for learning how to fall in love. I know it happens differently every time but I learned about what type of partner I am. I learned that I am able to be a great girlfriend. I learned that I am able to be selfless. I learned that I am able to feel deeply. I learned that I am able to be incredibly happy in a relationship and I learned that I AM still incredibly happy. Which leads to the next highlight.
I also fell in love... with myself as a single woman.
When the love I talked about was cut short, I had to do some soul-searching. I made some decisions that led me to discover what an incredible woman I have become in the last 23 years. No, that is not some conceited statement. It is a sense of confidence that I have been trying to find for a long time. When I had my love rejected, I had to invest that love in myself. I took care of myself. I let myself be sad. I let myself be cared for. I let myself heal and I let myself be happy again. I found strength and I found my laughter. And dang it, I LOVE laughing, because let's be real, I'm hilarious.
I took some fun trips.
I ventured to the coast for a wedding, the mountains for a camping trip, to Montana for another wedding, and to California for turkey day. All of the company was wonderful. The memories were beautiful and I hope to remember them for a long time to come.
I found an incredible job.
Are you guys sick of me talking about my awesome job yet? Well, get over it because I love it. I love the people I work with, the tasks I do, the mission of the company, the community we serve. ALL OF IT. Definitely one of the biggest highlights of the year.
My roomie is one of my besties.
I've had a lot of roommates. All amazing women. Some working better than others. But let me tell you about my oober-goober roommate. If Hannah and I lived together, I think it would be very similar to living with Emmie. I feel like she's me when I was 19. She's outgoing, and silly. She's not afraid to be a dork. She will have deep conversations with me and then run through the hallway to scare me five minutes later. I'm so blessed to have my little Emlynne Faith. It's always an adventure, and usually a struggle, but at least we're on the struggle bus together. HA HA!
I re-engaged my life with Jesus.
Cue the inspirational music, the robed choir and the televangelists. No but seriously. I started reading my bible (app) every night. I found a beautifully engaging church that not only relates to my everyday life, but it also lives up to the Christian ideal of family and stewardship. I have been able to see the work that Christ is doing in my life, but also how our church is making a difference in the world. I cannot wait to learn more about how to walk a more loving and supportive life with the Lord.
I met AMAZING people.
From the amazing crew at my local Dutch Bros., to the tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum that share my office, to the amazing Zumba family that I've found, I have been incredibly blessed with a multitude of personalities to add to my arsenal of friends. Each person brings something new to the table. I am so excited to watch these relationships flourish.
I took my mantra, "2014 is the year of positive thoughts," and turned it into a reality.
It wasn't easy. Sometimes I had to lie to myself and tell myself all this positive mumbo jumbo to get through. But I'll tell you a secret. Deep down, truly in my heart, I knew it was going to be okay. I knew that my positivity would prevail, and guess what? It did!! The power of suggestion is a pretty powerful thing. So to those of you needing that last little positive boost before the new year, here it is: Never underestimate yourself. You are amazing.
The greatest part about looking back on this highlight reel is that I have realized how much happier I am in December, as opposed to where I was in January. God puts us on "this crazy, magic, sometimes almost tragic, awful beautiful life" (please, someone get that reference...), and as my mom says, "If God leads you to it, He will bring you through it." God led me through a year of trials, of building, of growth.
Despite some rough waters, this year was one of the best. I am incredibly thankful. I am especially thankful for YOU! You're reading my blog, which was my little love child idea. Thank you for listening.
May you all have a blessed Christmas. And I will leave you with this:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. - John 14:27
What better way to follow up the "Thankful For the Crap" post than with a Highlight reel?! I figured, everyone else is making these great 2014 Recap's, so I guess I should make one too! A LOT of my highlights have been covered in other posts on No End In Sight, but not all of them.
Not only did I create my list of highlights, but as I was compiling them, I realized that these highlights strengthened me as a person. They made me happier, stronger, and more successful.
So I'd like to take a second, just sit right there, and I'll tell you all about how I became... happier in 2014. (Tell me you didn't just sing that like Will Smith and I will know you're lying!)
The Best of 2014- According to Sarah
I had my first snowday as a grownup.
Yes, this is most definitely how I am going to start of this post because it was quite a fun experience. You take snow, unexpected PAID time off, the Olympics and peppermint Schnapps, mix it all together and you get a pretty fun couple days. There was no learning curve to this experience, just the pure, child-like joy that is SNOW.
I started a kick ass blog.
It came out of a dark place, but the beauty is that it saved me from darker places. 2014's mantra was "2014 is the year of positive thoughts" because I found myself struggling to find positivity. 2014 was hard. It was ugly at times. I cried a hell of a lot. But one thing I could always count on was that I could pour all of my emotions and decisions into my virtual diary, where some of my closest friends -as well as total strangers- could weigh in, or at least know what I was going through. It turned from my venting space to a place of connection. I also felt that I continued to grow in the way I communicated. I was (and still am) able to put it all out on the line, even if I choose not to publish certain posts. Yet another beautiful result of this blog is the comments I have received from my readers. The notes saying, "That post really hit me because..." or "Thank you for addressing that!" truly warm my feelers. I appreciate you taking the time to go through my jumbled thoughts.
I got my butt in gear. Literally.
Getting into the gym in March was probably the one of the most positive things to come of this year. I have maintained a 15 pound weight-loss, I'm in the process of getting my Zumba Instructor Certification, and I've found a "gym family." Finding my physical strength was also an incredible way of staying positive and mentally strong.
I saw some AWESOME concerts.
Black Jack Billy, Cole Swindell, Lee Brice, Bella Fleck, Katy Perry, Chase Rice x2, Nickel Creek. All incredible shows and I CANNOT wait for 2015's concert opportunities.
I became best friends with my siblings.
How cliche is that? Maybe it's because we're all adults now. Maybe it's because we all live apart, so we're not annoyed by each other. It could be any of those things but I think it's because my mom and dad did an incredible job raising three human beings (but I'm a little biased). I have had more support from those two boogers in the last year than from anyone. They let me cry, they make me laugh, I let them cry and I help them laugh. I truly value you both, Andy and Hannah. You are two amazing role models even though you'll both always be my wittle babies.
I fell in love.
Okay so technically, this happened in 2013 but it deepened in 2014. Falling in love is a pretty incredible thing. Although it didn't end well, I am very very thankful for learning how to fall in love. I know it happens differently every time but I learned about what type of partner I am. I learned that I am able to be a great girlfriend. I learned that I am able to be selfless. I learned that I am able to feel deeply. I learned that I am able to be incredibly happy in a relationship and I learned that I AM still incredibly happy. Which leads to the next highlight.
I also fell in love... with myself as a single woman.
When the love I talked about was cut short, I had to do some soul-searching. I made some decisions that led me to discover what an incredible woman I have become in the last 23 years. No, that is not some conceited statement. It is a sense of confidence that I have been trying to find for a long time. When I had my love rejected, I had to invest that love in myself. I took care of myself. I let myself be sad. I let myself be cared for. I let myself heal and I let myself be happy again. I found strength and I found my laughter. And dang it, I LOVE laughing, because let's be real, I'm hilarious.
I took some fun trips.
I ventured to the coast for a wedding, the mountains for a camping trip, to Montana for another wedding, and to California for turkey day. All of the company was wonderful. The memories were beautiful and I hope to remember them for a long time to come.
I found an incredible job.
Are you guys sick of me talking about my awesome job yet? Well, get over it because I love it. I love the people I work with, the tasks I do, the mission of the company, the community we serve. ALL OF IT. Definitely one of the biggest highlights of the year.
My roomie is one of my besties.
I've had a lot of roommates. All amazing women. Some working better than others. But let me tell you about my oober-goober roommate. If Hannah and I lived together, I think it would be very similar to living with Emmie. I feel like she's me when I was 19. She's outgoing, and silly. She's not afraid to be a dork. She will have deep conversations with me and then run through the hallway to scare me five minutes later. I'm so blessed to have my little Emlynne Faith. It's always an adventure, and usually a struggle, but at least we're on the struggle bus together. HA HA!
I re-engaged my life with Jesus.
Cue the inspirational music, the robed choir and the televangelists. No but seriously. I started reading my bible (app) every night. I found a beautifully engaging church that not only relates to my everyday life, but it also lives up to the Christian ideal of family and stewardship. I have been able to see the work that Christ is doing in my life, but also how our church is making a difference in the world. I cannot wait to learn more about how to walk a more loving and supportive life with the Lord.
I met AMAZING people.
From the amazing crew at my local Dutch Bros., to the tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum that share my office, to the amazing Zumba family that I've found, I have been incredibly blessed with a multitude of personalities to add to my arsenal of friends. Each person brings something new to the table. I am so excited to watch these relationships flourish.
