How do you stay positive in a break up?

You don't. At least not immediately, but you'll get there eventually, or so they keep telling me.

It caught me pretty off guard. And I'm not okay with it yet.

I am the queen of helping my friends through the tough times. I find solace in being able to care for my "babies" that need me. Call that my maternal instinct or whatever else you want. I love being able to give them the self confidence to make it through a bad breakup, family issues or whatever else the world can throw at them.

When it's my turn, though, I am lost.

I hate pity parties. I hate weakness. I hate moping. I'm not good at it because I hate watching it in other people. I WANT to be the girl who is comfortable letting others take care of her in my time of need. But I'm not comfortable with that. It takes a lot of self discipline on my end to let people sit me down and tell me it's okay to be sad. It takes a lot of self-discipline to let myself be sad. To not say "Shake it off Cowgirl", while bucking up and get over it immediately. Um hello, it hasn't been 24 hours. You CAN be sad, Sarah. It's allowed and it's a good thing (or so they tell me), because it means it was real.

But I don't want it to be real, because real means over. I want it to be a bad dream.

HOWEVER, it's not a bad dream. It's the real deal.

So how do you stay strong? Stay positive? Stay "okay"?

1) You let yourself be sad.
Damn. I'm gonna actually have to give in to the sucky-ness. But like all of my friends and family have said at this point, it's okay to be sad. It's better to be a loving soul that finds heartbreak than to be a cold soul who knows no love. And I agree with that completely. Relationships are beautiful gifts, regardless of how long they last. It's worth the sad if we get to experience the joy.

2) Ask for support.
I suck at this. I essentially moved my entire apartment by myself in 100 degree weather because I didn't want to inconvenience anyone by asking them for help. Breakups are only harder when experienced alone. If you think about it, most of the time you're losing your best friend, the one you tell everything, the one who knows you the best (or damn near it). It's the support net that will help you get through the times where you want to tell them about the delicious mexican place you just tried or the crazy customer at work. You need the support of your friends who will tell you, "you're a catch" and mean it with every ounce of their beings.

3) Pray. A lot. And hard.
Pray for him. Pray for you. Pray for strength in your future and pray for thanks in your past. Pray for wisdom and self-confidence. Most importantly, pray for peace. For both of you. Breakups are not easy for either party. Ever. So pray that the other person can find strength and thanks and wisdom and self confidence. Prayer is the most healing thing you can do.

4) Buck up.
This step is only allowed after the completion of the first three phases. This one takes time and a little bit of pain but you cannot be the person who wallows forever. Sure, it's easier to mope, but goodness it sucks. Take your time in this phase; I know it's going to take a long time until I get to this point. But, eventually, I will be there. Eventually, we all make it through the fireswamp.

5) Forgive.
Sometimes this takes years. Sometimes it takes hours. Wherever it lands you, forgiveness is the ultimate release, revenge and restoration. Work hard to achieve that moment where you can be thankful for that person's presence in your life and forgive them for the hurt you felt.

I want to go home and make my family hang out with me until they annoy me to the point of getting over my problems. I want to lay in bed and cry. All day. For a few days. But I will not succumb to the pain. I will take my own advice and I will use it to help me grow. It will not harden me, nor change me, but it will adjust me.

2014 is the year of positive thoughts and I will wake up every morning with a grateful heart knowing that I AM a catch and that I AM a pretty darn fabulous person, dangit. It's going to be immensely hard to stay positive and you're all going to help me stay accountable.

Positive thoughts lead to positive words, positive words lead to positive actions, and positive actions lead to a positive outlook.

Stay positive. XOXO.