I don't miss you, I miss SOMEONE.

I'm okay being single. I don't want to be single forever, but for now I do NOT mind it. I've done some soul searching (insert deep philosophical background music). It had been a while since I had been solo and a lot has changed in my life since last time I was looking for love in all the wrong places.

If you take romantic relationships out of the picture, I have gone through five jobs, three apartments and a few friendships in the last year and a half. (That last sentence makes me look like a shit show, and let's be real, I kind of was... in the most controlled way possible.) I think that constitutes a bit of change. Take out relationship drama and you find a wide-eyed girl who moved her country roots to a big city. I've finally landed a job with an incredible company and I have coworkers that have become "killer friends"... you see what I did there?! That's a LOT of change. Awesome change.

Despite the change in the form of a promotion, an awesome apartment with a great roommate, and the best friends a girl could ask for, I find myself missing my "girlfriend mode." What do I mean? Well, it's pretty simple. I miss being a girlfriend, and that means I miss having a boyfriend. Do I miss the tool I dated? Nope. Not in the slightest. I have learned the hard way that I am so much better off, but it doesn't mean that I LOVE being by myself. Sometimes, I do. A lot of times, I don't.


But here's what I miss.


I miss thinking of fun ways to surprise someone. I miss thinking about how to make their day or cheer them up. I miss thinking about what kind of gifts would make them smile the biggest.

I miss having the best friend who listens and let's you be excited/mad/confused/scared/dorky. Yes, your friends can do this, but there's something comforting about knowing that your significant other will snuggle with you when you're done being a basket case.

I miss date nights. I'm not talking about the "Put your heels on and spend a lot of money on dinner" type of date nights. I'm talking about the "PJ's and takeout with Netflix" date nights. (This one can be altered into a girls night, but usually it involves celebrity gossip, fingernail polish and lots of wine... LOTS of wine). Don't get me wrong, the fancy date nights are very important too. There's something to be said about showing off your arm candy.

I miss the S.... nuggling.

I miss holding hands. When I miss holding hands a lot, I clasp my own hands and pretend to hold my own hand. Just kidding. (You'll never know if I'm actually kidding...)



So yeah... I miss being a girlfriend and I miss the placeholder of a person who is my go-to confidant. But here's the thing: Just because I miss having a person to do all of those things with, it doesn't mean that I'll just start sticking people into the empty space and seeing which random person fits!

I had a friend tell me recently that I shouldn't be looking to date right now, but just look around to have fun. Well, sorry hunny, this isn't college anymore and I am not the type to just fill the blank with some Tom, Dick or Harry. Sure, dating is great. It's fun. It gives you butterflies. But it also takes a LOT of work. It takes emotional investment when done for the right reasons, and let me assure you, I am doing this dating thing for the right reasons. When you invest your heart, you invest a little piece of yourself that is permanently changed. When you start giving all of those parts away to a bunch of different people, you start to lose your identity. You're altering so many of those little pieces, to the point where you are left with random puzzle cutouts that don't fit together. Before you know it, you're too afraid to give those pieces away in fear of an even more mismatched final product, or even worse, you become a person who ALWAYS has to have someone around to make sense of those pieces.

When it comes down to it, I have realized that it's too early for me to give more pieces away to be altered. Again, I am not saying that I miss my old relationship, specifically. I'm thankful for the opportunities I had to give out each and every piece of me, because like I've said in prior posts, it made me who I am today, but I also know that the ones I have left are special. They're precious and fragile, so it's not fair to me, let alone someone else, to give those pieces away at this time.

So no, I don't want to go on a random date to have "a little fun... but not too much fun." I want to let myself fully make peace with the loss of a dear relationship. I want to let the little chunks of Sarah Soul get stronger in their altered identity, and THEN I want to start dating, because, dang it, I rock and someone will be lucky to date me. I make a great girlfriend. I know because I miss that role. 

But until then, I'm going to love being single and re-learn about what a kick-ass human I am.

Why the world needs more Strong Women, and less Hard Women.

Strength is such a broad and often generic word. He is so strong, she is so strong. Are you talking about a body builder or a cancer survivor? Are you talking about the kid who lost half of his leg, or the sexual abuse victim? Is it mental, is it physical, is it emotional?