I took my mantra, "2014 is the year of positive thoughts," and turned it into a reality.
It wasn't easy. Sometimes I had to lie to myself and tell myself all this positive mumbo jumbo to get through. But I'll tell you a secret. Deep down, truly in my heart, I knew it was going to be okay. I knew that my positivity would prevail, and guess what? It did!! The power of suggestion is a pretty powerful thing. So to those of you needing that last little positive boost before the new year, here it is: Never underestimate yourself. You are amazing.
The greatest part about looking back on this highlight reel is that I have realized how much happier I am in December, as opposed to where I was in January. God puts us on "this crazy, magic, sometimes almost tragic, awful beautiful life" (please, someone get that reference...), and as my mom says, "If God leads you to it, He will bring you through it." God led me through a year of trials, of building, of growth.
Despite some rough waters, this year was one of the best. I am incredibly thankful. I am especially thankful for YOU! You're reading my blog, which was my little love child idea. Thank you for listening.
May you all have a blessed Christmas. And I will leave you with this:
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. - John 14:27
Monday, October 13, 2014
I don't miss you, I miss SOMEONE.
I'm okay being single. I don't want to be single forever, but for now I do NOT mind it. I've done some soul searching (insert deep philosophical background music). It had been a while since I had been solo and a lot has changed in my life since last time I was looking for love in all the wrong places.
If you take romantic relationships out of the picture, I have gone through five jobs, three apartments and a few friendships in the last year and a half. (That last sentence makes me look like a shit show, and let's be real, I kind of was... in the most controlled way possible.) I think that constitutes a bit of change. Take out relationship drama and you find a wide-eyed girl who moved her country roots to a big city. I've finally landed a job with an incredible company and I have coworkers that have become "killer friends"... you see what I did there?! That's a LOT of change. Awesome change.
Despite the change in the form of a promotion, an awesome apartment with a great roommate, and the best friends a girl could ask for, I find myself missing my "girlfriend mode." What do I mean? Well, it's pretty simple. I miss being a girlfriend, and that means I miss having a boyfriend. Do I miss the tool I dated? Nope. Not in the slightest. I have learned the hard way that I am so much better off, but it doesn't mean that I LOVE being by myself. Sometimes, I do. A lot of times, I don't.
But here's what I miss.
I miss thinking of fun ways to surprise someone. I miss thinking about how to make their day or cheer them up. I miss thinking about what kind of gifts would make them smile the biggest.
I miss having the best friend who listens and let's you be excited/mad/confused/scared/dorky. Yes, your friends can do this, but there's something comforting about knowing that your significant other will snuggle with you when you're done being a basket case.
I miss date nights. I'm not talking about the "Put your heels on and spend a lot of money on dinner" type of date nights. I'm talking about the "PJ's and takeout with Netflix" date nights. (This one can be altered into a girls night, but usually it involves celebrity gossip, fingernail polish and lots of wine... LOTS of wine). Don't get me wrong, the fancy date nights are very important too. There's something to be said about showing off your arm candy.
I miss the S.... nuggling.
I miss holding hands. When I miss holding hands a lot, I clasp my own hands and pretend to hold my own hand. Just kidding. (You'll never know if I'm actually kidding...)
So yeah... I miss being a girlfriend and I miss the placeholder of a person who is my go-to confidant. But here's the thing: Just because I miss having a person to do all of those things with, it doesn't mean that I'll just start sticking people into the empty space and seeing which random person fits!
I had a friend tell me recently that I shouldn't be looking to date right now, but just look around to have fun. Well, sorry hunny, this isn't college anymore and I am not the type to just fill the blank with some Tom, Dick or Harry. Sure, dating is great. It's fun. It gives you butterflies. But it also takes a LOT of work. It takes emotional investment when done for the right reasons, and let me assure you, I am doing this dating thing for the right reasons. When you invest your heart, you invest a little piece of yourself that is permanently changed. When you start giving all of those parts away to a bunch of different people, you start to lose your identity. You're altering so many of those little pieces, to the point where you are left with random puzzle cutouts that don't fit together. Before you know it, you're too afraid to give those pieces away in fear of an even more mismatched final product, or even worse, you become a person who ALWAYS has to have someone around to make sense of those pieces.
When it comes down to it, I have realized that it's too early for me to give more pieces away to be altered. Again, I am not saying that I miss my old relationship, specifically. I'm thankful for the opportunities I had to give out each and every piece of me, because like I've said in prior posts, it made me who I am today, but I also know that the ones I have left are special. They're precious and fragile, so it's not fair to me, let alone someone else, to give those pieces away at this time.
If you take romantic relationships out of the picture, I have gone through five jobs, three apartments and a few friendships in the last year and a half. (That last sentence makes me look like a shit show, and let's be real, I kind of was... in the most controlled way possible.) I think that constitutes a bit of change. Take out relationship drama and you find a wide-eyed girl who moved her country roots to a big city. I've finally landed a job with an incredible company and I have coworkers that have become "killer friends"... you see what I did there?! That's a LOT of change. Awesome change.
Despite the change in the form of a promotion, an awesome apartment with a great roommate, and the best friends a girl could ask for, I find myself missing my "girlfriend mode." What do I mean? Well, it's pretty simple. I miss being a girlfriend, and that means I miss having a boyfriend. Do I miss the tool I dated? Nope. Not in the slightest. I have learned the hard way that I am so much better off, but it doesn't mean that I LOVE being by myself. Sometimes, I do. A lot of times, I don't.
But here's what I miss.
I miss thinking of fun ways to surprise someone. I miss thinking about how to make their day or cheer them up. I miss thinking about what kind of gifts would make them smile the biggest.
I miss having the best friend who listens and let's you be excited/mad/confused/scared/dorky. Yes, your friends can do this, but there's something comforting about knowing that your significant other will snuggle with you when you're done being a basket case.
I miss date nights. I'm not talking about the "Put your heels on and spend a lot of money on dinner" type of date nights. I'm talking about the "PJ's and takeout with Netflix" date nights. (This one can be altered into a girls night, but usually it involves celebrity gossip, fingernail polish and lots of wine... LOTS of wine). Don't get me wrong, the fancy date nights are very important too. There's something to be said about showing off your arm candy.
I miss the S.... nuggling.
I miss holding hands. When I miss holding hands a lot, I clasp my own hands and pretend to hold my own hand. Just kidding. (You'll never know if I'm actually kidding...)
So yeah... I miss being a girlfriend and I miss the placeholder of a person who is my go-to confidant. But here's the thing: Just because I miss having a person to do all of those things with, it doesn't mean that I'll just start sticking people into the empty space and seeing which random person fits!
I had a friend tell me recently that I shouldn't be looking to date right now, but just look around to have fun. Well, sorry hunny, this isn't college anymore and I am not the type to just fill the blank with some Tom, Dick or Harry. Sure, dating is great. It's fun. It gives you butterflies. But it also takes a LOT of work. It takes emotional investment when done for the right reasons, and let me assure you, I am doing this dating thing for the right reasons. When you invest your heart, you invest a little piece of yourself that is permanently changed. When you start giving all of those parts away to a bunch of different people, you start to lose your identity. You're altering so many of those little pieces, to the point where you are left with random puzzle cutouts that don't fit together. Before you know it, you're too afraid to give those pieces away in fear of an even more mismatched final product, or even worse, you become a person who ALWAYS has to have someone around to make sense of those pieces.
When it comes down to it, I have realized that it's too early for me to give more pieces away to be altered. Again, I am not saying that I miss my old relationship, specifically. I'm thankful for the opportunities I had to give out each and every piece of me, because like I've said in prior posts, it made me who I am today, but I also know that the ones I have left are special. They're precious and fragile, so it's not fair to me, let alone someone else, to give those pieces away at this time.
So no, I don't want to go on a random date to have "a little fun... but not too much fun." I want to let myself fully make peace with the loss of a dear relationship. I want to let the little chunks of Sarah Soul get stronger in their altered identity, and THEN I want to start dating, because, dang it, I rock and someone will be lucky to date me. I make a great girlfriend. I know because I miss that role.
But until then, I'm going to love being single and re-learn about what a kick-ass human I am.
Friday, September 5, 2014
Why the world needs more Strong Women, and less Hard Women.
Strength is such a broad and often generic word. He is so strong, she is so strong. Are you talking about a body builder or a cancer survivor? Are you talking about the kid who lost half of his leg, or the sexual abuse victim? Is it mental, is it physical, is it emotional?
I was thinking this morning on my drive to work about some of the women in my life. I've been blessed with a huge pool of female role models, from family members, to supervisors, to coworkers and friends. So many of these women have incredibly admirable qualities, one of the biggest of the bunch is their strength. I've also seen some women who take strength to a whole new zip code. They want to be strong so they become hard. They become unapproachable, cynical, and straight up rude. They go from women who have endured, to women who have calloused.
