Read this when I'm being a Sh*tty Friend.

First of all, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you were prompted to read this. I'm sorry this is even something I have to write. I'm sorry that there were multiple people and reasons that inspired me to write this apology. I'm sorry that your feelings have been hurt, or that you've felt neglected, or that I've blown off our coffee dates, or that I've had to reschedule 90,000 times.

I am TRULY sorry.

I could make up excuses about why I've forgotten things or why I don't respond to your texts, but the truth is, I'm barely staying above water.

I know we all have our mountains and that maybe mine seem small in your eyes but in the midst of all the chaos, life is challenging my strength. I absolutely love that you rely on me for support, encouragement and pep talks, but right now, I am having to love, support, encourage and pep talk myself. Sometimes, it's all I can do to keep myself rolling through the next wave of life. They say that you can't pour from an empty cup, so I'm trying to keep a little bit in my own glass.

And it is HARD.

I WANT to pour into you. I am a person rooted in relationship and this phase of life is challenging the heck out of me. I MISS my friendships. I want to be the person you run to, laugh with, cry with and call when you need someone to listen. I want to hug you and tell you it's okay. I want to go out for drinks on a whim. I want to have more available time. I want to spontaneously call you up to go shopping. I want to go back to when we had so much less to worry about and it kills me that I am unable to do this for you right now. But sometimes I need your help floating too.

See, that is why friendship is so crucial. We need to lean on each other through the tough stuff, not carry each other when it gets hard. It takes equal support, compromise, and selfless understanding. So maybe that's an encouraging text throughout the week. Maybe that's sending a calendar invite for breakfast once a month. Maybe it's scheduling a phone or FaceTime date in the morning before work. Whatever it is, I am going to need your help making it work.

So while I might be a crappy friend right now, please know that it is not because I don't love you. It's not because I'd rather be doing other things instead of  investing in our friendship. It's not because my boyfriend moved to town (we barely get to see each other too!) It's not that I'm avoiding your calls or ignoring your invitations or the worst one I've heard lately, replacing you. None of this is true.

 I love you. Your friendship means the world to me. But here I am, just barely floating. Please bear with me through this phase. When we make it through to the other side of this speed bump, our friendship will be stronger because you didn't give up on me when I was being a shitty friend.