The fear of vulnerability

Do you ever picture yourself as this fearless badass? I catch myself thinking about what fearless me would do all the time. If I wasn't afraid of rejection, if I wasn't afraid to tell someone how I feel, if I wasn't afraid to open up about certain things… what would I do? What would I say? Who would listen? How would they respond?

I love this version of me. She is scared of nothing. She tells people how she feels with the eloquence of a Rom-Com writer. She stands up for herself like a box-office heroine. She knows her value and is not afraid of what someone else will say or think or react. She has no fear of vulnerability, but is truly, unapologetically, herself.

Now, real-life me is not quite so fearless.

I've had my heart broken. I have been teased for my opinions. I've said the wrong things. All of these things have left a wall that can be hard to climb, not only for others, but also for myself. While the badass fearless me conquers the world, real life me has a massive fear of vulnerability.

Aside from my own fears about opening up and letting people in, our culture has deemed vulnerability as a weakness. It's as if society has decided that if you give people the opportunity to hurt you, they will. And in many ways they could be right. For example, hookup culture has decided that you can get all the benefits without getting emotionally attached. You get some action but won't get heart broken. Win-win right? But really… how often is that successful? Seriously… someone always gets attached. So then you try it again, no commitment/attachment and you won't get hurt again… and the cycle continues but the walls just get higher because you're still getting hurt. It is a downward spiral that ends with a lonely, San Quentin guarded heart.

But what if we were to channel our inner badass self? Brene Brown says "vulnerability is not winning or losing; it's having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage."

We need courage. Courage to get hurt. Courage to say the right thing. Courage to mess up. Courage to tell someone how you feel. I want to live with vulnerability. Not without defenses but with a trust that allows vulnerability to be harbored. To open yourself up without the immediate expectation that people will hurt you. Brown also says that "vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability and authenticity." How beautiful would it be to invite those things into your life.

So cue that boom box of love songs or that power-filled symphony that plays in the background of your favorite hero's fight scene. Channel that badass self and don't be afraid to let that vulnerability into your story. Give yourself a shot to break down those walls.