So, with two words that can sometimes be so similar and sometimes be so opposite, I decided to ask some of my loyal readers what they thought were the differences between hard women and strong women. Of course they didn't disappoint...
To be honest, I expected people to interpret the strong woman vs. hard woman in terms of job-related qualities, but was surprised when the descriptions of the differences were personal characteristics. I thought it was interesting that the four people I asked ALL addressed the question from a place of conflict. This question had no background info attached, so for all four individuals to relate it to how women react in conflict was fascinating to me.
I think it is SO important to encourage women to be strong without being hard. I know far too many millennial women (and women of other generations as well) who are heading down what I believe to be the unhealthier of the strong vs. hard decision. They get their hearts broken, they find conflict in work, or they give up on something and say "I will never let this happen again," when a strong women would say, "how can I learn from this?" By closing yourself off to opportunities because of a bad experience, how will you ever grow?! So you had a crappy boss... The whole industry isn't out to get you. You fell in love and it didn't work out? You're not going to die alone. You gave up on a dream? There's still time.... go get it.
Strong women have so much to offer. They are compassionate but stern. Driven but not obsessed. They are vulnerable but they also know when the pity party is over. A strong woman is aware of her self, but she is also aware of how she treats others. A strong woman teaches, a hard woman dictates. A strong woman strives to understand, a hard woman points the finger. If we become a generation of women that become too hard, we will lose sight of our resilient strength.
Even if you're not a woman reading this, it's important to encourage the women in your life to stay away from the callousness and lean toward the understanding. Learn from your experiences. Let them shape you but not change you. I love the quote by Michelangelo, "Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it." This is the perfect analogy for staying strong without becoming hard. You have to make small adjustments in little pieces, but you don't change the material. You don't change yourself, you change the final product.
I was thinking this morning on my drive to work about some of the women in my life. I've been blessed with a huge pool of female role models, from family members, to supervisors, to coworkers and friends. So many of these women have incredibly admirable qualities, one of the biggest of the bunch is their strength. I've also seen some women who take strength to a whole new zip code. They want to be strong so they become hard. They become unapproachable, cynical, and straight up rude. They go from women who have endured, to women who have calloused.
So, with two words that can sometimes be so similar and sometimes be so opposite, I decided to ask some of my loyal readers what they thought were the differences between hard women and strong women. Of course they didn't disappoint...
Well I feel like a strong woman knows when she is in a vulnerable position and can learn from that experience in order to become stronger or gain strength. A hard woman, I feel, is someone who is not emotionally stable. Someone who puts on a facade of "Im too tough to cry even though I feel like my whole world is crumbling"- Gal, 24
The difference is the way they deal with difficult times and how many of those times they've had to deal with. - Guy, 26
A hard woman to me means cynical, cold, unfeeling. She lets the things in her life build walls around her heart. Strong women still have feelings. They let themselves feel things but they are mature enough to see what they can gain or learn from really tough experiences. - Gal, 25
First off let me say, a strong woman is very sexy. I'm not entirely sure why, but watching a woman confidently -not like a psycho though- put a man in his place cracks me up (insert shit eating grin here). She's classy, very smart, works her tail off. Plus she will rock the bedroom because, well, she knows her man wants it but will make him work for it, otherwise it wouldn't be a challenge. Hard women? To me that sounds like an old landlord of mine. Crazy ass "strong willed independent woman." Asks her husband to do things, then tears him a new one just to do it.Always in control. She's probably incredibly self conscious so she built walls and acted tough, then got angry when those walls kept people out. Strong women are legit, they are true. There isn't a whole made up story or layer of BS to cover up mistakes or heartbreaks. It's awesome. I think it's the confidence and the ability to realize a mistake is just a learning experience. - Guy, 24So the general consensus is that strong women still feel. Hard women are flat liners.
To be honest, I expected people to interpret the strong woman vs. hard woman in terms of job-related qualities, but was surprised when the descriptions of the differences were personal characteristics. I thought it was interesting that the four people I asked ALL addressed the question from a place of conflict. This question had no background info attached, so for all four individuals to relate it to how women react in conflict was fascinating to me.
I think it is SO important to encourage women to be strong without being hard. I know far too many millennial women (and women of other generations as well) who are heading down what I believe to be the unhealthier of the strong vs. hard decision. They get their hearts broken, they find conflict in work, or they give up on something and say "I will never let this happen again," when a strong women would say, "how can I learn from this?" By closing yourself off to opportunities because of a bad experience, how will you ever grow?! So you had a crappy boss... The whole industry isn't out to get you. You fell in love and it didn't work out? You're not going to die alone. You gave up on a dream? There's still time.... go get it.
Strong women have so much to offer. They are compassionate but stern. Driven but not obsessed. They are vulnerable but they also know when the pity party is over. A strong woman is aware of her self, but she is also aware of how she treats others. A strong woman teaches, a hard woman dictates. A strong woman strives to understand, a hard woman points the finger. If we become a generation of women that become too hard, we will lose sight of our resilient strength.
Even if you're not a woman reading this, it's important to encourage the women in your life to stay away from the callousness and lean toward the understanding. Learn from your experiences. Let them shape you but not change you. I love the quote by Michelangelo, "Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it." This is the perfect analogy for staying strong without becoming hard. You have to make small adjustments in little pieces, but you don't change the material. You don't change yourself, you change the final product.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Question: Right Choice vs. Wrong Choice? Answer: FALSE.
We live in a generation that is obsessed with making the right choice.
It's all over our culture...
In movies:
In books:
And then there are just the badass quotes about choice:
I love the idea of choices. You have the capability of deciding how you want your story to go, how your direction moves and how you handle situations. But we live in a convoluted society that gives the impression that there is a RIGHT and a WRONG choice. Oh, how wrong that is....
My belief is that there is not a RIGHT and a WRONG choice. Yes, there are moral values that might be compromised in a decision. There are paths that are more desirable to the end result but there isnt a WRONG one.
Every choice you make guides you to the path of where you're supposed to be. I truly believe that our experiences shape us. I have been in some pretty rough places in the past. POSSIBLE OVER SHARE ALERT: For those of you who don't know, I was a victim of child molestation when I was seven years old. Many of you are gasping right now for one of two reasons; 1) Holy crap, I never knew that, or 2) Holy crap, why is she sharing that with the whole freaking internet?!
Well, the reasons I share this are : A) It's not my fault, and I'm not ashamed to talk about it, B) Talking about my history does not make me an attention whore, C) It's going to help me make my point about choices, D) Advocacy is best inspired by people who have gone through the situations and I am willing to talk about my experience with ANYONE as long as the conversation is about how to advocate for knowledge and support. **SIDE NOTE**If this is a cause you'd be interested in supporting, there's an incredible organization that helped me and so many others called the Children's Advocacy Center in Jackson County (for more info, click HERE )
I was so young when that happened to me and my conscious mind has blocked out a lot of what my little seven year old self went through. HOWEVER, I'd be lying if I said I was completely unaffected by my experience. Because I was so young, I don't know how I would have turned out if I hadn't gone through something so traumatic, but I know that telling my mom about what happened was my first BIG lesson on choices. I was told not to tell my parents, but I knew that wasn't what I should do. I told my mom. I made a huge choice. It would be considered a morally right decision by most, but many others in the situation similar to mine did NOT tell about what happened to them. Is that saying they made the WRONG decision? No. It's just a choice that can lead to a VERY different outcome for most people who were in my shoes.
Heavy stuff, sorry, but choices are a heavy topic. Way too many of my friends are afraid of making the wrong decision. They're too caught up in how their decision will be perceived. They're worried about doing what's right, even to the point of shutting down and panicking about their decision, making it so that nothing ends up coming from their situation (which is a choice in itself). But what if there isn't a right or wrong decision? What if there are just alternate endings? I think that goes back to the original premise of this blog, NO END IN SIGHT, taking something that is negatively viewed in our culture and then turning it to the positive. Eliminating the negative verbage.
Choices are beautiful.
The freedom of choice is something that we Americans take for granted very frequently. You can choose to go to college. You can choose to drop out of high school. Neither choice is right. Neither choice is wrong. Choices in life aren't a 2+2=4 equation. They're more like giving a crazy word problem from a physics exam to a group of sixth graders and asking them to come up with the back-story of why a train was traveling from Atlanta to HongKong. The reality is that each sixth grader will come up with a different story as to why/how the train was able to cross the ocean and multiple countries. None of the stories are right. Heck, the question is made up, right? And the idea of making all the right decisions is made up, too.
