Dating is hard.

I'm bad at dating.
It's hard. I'm awkward and self-conscious, so add the possibility of an attractive man and my accident-prone levels sky-rocket. Add the reality of another awkward human being and we'll probably create an A-Bomb (Awkward, not Atomic...)

Despite it being stressful, dating can also be one of the most fun and insightful experiences that we go through. It can be exhausting. It can be a rollercoaster of emotions; fear, nerves, confidence, uncertainty, giddiness, excitement and SO many more. You're basically putting yourself on display in order for someone to analyze you... and vice versa.

It's intimidating and if you're anything like me (who hasn't dated a whole bunch), it can send you into a full-fledged tail spin into hyperventilation, all while throwing every outfit you own on the floor.

So what do you do when you're freaking out, ready to bail?! You seek comfort from the advice of loved ones. These people know you really well so they can't steer you wrong, right? Not always. As much as we adore these individuals, have you ever been given advice that makes you cringe?

I know I have. So I took to social media and asked:
What is the WORST DATING ADVICE YOU'VE EVER GOTTEN?

These are REAL TIPS that people have been given. So naturally, I want to spin them into Positives. I had a bunch of people weigh in and these are just a small, but relevant, portion of the responses.


BAD TIP: Laugh at ALL the other person's jokes.
Anyone remember Janice from Friends? Fake-laughing at all the jokes sends you on a guaranteed train to "Never-getting-a-second-date-ville." That is a surefire way to look like a crazy person. Crazy is not attractive.
BETTER TIP: Be yourself.
Oh how cliché, Sarah. Well, sorry. If you find something funny, laugh. If you don't, a polite smile is okay.


BAD TIP: Dress scandalously/Show cleavage.
Sorry guys, this one is not for you... or maybe it is and you're going to rock that hipster deep-V-neck tee. Showing off the goods isn't necessarily the way to your partner's heart. It might be a way to another body part, and if that's what your looking for, you might want to use this tip, but if you're not just looking for a hookup, then you might want to look into something else.
BETTER TIP: Dress confidently!
Obviously, you want to look nice. If a low cut top makes you feel confident, then by all means, ROCK IT! - but it's not necessary. Be comfortable. Confidence is way more attractive than baring it all uncomfortably.


BAD TIP: Try to find a fixer upper... Everyone likes a challenge, right? AKA "He/She will change"
I hate when people say this. Unfortunately, I've been told this one. You should not be searching to change someone. Obviously, people are going to develop in life, and people change, but you should not be trying to change the personality of the one you are dating. The term Fixer-upper will now and forever remind me of the song from Frozen.
BETTER TIP: Know what you want in a partner.
I'm not saying get out your checklist of physical attributes and start checking them off. What I'm saying is that if someone does not meet your 'non-negotiables' list, don't try and fit a square peg into a round hole. One example is that I will not date someone that smokes. I'm not going to try to force a smoker to become a non-smoker just to date me.


BAD TIP: Even if you don't see it going anywhere, go on the date... at least you'll get a free meal. (See also, order something expensive at dinner.)
Taking advantage of someone is rude. Straight up. Also, why waste either person's time?!
BETTER TIP: Be honest.
If you don't see it going anywhere, don't keep up the charade. Dating games are so high school. Also, who wants to sit at an awkward dinner for at least an hour, even if the food is good?!


BAD TIP: If you don't learn to eat salad, you'll never get a husband.
I hate this tip. I've also been told to eat a salad at dinner. SCREW THAT. I rarely eat a salad as a meal on my own. Also, I'm really bad at eating salads... or anything for that matter. I always drop food on myself (which is why I usually don't wear white to go eat...)
BETTER TIP: Eat whatever the hell you want.
If I want a salad, I'll get a salad. If I want a cheeseburger with onion rings and a milkshake, I'll get that. Don't try and fake it. You want to enjoy yourself. SO enjoy your food.


BAD TIP: Don't date someone who makes less money than you.
I can't believe this has actually been said.
BETTER TIP: Don't base your relationship on how much your partner makes!!!
If you are basing your relationship of a financial statement, you're a materialistic jerk. Duh.


BAD TIP: It's okay if you have different religious beliefs.
Okay this isn't a BAD thing, but it can make things more difficult. If one partner is extremely religious and the other is not, it can bring stress to the relationship later down the road when it comes to attending religious ceremonies/services/etc, getting married, and raising children. For the most part, I haven't been on the same page as my previous partners when it came to religion and it definitely caused a bit of discomfort in my relationships.
BETTER TIP: See if your belief systems align.
If faith and religion are important to you, then it's good to see where your similarities and differences lie. If they are not important to you, it's good to know where the other person stands and what they will expect in the future.

