Why I left my salaried desk job to wait tables in a tourist town.

I turned 25 this year. I was doing all the right things. I had a great job, amazing friends, a great church, a paid off car, money in my savings account, a 401(k). I was on track for the typical American dream. Life was perfect!

But there was an appetite that wasn't quite satiated and I didn't know what it was. Until a little voice popped into my head.

Let's rewind a bit.

In college, I became best friends with two girls. After graduation we went our separate ways but remained super close. One of my girlfriends had moved to Central Oregon, just a couple hours away. I LOVED visiting the area but even when my ex-boyfriend mentioned moving there, I always said that I could never live in the desert. It was a beautiful place to visit, but not necessarily my scene. Not enough greenery, and it was a small town. Didn't he know I was a city girl now?! Duh, obviously!

Well, funny thing about when you say never…

In January, the three of us girls united in Bend, OR for a weekend of sledding and girl time. It had been ages. We were having a blast giggling, catching up and adventuring together. As we were driving through the mountains on our way to go sledding, a little voice in the back of my head said, "You are going to move to Bend."

"Nope," I thought in response to this voice that was very clearly not my own, "I am definitely not moving here. There's lots of snow and it's a desert! A high desert but still...I can't live in the desert!"

As quickly as the conversation began, my internal dialogue with this voice was over. But how did I think of this?! Like I mentioned, this was clearly not my idea. For those that know me, my faith is a HUGE part of my life, and for those that don't know me... well… now you know. As corny and cliche as it might sound, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Lord was speaking to me; calling me to Bend. And I wasn't down to go.

The next day, as we ventured back to Portland, I thought about that commanding little voice in the back of my head. There was so much power to that one little statement. And SO many questions that accompanied it. We arrived back in Portland just in time for me to make it to the evening service at my home church. As I was standing there worshipping, I couldn't get the thought of how wonderful of a time I'd had in Bend that weekend. One of the associate pastors said the announcements and then our lead pastor took the stage for his message. This message was a little unique. Being the first sermon of the new year, he was speaking of the upcoming plans our church had for 2016, some of which included two new church plants that we were a part of in Vancouver, WA and …. wait for it … in Bend, OR. My heart was beating out of my chest and my eyes got all teary like they oftentimes do. If we're being honest, I don't even really remember what he was talking about in regards to the plant, but I remember distinctly saying in my head, "Okay Lord… I'm listening. I heard you yesterday and I hear you today."

 'What's a church plant?' you may be asking. Well, to put it simply, it is a group of people starting a new church. I went home and kept turning over these two experiences again and again. I had no idea what to do with these pieces, but I wanted to know more.

The next evening, I was on the phone with my mom while driving home from work, discussing the amazingly fun weekend I'd had in Bend and all of the cool people I had met. Without telling Mom about the super cool Jesus-moments I'd had, she says to me, "I don't know why, but I kept thinking over and over again about how well you would do in Bend." That was the straw that broke the camel's back. I started crying.

"Mom, I think the Lord is calling me to Bend."

***

Six months later, there was a Uhaul parked in my apartment complex's parking lot. I had quit my job, found a minimum wage serving job at a chain restaurant that I had worked for in Portland, been offered a room in my best friend's apartment with her and her boyfriend, and was packing to leave a city that had taught me more than I could have ever anticipated. My Portland family helped me load up and I was on the road.

The tears started flowing about 10 miles away from my apartment… probably not the safest thing to happen when you're driving a 15' Uhaul truck, but let's be real...they couldn't be stopped. I was doing one of the craziest things I'd ever done. I was taking a 50% pay cut. Literally. I was leaving a church family that had helped me grow in my faith ten-fold. I was saying goodbye to one of the best roommates I've ever had. I was leaving a job with some of the most inspirational and loving people I had ever met. And I was terrified.

If we're honest, I'm still a little terrified. It's been two weeks since I've moved to Bend. I had forgotten how HARD serving is. I am getting used to a new schedule. I am trying to maintain long-distance friendships while managing to grow and develop new friendships down here. It's hard. My equilibrium is off. No one likes change, and this experience has literally changed every single piece of my life. But the beauty of this crazy, terrifying, exciting, nerve-wracking, wonderful adventure is that I am following a God that loves me so much. He loves me so much that He has created a family in Bend that has made this transition SO much easier on me. He has called me to help with a church of genuine, loving, Godly people that inspire me with their faith on a daily basis without being judgmental bible-thumpers. He has used my act of faith to encourage and inspire other people to follow their adventures.

While I am terrified of this change, I'm also incredibly humbled by the support of those around me. If you have had any part in this crazy adventure I'm on, I want you to take a minute and wrap your arms around your shoulders and give yourself a big-fat-squeezey-Bueller hug. Thank you for giving me strength, for giving me words of affirmation, for giving me hugs and kleenex when I had my hot-mess moments (you know who you are…), for praying for me and this plant team and for holding my hand through a crazy new phase of my life.

God is so good you guys. He's got big plans for this church plant and I can't wait to share how He's going to use us in this city.

So today, I'll leave you with this...

"This is my command. Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord our God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9


XOXO Sarah

When the pieces ACTUALLY fit together.

Have you ever worked on a puzzle? You sit down, look at all those little pieces and have that little moment of doubt like, "How in the world am I going to make all 1,000 of these little tiny pieces fit into one picture?"

You go to start the puzzle.

In my personal experience, most people start with the edges. They've got a concrete place. A reference point. So you begin by filling in the basic outline. That's the easy part. And then when it comes time to fill in the middle, it gets harder.

You turn the puzzle piece every which way and it doesn't fit. You see a piece that seems like it's supposed to fit. It looks perfect. The shape is the same. The cuts look right. But when you go to place the piece, it's a little bit off. Or it's a lot bit off. And your heart sinks a little bit. It's even worse when you're focused in on a specific missing piece. It seems like you're never going to find the match.

Personally, puzzles drive me bonkers. They take so much time, so much focus, and so much dedication. I make it through the egde of the puzzle and then get bored, or frustrated, or distracted with the chaos of the inside. I think one of the reasons I don't like puzzles is because I'm a worrier.

I'm a worrier. A stress-er. A 'check the plan three times and then check once more before I execute the plan'-er. It's how I was wired and despite my efforts to let things go without a plan, I always develop one by go-time. So if you're anything like me, aka a Control Freak, you like having all of your ducks in a row. When those little quackers wander, or hide in the duck pond, or jump off a cliff, it drives you batty. Like legitimately causing anxiety. Your pieces aren't fitting and sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.

Do you get to this place in your life where you have the outline set, but the middle gets to you? I do. Often. I get annoyed that I'm finding all the wrong pieces; the ones that aren't fitting. Whether it's the people to spend my time with, the career, the guy to date, the car issues, the financial burdens. There are a LOT of moving pieces in life. Way more than the thousand pieces in a puzzle. Sometimes it seems like all of the pieces will never comes together.