The real trick is to learn from your choices, to make a few mistakes, but to gain something from each experience. In my story, confiding in my mother set us up for a relationship that was strengthened to the core by a level of communication that we might not have had if I hadn't gone through what I did. I wouldn't have been able to advocate at City Hall as a third graader for an organization that truly saved so many children from terrible acts. I wouldn't have been able to get together with a group of young women through a teen mentorship program that taught me SO MUCH, about myself and about the resiliance of humans, period. I would never wish my scenario on anyone, but I also wouldn't change it because it made me the woman I am today.
Remember that your choices are important and still require much deliberation but breathe in the fact that you'll always have the ability to make a change in your situation. Whatever choice you make is the right choice.
It's all over our culture...
In movies:
The Dark Knight- Alfred: They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
If I Stay- Gayle Forman: Sometime you make choices, and sometimes choices make you.
Pitch Perfect- Fat Amy: Sometimes I have a feeling I can do crystal meth.. But them I think; mmmm better not! (Maybe not the perfect example of choice, but it's Fat Amy, so it's great life advice...)
In books:
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban- Albus Dumbledore: It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. (It wouldn't be my blog if I didn't have an HP reference...)
Alice in Wonderland: Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire Cat."I don't know," Alice answered.'Then,' said the Cat, "it doesn't matter."
And then there are just the badass quotes about choice:
Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice.
-Wayne Dyer
May your choices in life reflect your hopes, not your fears.- Nelson Mandela (BRILLIANT.)
Choose Happiness. - Some Dumb Pinterest picture
I love the idea of choices. You have the capability of deciding how you want your story to go, how your direction moves and how you handle situations. But we live in a convoluted society that gives the impression that there is a RIGHT and a WRONG choice. Oh, how wrong that is....
My belief is that there is not a RIGHT and a WRONG choice. Yes, there are moral values that might be compromised in a decision. There are paths that are more desirable to the end result but there isnt a WRONG one.
Every choice you make guides you to the path of where you're supposed to be. I truly believe that our experiences shape us. I have been in some pretty rough places in the past. POSSIBLE OVER SHARE ALERT: For those of you who don't know, I was a victim of child molestation when I was seven years old. Many of you are gasping right now for one of two reasons; 1) Holy crap, I never knew that, or 2) Holy crap, why is she sharing that with the whole freaking internet?!
Well, the reasons I share this are : A) It's not my fault, and I'm not ashamed to talk about it, B) Talking about my history does not make me an attention whore, C) It's going to help me make my point about choices, D) Advocacy is best inspired by people who have gone through the situations and I am willing to talk about my experience with ANYONE as long as the conversation is about how to advocate for knowledge and support. **SIDE NOTE**If this is a cause you'd be interested in supporting, there's an incredible organization that helped me and so many others called the Children's Advocacy Center in Jackson County (for more info, click HERE )
I was so young when that happened to me and my conscious mind has blocked out a lot of what my little seven year old self went through. HOWEVER, I'd be lying if I said I was completely unaffected by my experience. Because I was so young, I don't know how I would have turned out if I hadn't gone through something so traumatic, but I know that telling my mom about what happened was my first BIG lesson on choices. I was told not to tell my parents, but I knew that wasn't what I should do. I told my mom. I made a huge choice. It would be considered a morally right decision by most, but many others in the situation similar to mine did NOT tell about what happened to them. Is that saying they made the WRONG decision? No. It's just a choice that can lead to a VERY different outcome for most people who were in my shoes.
Heavy stuff, sorry, but choices are a heavy topic. Way too many of my friends are afraid of making the wrong decision. They're too caught up in how their decision will be perceived. They're worried about doing what's right, even to the point of shutting down and panicking about their decision, making it so that nothing ends up coming from their situation (which is a choice in itself). But what if there isn't a right or wrong decision? What if there are just alternate endings? I think that goes back to the original premise of this blog, NO END IN SIGHT, taking something that is negatively viewed in our culture and then turning it to the positive. Eliminating the negative verbage.
Choices are beautiful.
The freedom of choice is something that we Americans take for granted very frequently. You can choose to go to college. You can choose to drop out of high school. Neither choice is right. Neither choice is wrong. Choices in life aren't a 2+2=4 equation. They're more like giving a crazy word problem from a physics exam to a group of sixth graders and asking them to come up with the back-story of why a train was traveling from Atlanta to HongKong. The reality is that each sixth grader will come up with a different story as to why/how the train was able to cross the ocean and multiple countries. None of the stories are right. Heck, the question is made up, right? And the idea of making all the right decisions is made up, too.
The real trick is to learn from your choices, to make a few mistakes, but to gain something from each experience. In my story, confiding in my mother set us up for a relationship that was strengthened to the core by a level of communication that we might not have had if I hadn't gone through what I did. I wouldn't have been able to advocate at City Hall as a third graader for an organization that truly saved so many children from terrible acts. I wouldn't have been able to get together with a group of young women through a teen mentorship program that taught me SO MUCH, about myself and about the resiliance of humans, period. I would never wish my scenario on anyone, but I also wouldn't change it because it made me the woman I am today.
Remember that your choices are important and still require much deliberation but breathe in the fact that you'll always have the ability to make a change in your situation. Whatever choice you make is the right choice.
Monday, August 18, 2014
When a Heart Breaks.
“A broken heart will turn into a stronger one within hope.”― Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut
Two weeks is still fresh break up, but let me tell you, I have learned more in the last 2 weeks than I have in a long time. Don't worry. I'm not going to get all sad and mopey on this post. Not intentionally at least.
We all will go through a broken heart at some point and it just plain blows. You realize how many little moments remind you of the person you no longer "get" to think about all day, every day. The radio is an evil torture device. Your clothes are reminders of dates or activities. Restaurants are dangerous memory traps.
Despite the pain that some of these things bring, other things can be brought along with them. Sometimes the hurting brings a sense of release, sometimes the hurting brings a sense of strength, and sometimes the hurting brings a chance to let everything go.
This breakup has sucked so majorly. However crappy it is, though, I have learned these key principles of Broken-Heartedness:
I am allowed to be vulnerable.
I hate being vulnerable. Don't get me wrong, I have always been an emotional person, but being vulnerable is a double edged sword when it comes to being loving. I was recently talking to another friend who is going through a recent and rough breakup, and we talked about how sucky it was to be the one to love so fiercely. Loving hard unfortunately means opening ourselves up for a potentially hard fall. As our conversation went on though, we realized that loving deeply is what makes us who we are, and that we receive so much love from those around us BECAUSE we are able to love hard. That vulnerability is our strength and we can't be afraid to let that love be strong and open.
There is some darn good break-up music out there.
I have two really wonderful women in my life who have made some STRONG break-up mixes. There's just something about belting Beyonce as you fly down the freeway on a sunny morning, thinking to yourself, "Heck ya, Beyonce... What goes around DOES come back around!"
Getting hit on is the most empowering, yet heart-wrenching thing to follow a breakup.
Just days after getting a big fat slice of Dumping Pie, I was somehow convinced to go out to a bar where my ex- and I went whenever we decided to actually get off of Netflix. This could have been a dangerous decision (one that I wouldn't recommend unless you are feeling particularly empowered), but thankfully I had some really wonderful women to encourage me to enjoy myself! At this bar, we quickly found the most Bro-tastic guy I have ever seen, and some how, I caught his eye. I have never been so aggressively hit on in my life, and thankfully my sharp-tongued wit was on point, because I was able to hold my own, in my sassy, classy and smart-assy responses. As I got in my car to leave, alone might I add, I thought to myself, "Oh yeah... I still got it!" It felt wrong and uncomfortable and made me miss the 'absentee' so much, but at the same time, I was able to realize that, eventually, I will be okay with (maybe even look forward to!) someone else flirting with me. It will be okay.
People who you wouldn't expect to be there, are there for you.
I am still amazed at how many people continue to check in on me. Not just to get the drama or the he-said-she-said, but people who genuinely care about my well-being. To those friends who have done so and are reading this, I value you more than you will ever know. Thank you for loving me.
Breakups are crappy for everyone.
I wish I could say that this break-up was a clean one, that when we ended things, all communication stopped. Unfortunately that hasn't been the case. In the grand scheme of things, it has been a good break-up, in the sense that we both love each other so much and truly want the other person to be "okay". No matter what side of the break-up you are on, it's hard. If it's not hard, you didn't/don't truly care for that person, and good thing y'all broke up.
Little tears are better than big breakdowns.
My mom, God bless her, keeps reminding me that a few little tears here and there are okay. They're normal. They keep you from full blown LOSING IT.
Lastly, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I can be stronger than I realize.