I was thinking this morning on my drive to work about some of the women in my life. I've been blessed with a huge pool of female role models, from family members, to supervisors, to coworkers and friends. So many of these women have incredibly admirable qualities, one of the biggest of the bunch is their strength. I've also seen some women who take strength to a whole new zip code. They want to be strong so they become hard. They become unapproachable, cynical, and straight up rude. They go from women who have endured, to women who have calloused.

So, with two words that can sometimes be so similar and sometimes be so opposite, I decided to ask some of my loyal readers what they thought were the differences between hard women and strong women. Of course they didn't disappoint...

Well I feel like a strong woman knows when she is in a vulnerable position and can learn from that experience in order to become stronger or gain strength. A hard woman, I feel, is someone who is not emotionally stable. Someone who puts on a facade of "Im too tough to cry even though I feel like my whole world is crumbling"- Gal, 24

The difference is the way they deal with difficult times and how many of those times they've had to deal with. - Guy, 26

A hard woman to me means cynical, cold, unfeeling. She lets the things in her life build walls around her heart. Strong women still have feelings. They let themselves feel things but they are mature enough to see what they can gain or learn from really tough experiences. - Gal, 25

First off let me say, a strong woman is very sexy. I'm not entirely sure why, but watching a woman confidently -not like a psycho though- put a man in his place cracks me up (insert shit eating grin here). She's classy, very smart, works her tail off. Plus she will rock the bedroom because, well, she knows her man wants it but will make him work for it, otherwise it wouldn't be a challenge. Hard women? To me that sounds like an old landlord of mine. Crazy ass "strong willed independent woman." Asks her husband to do things, then tears him a new one just to do it.Always in control. She's probably incredibly self conscious so she built walls and acted tough, then got angry when those walls kept people out. Strong women are legit, they are true. There isn't a whole made up story or layer of BS to cover up mistakes or heartbreaks. It's awesome. I think it's the confidence and the ability to realize a mistake is just a learning experience. - Guy, 24

So the general consensus is that strong women still feel. Hard women are flat liners.

To be honest, I expected people to interpret the strong woman vs. hard woman in terms of job-related qualities, but was surprised when the descriptions of the differences were personal characteristics. I thought  it was interesting that the four people I asked ALL addressed the question from a place of conflict. This question had no background info attached, so for all four individuals to relate it to how women react in conflict was fascinating to me.

I think it is SO important to encourage women to be strong without being hard. I know far too many millennial women (and women of other generations as well) who are heading down what I believe to be the unhealthier of the strong vs. hard decision. They get their hearts broken, they find conflict in work, or they give up on something and say "I will never let this happen again," when a strong women would say, "how can I learn from this?" By closing yourself off to opportunities because of a bad experience, how will you ever grow?! So you had a crappy boss... The whole industry isn't out to get you. You fell in love and it didn't work out? You're not going to die alone. You gave up on a dream? There's still time.... go get it.

Strong women have so much to offer. They are compassionate but stern. Driven but not obsessed. They are vulnerable but they also know when the pity party is over. A strong woman is aware of her self, but she is also aware of how she treats others. A strong woman teaches, a hard woman dictates. A strong woman strives to understand, a hard woman points the finger. If we become a generation of women that become too hard, we will lose sight of our resilient strength.

Even if you're not a woman reading this, it's important to encourage the women in your life to stay away from the callousness and lean toward the understanding. Learn from your experiences. Let them shape you but not change you. I love the quote by Michelangelo, "Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it." This is the perfect analogy for staying strong without becoming hard. You have to make small adjustments in little pieces, but you don't change the material. You don't change yourself, you change the final product.

When a Heart Breaks.

“A broken heart will turn into a stronger one within hope.”― Toba Beta, My Ancestor Was an Ancient Astronaut

Two weeks is still fresh break up, but let me tell you, I have learned more in the last 2 weeks than I have in a long time. Don't worry. I'm not going to get all sad and mopey on this post. Not intentionally at least.

We all will go through a broken heart at some point and it just plain blows. You realize how many little moments remind you of the person you no longer "get" to think about all day, every day. The radio is an evil torture device. Your clothes are reminders of dates or activities. Restaurants are dangerous memory traps.

Despite the pain that some of these things bring, other things can be brought along with them. Sometimes the hurting brings a sense of release, sometimes the hurting brings a sense of strength, and sometimes the hurting brings a chance to let everything go.

