I HATE seeing the people I love get hurt by the world. I know they hear words of 'support' like "You just need to find some better coping mechanisms," or "God wouldn't give you something you couldn't handle,"or my favorite, "Well, it could be worse."
People try these methods of encouragement and sometimes they help, but sometimes a situation is so devastating that it's hard to come back to "normal". So how can we help as the bystanders of the ones we love so dearly?
Check in with them.
Sometimes, people who are going through these life-changing experiences are afraid or embarrassed to talk about what's going on. It's our job as friends/family/partners to be the one to see how they're doing. Also, with a big life change, many people could be asking about things so the person could lose track of who they've told what. Just a little text/snapchat/phone call could make the world of difference.
Research what they are going through.
I recently had a friend who was hospitalized for a pretty serious condition. When I learned what it was called, I took things into my own hands and looked it up so that he wouldn't have to explain it all, like I'm sure he'd done a bajillion times. Once I knew what was going on, I was able to be there as a friend when I visited instead of giving him the grill as to what had happened.
In another case, I have a very, very dear person in my life that is suffering through a strong bout of depression. Depression is one of the most crippling things to watch as an un-involved party. There's very little you can do to help, and in this case, it's from afar. In this situation, my research led me, basically, to the first recommendation on this list. I've vowed to call this person at least once a week to check in and to listen which brings me to the next tip.
Be there. Even if it's not in person.
Let them rant, let them scream, let them cry for 10 minutes on the phone without saying a word while you whisper, "You're going to make it through this." The presence of another person that cares about you can be one of the most healing feelings, in my personal opinion. When I was going through some rough stuff recently, having someone there to hug me and pat my back while I whined and unearthed my true feelings helped me immensely in my coping.
Ask them how you can help.
Maybe the person is not a hugger. Maybe the person needs someone to watch her kids while she takes a walk by herself. Maybe the person is ill enough to the point that they cannot get up to cook a healthy meal. Maybe they need a shoulder to cry on. Whatever they need, you need to volunteer yourself as a helper. A lot of times, people will avoid asking for help so see if you can read into it if they say "No, I'm fine... Thanks though!" Obviously, I'm not telling you to force your way into their business, but sometimes stepping in wherever you see an opportunity is a great way to volunteer help that they may not know they needed.
Most importantly, PRAY for them.
Whether you pray to God, Buddha, or a rock, send good vibes out into the universe for healing. I know in my personal life, I find myself so panicked and not knowing where to go in situations that I cannot control. One of my favorite bible verses of all times , and one of the only ones I actually have memorized, is Jeremiah 29:11.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
This verse always gives me a sense of strength that could only be described as divine. I know that whatever challenges I am facing are teaching moments. Yes they hurt, they're scary and sometimes you really shake your head as His "sense of humor", but the goal in the long run is betterment and hope.
Like I said, It's horrible watching our favorite people go through hard times, but the best thing we can do is be a network of support. As one of my friends said recently, "We just have to love them hard."
Encourage strength and support, because this isn't the end. There's no "end" in sight.
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