When everyone told me I was being so strong, and that I was handling it so well, I wanted to punch them all in the faces, not because of what they said, but because I didn't feel good. I felt like I was going to throw up every fifteen minutes, and I cried more frequently than that. I felt as weak as a blade of grass. But I realized that they were right. I was being strong. I got out of bed every morning. I slapped a smile on my face... sometimes real, and sometimes about as real as Heidi Montag's third set of boobs. I made sure to eat (most of the time), and I took care of myself. That is how I realized that I was being strong. I wasn't doing it for a show, or to get more people to say that I was "doing so well," but I was doing it to make myself well, to make myself strong. Becoming strong is not revenge, it's resilience.
I'm still learning about this breakup. I'm learning that my perspective changes more than I blink and that I am capable of a LARGE range of emotions. But I'm learning. That's what breakups are for in my opinion, to learn about how you handle crap. To have a broken heart is to work on a gigantic puzzle without all of the pieces. Eventually though, you realize your puzzle is just part of the bigger puzzle, and with even more inspiration and determination, and help from another puzzle master, you make a seriously epic piece of work.
I started with a quote, so I will leave you with one that resonates within me as I write. 2014 is the year of positive thoughts, my dears.
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” -- (Unknown)
XoXo.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
How do you stay positive in a break up?
You don't. At least not immediately, but you'll get there eventually, or so they keep telling me.
It caught me pretty off guard. And I'm not okay with it yet.
I am the queen of helping my friends through the tough times. I find solace in being able to care for my "babies" that need me. Call that my maternal instinct or whatever else you want. I love being able to give them the self confidence to make it through a bad breakup, family issues or whatever else the world can throw at them.
When it's my turn, though, I am lost.
I hate pity parties. I hate weakness. I hate moping. I'm not good at it because I hate watching it in other people. I WANT to be the girl who is comfortable letting others take care of her in my time of need. But I'm not comfortable with that. It takes a lot of self discipline on my end to let people sit me down and tell me it's okay to be sad. It takes a lot of self-discipline to let myself be sad. To not say "Shake it off Cowgirl", while bucking up and get over it immediately. Um hello, it hasn't been 24 hours. You CAN be sad, Sarah. It's allowed and it's a good thing (or so they tell me), because it means it was real.
But I don't want it to be real, because real means over. I want it to be a bad dream.
HOWEVER, it's not a bad dream. It's the real deal.
So how do you stay strong? Stay positive? Stay "okay"?
1) You let yourself be sad.
Damn. I'm gonna actually have to give in to the sucky-ness. But like all of my friends and family have said at this point, it's okay to be sad. It's better to be a loving soul that finds heartbreak than to be a cold soul who knows no love. And I agree with that completely. Relationships are beautiful gifts, regardless of how long they last. It's worth the sad if we get to experience the joy.
2) Ask for support.
I suck at this. I essentially moved my entire apartment by myself in 100 degree weather because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by asking them for help. Breakups are only harder when experienced alone. If you think about it, most of the time you're losing your best friend, the one you tell everything, the one who knows you the best (or damn near it). It's the support net that will help you get through the times where you want to tell them about the delicious mexican place you just tried or the crazy customer at work. You need the support of your friends who will tell you, "you're a catch" and mean it with every ounce of their beings.
3) Pray. A lot. And hard.
Pray for him. Pray for you. Pray for strength in your future and pray for thanks in your past. Pray for wisdom and self-confidence. Most importantly, pray for peace. For both of you. Breakups are not easy for either party. Ever. So pray that the other person can find strength and thanks and wisdom and self confidence. Prayer is the most healing thing you can do.
4) Buck up.
This step is only allowed after the completion of the first three phases. This one takes time and a little bit of pain but you cannot be the person who wallows forever. Sure, it's easier to mope, but goodness it sucks. Take your time in this phase; I know it's going to take a long time until I get to this point. But, eventually, I will be there. Eventually, we all make it through the fireswamp.
5) Forgive.
Sometimes this takes years. Sometimes it takes hours. Wherever it lands you, forgiveness is the ultimate release, revenge and restoration. Work hard to achieve that moment where you can be thankful for that person's presence in your life and forgive them for the hurt you felt.
I want to go home and make my family hang out with me until they annoy me to the point of getting over my problems. I want to lay in bed and cry. All day. For a few days. But I will not succumb to the pain. I will take my own advice and I will use it to help me grow. It will not harden me, nor change me, but it will adjust me.
2014 is the year of positive thoughts and I will wake up every morning with a grateful heart knowing that I AM a catch and that I AM a pretty darn fabulous person, dangit. It's going to be immensely hard to stay positive and you're all going to help me stay accountable.
Positive thoughts lead to positive words, positive words lead to positive actions, and positive actions lead to a positive outlook.
Stay positive. XOXO.
It caught me pretty off guard. And I'm not okay with it yet.
I am the queen of helping my friends through the tough times. I find solace in being able to care for my "babies" that need me. Call that my maternal instinct or whatever else you want. I love being able to give them the self confidence to make it through a bad breakup, family issues or whatever else the world can throw at them.
When it's my turn, though, I am lost.
I hate pity parties. I hate weakness. I hate moping. I'm not good at it because I hate watching it in other people. I WANT to be the girl who is comfortable letting others take care of her in my time of need. But I'm not comfortable with that. It takes a lot of self discipline on my end to let people sit me down and tell me it's okay to be sad. It takes a lot of self-discipline to let myself be sad. To not say "Shake it off Cowgirl", while bucking up and get over it immediately. Um hello, it hasn't been 24 hours. You CAN be sad, Sarah. It's allowed and it's a good thing (or so they tell me), because it means it was real.
But I don't want it to be real, because real means over. I want it to be a bad dream.
HOWEVER, it's not a bad dream. It's the real deal.
So how do you stay strong? Stay positive? Stay "okay"?
1) You let yourself be sad.
Damn. I'm gonna actually have to give in to the sucky-ness. But like all of my friends and family have said at this point, it's okay to be sad. It's better to be a loving soul that finds heartbreak than to be a cold soul who knows no love. And I agree with that completely. Relationships are beautiful gifts, regardless of how long they last. It's worth the sad if we get to experience the joy.
2) Ask for support.
I suck at this. I essentially moved my entire apartment by myself in 100 degree weather because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by asking them for help. Breakups are only harder when experienced alone. If you think about it, most of the time you're losing your best friend, the one you tell everything, the one who knows you the best (or damn near it). It's the support net that will help you get through the times where you want to tell them about the delicious mexican place you just tried or the crazy customer at work. You need the support of your friends who will tell you, "you're a catch" and mean it with every ounce of their beings.
3) Pray. A lot. And hard.
Pray for him. Pray for you. Pray for strength in your future and pray for thanks in your past. Pray for wisdom and self-confidence. Most importantly, pray for peace. For both of you. Breakups are not easy for either party. Ever. So pray that the other person can find strength and thanks and wisdom and self confidence. Prayer is the most healing thing you can do.
4) Buck up.
This step is only allowed after the completion of the first three phases. This one takes time and a little bit of pain but you cannot be the person who wallows forever. Sure, it's easier to mope, but goodness it sucks. Take your time in this phase; I know it's going to take a long time until I get to this point. But, eventually, I will be there. Eventually, we all make it through the fireswamp.
5) Forgive.
Sometimes this takes years. Sometimes it takes hours. Wherever it lands you, forgiveness is the ultimate release, revenge and restoration. Work hard to achieve that moment where you can be thankful for that person's presence in your life and forgive them for the hurt you felt.
I want to go home and make my family hang out with me until they annoy me to the point of getting over my problems. I want to lay in bed and cry. All day. For a few days. But I will not succumb to the pain. I will take my own advice and I will use it to help me grow. It will not harden me, nor change me, but it will adjust me.
2014 is the year of positive thoughts and I will wake up every morning with a grateful heart knowing that I AM a catch and that I AM a pretty darn fabulous person, dangit. It's going to be immensely hard to stay positive and you're all going to help me stay accountable.
Positive thoughts lead to positive words, positive words lead to positive actions, and positive actions lead to a positive outlook.
Stay positive. XOXO.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Homesick for College
The place that I was raised is 273 miles away. I am used to homesickness.
My family lives 2,494 miles away. I am VERY used to homesickness.
First of all, let's talk about the term "homesick." When I say homesick, I'm not talking about four walls and a roof. I'm talking about the laughter after your sister says something stupid. I'm talking about the wrestling match with your brother. I'm talking about watching Gilmore Girls with your dad (yes, I said dad... sorry for blabbing your secret, Pops). I'm talking about going on walks with your mom and discussing life. I'm talking about the RELATIONSHIP of HOME.
When my family moved accross the country, I went from an illusion of independece to a reality of literally being on my own. I went from home being just a few hours away in case I needed anything, even just a hug, to needing 18 hours and four planes to wrap my arms around my mom and dad. It was shocking and hard to get used to at first (let's be real; it's still not easy). The homesickness I felt back then was strong and the three hour time difference made it even harder to talk to the ones that I love.