BAD TIP: Love will conquer anything.
Nope, it won't. Love won't conquer a drug addiction. Love won't conquer abuse. Love won't give you a "PASS GO FOR FREE" card. Love can help you through those things but it's not an excuse to do whatever you want and pull a Nicholas Sparks by saying, "Well our love will take us away together."
BETTER TIP: Communication will help conquer MOST.
Communication will not excuse cheating or a gambling problem, but it will help you work through some things. Talking it out helps you understand where the other person is coming from and it will help you find solutions and compromises.


BAD TIP: Well, He/she is nice.
Oh jeez people... Just because someone is nice and they like you does NOT mean you should be with them. Nice-ness is great but do you have anything in common? Do you desire more time with them? Do you see a potential with them? Nice is great. My dog is nice. That does not mean I want to date my dog.
BETTER TIP: Is she/he nice to other people?
See how your date treats everyone around them. This says a lot about a person. Do they hold the door open for strangers? Do they say thank you to the waiter at dinner? Do they complain about the service, even if it was okay? Seeing how he/she treats other people is one of my biggest turn ons/turn offs.


BAD TIP: Maybe you should start losing weight before you start dating.
Thank God no one said this to me, I would have bawled my eyes out. You do not have to be "skinny" to be loved. You do not have to be a certain size to be found attractive. I am so glad I don't know who said this because they would have gotten a piece of my mind.
BETTER TIP: Rock whatever body you've got.
Again it comes down to confidence. If you are comfortable, it will show, and that is sexy as hell.


BAD TIP: Ignore your gut feeling, you don't even know them yet.
FALSE. In every way. If someone give you the heeby-jeebys, trust your intuition. If you automatically think that you don't click, believe yourself. Obviously, you should get to know the person in order to determine these gut-reactions, but once you have spent some time with the person, trust your feelings.
BETTER TIP: Check in with how you feel.
Let yourself feel the feels. Was there a connection? Could you hear the sound of crickets chirping? Analyze where your feelings were after spending some time together.


BAD TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down in a relationship," show him/her you have other options.
This is so dumb on so many levels. Like I said earlier, playing games in a relationship is so dramatic and ridiculous. Honesty is where it's at. I have yet to hear someone say, "I love playing games in a relationship, especially when it comes to whether or not we're serious in this relationship." As the friend who told me this Bad Tip mentioned, it pushed them into a relationship that probably wasn't genuine in getting into it for the right reasons.
BETTER TIP: If a person isn't going to "lock you down" (don't even get me started on that phrase), THEN MOVE ON.
Don't waste your time waiting around or playing games for someone who clearly is not interested in the type of relationship you want. It's nothing against you. It's nothing against them. Some people want different things in a relationship. What a concept...

And my favorite one....
WORST TIP: Your standards are too high; you should lower them.
Yes, clearly you should settle for someone who does not fit what you want. It's like saying that you asked for the new iPhone for Christmas and someone got you a Nokia brick from 2005. I have heard this line before, "well, maybe the type you're looking for is just a figment of a Nicholas Sparks plot line." Um hello? I'm not looking for something incredibly specific. I didn't know that an educated Christian man with a little bit of country in his roots was a figment of a romantic novel. I think one or two of those exist out there...
BETTER TIP: Be realistic in your standards.
Generalized standards are great. Try not to be too specific. (i.e. 6'2" with wavy brown hair, turquoise eyes, a PhD in astrophysics and loves his favorite author Charles Dickens.) Having a list of non-negotiables is important, and knowing what you're willing to compromise on is good too. Standards should be a guideline, not a set of steadfast rules. When you know what you want though, why force things you don't want into that category? Someone will be unhappy.



Despite all of these crazy tips, dating can be fun and exciting. Stressful? Duh. But still exciting. If we don't do a bit of dating, how will we know what we do and don't want in a partner? It's crucial to learn about other people whom you might want a relationship with, but it also teaches you about yourself.

Dating (even though my dating resume is slightly small) continues to teach me a LOT about myself. It teaches me things that I bring to a relationship, like communication and compassion, emotional support and dorky awkward humor. It also teaches me that there are SO many types of awesome people out there.

It's hard, but dating is a great test. One that you can't really pass or fail, but keep attempting until you find a winner.

What are some of YOUR dating tips that have worked/not worked? I'd love to hear more!!