Why it kills me to wait for your text.

I sit here looking at my phone every ten minutes. More like every ten seconds. I think to myself, "Maybe my phone accidentally got turned to vibrate. Maybe I just didn't hear the buzz of my text tone. Maybe I just didn't see my phone light up. Oh... It's on full volume. That light was from Instagram."

I have become that girl. The one who is waiting for your text. I have become my countless number of girlfriends whom I have lectured so many times. I'd say to them, "who cares if he texts you, you're bad ass with or without him," or "don't worry, I'm sure he is just trying not to seem clingy." They'd give me ten thousand reasons why he hadn't texted them. I would find some awesomely empowering Pinterest photo with a beautiful back drop and a cute handwritten font that would tell my friend that patience is important, blah, blah, blah.

So I tried doing all of those things to myself. I found a solid Instagram photo. I talked about it all day and got opinions from way too many people, all of which I respect, none of which I listened to. The opinions all went one of two very distinct and very opposite directions; some said that I should totally text him so he knows I'm interested, and the others told me to chill out and wait for him to make the next move. Either way, we're playing into this dating game.

The dating game is a tricky topic. I'm not talking about the 60's TV show where you get to pick a secret contestant based on his silly answers. I'm talking about the world of communication, of asking each other out, of trying to be just interested enough to keep them around, yet not too interested to seem obsessed. Games involve strategy, skill and motivation. All things that no one wants to hear about when dating is involved. A skillful dater sounds like someone who is afraid of commitment; you get the prize and then run to the next competition. A strategic dater sounds like someone who plays all the ladies; he is the ultimate player. A motivated dater sounds like a horny dude, trying to get some action. Regardless of which type of competitor is involved in your game, the point is that you're playing for individual trophies, when in reality, you want your team to win.

So as I sit here, wondering if he's playing some game, keeping myself distracted by building bookshelves and watching my roommate do the 'whip/nae nae' dance thing that I don't even understand, I will take a step back. I'll listen to the advice that I have given so many of my friends...

His loss if he's not interested. Awesomely exciting if he is. Regardless of whether I hear from him or I don't, it is not a direct reflection of me, or how I conducted myself when we hung out. I am funny, I am cool, I am smart, I am not reliant on the little buzz of a cell phone and I do not need any validation from anyone other than the voice inside my head. I am better than that; better than worrying about if you're interested.

Now time to put the phone away and go back to life.