Thankfully, as the time passed, Oregon State slowly started becoming the home I created for myself. It wasn't the same as being with my family (which is what I associate 'home' with, since they are no longer living in my childhood home), but I started to find a group of people that became my "adopted family". I had friends who brought me into their childhood homes. Their siblings became like my siblings. They hugged me when I needed hugs.
It wasn't the same as being home but it became MY home.
Four years later. I'm homesick again. But this time, instead of being homesick for my biological family I'm homesick for my college family. I miss having a hangout spot on the couch in my favorite coffee shop. I miss the friends that lived within walking distance. I miss going to Sharri's for horrible breakfast food at 3am. I miss the REALTIONSHIP of COLLEGE.
Unfortunately though, her story ran just days after she was killed in a tragic car accident. But Marina had the right idea. She knew that she was blessed with the people who related, who experienced, and who lived the opposite of loneliness. They lived life together. Even if they weren't going through the same things, they were doing it together.
In college, I was blessed to make the closest friends I've ever had. We went through deaths, through breakups, through financial instability, through hangovers, through aced tests and failed exams, through engagements, through everything. It isn't until you don't see your friends regularly that you realze how much you love them.
I had this epiphany on Tuesday Night when I reconnected with some of my MUPC alumni buddies. We talked about life and jobs and memories of our crazy events and I realized how much I had missed them. I also realized that I am so lucky that I DO miss them. It means that our lives shared a special experience and it would always bond us.
So, yes, I am extremely homesick for the 20-ish friends who would come over for dinner parties once a month. I'm homesick for the study groups. I'm homesick for the friends who would pull me onto the dance floor when a boy was hurting my feelings. I'm homesick for the wine nights... all the wine nights. I'm homesick for sitting on the MUPC couches playing the Sausage Movie game and giggling like the immature goobers that we were (and still are).
But I am SO DARN GRATEFUL for those silly moments, those hugs and those tears, those life moments. The reminiscing and the memories are about more than my degree I earned and the massive amount of debt I accrued. They are about the love I earned and gave so willingly.
IT'S WORTH THE HOMESICKNESS.
My family lives 2,494 miles away. I am VERY used to homesickness.
First of all, let's talk about the term "homesick." When I say homesick, I'm not talking about four walls and a roof. I'm talking about the laughter after your sister says something stupid. I'm talking about the wrestling match with your brother. I'm talking about watching Gilmore Girls with your dad (yes, I said dad... sorry for blabbing your secret, Pops). I'm talking about going on walks with your mom and discussing life. I'm talking about the RELATIONSHIP of HOME.
When my family moved accross the country, I went from an illusion of independece to a reality of literally being on my own. I went from home being just a few hours away in case I needed anything, even just a hug, to needing 18 hours and four planes to wrap my arms around my mom and dad. It was shocking and hard to get used to at first (let's be real; it's still not easy). The homesickness I felt back then was strong and the three hour time difference made it even harder to talk to the ones that I love.
Thankfully, as the time passed, Oregon State slowly started becoming the home I created for myself. It wasn't the same as being with my family (which is what I associate 'home' with, since they are no longer living in my childhood home), but I started to find a group of people that became my "adopted family". I had friends who brought me into their childhood homes. Their siblings became like my siblings. They hugged me when I needed hugs.
It wasn't the same as being home but it became MY home.
Four years later. I'm homesick again. But this time, instead of being homesick for my biological family I'm homesick for my college family. I miss having a hangout spot on the couch in my favorite coffee shop. I miss the friends that lived within walking distance. I miss going to Sharri's for horrible breakfast food at 3am. I miss the REALTIONSHIP of COLLEGE.
There was an article that went viral last year, right around the time I graduated college, called The Opposite of Loneliness . This article knocked me on my butt the first time I read it, and continues to do so a year later. It came from the Yale Daily News (the real one, not the Rory Gilmore version) and was written by a young woman, Marina Keegan, who was destined to do big things, yet her biggest fear was losing the "people, an abundance of people, who are in this together."
Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.
This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now. - Marina Keegan, Yale Daily News (2012)
Unfortunately though, her story ran just days after she was killed in a tragic car accident. But Marina had the right idea. She knew that she was blessed with the people who related, who experienced, and who lived the opposite of loneliness. They lived life together. Even if they weren't going through the same things, they were doing it together.
In college, I was blessed to make the closest friends I've ever had. We went through deaths, through breakups, through financial instability, through hangovers, through aced tests and failed exams, through engagements, through everything. It isn't until you don't see your friends regularly that you realze how much you love them.
I had this epiphany on Tuesday Night when I reconnected with some of my MUPC alumni buddies. We talked about life and jobs and memories of our crazy events and I realized how much I had missed them. I also realized that I am so lucky that I DO miss them. It means that our lives shared a special experience and it would always bond us.
So, yes, I am extremely homesick for the 20-ish friends who would come over for dinner parties once a month. I'm homesick for the study groups. I'm homesick for the friends who would pull me onto the dance floor when a boy was hurting my feelings. I'm homesick for the wine nights... all the wine nights. I'm homesick for sitting on the MUPC couches playing the Sausage Movie game and giggling like the immature goobers that we were (and still are).
But I am SO DARN GRATEFUL for those silly moments, those hugs and those tears, those life moments. The reminiscing and the memories are about more than my degree I earned and the massive amount of debt I accrued. They are about the love I earned and gave so willingly.
IT'S WORTH THE HOMESICKNESS.
Monday, July 21, 2014
KEEP GOING: When LIFE hands you lemons, you make a Lemon Meringue Pie.
There was a point this year where I didn't know that lemons could produce anything sweet. They were sour, and made me make a face that semi-resembled this little guy.
But way less cute.
Let me tell you, I had plenty of lemons. I hated my job, the weather was (in true Oregon style) dismal, I didn't feel like I had many friends in this town that I had begun to call home, and my support system was scattered all over the country. It's not like anyone was dying or I was out on the streets or anything, but things weren't all unicorns and rainbows.
SO THAT'S WHAT I DID. Because there is always a reason to keep going. At the time, I wanted to give up and poop out on this new challenge of being a grownup. I somehow managed to push through. How, you may ask?
Well here it goes, Sarah's fool-proof reasons why you NEED keep going:
Life gives you seasons.
There is not a person on this earth who is happy all the time. There is not a person on this earth who has not seen a bad-hair day, or a stubbed toe, or felt like they were all alone... literally or figuratively. We all see the sunny days and we all see the gloomy days. To be as cliche as possible, we wouldn't see the good if we didn't have the bad to compare. Now, sometimes there comes a point where you have a hard time remembering the good, but as the great Albus Dumbledore once said, “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Gee, that dude is smart...
You are not a starving child in Africa.
And if you are, I apologize that you're seeing this blog instead of some cool and inspiring thing that the internet could provide. My point here is it could be worse. Just because it could be worse, doesn't mean it doesn't suck. When I had to eat pb&j sandwiches and plain spaghetti noodles with butter for a week because my "full time job" couldn't afford me any food, I was pretty bummed. However, I had SOMETHING to eat. I was not starving. Sure, I was hungry and bummed with my lack of options, but I wasn't starving. It could be worse, so take a moment to be thankful for what you have.
Pity Parties are made for cowards.
There is nothing that I hate more than pity parties. You can ask ANY of my closest friends and family members. I do not tolerate a woe-is-me attitude. Sure, we all need to relinquish defeat to our hard times on occasion, but if you get stuck on it, I'm probably going to slap you into reality and out of your whine sesh. While we're sticking with the Dumbledore quotes, let's view my absolute favorite quote by the genius himself; “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” If you are cowardly and obsessing over how sucky your life is, you're going to lead a sucky life. Time to suck it up, put on your big kid panties and make some changes.
Someone is cheering for you.
It might not feel like it but, even if it's just me, SOMEONE out there wants you to succeed. Maybe it's your mom, or your grandpa, or your little brother, or your second grade teacher, or a stranger you met at work. SOMEONE is rooting for you. If you ever need to hear that someone is cheering you on to keep going, let me know. I will be your support system through the hardest of times, because that's what friends are for.
Somewhere out there is an opportunity of a lifetime.
This one takes a lot of faith and even more persistence. Who knows what it is? It could be taking a trip to Haiti to work at an orphanage. It could be mentoring a group of at-risk individuals. It could be taking a job at a company you have always enjoyed but didn't know what kind of opportunity it would lead to (cough... this one is me... cough). Whatever it is, you have to actively search it out. My dad always says that opportunity is about patience and preparation. You have to be actively preparing for something while patiently waiting to see what kind of options are out there. Whatever it is, keep going... You'll get there.