But then when you are about to flip the puzzle table (because everyone devotes the table for a couple days, right?), you find one piece that clicks into place. Someone offers you a place to live. And then another. A friend helps replace some car parts. And then you get a job offer. And people are offering to help you move. And click... and click... and click...

Next thing you know, you have a blob of pieces floating around inside the outline of your puzzle.

When the pieces start falling together, you realize how much you can endure. The life puzzle teaches patience. It teaches you to ask for help. To work together. To stay determined. To look for the next piece. To turn the pieces a couple different ways. And to not give up.

Trust that the pieces will fit together because when they actually start fitting, you get the most beautiful picture.

Why my Roommate is the best thing that happened to me in 2015

Let me just start off saying that I have had a LOT of roommates. Seven to be exact. Girls are hard to live with, myself included. It's even harder to be friends with your roommate. When the dishes pile up, you get annoyed, and the last thing you want to do is be besties with the perpetrator.

But when you find a good roommate, you know. When you find a great roommate, people will start questioning your sexuality, and you don't even care because you can't imagine doing stuff without your platonic other half. 

With that bond comes a great year of memories and many reasons why my roommate was the best thing that happened to me in 2015:

The bat-shit-crazy stuff she says.

If I had a dollar for every time I laughed at something crazy my roommate said, I would be a gazillionaire. Whether she's trying to cheer me up, annoy me, or just having a conversation, my roommate says some of the craziest stuff I've ever heard. Some of my faves...
"Awkward... the romantic music is coming on and I'm over here like I just want another hot dog."

"Can you listen to me in the eyes please?"

"Peace out butter scout."

"If I would have stayed home tonight, I just would have eaten jalapeno dip. What?! At least I'm honest..."

Sending the same guys the same questions on our dating apps.

Sitting next to each other swiping guys left and right. I turn to my roomie and ask if this guy is cute, "Oh I totally just matched with him... Let's send the same message to him and see if he notices..." Hysterical laughter ensues.

Sharing a closet.

AKA Me stealing her clothes. Thanks boo for keeping me stylish.

Drunkenly stumbling into her bed because I want to hang out.

Obviously the best and most crucial time to hang out is at 2:30am when our Uber driver drops us back at home. Sure, you might be sleeping, but who cares?! It's hang out time!! And don't lie, you love it. Or at least your snapchats followers do because let's be honest, I'm hilarious.

Debating what to say to the guys we're texting.

"No don't say that, it's too forward." "Oh, Oh, say this..." "Ew, don't text him back."

It's nice to have that sounding board.

Crying together.

Well, mostly, me crying. Because you're kind of heartless sometimes. But you are always there to listen to my dramatic sobs, and I appreciate that a LOT. And you know I always have your back when you break down and let those tears sneak out.

Ridiculous Youtube videos.

... That we watch from separate rooms in our apartment. And then hear the other person laughing, so we run into the room and watch it again. Laughter ensues even harder.

Wrestling with life decisions.

To go back to your ex or not to go back to your ex. (Don't go back, obviously....) To switch jobs or not? To chop off your hair or not? To go to the gym or not? I love that we can always have these conversations, even if we judge the crap out of each other for the outcome. I'll only judge you for a little bit. (Cough, your ex, cough.) It's just because we love each other. 

Literally wrestling.

Yeah, it happens every once in a while. 

The Snapchats. 

Documenting our crazy lives is one of the funniest and most accurate things about our friendship. From throwing gummy bears at me at the grocery store, to trying to catch popcorn and cookies in our mouths from across the room, to taking apple cider vinegar shots, to drunk ramblings; Our snapchat friends are able to see little bits of the chaos we create.

The CAR-aoke sessions.

"Hello.... It's Me.... I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet." We belt that ish at the top of our lungs. We get really into these songs. We dance, and almost run off the road with our dance moves. We lose our voices. All for the sake of a good car-karaoke (or CAR-aoke) sesh and it's always a blast.

Having you become my best friend.

The longer we live together, the crazier our adventures get. The more awesome inside jokes we rack up. The more stupid quotes. The crazier near death experiences we have while you are driving. I have never been besties AND good roommates with anyone and I am so thankful to share our crazy little Portland adventure together. 

I may have been single for 2015, but I had my roommate, and that might even be better.

Follow our adventures on Instagram #emmieandsarahlove or #myroomieismybestie

My 25 Before 25: The Update

For those of you readers who have been with me for a while, you might remember that shortly after my 23rd birthday, I made a bucket list. Not a lifetime bucket list, but 25 things I wanted to accomplish before I turned 25. I picked 20 of my own ideas and then opened up the floor to 5 additional suggestions. If you're a newbie to No End In Sight, here's the link to the original post: CLICK ME, I'M A LINK! I also followed that up with the completed list (SEE HERE BECAUSE I'M ALSO A LINK!)

Here we are in the last 6 months before the big quarter century mark and I figured I should probably check in to see where I stand on the whole completed vs. to-do thing. Some of these might be difficult to complete but (with the changes marked in Purple) I am determined for all of them to be completed by the big 2-5.

 MY 25 BEFORE 25!!!
1. Complete a mud run. (Completed May 2015) 
2. Get my Concealed Carry license. (Will do with Kaysea and Emmie, Winter 2016) 
3. Check off another state in my list of places I have traveled. (So far I'm at 41) (New York for My Birthday 2016!) 
4. Regularly maintain my blog for at least a year. (Almost two years strong!!) 
5. Go on a mission trip. (Or multiple day service project!) 
6. Attend a professional sporting event. (Go Blazers! Two games so far!) 
7. Donate more than $100 dollars to a worthy charity. (Charity Ideas are welcome!) 
8. Visit my grandma in Arizona. (March 2016) 
9. Keep a plant alive in my house or on my balcony :) (STILL GOING!)
10. Get my Zumba Instructor Certification. (February 2015) 
11. Camp on the beach. (Illegal in Oregon so I might have to get creative!) 
12. Have two months salary saved in my savings account. (September 2015) 
13. Go snow camping. (Winter 2016) 
14. Ride in a hot air balloon.
15. Pay for a strangers coffee. (Multiple times ;) ) 
16. Go fishing with my dad.
17. Make a time capsule to open in 15 years.
18. Pretend I'm really rich and test drive a sports car.
19. Attend an all-weekend music festival.(July/August 2015) 
20. Go on a 10+ mile hike.