This breakup has sucked so majorly. However crappy it is, though, I have learned these key principles of Broken-Heartedness:


I am allowed to be vulnerable.
I hate being vulnerable. Don't get me wrong, I have always been an emotional person, but being vulnerable is a double edged sword when it comes to being loving. I was recently talking to another friend who is going through a recent and rough breakup, and we talked about how sucky it was to be the one to love so fiercely. Loving hard unfortunately means opening ourselves up for a potentially hard fall. As our conversation went on though, we realized that loving deeply is what makes us who we are, and that we receive so much love from those around us BECAUSE we are able to love hard. That vulnerability is our strength and we can't be afraid to let that love be strong and open.

There is some darn good break-up music out there.
I have two really wonderful women in my life who have made some STRONG break-up mixes. There's just something about belting Beyonce as you fly down the freeway on a sunny morning, thinking to yourself, "Heck ya, Beyonce... What goes around DOES come back around!"

Getting hit on is the most empowering, yet heart-wrenching thing to follow a breakup.

Just days after getting a big fat slice of Dumping Pie, I was somehow convinced to go out to a bar where my ex- and I went whenever we decided to actually get off of Netflix. This could have been a dangerous decision (one that I wouldn't recommend unless you are feeling particularly empowered), but thankfully I had some really wonderful women to encourage me to enjoy myself! At this bar, we quickly found the most Bro-tastic guy I have ever seen, and some how, I caught his eye. I have never been so aggressively hit on in my life, and thankfully my sharp-tongued wit was on point, because I was able to hold my own, in my sassy, classy and smart-assy responses. As I got in my car to leave, alone might I add, I thought to myself, "Oh yeah... I still got it!" It felt wrong and uncomfortable and made me miss the 'absentee' so much, but at the same time, I was able to realize that, eventually, I will be okay with (maybe even look forward to!) someone else flirting with me. It will be okay.

People who you wouldn't expect to be there, are there for you.

I am still amazed at how many people continue to check in on me. Not just to get the drama or the he-said-she-said, but people who genuinely care about my well-being. To those friends who have done so and are reading this, I value you more than you will ever know. Thank you for loving me.

Breakups are crappy for everyone.

I wish I could say that this break-up was a clean one, that when we ended things, all communication stopped. Unfortunately that hasn't been the case. In the grand scheme of things, it has been a good break-up, in the sense that we both love each other so much and truly want the other person to be "okay". No matter what side of the break-up you are on, it's hard. If it's not hard, you didn't/don't truly care for that person, and good thing y'all broke up. 

Little tears are better than big breakdowns.

My mom, God bless her, keeps reminding me that a few little tears here and there are okay. They're normal. They keep you from full blown LOSING IT.

Lastly, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, I can be stronger than I realize.
When everyone told me I was being so strong, and that I was handling it so well, I wanted to punch them all in the faces, not because of what they said, but because I didn't feel good. I felt like I was going to throw up every fifteen minutes, and I cried more frequently than that. I felt as weak as a blade of grass. But I realized that they were right. I was being strong. I got out of bed every morning. I slapped a smile on my face... sometimes real, and sometimes about as real as Heidi Montag's third set of boobs. I made sure to eat (most of the time), and I took care of myself. That is how I realized that I was being strong. I wasn't doing it for a show, or to get more people to say that I was "doing so well," but I was doing it to make myself well, to make myself strong. Becoming strong is not revenge, it's resilience.

I'm still learning about this breakup. I'm learning that my perspective changes more than I blink and that I am capable of a LARGE range of emotions. But I'm learning. That's what breakups are for in my opinion, to learn about how you handle crap. To have a broken heart is to work on a gigantic puzzle without all of the pieces. Eventually though, you realize your puzzle is just part of the bigger puzzle, and with even more inspiration and determination, and help from another puzzle master, you make a seriously epic piece of work.

I started with a quote, so I will leave you with one that resonates within me as I write. 2014 is the year of positive thoughts, my dears.

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” -- (Unknown)

XoXo. 

How do you stay positive in a break up?

You don't. At least not immediately, but you'll get there eventually, or so they keep telling me.

It caught me pretty off guard. And I'm not okay with it yet.

I am the queen of helping my friends through the tough times. I find solace in being able to care for my "babies" that need me. Call that my maternal instinct or whatever else you want. I love being able to give them the self confidence to make it through a bad breakup, family issues or whatever else the world can throw at them.

When it's my turn, though, I am lost.

