My family lives 2,494 miles away. I am VERY used to homesickness.
First of all, let's talk about the term "homesick." When I say homesick, I'm not talking about four walls and a roof. I'm talking about the laughter after your sister says something stupid. I'm talking about the wrestling match with your brother. I'm talking about watching Gilmore Girls with your dad (yes, I said dad... sorry for blabbing your secret, Pops). I'm talking about going on walks with your mom and discussing life. I'm talking about the RELATIONSHIP of HOME.
When my family moved accross the country, I went from an illusion of independece to a reality of literally being on my own. I went from home being just a few hours away in case I needed anything, even just a hug, to needing 18 hours and four planes to wrap my arms around my mom and dad. It was shocking and hard to get used to at first (let's be real; it's still not easy). The homesickness I felt back then was strong and the three hour time difference made it even harder to talk to the ones that I love.
Thankfully, as the time passed, Oregon State slowly started becoming the home I created for myself. It wasn't the same as being with my family (which is what I associate 'home' with, since they are no longer living in my childhood home), but I started to find a group of people that became my "adopted family". I had friends who brought me into their childhood homes. Their siblings became like my siblings. They hugged me when I needed hugs.
It wasn't the same as being home but it became MY home.
Four years later. I'm homesick again. But this time, instead of being homesick for my biological family I'm homesick for my college family. I miss having a hangout spot on the couch in my favorite coffee shop. I miss the friends that lived within walking distance. I miss going to Sharri's for horrible breakfast food at 3am. I miss the REALTIONSHIP of COLLEGE.
There was an article that went viral last year, right around the time I graduated college, called The Opposite of Loneliness . This article knocked me on my butt the first time I read it, and continues to do so a year later. It came from the Yale Daily News (the real one, not the Rory Gilmore version) and was written by a young woman, Marina Keegan, who was destined to do big things, yet her biggest fear was losing the "people, an abundance of people, who are in this together."
Yale is full of tiny circles we pull around ourselves. A cappella groups, sports teams, houses, societies, clubs. These tiny groups that make us feel loved and safe and part of something even on our loneliest nights when we stumble home to our computers — partner-less, tired, awake. We won’t have those next year. We won’t live on the same block as all our friends. We won’t have a bunch of group-texts.
This scares me. More than finding the right job or city or spouse – I’m scared of losing this web we’re in. This elusive, indefinable, opposite of loneliness. This feeling I feel right now. - Marina Keegan, Yale Daily News (2012)
Unfortunately though, her story ran just days after she was killed in a tragic car accident. But Marina had the right idea. She knew that she was blessed with the people who related, who experienced, and who lived the opposite of loneliness. They lived life together. Even if they weren't going through the same things, they were doing it together.
In college, I was blessed to make the closest friends I've ever had. We went through deaths, through breakups, through financial instability, through hangovers, through aced tests and failed exams, through engagements, through everything. It isn't until you don't see your friends regularly that you realze how much you love them.
I had this epiphany on Tuesday Night when I reconnected with some of my MUPC alumni buddies. We talked about life and jobs and memories of our crazy events and I realized how much I had missed them. I also realized that I am so lucky that I DO miss them. It means that our lives shared a special experience and it would always bond us.
So, yes, I am extremely homesick for the 20-ish friends who would come over for dinner parties once a month. I'm homesick for the study groups. I'm homesick for the friends who would pull me onto the dance floor when a boy was hurting my feelings. I'm homesick for the wine nights... all the wine nights. I'm homesick for sitting on the MUPC couches playing the Sausage Movie game and giggling like the immature goobers that we were (and still are).
But I am SO DARN GRATEFUL for those silly moments, those hugs and those tears, those life moments. The reminiscing and the memories are about more than my degree I earned and the massive amount of debt I accrued. They are about the love I earned and gave so willingly.
IT'S WORTH THE HOMESICKNESS.
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