So, yeah... you've got some lemons... But you've got someone cheering you on; that's the sugar. You've got the bravery to not cave in on pity; that's the egg whites. You've got a lifetime of opportunity; that's the butter. You've got perspective and are thankful for what you DO have; that's the crust.
Yeah, you've got lemons, but without the lemons, you could not create such a beautiful and delicious Lemon Merigue pie (which is a metaphor for life, obviously...).
Because 2014 is the year of positive thoughts, I have been trying to maintain an opimistic outlook throughout the last 7 months, which was a lot easier at times than at others. Many times, I had to fake positivity, only to cry in the shower when I got home. But with all of these steps, I was led to an incredible job, a great sense of belonging, and a new apartment that is one of the home-iest places I've been in a while.
But way less cute.
Let me tell you, I had plenty of lemons. I hated my job, the weather was (in true Oregon style) dismal, I didn't feel like I had many friends in this town that I had begun to call home, and my support system was scattered all over the country. It's not like anyone was dying or I was out on the streets or anything, but things weren't all unicorns and rainbows.
At that point, my mantra was hard to believe, and even harder to maintain. But there was a saying that my one of my god-awful volleyball coaches from high school always said; "Fake it til you make it."
SO THAT'S WHAT I DID. Because there is always a reason to keep going. At the time, I wanted to give up and poop out on this new challenge of being a grownup. I somehow managed to push through. How, you may ask?
Well here it goes, Sarah's fool-proof reasons why you NEED keep going:
Life gives you seasons.
There is not a person on this earth who is happy all the time. There is not a person on this earth who has not seen a bad-hair day, or a stubbed toe, or felt like they were all alone... literally or figuratively. We all see the sunny days and we all see the gloomy days. To be as cliche as possible, we wouldn't see the good if we didn't have the bad to compare. Now, sometimes there comes a point where you have a hard time remembering the good, but as the great Albus Dumbledore once said, “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Gee, that dude is smart...
You are not a starving child in Africa.
And if you are, I apologize that you're seeing this blog instead of some cool and inspiring thing that the internet could provide. My point here is it could be worse. Just because it could be worse, doesn't mean it doesn't suck. When I had to eat pb&j sandwiches and plain spaghetti noodles with butter for a week because my "full time job" couldn't afford me any food, I was pretty bummed. However, I had SOMETHING to eat. I was not starving. Sure, I was hungry and bummed with my lack of options, but I wasn't starving. It could be worse, so take a moment to be thankful for what you have.
Pity Parties are made for cowards.
There is nothing that I hate more than pity parties. You can ask ANY of my closest friends and family members. I do not tolerate a woe-is-me attitude. Sure, we all need to relinquish defeat to our hard times on occasion, but if you get stuck on it, I'm probably going to slap you into reality and out of your whine sesh. While we're sticking with the Dumbledore quotes, let's view my absolute favorite quote by the genius himself; “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” If you are cowardly and obsessing over how sucky your life is, you're going to lead a sucky life. Time to suck it up, put on your big kid panties and make some changes.
Someone is cheering for you.
It might not feel like it but, even if it's just me, SOMEONE out there wants you to succeed. Maybe it's your mom, or your grandpa, or your little brother, or your second grade teacher, or a stranger you met at work. SOMEONE is rooting for you. If you ever need to hear that someone is cheering you on to keep going, let me know. I will be your support system through the hardest of times, because that's what friends are for.
Somewhere out there is an opportunity of a lifetime.
This one takes a lot of faith and even more persistence. Who knows what it is? It could be taking a trip to Haiti to work at an orphanage. It could be mentoring a group of at-risk individuals. It could be taking a job at a company you have always enjoyed but didn't know what kind of opportunity it would lead to (cough... this one is me... cough). Whatever it is, you have to actively search it out. My dad always says that opportunity is about patience and preparation. You have to be actively preparing for something while patiently waiting to see what kind of options are out there. Whatever it is, keep going... You'll get there.
So, yeah... you've got some lemons... But you've got someone cheering you on; that's the sugar. You've got the bravery to not cave in on pity; that's the egg whites. You've got a lifetime of opportunity; that's the butter. You've got perspective and are thankful for what you DO have; that's the crust.
Yeah, you've got lemons, but without the lemons, you could not create such a beautiful and delicious Lemon Merigue pie (which is a metaphor for life, obviously...).
Because 2014 is the year of positive thoughts, I have been trying to maintain an opimistic outlook throughout the last 7 months, which was a lot easier at times than at others. Many times, I had to fake positivity, only to cry in the shower when I got home. But with all of these steps, I was led to an incredible job, a great sense of belonging, and a new apartment that is one of the home-iest places I've been in a while.
I am not a sad person. I am happy. I am extroverted. I am giggly and silly and sometimes immature. Lemons cannot, and will not, ruin that.
Remember that cute sour-faced baby? Here's another one, after trying a lemon as well, but an entirely different view on life... and lemons.
(Image from Pinterest)
Remember that cute sour-faced baby? Here's another one, after trying a lemon as well, but an entirely different view on life... and lemons.
(Image from Pinterest)
Monday, June 16, 2014
Hire me... please?!
Finding a job is just plain exhausting. Finding a job that you like, and you're passionate about sounds like finding a pot of gold under a rainbow; ideally awesome, but next to impossible.
With my long and crazy job search, I've had friends start up a multitude of conversations surrounding employment. We've talked about how to make your resume stand out. We've talked about how difficult online applications are (because you are unable to create a person-to-person first impression), and we've talked about interview skills.
All of these topics are equally important, but as a lover of nonverbal communication, I am always drawn to the conversations that focus on interviewing. Let me give you a little background on my personal experience with interviews...
I have been involved in a LOT of interviews. I have also been on both sides of the interview spectrum, the hiring committee and the hire-ee. In regards to the jobs which I have actually interviewed for and been hired on, I have successfully completed nine interviews. (Yes, I have had 9 jobs in 6 years... granted there was a LOT of overlap.) I've interviewed a few other times, maybe 3 or 4, without getting the position, but every interview gives me a little bit of anxiety, even though I am a people person and I enjoy meeting new friends.
On the other side, I have participated in two interview committees, helping interview for different teams that I have been on. It is a LOT harder than I would have thought. Many times you have more than one highly qualified individual who would be a great fit in the job, and you have to be the one to nit-pick any negatives, while highlighting the positives, to see the best person get the job. It's a very complicating and tiring process.
So now that you know I am a chronic interview junkie, I've put together my list of 8 SUPER DUPER MEGA AWESOME INTERVIEW TIPS:
1) Research the company.
Coming from and interviewer, it's always impressive when a possible future employee knows about the origins of the company. My recommendation is to find out some piece of info that you could generally "bring up in conversation," such as the mission or vision statement, the origin of the company, or any community related involvements of the company.
2) Research common interview questions.
Forbes writer, Jacqueline Smith, put together a KILLER list of the top interview questions (SEE HERE) that I really enjoyed looking at when preparing for an interview recently. Even if you don't have a lot of work experience, life events can definitely be used in examples to respond to many of these questions.
3) Be honest.
You might think that fibbing a little here and there in your experiences might make you look a little better at the moment but you want them to know the real deal. Plus, if you have to make up a story, you'll have to remember your story, and that's just a disaster waiting to happen.
4) Smile.
A genuine smile, nonetheless. A warm smile can instantly put the whole room at ease so flash those pearly whites.
5) Talk with your hands!
Talking with your hands, or making gestures when you talk shows that you are actively engaged int he conversation. It's also demonstrative of your understanding and helps to emphasize your points.
6) Look at everyone on the interview panel.
Eye contact is really hard, especially when you're nervous. You don't want anyone to see inside your nerves or to realize that you have no idea what the question was that the interviewer just asked. My advice in this situation is to make sure you look at every single person in the room. This way, it won't feel like you're talking to one individual and again, it shows that you are actively engaged. I personally know that I have a tendency to look mostly at one person more than others, but taking time to "talk to each person" will help you connect to the whole panel.
7) Lean forward in your chair.
Can I hammer it in enough? ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT. Leaning in nonverbally communicates that you are drawn to the questions, the answers and the company. I'm not saying lean all the way forward like you're sitting on the porcelain throne, but lean (without slouching) about 4-6 inches away from the back of your chair.
8) Let them see your real personality!!!
If you're goofy, make a joke, as long as it's appropriate and still semi professional. If you work best in quiet atmospheres, tell them that! I love learning a little bit about the persons demeanor in an interview to make sure that he or she is a good fit for the nature of the company.
Interviews don't need to be scary. My mom always says that an interview is for the company to look at you but it's also for the employee to look at the company! Both parties need to make sure it's a good fit within the organization. Make sure you're paying attention to the surroundings of the company to get a feel of your comfort level in the workplace.