I hate pity parties. I hate weakness. I hate moping. I'm not good at it because I hate watching it in other people. I WANT to be the girl who is comfortable letting others take care of her in my time of need. But I'm not comfortable with that. It takes a lot of self discipline on my end to let people sit me down and tell me it's okay to be sad. It takes a lot of self-discipline to let myself be sad. To not say "Shake it off Cowgirl", while bucking up and get over it immediately. Um hello, it hasn't been 24 hours. You CAN be sad, Sarah. It's allowed and it's a good thing (or so they tell me), because it means it was real.

But I don't want it to be real, because real means over. I want it to be a bad dream.

HOWEVER, it's not a bad dream. It's the real deal.

So how do you stay strong? Stay positive? Stay "okay"?

1) You let yourself be sad.
Damn. I'm gonna actually have to give in to the sucky-ness. But like all of my friends and family have said at this point, it's okay to be sad. It's better to be a loving soul that finds heartbreak than to be a cold soul who knows no love. And I agree with that completely. Relationships are beautiful gifts, regardless of how long they last. It's worth the sad if we get to experience the joy.

2) Ask for support.
I suck at this. I essentially moved my entire apartment by myself in 100 degree weather because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by asking them for help. Breakups are only harder when experienced alone. If you think about it, most of the time you're losing your best friend, the one you tell everything, the one who knows you the best (or damn near it). It's the support net that will help you get through the times where you want to tell them about the delicious mexican place you just tried or the crazy customer at work. You need the support of your friends who will tell you, "you're a catch" and mean it with every ounce of their beings.

3) Pray. A lot. And hard.
Pray for him. Pray for you. Pray for strength in your future and pray for thanks in your past. Pray for wisdom and self-confidence. Most importantly, pray for peace. For both of you. Breakups are not easy for either party. Ever. So pray that the other person can find strength and thanks and wisdom and self confidence. Prayer is the most healing thing you can do.

4) Buck up.
This step is only allowed after the completion of the first three phases. This one takes time and a little bit of pain but you cannot be the person who wallows forever. Sure, it's easier to mope, but goodness it sucks. Take your time in this phase; I know it's going to take a long time until I get to this point. But, eventually, I will be there. Eventually, we all make it through the fireswamp.

5) Forgive.
Sometimes this takes years. Sometimes it takes hours. Wherever it lands you, forgiveness is the ultimate release, revenge and restoration. Work hard to achieve that moment where you can be thankful for that person's presence in your life and forgive them for the hurt you felt.

I want to go home and make my family hang out with me until they annoy me to the point of getting over my problems. I want to lay in bed and cry. All day. For a few days. But I will not succumb to the pain. I will take my own advice and I will use it to help me grow. It will not harden me, nor change me, but it will adjust me.

2014 is the year of positive thoughts and I will wake up every morning with a grateful heart knowing that I AM a catch and that I AM a pretty darn fabulous person, dangit. It's going to be immensely hard to stay positive and you're all going to help me stay accountable.

Positive thoughts lead to positive words, positive words lead to positive actions, and positive actions lead to a positive outlook.

Stay positive. XOXO.

Our generation's race to "the ring."

No I'm not talking about a quest to Mordor with Frodo and Samwise. 

I'm talking about our generation's obsession with marriage. "Mawwaige is what bwings us togevver today." (If you don't know what movie that's from... just go away. We can't be friends.) In the world where Pinterest plans out a single girl's imaginary wedding and there are more wedding magazines than political newspapers, we have become a generation that is obsessed with getting married. I'm not talking strictly about women either!

The other day I was talking to one of my dearest guy friends about some of my previous blog posts. Firstly, I was surprised he was reading it! (By the way, thank you everyone for reading!) Secondly, I asked him what things he related to the most and what he thought would be a good topic for discussion. He said that he related to a lot of the posts, from the financial blog to the career choices. But he brought up an interesting and honest topic for discussion: the pressure to get settled down and find "the right one." 

Naturally, I wanted to ask him more about the pressures males go through on this topic and what freaks him out about such a hot topic.

Me: What do you feel is the biggest pressure about settling down?

DUDE: Not getting it done in time. I work with a lot of older people who aren't married or just started their careers and it shows me how things could end up which is what I don't want to happen.

Me: Do you talk with your dudes about when they'll settle down? If so, what do you talk about/if not, why not?