And the Extra Five...
21. Take a class, just for fun... I'm deciding on a cooking class!- Alex Savory (Changing it to a sewing class!) 
22. Sell a piece of my own artwork. - Sabrina Bartell
23. Choose a Pinterest project to do each month. - Kelly Meyer (Not quite successful but I will try to hit a total of ten between December 2015-May 2016) 
24. Cook my way through a whole cookbook- Danielle Van Buskirk (and baby Matthew)
25. Play "Messy Twister." (Don't know what that is?! Look at the link here!)- Milan Laurent (With Kelly, Spring 2016) 


 I have got a LOT to do in the next 6 months! Who wants in on this? Anyone want to join me on my leftover items?! Thanks for stopping by and be sure to follow No End In Sight!

Uh Oh... Your Humanness is showing.

I have this delusional idea that I am not human.

I’m not talking like Alien, Mutant, Wizard, etc. I’m talking about a perfect human. The one who does not make mistakes. The one who always has her ISH together. Believe it or not, I am not that special, crazy, awesome, perfect human, despite the fact that I hold myself to that standard.

The other day, I was sitting at brunch with a group of my favorite people, talking to a friend who had left her keys at my house the night before. She turned to me and asked for her keys (which I was supposed to bring). I froze. I think my jaw literally dropped. My heart stopped... and then proceeded to speed up ridiculously fast. My palms got sweaty. I began apologizing incessantly. I had forgotten her keys and we were a half an hour away from my apartment. How could I have done something so stupid?! My mind started to freak out; You're a horrible friend; You literally had one thing to remember; You drove all the way out here to bring her the keys. It kept going in my head, criticizing my forgetfulness, but let’s pause for some back story…

You see, I suffer from the desire to appear perfect. I don’t necessarily want to BE perfect (because let’s be honest, that’s impossible and my bedroom will always be an explosion of chaos), but I want others to think I am as close as possible. I would blame social media but it started long before my addiction to Facebook, Instagram and Blogger. In high school, I thoroughly enjoyed being the goody two shoes, the Susie-High-School, and the student body leader. I enjoyed the challenge. My ENFJ personality type thrived on human interaction and helping others, and soon developed into the aspiration of being a role model. You might be thinking, it’s not a bad thing to want to be a good influence, and you’d be right, however, the desire to want to be a ‘perfect role model’ can be an unrealistic expectation to set upon someone, especially yourself!

My idea of perfection wasn’t in straight A’s, or in my appearance or by having a super hot boyfriend, but in the way I helped people. I wanted to be the perfect helper. So I tried to be that perfect helper. I offered to help friends move. I took care of all the girls whose hearts had been broken. I picked up the drunk party-goers from the bar at 2:30am. I gave advice to the friend-zoned guy on the bus. I offered hugs to anyone who needed them. I did these things because I genuinely wanted to help and wanted to give love to those around me. But somehow in the midst of caring for all of my surrounding humans, I felt the pressure rise and lead by example without taking care of myself. I gave help but refused to take help. I wanted to be the strong, independent woman, or human in general, that I was encouraging everyone else to be. I started holding myself to an unrealistic standard of strength and independence.

Hence my need for ‘perfection’.

Now, let’s come back to the brunch story.

As my internal insult attack streamed and my verbal apology mutterings continued, one of the guys at our table turned to me and said something that totally shook me.

"Uh oh... Your humanness is showing." The sarcasm was thick with this one, but the message was loud and clear.

The mental self-attack stopped right away. My mind clicked, almost audibly. Um hello, perspective. Newsflash sweetheart, you’re human. You’re not perfect.

Why do we do this to ourselves?! My instant reaction to belittle myself for a simple honest mistake was something familiar to me. What wasn't normal was the reality check of a simple sarcastic comment.

This little epiphany has been following me around like the little voice in the back of my head…which got me thinking… and that is always a dangerous thing.

We are humans. We forget the car keys. We say the wrong things. We accidentally cuss in front of a child. We make questionable life decisions. We make straight-up BAD life decisions. We let our humanness show. The beauty is that we are all human. Unless you’re incredibly original and off-the-wall, the majority of humans around you have made a similar mistake, if not the same exact one. Most people wouldn’t hold you to a perfect standard, so why do it to yourself?!

So in the midst of our humanness, cut yourself some slack. Shake it off cowgirl. Rub some dirt on it and move on because Hell hasn’t frozen over. The world is still turning.

Sometimes, we just need new eyes to realize that an honest mistake is not the end all be all. Mistakes happen, but you’ve got this. Keep on humaning, people. You’re doing great and don’t you forget it!

That fickle b*tch named Timing.

I will warn you now, I'm going to use the word bitch in this blog post... more than once. If that offends you, please go and enjoy your episode of Care Bears.



Have you ever heard someone say, "I wish I had time for that," or, "It's just not the right time?"

As humans, we are under the impression that time controls everything. It's not a totally bogus notion. Time has a control on many things; when you get your drivers license, when you can legally start drinking, when I start freaking out about being late... Oh wait... I control that one.

I am NOTORIOUS for blaming things on timing. It's why I didn't sell my devil-possessed Volkswagen Jetta after the bazillionth time it broke down. It's why I continued to stay at a job I hated. It's why I didn't sneak a smooch from that guy before we said goodnight. It's why I get scared about the future. It's like I think that a little timing fairy is just going to pop up and say, "You've had the appropriate experiences now, I'm going to grant you the best timing ever right... NOW! Aw shit, you missed it.... Well, there it went. You'll never get that back now." That timing fairy is a real bitch like that, ya know?!

From a self-proclaimed control freak, timing can be one of my best friends or my worst enemies. I rely greatly on scheduling and planning, but timing has a way of jumbling that plan like a Western Scramble at the local breakfast cafe.

In the grand scheme of things, us humans are led to believe that timing controls much more than our schedules. We think that 'timing is everything' and that the grand timing gods put things and pieces into our lives just when the moment is right. Don't get me wrong, I fully believe (due to my Christian faith) that God has the perfect timing on certain things that may not have worked out as well at another place in my life, but I also think that our collective idea of timing is a little bit of a cop out.

That Fickle Bitch Named Timing can be summed up by my newest little creative equation:

(Availability of Resources) + (Opportunity x The Ability to Pull One's Head Out of His/Her Ass) = TIMING

Let's break this bad boy down to the components...

Availability of Resources-
I will admit that this is the most legitimate excuse for why the timing isn't right. If you physically do not have the money to buy the new car you want, and you can't get a loan, it's very probable that the timing is wrong. Availability of Resources isn't necessarily money, but it could also be an emotional state. Did you just go through a painful divorce? If so, it might not be the right time for you to throw a giant engagement party for your coworker. It's not that you don't want to, it just could be emotional tolling beyond a healthy level. You have to have the appropriate tool belt to work with at that moment.