My best advice for an interview is to go in prepared. Research the company, prepare questions to ask the panel, do something to make yourself stand out from the rest. Whatever you may do, stay calm and stay YOU! You'll have an offer on the table in no time with no end in sight :)
Be sure to follow this blog by clicking on the box underneath the FOLLOW HERE section! If you have any ideas for a post, shoot them my way!
With my long and crazy job search, I've had friends start up a multitude of conversations surrounding employment. We've talked about how to make your resume stand out. We've talked about how difficult online applications are (because you are unable to create a person-to-person first impression), and we've talked about interview skills.
All of these topics are equally important, but as a lover of nonverbal communication, I am always drawn to the conversations that focus on interviewing. Let me give you a little background on my personal experience with interviews...
I have been involved in a LOT of interviews. I have also been on both sides of the interview spectrum, the hiring committee and the hire-ee. In regards to the jobs which I have actually interviewed for and been hired on, I have successfully completed nine interviews. (Yes, I have had 9 jobs in 6 years... granted there was a LOT of overlap.) I've interviewed a few other times, maybe 3 or 4, without getting the position, but every interview gives me a little bit of anxiety, even though I am a people person and I enjoy meeting new friends.
On the other side, I have participated in two interview committees, helping interview for different teams that I have been on. It is a LOT harder than I would have thought. Many times you have more than one highly qualified individual who would be a great fit in the job, and you have to be the one to nit-pick any negatives, while highlighting the positives, to see the best person get the job. It's a very complicating and tiring process.
So now that you know I am a chronic interview junkie, I've put together my list of 8 SUPER DUPER MEGA AWESOME INTERVIEW TIPS:
1) Research the company.
Coming from and interviewer, it's always impressive when a possible future employee knows about the origins of the company. My recommendation is to find out some piece of info that you could generally "bring up in conversation," such as the mission or vision statement, the origin of the company, or any community related involvements of the company.
2) Research common interview questions.
Forbes writer, Jacqueline Smith, put together a KILLER list of the top interview questions (SEE HERE) that I really enjoyed looking at when preparing for an interview recently. Even if you don't have a lot of work experience, life events can definitely be used in examples to respond to many of these questions.
3) Be honest.
You might think that fibbing a little here and there in your experiences might make you look a little better at the moment but you want them to know the real deal. Plus, if you have to make up a story, you'll have to remember your story, and that's just a disaster waiting to happen.
4) Smile.
A genuine smile, nonetheless. A warm smile can instantly put the whole room at ease so flash those pearly whites.
(Image)
5) Talk with your hands!
Talking with your hands, or making gestures when you talk shows that you are actively engaged int he conversation. It's also demonstrative of your understanding and helps to emphasize your points.
6) Look at everyone on the interview panel.
Eye contact is really hard, especially when you're nervous. You don't want anyone to see inside your nerves or to realize that you have no idea what the question was that the interviewer just asked. My advice in this situation is to make sure you look at every single person in the room. This way, it won't feel like you're talking to one individual and again, it shows that you are actively engaged. I personally know that I have a tendency to look mostly at one person more than others, but taking time to "talk to each person" will help you connect to the whole panel.
7) Lean forward in your chair.
Can I hammer it in enough? ACTIVE ENGAGEMENT. Leaning in nonverbally communicates that you are drawn to the questions, the answers and the company. I'm not saying lean all the way forward like you're sitting on the porcelain throne, but lean (without slouching) about 4-6 inches away from the back of your chair.
8) Let them see your real personality!!!
If you're goofy, make a joke, as long as it's appropriate and still semi professional. If you work best in quiet atmospheres, tell them that! I love learning a little bit about the persons demeanor in an interview to make sure that he or she is a good fit for the nature of the company.
Interviews don't need to be scary. My mom always says that an interview is for the company to look at you but it's also for the employee to look at the company! Both parties need to make sure it's a good fit within the organization. Make sure you're paying attention to the surroundings of the company to get a feel of your comfort level in the workplace.
My best advice for an interview is to go in prepared. Research the company, prepare questions to ask the panel, do something to make yourself stand out from the rest. Whatever you may do, stay calm and stay YOU! You'll have an offer on the table in no time with no end in sight :)
Be sure to follow this blog by clicking on the box underneath the FOLLOW HERE section! If you have any ideas for a post, shoot them my way!
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
So much change, so little time.
I'm moving in a little over a month. For those who know me... Yes. I'm moving again. This will be the seventh time in 5 years. If I were in high school they'd call me an army brat. Or a gypsy. I also just had my second round of an interview for a company that truly excites me. I've lost ten pounds by working my butt off at the gym. My boyfriend is moving up to Portland within the next few months. This will be the first time we've lived in the same town in the seven months we've been together.
You're thinking, "COOL SARAH. Just throw out other random pieces of information. It's not like we actually wanted to read something relevant to our lives or anything."
Well, I guess I'll get to the point.
THERE'S A LOT OF CHANGE HAPPENING.
Normally, I turn into freakout mode Sarah when a lot of change begins to occur. I mean seriously... I'm human! Humans don't like change!
But here's the thing. As much as I don't like change, I actually love change. Why may you ask? Oh Okay... stop begging, I'll tell you.
Change is scary.
I'm not a fan of the terror that accompanies horror movies, or the fear that comes with sitting next to a dying loved one. What I am a fan of is adrenaline. When you're going through significant life changes, you get pumped with adrenaline. Sometimes those things give you a rush that gets you through the scariness.
Change is necessary.
"If there were no change, there would be no butterflies."- Some dead dude.
On a more serious note, if there wasn't change, there would be no growth. There would be no chocolate chip cookies. There would be no statue of Winged Victory. Change must take place to make room for new ideas, new growth, new awesome experiences.
Change makes you reevaluate where you're at in life.
It makes you look at where you're at, where you're going, who you want to be with, what makes you YOU. The changes I'm going through have caused me to look at relationships. They have caused me to figure out what's important in my life right at this moment in time.
I'm sitting here at work. I'm sitting here watching the news. I'm sitting here watching the coverage about a school shooting 8.6 miles from where I work. One student was killed and a teacher was injured. Even though I don't know anyone who attended this school, didn't know the teachers, the first responders or anyone else involved, I know that this act of selfishness and terror was done in my community, and that's pretty freaky.
I'm not saying this school shooting was change that should have happened, but it did. These kids, these teachers, these community members witnessed an event that will change their lives. This change was scary but hopefully, everyone will see a change that keeps kids safer and helps individuals with mental health issues. Despite the fact that I was virtually un-involved, this is change that will effect me, and it sure as heck has caused me to reevaluate where I'm at in life.
Change is not a bad thing. Like I said, it's scary and it takes a lot to overcome, but change is good. It keeps you on your toes and helps you to develop your path.
Make a good change today.
You're thinking, "COOL SARAH. Just throw out other random pieces of information. It's not like we actually wanted to read something relevant to our lives or anything."
Well, I guess I'll get to the point.
THERE'S A LOT OF CHANGE HAPPENING.
Normally, I turn into freakout mode Sarah when a lot of change begins to occur. I mean seriously... I'm human! Humans don't like change!
But here's the thing. As much as I don't like change, I actually love change. Why may you ask? Oh Okay... stop begging, I'll tell you.
Change is scary.
I'm not a fan of the terror that accompanies horror movies, or the fear that comes with sitting next to a dying loved one. What I am a fan of is adrenaline. When you're going through significant life changes, you get pumped with adrenaline. Sometimes those things give you a rush that gets you through the scariness.
Change is necessary.
"If there were no change, there would be no butterflies."- Some dead dude.
On a more serious note, if there wasn't change, there would be no growth. There would be no chocolate chip cookies. There would be no statue of Winged Victory. Change must take place to make room for new ideas, new growth, new awesome experiences.
Change makes you reevaluate where you're at in life.
It makes you look at where you're at, where you're going, who you want to be with, what makes you YOU. The changes I'm going through have caused me to look at relationships. They have caused me to figure out what's important in my life right at this moment in time.
I'm sitting here at work. I'm sitting here watching the news. I'm sitting here watching the coverage about a school shooting 8.6 miles from where I work. One student was killed and a teacher was injured. Even though I don't know anyone who attended this school, didn't know the teachers, the first responders or anyone else involved, I know that this act of selfishness and terror was done in my community, and that's pretty freaky.
I'm not saying this school shooting was change that should have happened, but it did. These kids, these teachers, these community members witnessed an event that will change their lives. This change was scary but hopefully, everyone will see a change that keeps kids safer and helps individuals with mental health issues. Despite the fact that I was virtually un-involved, this is change that will effect me, and it sure as heck has caused me to reevaluate where I'm at in life.
Change is not a bad thing. Like I said, it's scary and it takes a lot to overcome, but change is good. It keeps you on your toes and helps you to develop your path.
Make a good change today.
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