DUDE: Sure we do! We talk about what we want, why careers have relationship breaking stigmas, when we will grow up (lol who am I kidding? that won't happen). We talk about if there's going to be some great woman. Other times, we make fun of each other for falling head over heels for some cutie we spoke to for 10 minutes at the coffee shop or the pub. We talk about why we can't talk to women on a Friday night (usually liquid courage is lacking, if not, the girl gets talked to!)

Me: What do you think the average age of 1st marriage is for men and for women?

DUDE: I would guess men 29 and women 27. Seems like people jump on marriage and then get divorced by 40. It's sad. (I was surprised at how close he was to the actual facts!)

Fun Fact: In 2010, the average age for men getting married for the first time was 28 and for women the average was 26. This age continues to grow and is pushing the thirties for the first time EVER. This also could be attributed to the fact that childbearing outside of wedlock has also taken a large jump, therefore couples don't feel the need to marry before having children. (Demos)

(Image from Demos)

Me: Who pressures you the most when it comes to settling down?

DUDE: Honestly, myself. My parents were older than I am. I also think the constant barrage of facebook statuses reading "OMG HE BOUGHT ME A ROCK!!!" doesn't help. Modern women also aren't looking for families before having careers (which is not a bad thing). Careers are number one so that means that women are intensely busy compared to men who are now looking for families. That leaves a bunch of guys looking for something that is becoming harder to find. It's a new and HUGE challenge, but a good one. Traditional roles have flipped but the classic mindset hasn't gone anywhere for most men. It's almost like men have become a bonus gift! Haha. "Great career, money, house, security, okay now maybe I'll go pick up a guy." It leaves some guys feeling inadequate!

Me: Do you think society pushes marriage more on men or women?

DUDE: Honestly, I think it's more men but at a steady pace. It's like "Find a woman, take care of her, and make some babies." That's been our job since age 18. With women, it's like all of a sudden everybody is on her back by the time she's 26 or 27, asking when she's getting married or finding a man (maybe because of the age/baby complications reasoning, not sure). But I still think it's up to men. I guess it's one of the disadvantages of peeing standing up, we have to make the first moves haha.

Let's give an internet round of applause to this wonderful gentleman for answering my inquisitive and personal questions. (WOOO YAAAAAA The crowd goes wild!)

I loved seeing the insight into the male mind, especially on a topic that I hear predominantly from women (maybe just 'cuz I am one!). I really loved hearing that men are thinking the same things we are, but from a slightly different angle. And here's my personal angle on the whole 'getting married' deal.

Now, let's get one thing straight here. I LOVE weddings. Anyone who has ever talked to me for more than 10 minutes will attest to that statement. I mean, I used to work for a wedding coordination company for goodness sake. I still go on walks and find gazebos that would be a wedding junkie's dream. I love how happy people are at weddings. I love the googly eyed look of the newlywed couple. It legitimately makes my heart sing.

But here's my pet peeve. 

A marriage is not about a wedding.

A marriage is about holding someone through the death of a parent. A marriage is about playing rock, paper, scissors over who has to do the dishes that night. It's about getting angry at your partner but finding ways to work it out, whether that's yelling, crying, pictionary or make-up sex. A marriage is about loving your babies, whether they have fur, gils, or chubby little fingers and toes. It's about the relationship and the growth that happens individually as well as the growth that happens together. 

I know, I'm not married so I don't know what it's like.

HOWEVER, at 23 years old, I've been to a LOT of weddings. Some couples have been together for more than 10 years, some as short as three months. I've seen the harsh reality of trials and tribulations where some couples make it out stronger than ever and I've also seen some couples be painstakingly broken down. It's sad but at 23 years old, I've already seen quite a few of my peers getting divorced. It's heart-breaking to watch. That is not what I want for my friends, for my family or for myself.

So here's my advice to DUDE and everyone out there looking and waiting for Mrs./Mr. Right:

Stop looking.

Don't rush to get/give the ring!!! WAY easier said than done. But seriously, the more pressure you put on yourself to settle down, the more likely you are to settle with the wrong person. That won't end well for anyone. Desperation does not lead to happily ever after. Patience is what leads to happiness. Remember the whole premise of this blog; "There's no end in sight." You don't want the end that you're reaching for to be a $40,000 day, where Uncle Bob gets wasted and throws up on the dance floor. You want to be reaching for a partnership in marriage. 

So, kick back. Hang out with friends. Meet new people. Laugh. Find something you're passionate about. Get in trouble (but not too much). Date the wrong person. Make a fool out of yourself. 