Opportunity-
Opportunity is a tricky one because sometimes it's created and sometimes it's stumbled upon. By reaching out to a couple different companies in the interest of learning more about the career of Wedding Coordinating, I stumbled upon a killer internship with a great event management company in Portland. That cute guy is in town this week? That looks like opportunity if I've ever seen it; go grab coffee! Create an opportunity to get to know someone, to get to know a situation, to gather the necessary pieces and to get to know what opportunity looks like! I believe that opportunity is a combo of searching for openings as well as looking where you can insert yourself.

The Ability to Pull One's Head Out of His/Her Ass-
THIS IS THE BIGGEST MAKE-OR-BREAK COMPONENT OF TIMING. We are so wrapped up in our own heads that we often times forget to look outside of our blinders. LOOK UP! Yes, you just started talking to the girl who works in the office next to yours. You could continue to sit on the park bench outside at lunch time or you could eat lunch with her! She might become one of your best friends. The point is to be looking around, seeing what the world has in store for you. If you stay too wrapped up in your own thoughts, you will consistently be convincing yourself that the timing will never be right.


When the Opportunity is right but you have ZERO awareness of your surroundings, the timing will be off. When you can't find any opportunity despite the fact that you're looking, you're at zero again (because you're not looking hard enough).



Timing is everything but it is also extremely overrated. SEIZE THE TIMING.  Collect the resources you need, gain experience where you can and look for opportunity. You can trick that fickle bitch named timing into doing things your way. Don't let timing be an issue. Live in the moment. As the great Ferris Bueller once said, "Time moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."








Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

The pressure of keeping your SH*T together.

Have you ever hit a wall, thinking, "That's it! I'm done holding myself together. I'm going to throw a temper-tantrum in the middle of (Insert Location Here)."?

If you didn't say yes, you're either lying or you're the luckiest person I've ever met.

I feel like I have been hitting this wall frequently, and at full-fledged ramming speed. Anxiety has become a battle that I am facing and I find myself taking so many 'deep breaths' that I am border-line hyperventilating. I've never had a constant struggle with anxiety, so learning how to manage it has been a learning experience. As I learn what works, and what definitely does not, I have realized how much pressure we put on ourselves to keep it together; to stand strong without breaking. Before you say it, this is not a pity party, nor is it a place to whine. That's not what I am about. But I will admit that I am in a slump. This Slump happens every once in a while and time after time, I find myself feeling ashamed, like I can't handle everything. Because, you see, I am a perfectionist.

My perfectionism is not found in methodical tasks or by doing and re-doing projects. My perfectionism is found in the way I want others to perceive me. I don't do this so that everyone will like me or so that other people think better of me. I do this because I want to think better of myself. I want to 'fake it til I make it'. I want to inspire others through my actions. I want to be a good role model for handling life, even when life is hard. However, putting this perfect ideal onto myself is exhausting, especially when I start failing.

In the last year, I have made my fitness journey a very public experience. I have heard countless people say, "You inspired me to hit the gym more frequently," or "I started eating healthy because you have shown me that real people can make changes." This warms my heart more than I have words to explain, but what happens when I lose my motivation because of an injury? How do I continue to inspire people when I feel my strength fading? How do I stay true to my own journey when I don't know how to work around those failures? In comes the Slump. When I find myself in a cluttered work space, in comes the Slump. When my sleep schedule is off, or I makeout with someone that I probably shouldn't have, or when I feel the hammer come down at work, the Slump comes in and makes itself very comfortable.


But there is hope. The beauty of a slump is that it's not a permanent location. A 'slump' is defined as "a period of decline," meaning that it's a small portion of the whole picture. Sure, I haven't been going to the gym. Yep, I drank too much a couple weekends ago. You are right, I did drop the ball on that work project. But you know what? My slump is going to give me the motivation to climb my way back out to success! (Insert corny crowd-cheering noises here!!)

So, what do you do when you don't feel like Polly Pep-in-her-step'?

Let yourself freak out.
I may or may not have had a good, solid, Kim Kardashian cry in the car the other day. It wasn't pretty, but I definitely felt better when I was done. As my mom says, it's better to let a little water out of the dam, than for the whole thing to come crashing down. Sometimes you need to get it out on your own, and sometimes you need a shoulder for support. Have both options ready when you need it.

Let yourself relax.
In a world where being busy is praised, take some time to yourself . Read a book. (For awesome reading recommendations, and all around awesomeness, check out this killer blog, Sorry, I'm Booked). Go on a run. Build a bookshelf. Go on a hike. NAP. Do whatever soothes your soul. Just the other day, I took a bubble bath and read for a half hour. It was absolutely glorious.

You can say No.
I am the biggest hypocrite on this one. If I am asked to do something, I usually say yes. Whether it's helping with a friend's wedding, going to a baseball game, or even happy hour, it's okay to say no to things, even if they're fun! I have a horribly social problem, where I want to do everything. Unfortunately, I need to start practicing the art of Saying No. It's hard when you want to do everything, but sometimes, you need to preserve your peace of mind.

Make a get-away plan.
I don't mean like the Italian Job. No mini-coopers involved. (Unless you own a mini-cooper, and then I'm jealous...) I mean a plan on how you can get yourself calmed down when you feel your SH*T getting out of control. For me, I know that cleaning or rearranging my room gives me a sense of order and accomplishment. I also love building crappy Target/Ikea furniture to calm myself down (which is a very expensive relief mechanism), but whatever you do to gain an ounce of control, make sure it is being done for you, and as your choice.

Yeah, keeping your SH*T together is hard sometimes, and it would be super great if we could just pound our fists on the ground, wailing like misbehaving 3 year olds, but unfortunately as adults, we have to at least TRY to keep some sense of composure. We are human. It's okay to not be positive and peppy all the time. It's okay to have times where you don't feel like you can handle things. It's okay to be down on your luck. Adulting is hard, and doing it gracefully is nearly impossible. Let yourself hit the slump, but use the momentum that was bringing you down to act as a pendulum and swing it back to the upward slant.

Why it kills me to wait for your text.

I sit here looking at my phone every ten minutes. More like every ten seconds. I think to myself, "Maybe my phone accidentally got turned to vibrate. Maybe I just didn't hear the buzz of my text tone. Maybe I just didn't see my phone light up. Oh... It's on full volume. That light was from Instagram."

I have become that girl. The one who is waiting for your text. I have become my countless number of girlfriends whom I have lectured so many times. I'd say to them, "who cares if he texts you, you're bad ass with or without him," or "don't worry, I'm sure he is just trying not to seem clingy." They'd give me ten thousand reasons why he hadn't texted them. I would find some awesomely empowering Pinterest photo with a beautiful back drop and a cute handwritten font that would tell my friend that patience is important, blah, blah, blah.

So I tried doing all of those things to myself. I found a solid Instagram photo. I talked about it all day and got opinions from way too many people, all of which I respect, none of which I listened to. The opinions all went one of two very distinct and very opposite directions; some said that I should totally text him so he knows I'm interested, and the others told me to chill out and wait for him to make the next move. Either way, we're playing into this dating game.

The dating game is a tricky topic. I'm not talking about the 60's TV show where you get to pick a secret contestant based on his silly answers. I'm talking about the world of communication, of asking each other out, of trying to be just interested enough to keep them around, yet not too interested to seem obsessed. Games involve strategy, skill and motivation. All things that no one wants to hear about when dating is involved. A skillful dater sounds like someone who is afraid of commitment; you get the prize and then run to the next competition. A strategic dater sounds like someone who plays all the ladies; he is the ultimate player. A motivated dater sounds like a horny dude, trying to get some action. Regardless of which type of competitor is involved in your game, the point is that you're playing for individual trophies, when in reality, you want your team to win.

So as I sit here, wondering if he's playing some game, keeping myself distracted by building bookshelves and watching my roommate do the 'whip/nae nae' dance thing that I don't even understand, I will take a step back. I'll listen to the advice that I have given so many of my friends...

His loss if he's not interested. Awesomely exciting if he is. Regardless of whether I hear from him or I don't, it is not a direct reflection of me, or how I conducted myself when we hung out. I am funny, I am cool, I am smart, I am not reliant on the little buzz of a cell phone and I do not need any validation from anyone other than the voice inside my head. I am better than that; better than worrying about if you're interested.

Now time to put the phone away and go back to life.

I went home alone.

Last night, I left the bar alone.

I said goodnight to my friends and left the bar by myself.

Last night, I went out with a group of friends from college; both men and women, ZERO couples. Do you know how rare that is in a group of 20-somethings? And here's the kicker. There were zero couples AND no one was sleeping together. It was amazing. It was a group of friends going out to have a good time, and dammit, we had a good freakin' time. BUT, I swear it was single's awareness night because the amount of slow songs was off the chart. We all had our eyes peeled for the cutest guy or girl to walk by our little booth in the back of the bar.

I walked myself to my car and got in. Alone. I was smiling.

Last night, I got interested looks from a couple guys throughout the night, but none of them made an effort to come say hello. I was perfectly fine with that. In my camo t-shirt and shorts, I was not screaming, "pay attention to me!!" from the top of a skyscraper, unlike the girl in the skintight elastic black jeans and a flowy blouse that could better be described as a bra with sleeves. I danced a couple partner dances with some of my guy friends and danced a couple songs with a guy I'd never met. He was cute. He was just learning, so I helped him with a couple songs and then we parted ways with big smiles on our faces. Nothing more, nothing less.

I drove myself home, alone, singing along with the radio at the top of my lungs.

Last night, I watched as couples interacted. You could tell the first dates. You could tell the long-term couples. You could tell the pair standing at the bar railing who had never met before tonight. I love watching these couples, regardless of the stage in their relationship. Some people get really annoyed when they are single and surrounded by couples. I, however, am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I love seeing the look in her eyes when he spins her on the dance floor. I love seeing him grin sheepishly when she shimmies his way during a line dance. It's fun to see the relationships as a completely uninvolved third party. Sure, they could have their struggles, but tonight, while they're dancing, or sitting at the bar, or whatever, they're in the moment. Enjoying the company of someone who has caught their eye.

I walked into an empty apartment, all the lights out, and got ready for bed by myself.

Last night, I had multiple instances where thoughts came into my head like, "I kind of wish that was me, so happy with my partner," or "look at how cute they are together," or sometimes, "gross... get a room people." But the truth was that I planned on going home alone. I could have gotten up the balls to approach one of the cute guys standing on the sidelines of the dance floor. I could have pulled out the "Flirty Me" side that exudes coy sarcasm and self-proclaimed quick wit. But I was too busy enjoying my evening. You'd think it would make me sad to see all the slow-dancing couples, paired off in twos, while I sat in a groups of ones. It didn't.

I put my pajamas on and crawled into bed. Alone. I was smiling.

Last night, I snuggled under my Ikea comforter and counted my blessings for good friendships, lots of laughs and an evening of dancing my heart out. I also counted my blessings that I was home alone. Why? Because I would rather be at home, sprawled out starfish style in my full-sized bed, all by myself, than share my bed with someone who didn't want to be here for the right reasons. Sure, you can find someone to fill the vacant side of your bed. It's not that hard. But when you're lying next to someone who does not truly and deeply care about the side of the bed that you occupy, what's the point?

I left the bar alone, and I will do so until I have someone that makes me want to leave the bar with him by my side.

Learning to say No.

No. Two letters. One word. A whole sentence. An infinite amount of power.

You know that part of the movie in "27 Dresses" where Katherine Heigl has to practice saying "No" to James Marsden?

If the answer is no (tee hee)...

You're welcome.

Yeah, that's me. The girl who's not very good at saying no. Let's not dive into how many ways I resemble Katherine Heigl from this movie (amount of weddings I've been in, obsessed with my calendar, slightly a control freak... but we won't go into that), but let's focus on that one similarity.

If you're like me, you enjoy making people happy. And if you're also like me, you also like to spread your time between all of your passions, your friends, and your hobbies. And your job. That's important too. Between keeping up with social graces, and working full time, I find myself leaving the apartment at 7:00am and getting home at 8:30pm or later.

Let's get a couple of things straight right off the bat... I truly enjoy the things that fill my day. I love my job. I love going to the gym and working out, whether it's lifting, running or Zumba. On my weekends, I LOVE going out dancing, or having girl's night at the Comedy Club. My schedule is filled with amazing experiences and people. Also, I am not the type of girl who can hang out with the same person every single day. I will want to kill that person, and not because of anything he/she is doing, but because I need a variety of people to interact with, as well as solitude. I'm incredibly independent, so I like having the option to move from friend group to friend group. This character trait of mine is not stated to sound offensive, but solely for the fact that I love all of the people in my life and want to divvy up my time between multiple people that are very near and dear to my heart.

While the days are packed with wonderful things, I find that I cannot keep up. It's funny because I keep reading these articles about how the average person needs 8-10 hours of sleep, and I keep seeing these fabulous Thought Catalog articles saying that When you graduate college/When you hit your mid twenties/When you get your shit together, you start ACTUALLY getting the full recommended amount of sleep.

HA!

I graduated college, I'm about to hit my mid-twenties, I'm living the healthiest lifestyle I've EVER led....

And I get about 5-6 hours of sleep every night.

Why is that, you may ask? Because I cannot say "No."

It's an interesting problem to have. I enjoy all of the things that I do (for the most part), but when I find myself being consistently booked out two to three weeks in advanced, I struggle to keep up with everyday life. I can say with absolute certainty that I haven't been fully caught up with laundry since the beginning of January. IT'S APRIL PEOPLE! I'm a "Live Life Load-to-Load" kind of girl.