MAYBE, just maybe, after doing all these things, you'll find the one you're supposed to be with for a long time. Maybe you'll be one of the lucky people and it will be a "forever" love.

Thanks again for reading and if you have anything you want covered, shoot a topic or question my way!

SPEAKING OF:

DUDE had a few questions to throw my way about how best to get a conversation start with us sly sexy ladies. DUDE, here ya go!

DUDE: How does a guy approach a girl at the bar?

Well, this is going to be different for every single person you talk to. All I can say is just be genuine. If you come up to a woman at the bar with some corny pick-up line (unless it's a REALLLLLYYYY good and creative one), prepare to get the eye-roll/cold shoulder. As vague as it is, we just want you to be real with us. I can't give you a fool proof line or a secret handshake that will automatically get you a date, but my advice is be real. 

My second piece of advice on this one? Don't be shy! Confidence is so incredibly sexy, but make sure you're not a cocky asshole. Sure, you'll strike out every once in a while, but in the event that you find someone really cool to talk to (even if it never develops any farther), it's totally worth it!

DUDE: How do you talk to them (women) correctly?

Dude, I want to punch you a little bit for this question. You're not talking to a baby or to a crazed rabid dog. There's not a "correct" way to talk to a woman. ACTUALLY, on second thought, there is. Talk to us like we're human beings that warrant some respect. You know I'm just giving you a hard time, but seriously, it goes back to question #1. We just want you to be genuine. Find interest in something we're doing/saying/playing/whatever! Then we'll do the talking and you can give the smolder...

Distance Sucks. But it's worth it.

Warning: I'm going to gush about feelings in this post. Insensitive people, beware.

Today is a pretty great day, you know why? Because it was supposed to rain all day and now it's going to be sunny and 68 degrees. Also, it's Mason and my 6 month anniversary. Go ahead, you can judge me for being excited about that (Mason still gives me a hard time that I get excited over those things), but I'm genuinely pretty stoked. I could spend this blog post telling the world how great he is and how I'm a better person with him, blah blah blah, but I'm not going to bore you all with the mushy stuff. Instead I want to talk about how we make this thing work with 80 miles in between us.

Awww how cute are we?!

So, you're probably like, PSH 80 miles?! No problem. That's only an hour and a half drive! You can't even call it a long-distance relationship because it's not a long distance! That's not even hard at all. If that's the case, I guess you can stop reading here because for us, it has not been easy.

In the grand scheme of things, yes, it is easy when you compare it to relationships that span across the country or military couples who rarely get to SPEAK to their significant others, let alone see them. I know that in the big-picture world, we do have it easy but it started off pretty difficult for us. 

When Mason and I started dating, I was oftentimes working seven days, pushing 70 hours each week. Getting to see each other every weekend just was NOT possible, but it was okay because we were newly into the relationship and it was still in the "No, I miss YOU more" stage. (Just kidding we were never that bad... I hope.) Every moment we got to spend together was short but cherished. I'd get into Corvallis at 7pm and leave at 9am the next day. It was exhausting, but like I said, worth it.

One thing that we had a difficult time with in that stage was our lack of everyday activities together. We didn't get a chance to binge-watch Netflix, or go grocery shopping, or hang out on the couch and just talk. Sure, we Skyped frequently, and texted/talked on the phone, but we could not wait to finally get the chance to "do life" together. 

Thankfully, that stage in our relationship was able to come to a conclusion when I took my new job. I was finally able to work a normal human schedule of 40 hours/5 days a week. This meant we were going to experience something new..... WEEKENDS! The chance to actually spend more than 15 hours together was such an incredibly amazing thought and we have been lucky enough to utilize those weekends in the last three months. We get Friday night, all the way through Sunday night, and sometimes even Monday morning.

So I've had friends ask me, "How do you keep things going so well when you only get to see each other every other weekend?" Usually my response is fairly unexciting, but here is my guide to surviving an "any distance" relationship. 

1) Find a time during the week to Skype. Seriously, this saves us because there's only so much that you can say over the phone or through a text. It also helps because if you're anything like me, you think your partner is pretty cute so seeing his/her face instantly makes you smile. (Insert corny eye roll here.)

2) Tell your partner when you miss him/her. This is something I fully believe in, but you have to mean it. But Sarah, of course I miss my partner.. we're in a relationship and I don't get to see him/her! I know this one seems obvious, but hearing it is one of the most comforting things.