My issue with saying "No" is that I truly WANT to be doing all of these things. I love my friends. I love staying busy. I love having fun new experiences. However, I don't love being constantly exhausted. I think my issue is that I'm compensating. I'm compensating for the time I lost when I first moved to Portland. I was so lonely and the only people I wanted to be with were not within hang-out distance. My friends and boyfriend lived in other towns, so the result was an over-worked, under-socialized Sarah. Now that I have acclimated my self and my social life to the Portland Metro area, I have been trying to make up for lost time.

So, how to you draw the line of doing everything you want, while still maintaining self-care and balance? How do I fix this? I would LOVE to have James Marsden help me practice saying "No," (I mean, he is super delicious and I'm pretty sure we'd fall in love... just saying...) but that might not be the most realistic plan.

Here's what I'm going to do. I plan on setting "Alone Time" at least once a week. This alone time can be catching up on Netflix, doing my laundry, getting a pedicure all by myself, sitting and reading... or even sitting and doing nothing. I will set this time on my calendar. My "No Fly Zone." And for at least three hours. Three hours of laying low is the least I can do in terms of self care.

I also want to incorporate one of my No End in Sight "New Year's Demands". I want to plan date nights for myself. Date nights that can be done alone. It could be going for a walk in the park, or going to a movie, or taking myself out for dinner. Every other week. And yes that means that I can skip the gym occasionally to make this happen. (OH THE HORROR!!)

And lastly, I'm going to go down to the Library. I'm going to find a book. And Damnit, I'm gonna read it.

Saying "No" isn't meant to be an insult. Sometimes, by saying no, I am doing us both a favor. No one wants a run-down, lame, exhausted Sarah, and by letting myself draw some composure, it will make our next time together more fun. Saying "No" is going to be a positive, even if some people's feelings get hurt. I'm going to throw out this disclaimer: I struggled writing this post because of three reasons. I didn't want to come off like I'm complaining (this IS No End In Sight, the blog about how to stay positive). I didn't want to sound pretentious, like "Look at all of this fun stuff I'm doing." And I also didn't want it to sound like I am sick of anyone or anything in particular.

I wanted it to be about how I can find balance. And balancing it will be.

A letter to ALL of my Exs.

If you're like me, you have a lot of Ex's...

• Ex Roommates
• Ex Best Friends
• Ex Boyfriends/Girlfriends

These ex's are ex's for a reason. And that reason is that something didn't quite work. Maybe it was a small thing, maybe it was just the effects of time, and maybe it was a BIG FREAKIN' DEAL.

Whatever it was, we move on. We find a new roommate (or decide to live alone). We make new friends. We start dating other people. We find people to fill those voids, and maybe they aren't filled entirely, but the placeholders are no longer empty.

Regardless of why they are no longer involved in your life, you learn a lot from the experiences you gain from these people. If you could write a letter to your ex's, what would you say?

--------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ex,

First of all, I want you to know one thing. 

I AM HAPPY. And I am happy because of you. Not in the way you might think, but you are one of the reasons I am happy. You helped me get here and for that, I thank you. I learned a lot from our time together, which in turn, brought me to the woman I have become.

You taught me about conflict. 

Whether it was a conflict about who's turn it was to do the dishes, or about why you wouldn't tell me certain things, I learned what complicated conflict looked like. Sure, the dishes were an easy conflict to resolve, but maybe the dishes weren't the actual issue. Maybe you were frustrated that I didn't invite you to an activity and that pile of plates in the sink was an easy release. Maybe you weren't telling me the entirety of a story because you still couldn't accept the truth of the situation. Regardless of what the conflict was, I learned how to spot it, how to address it (not perfectly by any means), and how to move on from it with a shaky, but respectful heart.

You taught me (and am still learning) how to communicate. 

...through trial and error. Believe it or not, ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. (But wouldn't that be nice?!) Bringing up issues can be really awkward, and I'm still not good at it, even if I'm a Communication major. However, stumbling our way through the uncomfortable chats about your emotionally abusive boyfriend, or about your ex-girlfriend who was threatening to punch me in the face made us stronger at that moment. I still have so much work to do on this topic, but I'm thankful that you helped grow me as a compassionate communicator.

You taught me what I should expect from a partner (be it romantic or platonic). 

There were times when you treated me fabulously. If there hadn't been good times, we would not have been friends/roommates/romantic partners. I loved when we would dance in our PJ's in the front room to OneDirection. I loved that you surprised me by coming to visit me for the weekend, when I thought you were working. I loved that we drove your dad's Mustang on that spring day to go get Frappachino's when the sun finally decided to come out. Those good times helped create my list of requirements when looking for a friend, a boyfriend or a roommate. Even if we ended, the good moments have helped shape what I desire in my relationships.

You taught me how to trust. 

I cried to you. I told you some of my most hidden fears. I leaned on you when I couldn't hold myself up. You supported me in the good times and in the bad. I learned to put stock in another person and that was an incredible lesson to learn. But...

I had to learn how to bounce back from failed trust. 

You hurt me sometimes. Cheating. Gossiping. Rumors. At times in my life, you absolutely broke me. But you know what the amazing part is?! I haven't stopped trusting. Just because you betrayed my friendship, it doesn't mean that I will never trust a friend again! Just because you broke my heart, it doesn't mean that I will never love again. You cannot ruin me. I am stronger than that.

You taught me to trust my intuition. 

You know that time when I found inappropriate photos of another woman on your phone? Yeah, I trusted my intuition and confronted you on that. I knew something was up, and they weren't just old photos of an ex-girlfriend. You know when you stopped texting me when a certain someone was around? I should have listened to my gut at that time, and I learned that my intuition isn't usually making things up. I am learning to trust myself when a situation makes me uncomfortable.

I taught myself how to be alone.

Yep, you heard me. I don't mind sleeping by myself. I get the whole freaking bed! I don't mind showing up to the group activity without my bestie in tow. I don't mind spending a Tuesday night blogging. I learned that I'd rather be in the company of an incredibly strong, creative and hilarious woman (MYSELF, obvs) than be with someone who is constantly belittling me or making me feel inadequate.

You taught me how to stand up for myself. 

When someone tells me that I'm too fat, or that I'm overreacting, or that I shouldn't feel a certain way, I know that I deserve better and you can damn well bet I will stand up for myself. I learned that if anyone is going to put me down, it's my responsibility to bring myself back up.

I learned how to fight graciously. 

We're obviously not close any more. If it wasn't just the ebb and flow of time that brought us to where we are, we probably got in a fight. I have not held myself together perfectly in every fight, but through these issues, I learned how to compose myself in a way that cannot be used to talk ill of me when the fight is over. At times, I didn't really execute the fights in a way that would exemplify said grace, but hindsight has taught me a lot about how to conduct myself and I feel like I have learned how to get in a fight, while trying my best to stay civil. Even when I didn't feel like you deserved civility.

I learned how to love myself.

You broke my heart. You turned friends against me. You took me down. You made stabs that had lasting impact. You said things that I am still trying to forget. But you know what? I love myself. It took work, and it took a lot of faking it, but I got there. It's a constant learning opportunity because some days my pants are too tight, and some days I still feel anger toward you, and some days, I really hope you stub your toe or hit your funny bone (because I would never wish anything serious upon you, but those things are harmless, painful and/or annoying). But on those days where I falter, I still remember how much I've learned and how far I've come. For some stupid cliche analogy, I'm a traveler down the road of life, and I've stopped plenty of places, but I'm having a killer time on this wild adventure.

So thank you. Thank you for screwing me over. Thank you for making me cry. Thank you for leaving your bicycle in the middle of the living room. Thank you for pushing me to be stronger, better, more loving, and all around more bad-ass.

Cheers, my dear Ex. 

Life's a bitch, but as the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt says, a bitch is the mother of cute puppies, so that's pretty much a compliment. 

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Best Friend/Ex-Roommate/ Ex-Girlfriend

A Second Chance worth taking.

No, I'm not getting back with an ex. No, I didn't go back to an old job. Not going back to school.
This Second Chance goes a lot farther back. Let's start with the backstory though...

Second Chances are a tricky little game. Sometimes they're a good idea, and sometimes they aren't. But at my place of employment, second chances are a pillar of our company.

For those of you who don't know, I work for a company called Dave's Killer Bread. We're an organic bread company based out of Milwaukie, Oregon (basically Portland). The company has a pretty unique background that is entirely formulated through second chances.

"It all started when an older brother gave his younger brother a job–a second chance–

after 15 years in prison."

Dave Dahl was given a second chance at his family bakery, where he created a product that has swept the nation!! Dave's Killer Bread. It is the best bread in the Universe. If you don't agree, you haven't tried it. For reals though. (For more info on the background behind Dave's Killer Bread CLICK HERE for the link to our killer website.)

So, second chances are kind of a big deal here.... so big of a deal that our company makes it a point to employ former felons and individuals with prior convictions, just like Dave. Roughly 1 in 3 of our employees has a criminal background. This is a big deal. That is 100 people in our facility of about 300 employees. You might think it is more of a risk. You might think it causes our insurance to sky-rocket. You're wrong.

Because DKB has created a company that works so effectively with said demographic, the team created a new program called the Second Chance Project. This new project is a way for businesses to see the success of giving people a second chance, and eventually how to integrate a Second Chance Program into their companies.

So why am I telling you all of this?

Well, I got to participate in the Second Chance Project by telling my own story. No, I do not have any criminal convictions. No felonies on my record. But I was given a second chance as well, but in a slightly different manner.

Go check out my Second Chance Story. Then come back here to No End In Sight.

SARAH'S SECOND CHANCE STORY.

Did you read it? Okay, good. Now before you turn on the puppy dog eyes and say, "Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry, I had no idea...", stop yourself. I do not share this story for pity or sympathy. In fact, that drives me up the wall. You all knew me before you knew I was a sexual abuse survivor. Nothing changed in that 5 minutes, other than your enlightenment.

I share this story because even though I wasn't given a specific moment of "here's your chance to re-live your life," or a moment of "this is the second everything changes," like a lot of the other people shown on the Second Chance Site (which you should definitely read), I still feel like it was a time in my life where I had a choice to make. It was more of a new lens than a second chance. I was young but I was also able to choose how to proceed. Instead of being the victim, I became the advocate, even at a young age. In third grade, I spoke on behalf of the organization that helped me through my abuse. In front of the City Council. By myself. I made the choice to lead a second chance.

The whole point of me sharing my story is to show people that we are able to give ourselves second chances every day. Sometimes, you need a third chance, or a fourth. The point is that we can make that change, but we can also give second chances to others. (Disclaimer: Change has to happen by the person who is doing the action. You can't make the change for someone else, but you can always encourage them to make those changes.)

Give yourself a second chance. Give someone you know a second chance. It's a chance worth taking




*Thank you for letting me share my story with you. I truly appreciate the support I receive from those of you who read this blog regularly. And even irregularly. And thank you for not looking at me any differently. It means the world.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS EVER BEEN AFFECTED BY SEXUAL ABUSE, FEEL FREE TO REACH OUT TO ME. If you do not have my personal phone number, please use the Contact Me section at the top of the page.

HUGS <3

Dating is hard.

I'm bad at dating.
It's hard. I'm awkward and self-conscious, so add the possibility of an attractive man and my accident-prone levels sky-rocket. Add the reality of another awkward human being and we'll probably create an A-Bomb (Awkward, not Atomic...)

Despite it being stressful, dating can also be one of the most fun and insightful experiences that we go through. It can be exhausting. It can be a rollercoaster of emotions; fear, nerves, confidence, uncertainty, giddiness, excitement and SO many more. You're basically putting yourself on display in order for someone to analyze you... and vice versa.

It's intimidating and if you're anything like me (who hasn't dated a whole bunch), it can send you into a full-fledged tail spin into hyperventilation, all while throwing every outfit you own on the floor.

So what do you do when you're freaking out, ready to bail?! You seek comfort from the advice of loved ones. These people know you really well so they can't steer you wrong, right? Not always. As much as we adore these individuals, have you ever been given advice that makes you cringe?

I know I have. So I took to social media and asked:
What is the WORST DATING ADVICE YOU'VE EVER GOTTEN?

These are REAL TIPS that people have been given. So naturally, I want to spin them into Positives. I had a bunch of people weigh in and these are just a small, but relevant, portion of the responses.


BAD TIP: Laugh at ALL the other person's jokes.
Anyone remember Janice from Friends? Fake-laughing at all the jokes sends you on a guaranteed train to "Never-getting-a-second-date-ville." That is a surefire way to look like a crazy person. Crazy is not attractive.
BETTER TIP: Be yourself.
Oh how cliché, Sarah. Well, sorry. If you find something funny, laugh. If you don't, a polite smile is okay.


BAD TIP: Dress scandalously/Show cleavage.
Sorry guys, this one is not for you... or maybe it is and you're going to rock that hipster deep-V-neck tee. Showing off the goods isn't necessarily the way to your partner's heart. It might be a way to another body part, and if that's what your looking for, you might want to use this tip, but if you're not just looking for a hookup, then you might want to look into something else.
BETTER TIP: Dress confidently!
Obviously, you want to look nice. If a low cut top makes you feel confident, then by all means, ROCK IT! - but it's not necessary. Be comfortable. Confidence is way more attractive than baring it all uncomfortably.