3) Tell each other when you're grumpy. I'm always the one who does this because I know I get snappy or maybe sometimes I just want time without my phone. If you give your partner a heads up, he or she is less likely to take things personally if you accidentally snap at them. But don't snap at them. That's dangerous.

4) Understand that your partner has a life without you. And be okay with that. Distance relationships are not for the insecure. Obviously, you are not able to do everything together (but seriously, you don't want to do everything together even when you're dating in the same town!), so know that the one you love is going to have adventures without you. Sometimes this one is really hard for me. I see Mason doing the fun things that accompany living in a college town, and I get jealous. Not because he's doing things with other people, but because other people get to do things with him. That is one of those times where I have to step back and be glad though that he is out there making great college memories. I'm happy he's having fun.

5) Talk WITH each other, not AT each other. Being in a healthy relationship, whether you live 2,000 miles away or in the same house, requires the ability to communicate. The only way that a healthy relationship will work is if you're able to tell your partner what you want, what you don't want, what you like, what you don't like, etc.  If you and your significant other can be good listeners and good talkers, you'll avoid a lot of relational issues.

THIS IS MY FAVORITE TIP

6) You can still date even if you're long distance!!! HUH? Yes, you read that correctly. Mason and I still "date". We Skype while making dinner. We watch the same movie at the same time on Netflix (which takes some patience to match up what parts you're at at the same time). It's fun and it feels like we're doing things at the same time, in the same place. However, WARNING: Watching movies together on Netflix kinda makes you want to cuddle but that's the only downside.

It's not easy to be in a relationship of any kind and Lord knows that we've already been through a lot. But if it's right, then it's worth it and you'll find a way to make it work. 

Do any of you have any good relationship tips? My friend Craig and his partner Tayler, with a distance of MUCH greater than 80 miles, just recently blogged about their distance experience. They conquer the issues of asking for attention, being patient, and communication differences between personality types! They totally inspired this blog so THANKS CRAIG AND TAYLER! Check out their blog HERE.

Thanks for sticking with me, positive peeps. May your day be blessed!

Blogging is hard.

Goodness me.

Here I am thinking that starting up a blog will be super easy... I'll find a cool background, think of some witty blog titles, and BAM! - it's gorgeous.

Well newsflash, that's not how it happens.

I've tried my hand at blogging for work related purposes, but the company had already created the format, the fonts, the graphics and all the pretty stuff, so I just had to look around Pinterest and think of something clever.

But after a whole day of dinking around and probably downloading 5 bajillion viruses labeled "cute free blog templates," I've arrived here with a cookie-cutter layout courtesy of Blogger and a new found appreciation for the super creative computer whiz-kids.

So why start this blog, you ask? Two Reasons.

THE FIRST REASON: Become a more positive person

I've developed a mantra that is annoying the crud out of everyone around me but I don't care because it's really starting to change the way I think about situations. And I'm going to share it with you.

2014 is the year of positive thoughts.

Say it over again and let it sink in.

I've always been a "glass half full" girl so when I found myself newly out of college, in a job I hate and a schedule that doesn't allow much social time, I realized I was becoming a Debbie Downer. I've never been an unhappy person and I was falling down that spiral. I knew I had to make a change and so my mantra came to me in early 2014.

It sounds silly but I keep saying this to myself as a constant reminder of my half-full philosophy and I have found that I am looking more at the positive and less at the negative.

THE SECOND REASON: Changing the way I view the future

I keep thinking about how people talk about situations- Good or Bad. Even when you try and make good out of the bad, there's still a bit of a Debbie-Downer vibe to the comments. As a communications major, I love looking at how people interact. When talking about a situation people tend to say, "I'm closing that chapter of my life and looking forward to the next one." We've been taught to see this as a good end coming of a bad experience, but how can we cut out the bad and just appreciate the good?

Which brings me to my favorite woe-is-me comment... "There's no End in sight!" 

Since 2014 is the year of positive thoughts, I am bound and determined to change the way I look at that common phrase. Instead of seeing it as I'm-buried-alive-and-it's-never-going-to-end, I'm going to look at it as the-good-days-will-keep-on-rolling.

So here's the plan...

I want this blog to be about positive changes. How can I make all aspects of my life better? WHOA, that got ambitious real quick! But seriously, I'm going to focus on physical health, mental health, relational health, and maybe even some fun projects here and there!

Now that you're all as jazzed as I am, let's get this adventure rolling....