BAD TIP: Try to find a fixer upper... Everyone likes a challenge, right? AKA "He/She will change"
I hate when people say this. Unfortunately, I've been told this one. You should not be searching to change someone. Obviously, people are going to develop in life, and people change, but you should not be trying to change the personality of the one you are dating. The term Fixer-upper will now and forever remind me of the song from Frozen.
BETTER TIP: Know what you want in a partner.
I'm not saying get out your checklist of physical attributes and start checking them off. What I'm saying is that if someone does not meet your 'non-negotiables' list, don't try and fit a square peg into a round hole. One example is that I will not date someone that smokes. I'm not going to try to force a smoker to become a non-smoker just to date me.


BAD TIP: Even if you don't see it going anywhere, go on the date... at least you'll get a free meal. (See also, order something expensive at dinner.)
Taking advantage of someone is rude. Straight up. Also, why waste either person's time?!
BETTER TIP: Be honest.
If you don't see it going anywhere, don't keep up the charade. Dating games are so high school. Also, who wants to sit at an awkward dinner for at least an hour, even if the food is good?!


BAD TIP: If you don't learn to eat salad, you'll never get a husband.
I hate this tip. I've also been told to eat a salad at dinner. SCREW THAT. I rarely eat a salad as a meal on my own. Also, I'm really bad at eating salads... or anything for that matter. I always drop food on myself (which is why I usually don't wear white to go eat...)
BETTER TIP: Eat whatever the hell you want.
If I want a salad, I'll get a salad. If I want a cheeseburger with onion rings and a milkshake, I'll get that. Don't try and fake it. You want to enjoy yourself. SO enjoy your food.


BAD TIP: Don't date someone who makes less money than you.
I can't believe this has actually been said.
BETTER TIP: Don't base your relationship on how much your partner makes!!!
If you are basing your relationship of a financial statement, you're a materialistic jerk. Duh.


BAD TIP: It's okay if you have different religious beliefs.
Okay this isn't a BAD thing, but it can make things more difficult. If one partner is extremely religious and the other is not, it can bring stress to the relationship later down the road when it comes to attending religious ceremonies/services/etc, getting married, and raising children. For the most part, I haven't been on the same page as my previous partners when it came to religion and it definitely caused a bit of discomfort in my relationships.
BETTER TIP: See if your belief systems align.
If faith and religion are important to you, then it's good to see where your similarities and differences lie. If they are not important to you, it's good to know where the other person stands and what they will expect in the future.

BAD TIP: Love will conquer anything.
Nope, it won't. Love won't conquer a drug addiction. Love won't conquer abuse. Love won't give you a "PASS GO FOR FREE" card. Love can help you through those things but it's not an excuse to do whatever you want and pull a Nicholas Sparks by saying, "Well our love will take us away together."
BETTER TIP: Communication will help conquer MOST.
Communication will not excuse cheating or a gambling problem, but it will help you work through some things. Talking it out helps you understand where the other person is coming from and it will help you find solutions and compromises.


BAD TIP: Well, He/she is nice.
Oh jeez people... Just because someone is nice and they like you does NOT mean you should be with them. Nice-ness is great but do you have anything in common? Do you desire more time with them? Do you see a potential with them? Nice is great. My dog is nice. That does not mean I want to date my dog.
BETTER TIP: Is she/he nice to other people?
See how your date treats everyone around them. This says a lot about a person. Do they hold the door open for strangers? Do they say thank you to the waiter at dinner? Do they complain about the service, even if it was okay? Seeing how he/she treats other people is one of my biggest turn ons/turn offs.


BAD TIP: Maybe you should start losing weight before you start dating.
Thank God no one said this to me, I would have bawled my eyes out. You do not have to be "skinny" to be loved. You do not have to be a certain size to be found attractive. I am so glad I don't know who said this because they would have gotten a piece of my mind.
BETTER TIP: Rock whatever body you've got.
Again it comes down to confidence. If you are comfortable, it will show, and that is sexy as hell.


BAD TIP: Ignore your gut feeling, you don't even know them yet.
FALSE. In every way. If someone give you the heeby-jeebys, trust your intuition. If you automatically think that you don't click, believe yourself. Obviously, you should get to know the person in order to determine these gut-reactions, but once you have spent some time with the person, trust your feelings.
BETTER TIP: Check in with how you feel.
Let yourself feel the feels. Was there a connection? Could you hear the sound of crickets chirping? Analyze where your feelings were after spending some time together.


BAD TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down in a relationship," show him/her you have other options.
This is so dumb on so many levels. Like I said earlier, playing games in a relationship is so dramatic and ridiculous. Honesty is where it's at. I have yet to hear someone say, "I love playing games in a relationship, especially when it comes to whether or not we're serious in this relationship." As the friend who told me this Bad Tip mentioned, it pushed them into a relationship that probably wasn't genuine in getting into it for the right reasons.
BETTER TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down" (don't even get me started on that phrase), THEN MOVE ON.
Don't waste your time waiting around or playing games for someone who clearly is not interested in the type of relationship you want. It's nothing against you. It's nothing against them. Some people want different things in a relationship. What a concept...

And my favorite one....
WORST TIP: Your standards are too high; you should lower them.
Yes, clearly you should settle for someone who does not fit what you want. It's like saying that you asked for the new iPhone for Christmas and someone got you a Nokia brick from 2005. I have heard this line before, "well, maybe the type you're looking for is just a figment of a Nicholas Sparks plot line." Um hello? I'm not looking for something incredibly specific. I didn't know that an educated Christian man with a little bit of country in his roots was a figment of a romantic novel. I think one or two of those exist out there...
BETTER TIP: Be realistic in your standards.
Generalized standards are great. Try not to be too specific. (i.e. 6'2" with wavy brown hair, turquoise eyes, a PhD in astrophysics and loves his favorite author Charles Dickens.) Having a list of non-negotiables is important, and knowing what you're willing to compromise on is good too. Standards should be a guideline, not a set of steadfast rules. When you know what you want though, why force things you don't want into that category? Someone will be unhappy.



Despite all of these crazy tips, dating can be fun and exciting. Stressful? Duh. But still exciting. If we don't do a bit of dating, how will we know what we do and don't want in a partner? It's crucial to learn about other people whom you might want a relationship with, but it also teaches you about yourself.

Dating (even though my dating resume is slightly small) continues to teach me a LOT about myself. It teaches me things that I bring to a relationship, like communication and compassion, emotional support and dorky awkward humor. It also teaches me that there are SO many types of awesome people out there.

It's hard, but dating is a great test. One that you can't really pass or fail, but keep attempting until you find a winner.

What are some of YOUR dating tips that have worked/not worked? I'd love to hear more!!